Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Sad Day...Goodbye Naka Bee.

The day that Alex was friends Anne and Kathy drove an hour to meet my son.  They brought him a beeny baby...a little bear dressed in blue jammies.  It was adorable!

As it turned out...Alex attached himself to a lamb puppet named Sam (i named him. I was sleep deprived. Sam the Lamb it is.) and never wanted anything to do with the little bear in the blue jammies.

Mallory was born and around her 9th month she became the mother to the bear.  She carried him everywhere and she loved him so.

I became concerned about keeping track of TWO lovies so I searched E.bay and found a second little bear in blue jammies.  My thinking was that I'd have a back up if anything ever happened to the original bear.  At this time, I also searched for a replacement Sam because if anything happened to him..we'd be in serious trouble because Alex is even more attached to Sam than Mallory was to her bear.

Turns out Sam was purchased at a Dollar Store and I could not find another one.  I now watch this lamb like a hawk.  I can't lose Sam!

Christmas 2008, the Elves came to visit and our little bear with the blue jammies was feeling neglected so he removed his clothes to draw attention to himself and from that day on he was know as

Naka Bee.  Naka=Naked....Bee=Bear.

Mallory...the sneaky little thing that she is soon discovered the extra Bear and became the mother of twins. She took them everywhere and had to have them to sleep at night.  The girl naka bee also lost her clothes and we were informed that she couldn't be a Naka Bee if she had jammies on.

Another little story...we were in a Hallmark in Milwaukee on vacation and she saw bigger bears in Blue Jammies on a shelf.  There were too of them and she insisted that we had to purchase them.  BOTH of them....they could not be separated.  She called them....Non-Naka Bees, and she's never removed their jammies.

2 Naka Bees and a NON Naka Bee

The kids have been really good about keeping track of their lovies until recently.  A few weeks ago, Girl Naka Bee was found outside of the apartment.  She had jumped over the railing! It was a miracle that we found her.

The other day...the kids watched a movie on Netflix called Aussie and Ted's Great Adventure. It's about a bear that gets lost and a dog that searches for it.  This should have been a premonition of what was going to happen.

Yesterday we lost Naka Bee for good. She went on a walk with us to find a letterbox and then she was with us when we went to the Lakewood Grill for lunch and that was the last time we saw her.  We drove back to look for her...but she's gone.

iKeith is concerned that Naka Bee is going to succumb to the fate of another lost toy named Lotso (from Toy Story 3) and will turn to a life of crime and turning tricks since we lost her in a bar and grill on Colfax.

Mallory is devastated and I can't stop crying.  I made this video...a Memorial to Naka Bee.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Need To Know

THIS is something I would have like to know about. The information that they would be paving the only exit out of my parking lot today very much pertains to ME...and not the info that people are taking pictures of dog poop with their cell phones. By the way, there is NOT an app for that. I checked.

My son's glasses are in and I can't go get them.

Plus, the fumes from the asphalt are choking us. I'm pissed!!


We escaped the apartment and walked to Starbucks. We saw this on the way...

Poop Patrol

It was one of HUNDREDS of turds in front of one of the apartment buildings in my complex.  I think it's pretty obvious who isn't cleaning up after their dog.

We did go for a lovely walk.  It's 58 degrees today!  We didn't even wear jackets! 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Peeping Toms with Cameras

Ever so often...I get a notice on my door from the apartment management. They never apply to me...they are often directed at the people who let their young children wander the complex unattended, people who steal took home the life vests from the pool, people who junk up their patios and people who leave their stuff all over the place.

This notice made me laugh! Not only because once's in all caps and missing some puncuation. But because I'm picturing my neighbors hiding behind trees while photographing dogs pooping.

What I don't understand is how this is a warning for everyone.  Unless it's a warning that my neighbors might be photographing me without my permission. In that case, please excuse me while I shut my blinds.

Rules For Driving Connie's Truck

12 years ago....I was married to an idiot. He had major problems and the least of these was that he could not take care of a vehicle. He had recently drove his pick up into the pun intended and I bought a new to me 1990 Ford Escort. I then handed my pick up down to him. But I had rules.

It's really no wonder that our marriage didn't work out because I was clearly a bitch with control issues. Was.

