Friday, January 30, 2015

Marking Time

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

~Jim Croce

If I have one regret in life, it's that I didn't make more of my time. I sit here today as a 44 year old woman that wasted time married to the wrong people and/or stuck in the wrong job....waiting for things to change.  

Change did not come for me until I added an important component.  ACTION.  I left that shitty husband, quit that dead-end job and took control of my life.  How many of us are sitting around waiting for something good to happen to us?

You have to make it happen.  Get off your ass and do something! 

Nothing infuriates me more than someone that tells me that they don't have time. You have lots of time, the question is what are you doing with it? Are you wasting it on facebook, working a job that you hate, watching too much TV? 

What are your priorities?  Figure those out and get on with it. 

I'm constantly aware of time.  I have three calendars that I maintain with important dates, lists and reminders on my phone so that I know what my commitments are and when they are due.  I'm the kind of person you can count on.  I love that about myself.  One thing that no one can say about me is that I'm flaky.  Don't you just hate flaky people?  

My new favorite way to 'mark time' comes from West Point.  There are so many great traditions that I've incorporated into our home life that are going to make our children dependable, disciplined adults. 

At West Point, plebs (newbies) have to make an announcement at the beginning of each day that states the date and the days until upcoming events.  I love this so much because it's letting me know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. To help my kids recite the days, I made this:

Wednesday, January 28, 2015


Boyhood is nominated for Best Picture, Actor in a supporting role (Ethan Hawke), Actress in a supporting role (Patricia Arquette), Directing and Writing (Richard Linklater), Film Editing (Sandra Adair).

What an interesting movie.  I really enjoyed watching this young boy navigate life from the age of 6 to 18.  The story telling is really good with a few slow parts but that could be because the movie is so long that I needed a break in the middle.  At 2 hours and 45 minutes, I do advise treating yourself to an intermission otherwise you might give up on the film half way through.

I find it really interesting that this film was filmed over a 12 year period.  I loved seeing how Mason and Samantha grew with each new time period and felt so bad for the string of bad relationships that Patricia Arquette's character found herself in.

I like the ending message of the film; that moments seize us.  I like to think Mason has a great future ahead of him and will be happy someday.

Boyhood won a Golden Globe for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Supporting Actress.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Who Knew a Farmer from Iowa Could Waltz?

*Alternate title for this episode...Her Mouth is Not a Virgin.

Mr Harrison is giving the girls a pep talk and explaining the week.  This week two group dates and one 1-1 date that will be picked by Chris's three sisters.

1st Date Card...Megan, Samantha, Ashley I, Kelsey,Mackensie, Juelia, Kaitlyn, Ashley S....Let's do what feels natural, Chris. They are driving two antique Chevy Impalas to the lake. Chris wants to see how these girls react to being outside in a stinky lake with mosquitos and snakes and weeds. The girls have lost their minds and start taking their bikinis off because they are jealous that Jillian keeps getting all of the black bars on their privates.

Ding Dong....the sisters arrive. The remaining girls at the house are getting to know them and some one has to go find Jillian and her black box who is asleep halfway in the pool. The sisters are meeting with each girl and asking them questions.  Luckily, Jillian has her towel wrapped around her bottom. Carly tells the sisters that guys haven't been very nice to her and she wants the kind of love her Grandparents had. They pick Jade and invite her to a royal ball!

Back at the lake, everyone is playing Red Rover and Kelsey is not having fun at the pond and is fake smiling, resisting the urge to poke herself in the eye with a fork.  Now Chris has announced that they are going to camp and then she gets stung in the black box by a bee! The girls are putting up tents and we learn that Ashley Kardashian has never been camping before.

Chris tells Kaitlyn that he is a touchy feely guy. She impresses him.  Everyone thinks Kelsey is phony baloney because she fake smiles and laughs when Chris is around. Ashley *crazy pants* is teaching the girls a dance.  By the way, it's a full moon. She is asking Chris...What are you?  I'd love to tell you more of what Ashley is saying but ABC didn't decide to provide very many subtitles and she is mumbling like a crazy person.  Oh wait, she loves everything about Chris and feels very strongly about something and Chris doesn't have to respond.  Poor Chris.  He looks like he's about to push the panic button. Chris has a rose to give away and he has picked the girl that has always made him feel comfortable.  Kaitlyn gets the rose!

Ashley Kardashian snuck into Chris's tent to tell him that she is innocent and has never had a boyfriend before.  Chris doesn't understand what she is trying to say. She'd like him to probe at that area later.  Because she is wife material.

