Just like an episode of Law & Order

I finally felt well enough today to venture out.

Well, and we ran out of milk...so off to the store we went.

Before I even got out of my complex...I see three LAPD cars.  Three seems like a big deal, don't you think?  I'm freaking out just a little bit.

I call iKeith to inform him of this development.  I get voice mail.

As I'm pulling into a parking spot at King Soopers, there is a man in a black baseball hat with a goatee just standing by a car.  I waited for a moment to see what he was going to do and he walked past my SUV and across the parking lot towards a woman loading her groceries into her car.


He looked sketchy.

As we walked in...I watched him kind of hanging out near this woman, but he didn't seem to be talking to her.

I encountered one of those buggy chaser/bagger people as we entered the store and I told him about the sketchy guy wandering the parking lot.  He said he'd tell security about him.  I described him in great detail and then explain that I watch Castle.  He didn't seem impressed

Our shopping was uneventful and we bought brownie mix.

As the kids were riding the mechanical bull horsey....I turn to see scary/sketchy guy BEHIND ME!

He bought a soda and walked back out to the parking lot.

I was putting the kids and my groceries in the car when I saw him still milling around the parking lot.  The car next to me parked too close so I couldn't buckle Mallory in from the outside so I had to crawl into the backseat to buckle both kids.

That was when the wind blew the door shut!

Does your car have those handy child safety locks so that your kid can't open the door while you're driving down the road?

I was locked in the back of my car!!



Crap!  I know how this turns out!  I've seen Law & Order!  Sketchy guy...now all pumped up on Mountain Dew is going to car jack me and kidnap us!!   I knew what I had to do.  I had to put on my big girl panties and save my family!!


And that's when I discovered I'm a little bit too fat to climb into the front of my car from the backseat....I might have gotten high centered and pulled a muscle in my ass.

Thank goodness we bought brownies.....

Note: If you are paranoid like me...it's a good idea to test your ability to scramble into your front seat before purchasing a vehicle.

Chicken or Rooster?

I got an email from my new favorite store this morning and it asked if I wanted to shop the e-catalog. Why yes, I would love to.

This was the first thing that I saw.

I immediately bust out laughing....because I have a dirty mind.  A really dirty mind.

I sent the picture to iKeith and my two brother in laws for verification.  What is this?  A Chicken?  Or a Rooster.  Because if it's a rooster...I think it's kind of inappropriate and I need to buy one for my Mother In Law.

She collects bunny's.  What did you think?

So...what do you think?  Chicken or Rooster?

iKeith says it's a hare on a cock.

Sacrifice

I've been so sick for the last few days that I couldn't sit in my chair in front of my computer and I couldn't even form a coherent word to play Words With Friends. (my name is ConnieAW if you want to play)

Luckily....I was sick over the weekend mostly and iKeith took care of me.  He took care of the kids and brought food home. He brought my favorite Twisters Breakfast Burrito and it was soooo good!   I did go to the grocery store on Sunday Morning and it took all the energy I had to do so. I might have coughed on a couple people on purpose because they kept getting in my way.

I read an entire book.....and I loved it.  I loved the book and I loved that I had time to do one of my favorite things in all of the world.  I hate that I have to be sick to do it sometimes...I need to make time for it.

Over the weekend...I had to break some bad news to some friends.  I'd been hoping that I'd be able to go to a blogging meet up in Austin in May.  I was counting on our tax refund being large enough that I'd be able to claim some of it for myself. I'm still getting a little bit...but I'm saving it for a PTA outfit.

I studied tax info to see what all we could deduct this year because last year was so expensive for us.  I discovered that our moving expenses could be and also the Apple conference.  I felt like Obama owed us big since he caused iKeith to find new employment.  Did you know that you can't deduct expenses for finding a new job in a different field...you know, like if the President CANCELS the space program and finding another job in that field would require you to move to Russia.  That's bullshit.

Anyway....our refund was looking good.  My hard work paid off and then I had to make a decision.  Take  a chunk of the money for myself and go on a weekend trip. Or send my husband to San Francisco to the Apple conference so that he can learn more for his career.

I think you know which one I picked.


Dear Becca, IA, Jennifer Katherine, Vivienne and Shawn.

I am so sorry.  Please don't be upset with me.  I promise that someday....things will be better here and I will be able to take trips.   Have a Texas Martini for me....