I said WAS!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

83rd Academy Award Nominations

I was really excited for the Academy Awards to be announced this morning!  There are some great films nominated this year and I'm excited to try to see as many of them as I can before the awards show on February 27th.  See the complete list of nominations here.

How many of these have you seen?  Which one's will you see before the big day?

Oscar's 2011

Best Picture

Black Swan
The Fighter
The Kids Are All Right
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network*
Toy Story 3*
True Grit
Winter's Bone*

Best Animated Movie

How to Train Your Dragon*
The Ilusionist
Toy Story 3*

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges for True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg for The Social Network*
Colin Firth for The King's Speech
James Franco for 127 Hours

Best Supporting Actor

Christian Bale for The Fighter
John Hawkes for Winter's Bone*
Jeremy Renner for The Town*
Mark Ruffalo for The Kids Are All Right*
Geoffrey Rush for The King's Speech

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams for The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter for The King's Speech
Melissa Leo for The Fighter
Hailee Steinfeld for True Grit
Jacki Weaver for Animal Kingdom*

Best Actress

Annette Bening for The Kids Are All Right*
Nicole Kidman for Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence for Winter's Bone*
Natalie Portman for Black Swan
Michelle Williams for Blue Valentine

*movies available on DVD
movies I've seen

The Bachelor Brad: Shut Up and Kiss Me

Each week we start off with the girls all sitting in the living room of the bachelorette house and Chris Harrison explaining what's going to happen that week.  Most of them don't have make up on and look like heck.  This week...Michelle is sporting a black eye and says she doesn't know how she got it.  We will learn later that even Michelle doesn't like Michelle and she kicked her own ass in her sleep.

The first one on one date of the week goes to Chantal O.  Brad shows up and so does a helicopter.  Chantal is wearing a threadbare blue t-shirt and jeans.  She didn't bring a purse or anything. Where is her lipstick? Later when they arrive on Catalina Island a leather jacket materializes out of nowhere.

Chantal thinks everything is amazing and Brad says he's been waiting to take her on a date for so long. 3 weeks?  They put on wet suits and helmets (so as not to disturb Chantal's eye make up) and walk on the sea floor.  Later...they have dinner on the beach and Chantal says that she's scared because she was married before and really wants to be married again. They really like each other.

Back at the house, Michelle is moaning and groaning about not getting the one on one date and how she doesn't understand how this show works because everyone keeps going out with her boyfriend.  She also doesn't think Chantal is Brad's type.

Chantal apologizes to Brad for slapping him when she came out of the limo that first night and he tells her he likes feisty ladies and he feels comfortable with her.  She gets the rose.  Then he tells her to stop talking and kiss him!

Group Date!

A hummer limo picks up the ladies and takes them to the radio show Love Line.  Brad wants to provide a safe place for the girls to open up and share their feelings.  So...the get liquored up with cocktails (Ashley H drinks beer) and they talk with Mike and Dr Drew.  Stacey admits that she's cheated before and everyone gives her the evil eye. Britt tells Brad that she's nervous all the time because she only gets 10-15 minutes with him at a time.

Back at the house, Michelle is crying and complaining about how she doesn't understand how the bachelor show works.  Emily was in the wrong place at the wrong time and gets stuck talking to her. The date card finally arrives and it's for the long suffering Michelle.  It says...Let's Hang Out Together and Chantal points out that her card doesn't say anything about LOVE and all of the other one's have.  Michelle freaks out!

Brad brings the girls to an after party at his house and Ashley H gets irritated right away because the girls what to talk to Brad. Does she not understand why everyone is sitting in this hot tub? Everyone is interrupting each other's time and Ashley H is about to freak out!  She stalks Brad while he's making out with Britt and he then tries to make her feel better but she says that she's retracting and drops a couple F bombs.

Brad goes to give Ashley H the rose so that she'll feel more secure but she makes some negative comments and unfortunate ugly faces and he gives the rose to Britt instead.  YAY!

Hanging Out....

Michelle is really excited about her date and thinks that because it's her day...everyone should stop talking about her boyfriend Brad. When Brad arrives he pulls Ashley H aside which sends Michelle into a rage. Brad tells Ashley H that they had a great first date and that he doesn't want to lose what they had.  She says that she pushes people away and it looks like she desperately needs a manicure.