The girls are sitting around explaining what happened with the sisters and some crazy pink haired lady is running around the house looking for Jade so they can get her ready for the ball.  Ashley Kardashian is in physical pain because this should have been her date because she is a pretty, pretty princess. Jade gets a pair of glass slippers and she gets to keep the beautiful Neil Lane earrings.

Enter plug about the new Disney movie called Cinderella.

Prince Farming is in a ballroom waiting to see who his princess is going to be.  His breathe is taken away.  Chris thinks his sisters hit it out of the park! They exchange engagement stories and toast to each other and things not working out with other people. Jade has a leg up here because she has lived in rural areas and has no friends in L.A. Chris gives her the rose. Jade is the girl next door and Chris is going to dance with her to their own symphony orchestra. Cue more Cinderella movie plugs.

Back at the ranch.  Ashley Kardashian has dressed up in the dress that she would have worn on the pretty, pretty princess date and sits alone eating corn on the cob. She is literally all dress up with no where to go.

Nikki, Jillian, Whitney, Carly, Britt, Becca....Let's Get Dirty.  They see six big white boxes outside and they each have a wedding dress in them.  Jillian isn't feeling like the best Jillian she can be because her black box is covered with white tulle. They board a private jet and meet Chris at a small airport in San Francisco. They get out of the limo at a obstacle coarse called Muck Fest MS.  A mud and obstacle run to fund MS. These poor girls are racing in the mud and the muck in their beautiful wedding dresses.  Jillian is actually enjoying all of this and wins the date with Chris.

The girls that didn't win have to get hosed off and go home. Dinner with Jillian, blah blah blah. She just said 'planning is limiting' when Chris asks her where she sees herself in 5 years. She talks too much about lifting weights.  Poor Chris can't get a word in and he can't follow because she is talking faster then he can process. It's funny, but now he's thinking of unicorns and dancing fairies.  They are so beautiful. Jillian is thinking this date is going great and now Chris is holding the rose. WHAT WILL HE DO?  Chris says he is looking for his wife and she is not her.

Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party.  Everyone is nervous and several of the girls have declared that the game is on!  Megan feeds Chris fruit while he is blindfolded.  Ashley Kardashian is going on and on about having to tell Chris AGAIN that she is a virgin. And she's wearing her pretty, pretty princess dress again.  Chris is shocked.  He didn't see that coming. Now she's crying in the corner because he didn't try to take her virginity as soon as she told him. Carly says Ashley's mouth is probably not a virgin. Holy Crap. Becca is a virgin too. Hey readers, I'm also a virgin...I mean, my mouth is a virgin. Britt feels like she's losing her lead so she's going to pull him aside. She decides the best thing to do is question why Kaitlyn keeps getting roses.  Chris is struggling to answer the question but he shouldn't have to explain his feelings for someone else. K Thanks Bye.

Chris tells the group that he is here for the right reasons and if you aren't then they can get out.

The roses go to....Whitney, Carly, Megan, Samantha, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Becca, Ashley Kardashian, Britt.

Date roses went to Jade and Kaitlyn.

Next week:  DRAMA and 911.

Exit interview with Ashley S aka Crazy Pants.  She feels nothing and she's not worried about herself. whooo whoooo whooo.  She has nothing to say to Chris.

*My favorites.

*Britt (27) Waitress. Hugs too long, got 1st impression rose.
*Kaitlyn (29) Dance Instructor, told Chris he can plow the f**k out of her field any day. Date to CostCo.  She's into farmers. Has a connection with Chris.
*Megan (24) Makeup Artist. Got 1/1 date to Grand Canyon.
*Whitney (29) Fertility Nurse, sounds like she is on helium. Crashed a wedding with Chris.
*Becca (25) Chiropractor Assistant. Also a virgin.
Mackenzie(21) Dental Assistant, has a son named Kale, likes guys with big noses. Clueless. Doesn't own any pants.
Kelsey (28) Guidance Counselor, widow. Fake smile and laugh.  Hates camping and hell holes.
Ashley I. (26) Freelance Journalist. Claims to be a virgin. Cries when she doesn't get her way. Cries when Chris doesn't take her virginity.
Samantha (27) Fashion Designer
Carly (29) Cruise Ship Singer, sang a song with a karaoke machine. Wrestled a pig for love.
Jade (28) Cosmetics Developer.  Got the Cinderella date.
Tracy (29) Fourth Grade Teacher, class wrote Chris a note
Tandra (30) Executive Assistant
Jordan (24) Student, brought him a little bottle of whiskey
Juelia (30) Esthetician. Husband killed himself.
Trina (33) Special Ed Teacher
Tara (26) Sport Fishing Enthusiast, daisy dukes and boots.
Amber (29) Bartender
Nikki (26) Former NFL Cheerleader
Ashley S (24) Hair Stylist, sees onions, and angels. *crazy pants*
Jillian (25) News Producer, broke into Chris's house. Works out all day long. Lady bits are always hanging out. Got sent home on a date to SFO.
Alissa (24) Flight Attendant
Kimberly (28) Yoga Instructor, convinced Chris to keep her.