Haiku Friday: Angry Bunny

I Drive Him Crazy

3.) Something you do that drives your significant other CRAZY.

The other day, Keith was late coming home from work and made the comment to a coworker (hi Dave) that I was going to hate him for being late.  Dave told iKeith that I already hate him....and that he reads my blog and twitter so he knows this to be true.

And then he told iKeith that he has a rough life.

I've thought about this for a few days, did he mean...Man, your wife is a crazy bitch and you have a ROUGH life.  Or did he mean...You have the best freakin wife, you have rough life.

I choose to think the later.  In fact, I know for a fact that I'm the best thing that ever happened to Keith.  And I am NEVER wrong.

Now...I admit that I do a few little things that drive iKeith crazy.  Here is a list of those things:

1. Criticize his driving. In my defense...he drives like an old man.
2. Leave dishes in the sink. I like to soak things...
3. Leave magazines on the couch. The coffee table is full of toys.
4. Plan anything trips in the future. He can't plan more than a month ahead.
5. Talk about having another baby. He thinks he's too old.
6. When I'm always right.  

Things Are Tough All Over

Too Much of a Good Thing

celebrating you

at a germ infested place

photo evidence

Pillows, Tutus and A Big Mouse

My daughter had a wonderful birthday...Thank you everyone that wished her a happy day!  I read every comment to her and she thinks she's famous now.  More about her day in a minute.

I mentioned that I got my crafting mojo back the other day and I wanted to show you what I've been working on.

First off....I have had BIG plans to make our apartment more appealing.  You may be wondering why I'd want to do this....when we should be moving out of our temporary arrangement in August.  We've decided not to move...for now.

There are a couple reasons for this.....one of them being that we still can't afford to move yet and we'd like to put some money in the bank and possibly buy a house instead of renting one.  This is not the best apartment we could be renting but it's nice and it's big enough and we really hate the thought of moving again.

We are happy here (mostly).

Anyway, I had big plans to paint my entertainment center.  I even asked iKeith instead of just doing it and he said yes, and then he said no.  I was really bummed about it.  Instead...I'm working on de cluttering and accessorizing.

I found a really awesome pillow at Target but when I told iKeith how much it was he said NO. Are you seeing a theme here?

I went to Cost Plus and JoAnn's over the weekend and inspiration struck when I found some napkins that were the exact colors that I wanted to decorate my living room!

I bought two napkins ($6) and a pillow form ($9) and sewed them together!  This is my favorite chair where I read, journal and watch TV.  I love it!

My other project was a tutu for Mallory's birthday.  I was feeling badly that I hadn't really done anything for her big day...like I did last year and this little project filled that void and she loved it!

I followed the directions from Wildflowers and Whimsy and I just loved making this!  I worked on it over two nights after the kids had gone to bed, while watching GLEE.  It make me soooo happy!

Mallory was very specific about what she wanted for her birthday cake so I called in a professional.  Gemma from Bella Stella Bakery.   The requirements were: Strawberry Cake, Strawberry Filling, White Frosting and Pink Flowers. 

It was beautiful, delicious and exactly what the Princess ordered!  I have to tell you....Mallory was a little bit reluctant to let us eat it.  She just wanted to sit and look at it.  Thank you Gemma for helping make a little girl's wish come true!  

Speaking of wishes coming true.  This little girls only wish for her birthday was to go to Chuck E Cheese (i call it Chunky Cheese).  She had so much fun, ate more pizza than I've seen her eat in her life and she met the guy in the costume BIG mouse!

Her favorite gifts were  an apron, a whisk and dollhouse accessories that Alex gave her.

HUGS!

My Baby is Four.

My *baby* is turning four years old today.

I've always referred to her as my miracle baby because I truly don't know how she was conceived.  The timing was not right....I was nursing a 8 week old baby and after two years of temp taking and such...I know when conception should occur.

Back then I was praying that God would let me have two children before I got too old.  I'm guessing he had some miracles to perform since I was speeding toward early menopause.  I thank God every day for answering my prayers.

Mallory's Birth Story.

I believe that he also sent her here to heal me.  To allow me to be the mother that I didn't have.  Loving this girl is a blessing I didn't know I was going to need.

She's the best medicine.