Chantal confronts Michelle and says this is the same has when she walked out of the commercial shoot and there a hissy fit.  Michelle says that it's not at all the same because she was having a moral issue.  Michelle has morals?

Brad takes Michelle to his house and they are hanging out together drinking mimosa's when they see a helicopter and it lands to pick them up.  It flies them to Downtown LA and of course, Michelle is freaking out.  She's afraid of heights and we discover that ABC expects her to repel off from the very tall building to a pool below.

After much complaining....she does it and they kiss midway down.  GAG.  When they reach the bottom...they dive into the pool with their clothes on because they both crapped their pants and their embarrassed.

Brad calls Michelle a mature woman (seriously?)and says that he wants to meet her daughter. He gives her the rose.

Weekly Therapy

Brad tells his therapist that he feels more present and he normally takes things really slowly but  he has to keep kissing everyone and having these deep conversations in short amounts of time.

Cocktail Party

Shawntel is wearing a beautiful green dress and she feels secure.  Brad likes this about her.  He tells Megan that he likes that she doesn't have to draw attention to herself.

Brad asks Emily to come with him and says he has a gift for her.  He pulls out a basket with pillows, blanket, wine and glasses and leads her outside.  He tries to recreate their date together and tells her that he's been thinking about her.

Inside...everyone is freaking out because he did this special thing for Emily which must mean he likes her best.  Chantal is crying and having a melt down. The girls that haven't even had a one on one date are feeling hurt that he's spending time with her when he already had a date with Emily.


Chantal pulls Brad aside and tells him that she wants him to make her feel comfortable.  He tells her that he likes that she's independent and not needy. Chantal asks the producers to please delete the last 15 minutes of tape.

Rose Ceremony

3 ladies go home.

Lindsay....she didn't really get much time with Brad. you're wishing you'd drawn some attention to yourself now.  That dress...horrid! And if you can't walk in shouldn't wear them.  just sayin.

Stacey...who was this?  Her skirt is dangerously short.

Next Week:

Vegas Baby
Shopping Spree
Race Track...Mental Breakdown

Deleted Scene! It sounds like she's saying...I woke up with a black guy.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Answer Man

The children are becoming inquisitive.

They are full of questions and this weekend...iKeith was The Answer Man!

It started in the car on Saturday when we were driving to Boulder so I could have lunch with some local bloggers.  They asked what a stranger was.  iKeith went on to describe a stranger and what someone might do to get you to go with them.

They were terrified and Alex asked iKeith to please shoot the strangers.

Then they asked about hurricanes and tornados.  They were then convinced that our apartment was going to blow away and we'd have to live in our storage room in the basement.

Today....I was on my way to spend my GYMBUCKS when I got a phone call from iKeith.  He had just had to explain where babies come from because Alex started asking questions about his equipment.  Which led to Mallory asking about babies coming out and the location of the birth canal.

Mallory is convinced that babies come out of your butt. 

The good news is that they didn't ask how babies are MADE. 

Friday, January 21, 2011

Have you seen the TV Karts?

I ran to the store with the kids today because we were out of eggs and candy fruit.  We walked in the door to King Soopers and spotted three of these snazzy new TV Karts.  Normally...I dread the car carts.  They are clunky and hard to steer.  This Kart is different!

These Karts are perfect for the kid that just doesn't get enough TV time in during their day.  I kid.  The best thing about these Karts...besides the TV inside that plays a Disney Cartoon (without commercials) is that there are real locking doors that they can't open from the inside.  They are very easy to steer and fit into fairly tight spaces. The basket's held quite a bit of groceries...more than I was expecting!

They look pretty happy locked in there don't they?  They are transfixed by the cartoon that is playing and don't try to escape when you go past the bakery. My kids were so occupied that they didn't say a word the entire time.  It's also possible that I just couldn't hear them.  Same-Same.


There is a second screen on this Kart for you....the lucky person that gets to drive it.  During your shopping experience, the screen will light up with facts about random crap.    When you least expect it...a ad for some product will pop up.  These are perfect for the impulse shopper. 
And it appears you can join Facebook from this screen.  The only thing that would make this better would be if it played The Young and The Restless!

that is marker on her hand...not blood.