Saturday, January 24, 2015


I'm starting to notice a reoccurring theme in my life.

My education in Greeley Colorado was....lacking.  I'm sad to say I did not learn about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in school and I'd really like to know why since I had his birthday off starting in 1986. My Vietnam Veteran Father took great offense to this because I was required to attend school on Veteran's Day.  Granted, my Dad was nearly killed in D.C. while serving in the Army because he was assigned to the riots that erupted in the late 60's.   My knowledge of King was tainted by my Dad's experience.

I would liked to have learned in school, what I learned during the movie Selma and what my kids learned this week in 2nd grade.  

Selma was eye opening for me, as you can imagine.  I did not know Dr. King won a Nobel Peace Prize and that he wished for non-violent protests.  I did not know politicians and law enforcement in the south were not following the law and were instead taking people's rights away.  It is heartbreaking to see.

I highly recommend Selma to anyone who doesn't think they know what was happening in American in the 60's.  I'd also advise you to bring tissues and a best friend.  This film should not be viewed alone.

I'd also advise you to take some of what you see with a grain of salt because as is often the case with films made about actual events, I believe some of the facts are embellished for entertainment value.  Did LBJ really say, 'Don't shit me George Wallace?'

I'd like to know more about what happened between LBJ and MLK and if the President really did drag his feet on the Voting Rights Act. It seems like so much turmoil and deaths could have been avoided.  My husband (who received better schooling than me) tells me LBJ didn't have the authority to do anything and it was in the states hands.  In that case, all I can say is, 'Are you shitting me George Wallace?'

Selma is nominated for Best Picture and for Original Song.

The Song, Glory by John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn and sung by John Legend and Common won a Golden Globe for Best Song.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I'm Moving to Target

You know I love Target.

It is a happy place like no other.  Well, maybe The Container Store.  No, wait.  The Container Store doesn't sell Starbucks.  Target is my favorite.

So my local Target is just a short car ride from my house and is in a cute little downtown area called Belmar.

Belmar is a fun place with restaurants, a movie theater, the best liquor store in the area, a Charming Charlies, a Dick's,  a Hobby Lobby and a Whole Foods.  Everything a girl could want.

A couple weeks ago, it became impossible to park at Target.  The main parking lot had been surround by a fence and my first thought was...OMG, there must be a giant sinkhole.

I was wrong and now I'm moving to Target.

Who wants to be my roommate?

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Sharks on a Sea Lion

Jimmy Kimmel is taking over and helping Chris find his wife.  We start off with something we can't unsee....Jimmy and Chris in the outside shower together.

Mr Harrison tells the ladies he has a another man for them.  Jimmy walks in and the ladies are soooo excited.  He calls them sister wives and they laugh hysterically. He tells them he is here to sleep with each of them and report back to Chris.  He presents the Amazing Jar.  Each time someone says AMAZING they have to put a dollar in the jar and when the show is over they will buy the Bachelor house and all live together.  Jimmy has the date card.

1ST DATE CARD: Dear Kaitlyn, You and Chris are about to join an exclusive club.  Sweeping views, vaulted ceilings and unlimited hors-d'oeurvres await. Love, Jimmy  The limo pulls up to CostCo Wholesale Club. Kaitlyn is confused and isn't sure she is actually supposed to exit the vehicle. There is another card from Jimmy, Welcome to the most romantic spot imaginable. This is the kind of thing real couples do together.  He also included a shopping list: Beef Jerky, size 33 jeans, Mayo and enough Ketchup to fill a hot tub. They are having so much fun and the best part is when they climbed into a hampster ball and random children tried to push them.

Jimmy is coming for dinner so they prepare the food they bought at Costco.  Kaitlyn feels like they are really bonding.  Chris seasons the steaks and she pours the bourbon.  She liked doing something normal and he says she handled it well, because it could have been a disaster. Jimmy interrupts their make-out session. He asks if Kaitlyn is into farmers in general or just this farmer. Jimmy is not afraid to ask the hard questions and compares himself to lube. Jim asks if Kaitlyn will be jealous of other woman that Chris makes love to in the fantasy suite. Kaitlyn says you can't buy a car without test driving it. Jimmy suggests that Chris have sex with everyone. There is so much laughing and then Jimmy says, 'let's have a threesome.'  Kaitlyn gets the rose! Chris says amazing twice.