She's got amazing blue-grey eyes that change color with her mood, a messy mop of blonde hair and skinny little legs that carry her far when she's running from her brother.

She gives the most amazing hugs.

She loves Julia Child and learning to cook. Going to the library and crafting are two of her her favorite things to do.  She likes to get her finger nails painted and my lap in our favorite chair is still her best hang out.  Did I tell you that she loves blue cheese?

Happy Birthday to my Big Girl!

The Bachelor Brad: Poking The Bear

Damn you Brad Womack! Three minutes into the show and you made me cry! I loved that he was so touched to see his family and that his emotions came out full force.

In my house....we were on two different teams. iKeith liked Chantal from show one and I just had a hunch that Brad was going to pick Emily. I picked Emily because I like to win...not because I wanted her to be with Brad.

I really think Chantal would have fit into his family and Brad seemed to fit into her family. I believe Chantal would have re-located in a heartbeat and would have moved heaven and earth to make things work. I don't think she'd have let a month go by without seeing him.

I think Brad is much more in love with Emily than Emily is in love with Brad.

I don't know Emily and I get the feeling we didn't get to know the REAL Emily on The Bachelor at all....perhaps the reality of leaving her daughter's extended family and starting a new life might be too much for her. She doesn't strike me as a risk taker.

Do you remember if Brad ever asked HER if she'd be willing to move to Austin? I honestly can't remember it coming up. To me...it's assumed that you'll move. I don't know why anyone would go on this show if they didn't plan on moving to the Bachelor's home town.  I hope the winner of Ashley H's season is willing to move to Maine.

I really hope that Brad and Emily work out....but I don't have a good feeling about it.

"You're so much more to me than a leap of faith. You're the one. You're my once in a lifetime. I'm asking you to give me your forever. Please let me be your best friend, let me protect you and your beautiful daughter and please give me the opportunity to love you for the rest of your life,"

Crafting MoJo

Is back!!!
I'm working on something for my daughter's birthday....and something for me!
A trip to JoAnn's and Cost Plus was all it took to get my mojo back.
Can't wait to show you what I'm working on....here's a sneak peek!

Friday Haiku: Scenes From a Park

The park is usually Daddy's territory.  But when it's 70 degrees on March 9th....the park calls your house and invites you over.  

'The slides not hot!' it says.

I've been amazed by my kids the last few days. They are turning into little people and slowly making their way out into the world...and away from me.  I have to let them go...to blossom and grow.  I'm ready.

I think.

I find it so interesting how my children drift in separate directions when we're in a setting like this.  Alex tends to find a stick and start digging for treasure and Mallory immediately finds a friend for life.  I flit between them as well as I can...I'm sure I look like the most expert helicopter parent.  

Mostly....I'm just observing.  I'm endlessly fascinated by their imaginations and what they talk about with their peers. 

I catch snippets of Mallory's conversation with Sally.  Who I find out later is almost three, here with her Grandmother, has a Mommy that works and gives her purple necklaces.  Mallory shares with her that she loves the Blue Man Group, is a fantastic cook and has a beautiful Mommy that blogs.  I laugh...because my daughter thinks blogging is my job.

I taught her well.

A little boy named Joey becomes enthralled with all things Alex.  They are nearly 2 feet and 3 years apart.  This small boy follows my son around and imitates everything he does, looking at him like he's the big man on campus.  My mind fast forwards to a day when this might be the case...tall and good looking, my boy has such potential.

Soon, it's time for Sally to leave and Mallory is devastated.  She runs to me crying her eyes out to not let her new best friend leave.  I hold her, wipe away tears and tell her that soon....she will have more friends than she knows what to do with and they will see each other every day.  I think ahead to the days when this will be true.  My girl is friendly and generous....she's going to be someone's BFF.

The Bachelor Brad: Women Pick on Michelle

I don't have a lot to say about the women tell all show.   I missed a big chunk of it because of family drama which I hope to god can finally be over now.  Some of you know what I'm referring to. 

I have more drama in my life than an episode of The Bachelor!  It includes someone that drinks too much, someone that hates me and someone that's telling vicious lies about me.  My husband who has played the role of Chris Harrison...has finally agreed that these relationships are toxic and harmful to me, our children and him.

Of all of the things this guy has hope for...he picked the hopeless!

Okay...back to the show!