I don't know if the CabCo people planned this or not...but it is impossible for a child to reach the shelves from their little blue car jail.  Oh...I almost forgot to mention, there is a cup holder for your coffee!

Thank you Cabco!  You've made this Momma's shopping experience much more enjoyable!

**I was not compensated by Cabco for this post.  I'm just a Mom that didn't need a drink when she left the grocery store**

I found this Kart at the King Soopers at 1545 South Kipling in Lakewood.  They do not have them at the King Soopers at 7984 W Alameda Ave. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends WIth My Neighbor

10 Reasons Why I Could Never Be Friends With My Downstairs Neighbor.

Meet Don

1. He smokes.

2. He slams his door like a 10 year old.

3. He drinks Bud. I'm a Coors girl.

4. His wife hogs the laundry room for an entire day.

5. He used to live in MY apartment.

6. He has digestive problems. (he runs his bathroom fan a lot)

7. His 10 year old has a mohawk.

8. He has a Navy sticker on his car. GO ARMY!

9. He and his wife have the same name. Dawn

10. He's home all the time. Get a job!

This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Awesome Writing Prompts!

Mama's Losin' It

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Bachelor Brad:The One Where Everyone Cries

This wrap up The Bachelor is going to be shorter and without pictures because I have a huge day ahead of me.  Alex is having problems seeing so we're taking him to the eye doctor and I have to register him for Kindergarten at our neighborhood school just in case we don't get a spot at one of the three we've applied to. 

I want to apologize for the drinking game I created yesterday.  I had no idea that this 3rd episode of The Bachelor: My Daddy's Worse Than Your Daddy was going to be so depressing.  And just so you know....ABC....I'm on to you.  I know exactly why you cast these particular ladies and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

You selected a group of women that have Daddy issues.  Some have lost their Dad's, never known their Dad's, lost their baby Daddy or are in love with their Daddy.  You are trying to distract us from the fact that Brad has problems of his own by burdening us with these sad stories.

Shame on you ABC.

SEALed With a Kiss 

So...Ashley S got the first one on one date and Brad took her on the worst date ever.  He took her to a recording studio to record the Seal song A Kiss From A Rose and these two have no business singing anywhere but the shower. In fact, Ashley told us that she is so bad that she doesn't even sing IN the shower.  They are horrible and then they go into another room where THE real Seal is singing that song and he does a much better job.

Ashley tells Brad that her Dad died two years ago from a brain aneurysm and that A Kiss From A Rose was their favorite song and it's like her Dad is here and wants her to get the rose. Brad seems uncomfortable but gives her the rose anyway and thanks her for opening up.


The group date is another weird date that you'd never go on in real life and consists of going to a studio to film an action/adventure movie.  There are explosions and fight scenes.  It's almost like still being at the Bachelorette mansion.  Michelle is jealous and gets irritated every time someone does their scene with Brad.  Shawntel does a great job and should leave the show immediately and get an agent.

Brad has some alone time with Chantal O who tells him that her Dad died before she could reconcile with him when she was a teen. She cries and he pats her leg. When will he learn to stop asking these gals about their families!

Michelle keeps breaking into the ladies alone time with Brad like a stalker.  Brad finally kisses her and she claims him as hers.

Brad goes to get the rose and ABC tricked me and made it look like he was giving the rose to Michelle but it was Shawntel instead.  Well played ABC.

Winery Tour 

Emily told the remaining girls at the house about her story and made everyone except Jackie cry.  She knows she needs to tell Brad but she doesn't want to be a hot mess...she wants to look cute for her date.

Emily picks a super short romper thing for her date and is whisked away to a private jet that drops them off in wine country.  They drive a yellow MGTD (iKeith knew what this car was) and they drive to a vineyard.  Brad asks her questions and she gives vague answers.  Emily finally tells her story and he likes her more.  He gives her the rose because he really, really likes her.

I really think that ABC needs to assign a therapist to every bachelor/bachelorette.  This has to be the most bizarre experience and I think they need professional help to get through it!  Brad meets with his therapist who helps him figure out that he needs to make these ladies feel comfortable so they will open up to him.

Great advice!