Back at the ranch we see that the AMAZING JAR has about 30 dollars in it. Group DATE CARD: Britt, Jillian, Becca, Tracy, Mackenzie, Amber, Kelsey, Ashley S, Juelia, Samantha, Nikki and Carly. Are you ready to meet some real party animals? Love Jimmy. They arrive at a petting zoo and he calls it the Ho down-Throw down.  This date is to test their skills as farmer's wives.  They have to shuck corn, get an egg from the chicken coop, fry it in a pan (without breaking the yolk) and milk a goat (one is a male) and THEN drink the goats milk.  The final round involves shoveling manure and wrestling a pig.

MaKenzie is eliminated because her yolk broke. Poor Carly, only one of her goats teets is working. Jillian's ass (and other things) is hanging out of her pants and Carly is the winner that wrestled her pig!!  She wins a blue ribbon and a photoshoot with Chris.

Everyone gets to clean up and have a couple cocktails in a more urban environment.  Carly grabs Chris right away and doesn't waste any time kissing him. Another girl wants to dance with him, and kiss.  Jillian wants to kiss him.  Mackenzie is finding it weird that he's kissing everyone and now she doesn't feel so special anymore. Did she really think he was only going to kiss her?  Becca just wants to talk to him and hold his hand. She wanted to kiss him but now he's self conscious about it.  The rose goes to....Becca! Carly feels like she caught that pig for nothing.
DATE CARD: Dear Whitney, Today is going to be fun. No Whining! XO Jimmy.  She is wearing a super cute sweater, by the way.  They arrive at a winery and I don't see Jimmy anywhere in sight. Whitney says that she meets people at the airport and becomes facebook friends with them.  They see a wedding going on below them and talk about crashing it. YOLO.  Worst case scenario is that they end up in jail.  They are pretending that they are engaged and anticipating that Chris might get recognized.  They talked to the bride's sister, maid or honor and mother and Whitney almost caught the bouquet! She really impressed Chris and they had an incredible time together.  He grabbed a rose out of a arrangement and gave it to her.  I feel like Chris was tearing up!

Pool Party! Chris is here to find his wife, not just shower with Jimmy. The ladies are on Chris like sharks on a sea lion.  Juelia decides to tell Chris about her husband killing himself.  He needs to know her story. Chris is trying to talk to Britt but she's sucking his face.  Jade and Chris go back to his little bungalow and lay on the bed and make out.  They come out to find Jillian in the hot tub. I think he should be scared of her, she could bench press him. AshleyKardashian is crying like a toddler because she can't get any alone time and her mascara is about to run down her face.

Rose Ceremony: Chris thanks Jimmy for screwing up all of the dates.  The roses go to...Jade, Samantha, Juelia, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Britt, Megan, Carly, Ashley S, Nikki, Jillian, Ashley I.

Ladies that already have roses: Kaitlyn, Whitney and Becca.

*My favorites.

*Britt (27) Waitress. Hugs too long, got 1st impression rose.
*Kaitlyn (29) Dance Instructor, told Chris he can plow the f**k out of her field anyday. Date to CostCo.  She's into farmers.
*Megan (24) Makeup Artist. Got 1/1 date to Grand Canyon.
*Whitney (29) Fertility Nurse, sounds like she is on helium. Crashed a wedding with Chris.
Jillian (25) News Producer, broke into Chris's house. Works out all day long. Lady bits are always hanging out.
Mackenzie(21) Dental Assistant, has a son named Kale, likes guys with big noses. Clueless.
Alissa (24) Flight Attendant
Kelsey (28) Guidance Counselor, widow.
Ashley I. (26) Freelance Journalist. Claims to be a virgin. Cries when she doesn't get her way.
Trina (33) Special Ed Teacher
Tara (26) Sport Fishing Enthusiast, daisy dukes and boots.
Amber (29) Bartender
Nikki (26) Former NFL Cheerleader
Ashley S (24) Hair Stylist, sees onions, and angels. *crazy pants*
Samantha (27) Fashion Designer
Juelia (30) Esthetician. Husband killed himself.
Becca (25) Chiropractor Assistant
Tandra (30) Executive Assistant
Jordan (24) Student, brought him a little bottle of whiskey
Carly (29) Cruise Ship Singer, sang a song with a karaoke machine. Wrestled a pig for love.
Tracy (29) Fourth Grade Teacher, class wrote Chris a note
Jade (28) Cosmetics Developer
Kimberly (28) Yoga Instructor, convinced Chris to keep her.