We went to the Ogden Farmer's Market yesterday. We've lived here for almost three years and it was the first time we'd gone. There were tons of people there and the section with the local grown veggies and fruit was very crowded. Calvin and Alex walked quickly ahead of us as if they were in a race and this irritated me. I wanted us to stay close...I didn't want to lose them in the crowd.
Eventually we found each other again and found a playground with a live band playing right next to it. We let the kids play with the other 15 kids that were already playing there and I went off to purchase some peaches and tomatoes.
I was only gone about 15 minutes and as I walked across the grass toward the play structure...I scanned the children's faces and I didn't see Alex. I saw Calvin and Mallory on the backside and he was looking too.
Alex was not there!
Calvin saw me and came over...said he was watching the wrong kid in a red shirt. Panic immediately gripped my heart and my brain ran in circles...immagining someone taking my baby away. I grabbed my iPhone, pressed 9-1-1....ready to hit the CALL button.
I held Mallory and watch Calvin walk by the booths searching. He was gone a few minutes and when he came back I told him I was calling the police.
That's when I saw two young ladies walking toward the playground with my little boy. His face was tear streaked. Calvin ran over to him and told him to never leave Mommy and Daddy like that again.
I spent the rest of the day holding that boy whenever he would let me and thanking baby Jesus for keeping an eye on him.
I try not to worry about the things that could happen. I try not to let that prevent me from living life...but it's hard. I feel like I work so hard to make sure nothing happens to my kids and then I'm away for a few minutes and suddenly one of them is missing. I wasn't there to protect them.
I'm always so torn about doing things for myself because if I am...then I'm not with my kids. I guess this is the Mommy Guilt that everyone talks about and maybe it will go away when they are in college. Until then...I'll just keep medicating myself with wine.