Cocktail Party

Michelle is confident that she is getting a rose and we find out that three woman will be going home.  Alli is wrapped like a present but the present looks like a baby.  We find out that her Daddy cheated on her Mom and had a baby with another woman.  Brad says he's never cheated.  Good to know!

Michelle tells Brad that they are in their first fight because he kissed her and then kissed tow other ladies.  She doesn't want him to talk to anyone else and just hang out with her under a blanket.  I don't think Michelle understands how this show works.  Would a producer PLEASE explain it to her.  Thanks.

Madison takes her fangs out and confides to Brad that she's not sure she should be there anymore when someone else probably likes him more than she does. He tells her not to accept a rose if she doesn't want it.

Ashley H. is sitting alone acting all mopey and Brad tells her he cares about her and wants to get to know her.  Kisses her on the cheek and walks away....then comes back and gives her a proper kiss! Nice Brad!

Rose Ceremony

Madison walks out in the middle of the ceremony and tells Brad she wants to go home.  He lets her go...we see side boob.

Sarah (from Denver) and Kimberly do not get roses.  Sarah really needs some waterproof mascara.  Kimberly thinks that she intimidated Brad because she is so awesome.

Next week: Brad takes the girls to see Dr. Drew and there is violence!

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Bachelor Brad: Drinking Game

Take a swig of your drink every time Brad....

hugs someone
mentions therapy
says he's ready
tells someone he's changed
takes off his shirt

Take a swig of your drink every time a bachelorette...

screams at someone
rolls her eyes
threatens to hit someone
rides a zip line
kisses Brad with tongue

Do a shot every time....

Madison shows her fangs
a helicopter appears
a boat appears
Chris announces this is the final rose tonight

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I'm as Blue as Blue Valentine

I love indie films. I love that they can take chances with story lines and that they are rough and imperfect. iKeith hates indie films but will often watch them with me.  I love that about him.....

I've been waiting for Blue Valentine to come out for a long time. It was 10 years in the making and was screened at Sundance Film Festive last January. I'm a huge fan of Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling so that fact that these two brilliant actors are in the film made me want to see it even more.

It finally opened in Denver this weekend. iKeith took the Weiss Kids to the boat show so I took my chance to see Blue Valentine...alone.  This film is only playing in 4 theaters in the metro area and one of them is the fabulous Landmark at Greenwood Village. A little far for me to go for a movie but they have all you can eat popcorn and unlimited soda. They made a killing off from me because I was so riveted by the film that I never went back for seconds.

They also have a VIP experience which I will be partaking of next time (and arriving an hour early for) so that I can have a glass of wine and appetizers delivered to my leather, reclining love seat before the film begins.

I deserve the VIP experience.

I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone that wants to see it. I will just tell you that it's about a couple whose marriage is on the skids and how their story began. This film touched me because I've lived this story (minus having a child) and it was heartbreaking. What is unusual about this film is how it's effecting me hours later. I can't stop thinking about it and feeling really sad about what happened. I've cried three times since I've been home....and all I want to do is sit with a glass bottle of wine in the dark.

I don't recommend seeing this film if your marriage is on the rocks, you are prone to depresstion or you hate theme motels. And if an old lady sits next to you...move. There are some graphic sex scenes and you will be embarrassed for her. And for you.

But if you like complex stories that are told in an enlightened way with raw emotion and superb acting. Then run out now and see Blue Valentine.

P.S. Michelle William's needs a bra and a comb in this movie.  

Thursday, January 13, 2011

This Is The New Year!

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.”

- Marianne Williamson, author & speaker.

A list of 20 ideas to make this your best year yet.

1. Start every single day dancing to this song.

2. Buy fresh flowers for my desk every week.

3. Keep finger and toe nails painted a pretty color.

4. Eat chocolate every single day.

5. Dream Big.

6. Schedule regular massages.

7. Read books with happy endings.

8. Watch movies that make me laugh.

9. Eat my way through the cheese department at Whole Foods.

10.  Drink a fine wine every weekend.

11. Try a new restaurant every month.

12. Drink great Coffee! 

13.  Make new freinds

14.  Sit in the middle of the living room and observe the kids playing....often.

15. Be Still.

16.  Learn to say No.

17. See as many plays as I can....they make me so happy!

18.  Have a good cry once and in while.

19.  Be thankful.

20. Spend part of each day moving my body.

*The sung by Ian Axel and I had the pleasure of hearing him sing in person at the Double Encore Release Party in November. He's amazing!

