Sunday, August 30, 2009

Little Boy Gone

We went to the Ogden Farmer's Market yesterday. We've lived here for almost three years and it was the first time we'd gone. There were tons of people there and the section with the local grown veggies and fruit was very crowded. Calvin and Alex walked quickly ahead of us as if they were in a race and this irritated me. I wanted us to stay close...I didn't want to lose them in the crowd.

Eventually we found each other again and found a playground with a live band playing right next to it. We let the kids play with the other 15 kids that were already playing there and I went off to purchase some peaches and tomatoes.

I was only gone about 15 minutes and as I walked across the grass toward the play structure...I scanned the children's faces and I didn't see Alex. I saw Calvin and Mallory on the backside and he was looking too.

Alex was not there!

Calvin saw me and came over...said he was watching the wrong kid in a red shirt. Panic immediately gripped my heart and my brain ran in circles...immagining someone taking my baby away. I grabbed my iPhone, pressed 9-1-1....ready to hit the CALL button.

I held Mallory and watch Calvin walk by the booths searching. He was gone a few minutes and when he came back I told him I was calling the police.

That's when I saw two young ladies walking toward the playground with my little boy. His face was tear streaked. Calvin ran over to him and told him to never leave Mommy and Daddy like that again.

I spent the rest of the day holding that boy whenever he would let me and thanking baby Jesus for keeping an eye on him.

I try not to worry about the things that could happen. I try not to let that prevent me from living life...but it's hard. I feel like I work so hard to make sure nothing happens to my kids and then I'm away for a few minutes and suddenly one of them is missing. I wasn't there to protect them.

I'm always so torn about doing things for myself because if I am...then I'm not with my kids. I guess this is the Mommy Guilt that everyone talks about and maybe it will go away when they are in college. Until then...I'll just keep medicating myself with wine.


  1. I have a feeling Mommy Guilt never goes away. And I also think that the absolute best mother in the world will also have Mommy Guilt. Goes with the territory.

    So glad your son is safe.

  2. I was in almost tears reading this post. There is nothing scarier than a situation like this! So glad that your little boy is safe. I don't think Mommy guilt ever goes away either! I loved the end though...I am going to have to try out that medication!

  3. Heart-stopping when something like that happens. Don't beat yourself up. We've all had a scare like that. Makes us all more cautious. XO

  4. Made my heart skip a beat! Terrifying! Glad he was ok.

  5. It's hard to not imagine the "what-if's" but I honestly believe that is a mommy gift from God. Mothers can see the potential outcomes and are more aware of how to prevent them. That is not to say that you should not take some time for yourself. 15 minutes at a farmer's market is NOT something that should give you guilt. 15 hours at a bar?? Maybe,lol. Don't be so hard on yourself. And I think along with that mommy gift of intuition, we also have to be careful to balance it with sanity. :) SO glad that Alex was okay. You had me so scared!! I cannot imagine how you must have felt.

  6. That had to be so frightening. I'm right there with you though. There's been times where I've been some place and think I've done a great job being especially diligent and keeping an eye on everyone, when suddenly one child will dart off in one direction and the other in the opposite. It's terrifying.
    Two toddlers can easily make simple things much more difficult than you can imagine sometimes!

  7. Terrifying. One time when Baby Girl was about 18 months old I was getting groceries out of the car and she was next to me. I didn't really worry about her walking away because she never, ever left my side.... until that day. I looked down and she was gone. I started frantically looking around for her and she was at the end of the driveway. I yelled no and she took off. Right across the street. Thank God no cars were coming. I still panic just thinking about it.

    It is so hard being a parent. You feel guilt all the time. And it is so scary too.

  8. Oh Connie, I'm so sorry that happened. That is one of the worst feelings in the world when one of your children goes missing. Thirty seconds feels like 30 minutes as your mind races as to what could have happened.