It seemed like a lot of the girls were picking on Michelle and maybe she deserved some of it but you also have to remember that she's on a reality show!  I think the producers find the controversial person in the group and encourage them to make remarks.  She was good at it because of her brand of humor and that's good TV people.

Now...the girl (i think her name was Stacy) that was criticizing her parenting.  Was completely out of line.  It is unacceptable, rude and uncalled for to judge anyone's parenting unless you are directly involved (you are the CHILD) or a parent yourself.  And even then...unless she knows Michelle and her daughter personally (which Stacy doesn't) then she should shut the hell up.

Wow...I might not have just been talking to Stacy there.

I loved seeing Brad look so relaxed talking to the girls and about who he has picked.  She's changed his life.  I'll be happy with either outcome and I actually have no idea who he's going to go with.

The outtakes from the show were hilarious!!  I laughed so hard at the naked guy on the beach!  Can you imagine?  I wonder where they were when that was filmed?

So who do you think Brad will pick?  Chantal or Emily?

To Target We Will Go

After having an awesome lunch in Golden on Saturday...iKeith decided that we should go to the grand opening of the new fancy two-story Target in Belmar. I thought it would be really busy and crazy....but my husband is a gluten for punishment didn't care.

Meghan composed an original song on the way there.  It went like this.

Going to.  The Target Grand Opening!! 

Going to.  The Target Grand Opening!!

Erick can't go to.  The Target Grand Opening!!

I didn't meant it.

We're all going to.  The Target Grand Opening!!  

We got some Starbucks and then walked around enjoying the fancy, shiny new store!  I went to check out the restrooms and someone decided to ruin my brand new fancy Target experience by ridding it of its NEW TARGET SMELL.  Please tell me you know what I'm referring to and I'm not going to have to spell it out for you.

In other news...why can't people poop at home.

Check out the super fancy Target escalator.  And that guy in the hoodie that is giving me dirty looks.

The bottom layer contains the parking garage and the top level is the Target.  There are all of these CARPOOL spaces and I made iKeith park in one of them because, DUH we had the kids with us.  He thought we shouldn't park there.  So...what do you think?  Are these spots for people that are carpooling to work?  Or are they for people like me that think more than 1 person in a car is a carpool?  How many people do you know that carpool to Target?

Gosh, I hope no one took pictures of our GIANT SUV parked in the carpool spot....

Friday Haiku: Little Chef

To see what she's making....and for a chance to win a Starbucks gift card, visit The Rookie Foodie!

Adventures with Robert:Dating My Brother in Law

A few weeks ago, my brother husband in law Robert asked me out on a date.  He asked me to find something for us to do together so I picked a play...because you know how much I love the theater!  He gave me his credit card and I booked some tickets to Circle Mirror Transformation at Curious Theatre.  I'm in love with this place and I've seen every show this season...and I'm planning to see many more!

Rob picked me up and told me he was going to surprise me with a restaurant.  Then he drove to Wendy's.

He was kidding of course and drove around the corner to Le Central French Restaurant!! I almost peed my pants because i was so excited!  We had had a conversation about this place a few weeks earlier and he remembered!

I like to be adventurous when I'm eating so I tried many things that I'd never had before...like Escargot and Mussels.  To see details of what we ate...visit The Rookie Foodie.

We shared most of the dishes so we could try more menu items and we were both stuffed.

Something About Mary..

Robert was wearing too much clothing...making him a little hot and ended up making his hair stick straight up.  I called him Mary the rest of the night.  We also drank an entire bottle of wine.

I ordered this for dessert not knowing that Robert doesn't like Chocolate.  He took one bite...I got the rest.

We finally made it to the play.  Circle Mirror Transformation is about five people that take a 6 week drama class and through a series of well known acting exercises get to know each other.  It all takes place in a Rec Center type room with limited props.  During the play, we learn about each character as they tell each other's story.  It was very interesting and as always...I loved every minute of it.

Robert wanted to go dancing after the show but since I don't wear my stilettos very often...my feet were swelling up like a pregnant chick eating Wendy's fries.  Instead we went to The Yard House for one last drink.

I'm getting to old to party past 11pm.  I wouldn't have made it anyway!

The Bachelor Brad and Bethenny too!

Wow.  I think I want to go on a trip to South Africa.  It looks beautiful and laid back and I only saw a couple bugs.