This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

You Say It's Your Birthday!

After last night's episode (#2) of The Bachelor: Brad is a New Man...I feel like I've been put through the ringer. There was high drama almost from the first minute!

Ashley H, who is a dentist from Philly got the first date card and it told her that the road to love is a wild ride.  Brad then picked her up and drove her down a scary dark wooded road, made her walk on a dirt path in high heels until they reached a clearing with a carnival set up because ABC couldn't afford to shut one down for the night.

They had a great time running from ride to ride and drinking wine with cotton candy (YUCK). We discover that she doesn't know who her Daddy is and Brad struggles to tell her about his.  They bond over their Daddy issues and he gives her the rose because he really likes her.


15 (is this a record ABC?) of the ladies are chomping at the bit to get a piece of Brad's time when they film Public Service Announcements for The American Red Cross.  They are all given costumes and scripts.  Brad is given fake chest hair and a mustache which makes him look ridiculous.  Fang girl is a dominatrix....and I have to say using her for a PSA for giving blood was brilliant!

By the way, it was Michelle's 30th birthday and she was all cranky pants because she had to spend her 30th birthday with 14 other girls who were all kissing her boyfriend and it was really pissing her off because it was her 30th birthday.  Did I mention it was her freakin birthday?  GOSH!

They all head to The Roosevelt Hotel for an after party and Brad announces that it's going to be DRAMA FREE but Raichel and Melissa must have been in the bathroom because they didn't get the message.  These two start arguing and I'm not sure why except that Raichel doesn't believe anything that comes out of Melissa's mouth.

Drunk Birthday Michelle gets the rose and then does a ridiculous little dance with it to show the other girls that if you stomp off and whine like a little baby you can get what you want.

DEAR need make up.  Lots of make up.


Jackie gets the next date card and it said something about Love on Track so I thought she was going to race a car or something. Brad picks her up and takes her to a hotel and says she's going to get the Pretty Woman Experience which I then thought was going to entail her putting out and him giving her money.

I was wrong.  Brad gave her some beauty treatments and then took her to a room with a bunch of dresses and shoes and a make up artist and hair styler!  She had a number of colorful frocks to choose from and she picked a Gun Metal Grey dress that matched the car that came for them.  OH...and she got pretty jewelry too.

They went to The Hollywood Bowl, ate dinner on the stage while Brad asked her how many boyfriends she had as a kid....freaked out because she's only had two boyfriends and then reluctantly gave her the rose.

Then a band called TRAIN came out and sang to them.

Jackie had the best night of her life!


Before Brad can even finish his toast to an exciting week with the ladies....Michelle grabs his hand and drags him away because she has some very important burning questions to ask him even though she already GOT A ROSE!  Nothing pisses me off more than girls with roses stealing time with the bachelor.

Here's what she wanted to know.  Do you like Starbucks or Coffee Bean.  He looks confused and says he's a Starbucks guy.  She also wants to know what's in his fridge. He says Eggs, Turkey and Water. (Keith's fridge only had Diet Coke and Pickles when I met him)  THIS was the burning questions?

Brad sits down with Emily and I'm stuck by how calm and polite she is.  She explains that she takes a little time to open up and he says he wants to get to know her.  He seems very nervous and smitten with her.  I like it!

Melissa approaches Raichel while she's sitting with a group of girls and verbally attacks her and then tells her to walk away....which she does.  And then Melissa follows her.  Melissa reminds me a lot of a Jack Russell Terrier that keeps jumping on your leg and won't leave you alone.

Melissa cries and tells Brad that there is a girl that keeps attacking her and is sucking the life out of her. In the middle of her tirade...she tells Brad that she has bad breath because she ate 4 slices of Onion Pizza before the cocktail party.  And then she starts crying again.  THIS GIRL IS NUTS!

Brad goes to talk to a crying Raichel and she says that she's having trouble with Melissa.  He looks visibly confused....and irritated.

We have surprise visitors!  Alli and Roberto!  They are going to sit with each girl and ask some questions, assess their metal stability and give Brad a report!  Great idea.