    On a lighter note, you are rockin with 203 followers now! Let me know if you would like to do a giveaway sometime :)

  9. I had a tear in my eye while reading! So glad everything is okay. Oh, my mother still worries about me all the time!

  10. I can on;y imagine what went through your head, since I'm not a parent, yet, but I'm glad that he's back safe and sound with you. *hugs*

  11. So happy he was found by two kind women!!! I can imagine you were very scared but you are still a GREAt Mom!!! Don't ever doubt that!!!

  12. Oh, how scary!! I feel the same way you soon as I know my daughter is going somewhere without me I start worrying and visualizing all the possible scenarios of things that could go wrong. I wish my brain wouldn't let me go there all the time! A little caution is always good, but not to the extreme that it keeps you up at night, or makes you want to keep your child with you at all times. So glad he found his way back to you safely!!

  13. It is so scary!!
    My kids are older than yours an dsometimes it still happens, the 6yo walked away about a month ago, while on the beach.
    What I hate in our case is that they trust people too much, they are always saying hello and asking questions to people they meet on the street; I love them to be so outgoing, but of course is something I keep thinking when maybe I don't see them for a few seconds.
    I didn't want to scare them, but now I'm telling them that people who hurt other people and kids are for real, it's not just a story. They don't seem to believe me, and I don't want to go to gory details with them, as for now.

    Three years in Layton, and I've never been at the Ogden's farmers market, just a couple of times in SLC.

  14. Wow. That is scary, but Thank God that you found him. :o) I def think that you should have a balance in your life. It may just take some strategic planning to do so. I am sure once they start school you will have more time too.

  15. Ugh! Yes keep drinking the wine.

    I have some questions for the next "Ask Calvin" segment....

    "When you are watching your kid in a crowd, should you just look for a single color, or should you watch the entire kid?"

    "Should you 'race-walk' away from a parent in a fun way so that a child learns that it's fun to get out ahead of that parent?"

    "When you illustrate to your wife that she should probably handle everything because if she doesn't, something will get screwed up... should you bring her a good bottle of wine and flowers, or two good bottles of wine?"

    Feeling Connie's pain in L.A.

  16. I'm so happy you found him safe and sound. My daughter did that once before and she hasn't done it since.

    As for the mommy guilt, I have it all of the time. Leaving them at all to do something for myself makes me feel awful- even when I'm leaving them with my husband!

  17. Totally know how you felt. When the babies were small, we went to the mall. Hayden was a rambunctious 3 year old who didn't like having to wait for us to deal with crying babies. Jeff and I were getting the babies back into the strollers, I looked up and I didn't see Hayden. We spent 15 agonizing minutes looking for him and Jeff finally found his looking at the movie pictures. I was so panicked. I could barely look for him.
    Thankfully, he was safe and sound but you are right so many things could have happened. I just thank God that nothing did.

  18. Oh no... That is the worst feeling! I have had that kind of experience a couple of times. Once at a big park for about half an hour. Worst feeling in the world. I am so glad you found him and everything is okay.


  19. Oh, how terrifying!!! I am so glad he is ok.

  20. Sounds like you did awesome given the situation. What you went through is seriously my biggest fear. I am just so glad that it all turned out ok!

  21. So scary! I am so glad he was found safe.

    So glad it all worked out.
    I feel you on the guilt, and the self medication.

  23. My stomach hurts just thinking about how you were feeling! I am constantly trying to push back fears of what could happen so we can live our lives. I am so glad it turned out good for you.

  24. As soon as I saw those big letters "Alex was not there", my heart started racing, and I was scared to death for you. I certainly doesn't help that my baby's (o.k. he is 18 yrs. old now) name is Alex. I can remember when I couldn't find my oldest after a football game during his Freshman year at high school - and he was a player. I did end up finding a cop who was working the game and he helped me find my son ~ who was so embarrassed. I didn't care, it was 30 min. AFTER he was supposed to meet me and it was dark and there were WAY too many people there.
    Glad everything worked out, I'm sure your Alex will remember for a while how he felt and will stay near you.


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