Poor Brad, he's terrified of ending up alone and things with the ladies are out of control! The good news is that he's convinced that one of these women is going to be his wife.

Chantal:

Brad takes Chantal on a safari and he tells her how much he misses her family mom.  They are sitting in the truck looking at the bush and come across a nest of lions who are getting angry because Chantal can't shut the hell up.

They walk down to the water for a picnic and a man with a gun has to accompany them.  Chantal tells Brad that Love is more than a feeling.  I think she might be hooked on a feeling....

They have dinner and the fantasy suite card comes out.  After agreeing to spending the night as a in harmony couple, Brad leads her into the bush to a tree house and says Ta Da!  I see several problems with this set up that mean I would have rejected this *fantasy*.  Where is the bathroom, where is the guy with the gun and what about the bugs.

Emily:

Brad leads Emily into the bush and then says...oh wait, I forgot something and leaves her alone to be eaten by wild animals.  He comes back riding an elephant and she hops on board exclaiming Goodness Gracious! and that this is her dream come true!

Brad says that she's one in a million and that he lights up when he sees her.  They make out while watching baby elephants play in the water.

At dinner, Brad is visibly nervous and drinks a bunch of wine.  The fantasy suite card comes out and Emily starts to play innocent and is all...I'm a Mom and I have to set a good example for Little Ricki but ultimately she follows her loins and accepts.

They do not go to a tree house but to a very nice room.  She tells him that she's falling in love with him and he breaks the rules (again) and tells her that he is too.

Ashley:

Brad leads Ashley out into the bush to a waiting helicopter and Ashley loses her shit because she is afraid of heights.  Brad calms her down and they visit a place that is very beautiful, it's called God's Eyeball or something like that.  I'm sorry...that's not what it's called.  I hate Ashley and I wasn't paying attention.

They have a picnic and Brad asks her where she wants to live.  She talks about southern Maine and being near her sister.  She never mentions Austin Texas and you can see that this is upsetting Brad.  Hello Ashley...do you remember what show you are on?

Ashley explains that she is very driven and her Dentistry career is very important to her.  She has NOT read the Ali Fedotowsky dating handbook.  Dinner is going really badly....Brad admits that he's attracted to her and her energy but that their lives don't mesh.  He also refers to her as one in a million which is weird because EMILY is supposed to be one in a million.

She excepts the fantasuite card that I don't think should have been offered to her in the first place and they go on to have a very uncomfortable evening of uneasy silence.

Rose Ceremony: 

Brad stands before the three ladies and asks Ashley to please come talk with him.  He explains that they have bad miscommunication and that when he asked the tough questions he didn't really get answers. Ashley says that she's bad at expressing herself.  I beg to differ.   I think Ashley is an idiot and knew exactly what he was asking her.  She gave the answer....I'M NOT MOVING TO AUSTIN.  Hell!  She didn't even do her hair for the rose ceremony. Brad walks her to the curb.  Note: rumor is that she is going to be the NEXT Bachelorette.  I dislike this broad more than I disliked Jake.  I will not watch if she is the Bachelorette.  ABC...did you hear me?

Can I just say...all of these daisy duke shorts in the bush...doesn't seem appropriate. There is this thing called SAFARI WEAR and it includes long pants.

Chantal and Emily get roses and in two weeks they go to Capetown and meet HIS family!

Next Week: The Women Tell All

**************

Did you watch my favorite show last night?  If you missed it...it's on BRAVO for your viewing pleasure.

Bethenny Ever After: 

I love Bethenny.  I was so thrilled when Bethenny found Jason and they got married and had a baby.  I feel like me and Bethenny could be friends.  I love her honest and ability to say what she thinks.  And she's damn funny!

I watched the premiere today and I have to say that I'm now in love with her Mother in Law too.  It's like iKeith and Jason are brothers.  The only son (kind of) with parents that he's close to and an umbilical cord that needs to be cut.  I can also relate to Bethenny and her crazy background.  We're like freakin twins!

I went through all of this...needing to be our own family and not share every single moment with his parents.  Arguing about how much time we spent with them and hurting people's feelings.  I'm used to being the bad guy.

Also...like Jason, iKeith professes his love for me when he's tipsy drunk too.  And like Bethenny...I need therapy.