Melissa uses her time to tell Alli and Roberto that she's being targeted and she's tired of it. And she cries some more.

The report comes in and they tell Brad who is crazy and that Emily deserves a rose!  YAY!


It looks like Brad is serious about this dating thing and he lets Raichel, Crazy Melissa and Keltie go.  I think he made good choices this week and getting rid of feuding girls was a good idea but will not help fuel drama for those of us at home that live for this shit.  Well...we still have Narcissistic Michelle!

Next week: Looks like Emily gets a one on one date and there will be singing.  WHY singing!  UGH!

OH MY GOSH!  Just found this deleted scene...THIS is why Raichel went home.  I didn't say all of this stuff to iKeith until he was IN LOVE with me.  You never say any of this until you have hooked them.  Oh need MORE than just make up.

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Good Weekend....

I was just sitting here enjoying a cup of coffee and thinking about the great weekend we had...when the kids started fighting.  It's 8:07 and I've already had to put someone on the naughty chair.

Do you ever have those weekends were everyone is in a good mood and you wake up on Monday all happy and giddy?  I love when that happens.

iKeith and I went to the gym together on Saturday.  I was freaking out because we were leaving the kids in the gym daycare and I've never left them with someone I don't know before...much less someone that doesn't speak english.  They did great and want to go back.

Now...thirty times a day my daughter is asking me when she can go to the gym.  Great.

We went out to our new favorite place for pizza on Saturday night and I got all dressed up.  iKeith said I looked pretty....

I thought he looked pretty good too.  I love this color on him. snowed all day.  I think we have about 4 inches of glorious white snow but it ruined my plans to go see The Social Network.  Instead I locked myself in my bedroom with my lunch, my iPad, my book and my journal.  Eventually...everyone migrated to my bed and we watched an episode of Veggie Tales together.

Then we grilled chicken the snow because that's what you do in Colorado! 

I ended the evening by cuddling with iKeith while sipping a Hot Chocolate laced with Peppermint Schnapps. 

Life is really good....

Thursday, January 6, 2011

When Play Imitates Life....

Today, Mallory's little family moved out of their beautiful, spacious, multi-level dollhouse and into a cardboard box.

Alex helped them move with his truck.

Gosh this scenario sounds familiar.

When Your Husband Gets Old

A couple months ago....iKeith told me that at one time in his life he wanted to take Swing Dancing lessons.  I thought that was kind of odd because he's really not much of a dancer and every time I've mentioned lessons he's declined.  We talked about it and he informed me that he's too old to Swing and I suggested that perhaps he'd be more comfortable taking Square Dancing lessons.

He laughed at me and said he wasn't THAT old yet.

Then this came in the mail.

And then this.

Last week, I got this in my email box and I forwarded it to him.

He didn't think it was very funny.  I thought it was hilarious because under restrictions it said...Must be able to walk at a fast pace and under highlights it said alcohol-free environment....which I thought should have been a restriction.

Other signs that my husband is getting old....our medicine cabinet. 

I always knew I was a trophy wife but now it's coming true!


My friend Anne just send this to me.

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts these codes are for you. Please pass this on to your CHILDREN and Grandchildren so they can understand your texts.

ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can't get up
CGIU: Can't get IT up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
PIMP: Pooped in my pants
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Waiting for Superman: Colorado Edition

Today...was a big day for us.

I turned in two (of three) applications for open school enrollment for Alex to attend Kindergarten this year.

Our neighborhood not acceptable. It has very poor test scores and a mandatory NON-Competitive 6th Grade Science Fair. No one wins. Everyone gets a participation ribbon. In our opinion...this is ridiculous. iKeith comes from a long line of Science Fair winners and we're not about to stop with this generation.

We are hoping for one of 40-70 possible spots at an excellent charter school. A school where a C is 79-84%. YAY for competition and grading performance! There are approximately 270 children applying to this school. A lottery will determine who gets in.

Because our chances aren't that great...we're also applying to two other schools within a few miles of our house that have excellent test scores. I'm excited about all of the possibilities.

Open Enrollment began this morning and goes until January 24. iKeith is laughing at me because I insisted on getting the applications in today...when it's a lottery system and when the application was turned in has no bearing on it getting selected. This man doesn't understand me at all!

