Tuesday, April 26, 2011

They Found Me

Keith was late coming home so I had to feed the kids early.  I had just set some scrambled eggs down in front of them when there was a knock at the door.

We never get people coming to the door  unless they are delivering a package or a pizza and I was expecting neither.

I opened the door and I couldn't contain my reaction.

Me: Oh hell. 

Me: I'm sorry....I mean no disrespect, but I lived in Utah for almost 4 years and I've already done my time.

Elder Leib & Elder Rambo: (giggle)

Me: But seriously....what took you guys so long.

Elder Rambo: (looks at watch) We got here as soon as we could!

Me: I moved 8 months ago.....you guys are slackers.

Elder Leib: (turns bright red)

Elder Rambo: Where in Utah did you live?

Me: North Ogden.

Elder Rambo: Oh...I have an Aunt that lives there.

Me: I am 100 percent certain that I love wine more than I love going to celestial heaven.

Elder Leib: Can we at least give you our phone number....in case you need help moving?

Me: You want to help me move?  What I really need is a babysitter.

Elder Rambo: We aren't allowed to do that.

Me: How are you with squirrels? Click HERE for a squirrel update.

Elder Leib: (hands me a card with phone number) And what was your name?

Me: c-Carla.  Yeah.  My name is Carla.

Mallory: (standing behind me) That's not your name.

Me: (covering Mallory's mouth with my hand) See you on moving day!


20 minutes later there's another knock at the door.

It's a kid selling candy bars.  I have no cash and $20 worth of chocolate hidden in the kitchen.  

Me: I'm so sorry!  I gave up chocolate for Lent.

I think I'm going to hell......

**It looks like I'm on the LDS radar today.  I just want to say that I have nothing but love for all people (well...except some members of my family) and that I have nothing against Mormons.  I've just had my fill of missionaries while living in exile Utah.** 


  1. Oh my heck! That conversation is too funny. I can't believe they offered to help you move. I love how you told them you loved your wine more than going to celestial heaven. I LOVE it! You should have mentioned you coffee, too - you sinner you!!
    You know they will be back! =)

  2. ha, ha!! Oh, that's so funny!!! "We got here as soon as we could!" Awesomeness ... next time make sure to answer with a soda, coffee or wine in your hand. REALLY shock em! :o) JUST kidding.

    (Come to think of it, our old Mormon renters used to drink root beer. I'm sure it was caffeine free but isn't that really violating the spirit of the "law"?? I should report them!!) SERIOUSLY kidding. I wouldn't report them anymore than I would the Southern Baptist that I saw drinking one day. Wait, that was ME. :o)

  3. YOU ARE HILARIOUS! Get this, a girl I work with is Jehovah Witness and she goes door to door--me included. How do you tell a friend to get lost?

    Now I'm craving chocolate. Thanks.

  4. Oh Connie, you are so funny!

    I miss our Utah days.

  5. I have somehow avoided that knock my entire adult life. I'm not sure what I'm doing but I'm gonna try to keep it up!

  6. Um. Shawn? She's avoided that her whole life??? Where does she live?? I think that its a right of passage to be visited by LDS or Jehovah's Witnesses.
    This makes me LOL for real.

  7. You are too funny - did you really ask them to babysit? :)

  8. You need to move to a place that has a peephole!

  9. Sometimes I get jealous because they never come to my door. It makes me feel like I radiate sin or something.

    Maybe I'd like a visitor once in a while, yanno my cat and I get lonely!

    That picture is pretty ridiuclous, the fat kid looks like he's about to vomit all over.

  10. Oh the Elders. I miss them, remember when they raked my yard? I haven't seen them in my new neighborhood, but I just saw a group of them at a burger place the other day.

  11. I think I saw a few Mormons do a drive by in my neighborhood yesterday... they both waved. However, they didn't come back...

    Maybe you should put a chubby lady wearing a bright green sweater on the corner of your block to ward them off... lmao!

  12. YOU are too much! And you need a no soliciting sign!

  13. Carla? That's the best you could come up with??

    They have been hunting you down Carla.


  14. We get Jehovah's witnesses quite frequently, but no Mormons. Hmmm. I don't know, they sound pretty funny.

  15. Ha! i love it.

    And at least we will be together in hell. ;)

  16. We had some little league kids selling candy in our neighborhood last week. David game them $5 to make them go away. I never have cash to buy anything from them which causes me a completely unreasonable amount of guilt.

  17. Every time we get a set of new missionaries, they always come knocking on my door. Um, boys, check the Ward Directory, I'm already a member. See, I have a picture of a Temple and "Families Are Forever" sign in my entryway. And no, I don't know anyone you can talk to. I live around drug dealers and rude people. LOL! But we're feeding them tonight!

  18. As a Mormon & a mother of a recently-returned (home) missionary, I found this post pretty amusing. What are the odds that the first time I visit your blog you talk about US!? I love your blog title.

    Warmly, Michelle

  19. LMAO that is just too funny! I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall for that ...

  20. @Faith, Trust, and a LIttle Pixie Dust~ If you liked this post...you'd love my posts from when I LIVED in Utah.

    @Sarajo~ Say HELLO to the Elder's for me. :)

  21. Oh man o man! You are hilarious and I am cracking up that Mallory blew your cover.

  22. that is sooooo funny! I love how mallory called you out ;) Is that picture them or a picture from the interwebs?? ;) If it is them, I think I might just pee my pants!


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