I recorded my journey this morning...for your viewing pleasure. Yes, I do need a haircut.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Brad Womack: From Broken Man to A New Man

I've been excited for this very controversial season of The Bachelor because I watched the 2007 season when Brad left both Jenny and DeAnna at the alter.  Well...not really The Alter because he hadn't proposed to either of them yet...but he didn't pick anyone and apparently..America was pissed!

I was irritated but I didn't hate the guy.

Brad is back and he's had three years of therapy and now he's no longer a broken man with Daddy issues.  He's a brand new man and he's ready to take that leap of faith and find love. And America...he wants you to know that he is very sorry!

In case you've been living under a rock...or you don't like reality TV or you don't own a television or you don't live in Texas.  This is Brad Womack. 

He loves kids, managing his bars in Austin, getting slapped across the face and when girls sing badly to him. And fangs.  He LOVES girls with fangs.  He might love Edward too but that hasn't been established yet.

There were some interested stories about our bachelorettes that were told last night.  I'll give you the highlights of the more interesting one's because some of these gals aren't worth talking about...yet.

Ashley S. ~ Her Dad died so she's really sad but she puts on a brave face by saying LIKE a lot.  She grabbed Brad's rear end when she met him and then later really like opened up to him and then we discovered that he could read between the likes and he gave her the first impression rose.

Michelle ~ A single Mom from Salt Lake City that wore super sexy dress that showed a lot of leg. She likes to work out and she isn't here to make friends. 

Raichel ~ A manscaper that waxed Brad's hand in front of everyone and still got a rose.

Madison ~ Disturbed young lady that has had her eye teeth turned into fangs.

Ashley H ~ A Dentist that is dying to fix Madison's teeth.

Emily ~ Her story gave me goose bumps.  Her race car driver fiance died in a plane crash and a week later she found out she was pregnant with his daughter. CRAZY right? Emily looks like a little southern Barbie doll.

Chantal ~ I only mention this gal because iKeith really liked her based on her looks...but then she said she had a dog and 2 cats.  

Jackie ~ Keith likes this one too but I think it's because she looks Rachel from GLEE.  She did some pinky swear thing with Brad and then tried to sing to him.

Keltie ~ A Rockette that came out of the limo with her leg wrapped around her head. 

Britt~ A pretty blonde chef.

Lindsay ~ My friend Stiletto Mom knows her and she's adorable! I hope she stays a while.

It looks like it's going to be a pretty exciting season with lots of cat fights.  They are also going to travel the world and that's one of the things I do really like about this show.  It's like the Amazing Race but with bikninis, cute outfits and a hot guy with killer abs. 

Note to self: Do more sit ups!

Come back next Monday for this seasons Drinking Game!

I just discovered Fantasy Bachelor Game!  It's like Fantasy Football but BETTER! I created a group...join now!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Making Resolutions

Hey There!

You know how when your kids are aren't allowed to be and then by the time they are have run yourself ragged and you become so ill and tired that you can't function?

That's where I am right now.  I'm down with the sickness.

Luckily, I worked on my 2011 Resolutions all last week so I was ready when the big day came. I'm ready to make some positive changes in my life and finally get my poop in a group.

We had Robert over for dinner last night and we were talking about Resolutions and iKeith told me that he thinks they are stupid and he's never made them.  I resolved to make some for him.  I came up with two:

1. Be more positive...stop being a glass half empty kind of guy.
2. Get up on time every day and stop being late for work.

He told me that I never meet any of my goals.  This sent me into a rage!  And I informed him that he didn't know a thing about me or my New Year's Resolutions and that he should shut the heck up. (my marriage resolution is not going so well as of this writing) He told me that no one ever succeeds with their resolutions.  I told him there is a very good reason why that happens to some people but I'm not those people.

The key to meeting a goal is making small steps that are stepping stones to the goal. 

I explained that just saying...I want to get married or I want to lose weight is never going to work if you don't take steps to make it happen.

I used HIS JOB as an example. I didn't just say Gosh, I'd be nifty if iKeith could get a job building Apple Apps. I found out what we needed to do to make it happen and I completed those steps!

I think he had a light bulb moment.  Or at the very least...he'll stay off my back about my goals now.

Click HERE to see my goals for 2011.