Monday, November 29, 2010

Adventures with Robert: One Size Fits Most

A couple years ago I participated in an Easter Swap and Robert arrived from Denver right after the package did. We began unwrapping the goodies when I came across something very unusual for a Easter Basket.


But not a tasteful nighty or a conservative nightgown.

 I naughty stringy thing that said One Size Fits MOST.

Nothing says EASTER like a red teddy.

Robert decided that he would try to put it on.   

I think it's backwards....

 Let's try this again!


 What's with the extra pieces? 

I guess one size DOESN'T fit MOST.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Adventures with Robert: Furniture Shopping

iKeith has a long holiday weekend coming I'm going to take a few days off from blogging.  I'll still be now would be an excellent time to join twitter...those of you that aren't already addicted.  Follow me.

Tuesday...I'll be posting the next installment of The Connie Diaries.  Please click on the tab under my header if you need to catch up.  Until then...I leave you with Adventures with Robert: Furniture Shopping

A couple weeks ago....I went furniture shopping with my brother in law Robert. He's just finishing up remodeling his townhouse and he has one room that needs a couch. He asked for my help because I am so freakin talented and helpful.  And modest.

Meet Robert!
The first couch he showed me was boring! Knit Knots boring.  And it looked exactly like the couch we had that the mouse ate back in Utah. I talked him out of it.

This chair....reminded me of an electric chair. It was totally uncomfortable and too expensive.

Modern Electric Chair

I fell in deep, deep love with this is couch.  I could curl up for days, watching soaps and Oprah and eating bon bons! iKeith thinks it looks like a bed.  He likes firm, leather, uncomfortable couches.  He also likes the electric chair chair.

Connie's Dream Couch

We were sitting on a couch discussing his options when the saleswoman came over to talk to us and assumed that we were a couple.  This happens to us all the time, but the last time was in Utah at a model home.  The poor woman mistook Robert for my husband and iKeith for the kids Grandpa. 

I'm not showing you the couch we picked out because it's a surprise.  Robert has hired me to plan his Open House/Housewarming/Christmas Party and I'll have the big reveal next month.

*This could end up being a regular feature...Adventures with Robert.  What do you think?  You like it?   

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dinosaur School

Children are likely to live up to what you believe in them.
-- Ladybird Johnson

Yesterday, iKeith and I went to an informational meeting at a charter school that we might like the kids to attend. I've been dreading this day because it's the first step in me having to admit that my baby is growing up and will be going to Kindergarten soon.

I'm not ready to admit this. At all.

I expressed my apprehension to my husband as we were walking up to the school and he told me that I should be excited for this next step in our lives because it means more free time for me.

As I fought back tears...I told him that I should be, but I'm not.

We walked into the library, 10 minutes early and got the last two seats a tables that were in the center of the room. By the time the meeting started...there were at least 80 parents there and it was standing room only. (this is one of three meetings before open enrollment)

iKeith was irritated at the seats that I had the very front of the room. I explained to him that it showed that we were interested and serious....not the slacker parents at the back. Speaking of slackers...we had to sign in and write down what grade we were interested in. Ten people signed ahead of me and they all shorted the word to KINDER. I don't do things half assed so I wrote to WHOLE word. KINDERGARTEN. Our table ended up being the sign in table and everyone wrote the whole word after I did. I thought this was kind of funny.

Thoughts on the school:

They have excellent test scores. As in, damn near perfect! They do whole class teaching with no ability groups. Keith thought their slide presentation was horrible. They have a great art and music program. If a student is falling behind, they pull them out for extra instruction. 70-76% is a D. Last year 270 students applied for 40 available slots. The school is small. It's picked by a random lottery. If by some miracle, Alex gets selected...then Mallory automatically gets to go when she starts school.

Do you feel lucky?  I don't.

We walked around the school peeking in and observing classrooms and I had to leave.  I'm so not ready for this yet! could smell the competitiveness on all of the parents in that room.   We were all checking each other out...wondering if we'd end up in the PTA together in a year or if we'd be one of the one's who aren't going to make the cut.

When we picked the kids up from Nana's house, Alex asked how the Dinosaur School was and when he could start!  HA!  And then it hit me.  Damn Nana is moving to California and now I won't have anyone to watch Mallory so I can volunteer at the school!  This is what I'm going to call her now.  Damn Nana.

Alex starts school in 9 months, 5 days (and 37 minutes as I'm writing this).  I've got to get a grip here!  I can't sit here crying every single time I think about him going to school.  Keith just laughs at me and tells me I act like I'm sending him to boarding school...or to the Army.  OH GOD ALEX DON'T GO TO THE ARMY!

I need more Ativan.

You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up 

~ Taylor Swift

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Return of the Trophy Wife

iKeith and I went to a party Saturday night at his office in Downtown Denver. It was a party to celebrate all of the sports apps* that they have completed this year. A fabulous little soirée with great food, an open bar and live music.

As soon as I found out about the party, and that iKeith wanted me to dress up...I started going through all my dresses and trying to figure out what to wear. I sent out tweets, emails and facebook messages asking what color shoes to wear and I didn't eat carbs for three days so that I'd look really good in my dress.

This would be a good time to tell you that iKeith didn't pick out his outfit until 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave the apartment and this made us 20 minutes late.

On Saturday afternoon, as I was getting ready for the party, I realized that I've kind of let myself go. I can clean up pretty well for an outing with the kids or to go to Target but this level of attention had not been attempted in a while.  It took me a long time to shave my legs and I think I plugged the shower drain.  It's possible that this kind of thing should be done more than every six months. 

I also needed to paint my toe nails since I'd be wearing open toed shoes....but first I had to scrape off a 6 month old pink flower that had been painted on my toe nails the last time I got a pedicure.

My hair....I colored it myself and all the grey did not get covered up.  I hoped for soft lighting and drunk party guests that wouldn't notice.

I really needed a brow shaping but I ran out of time.

All in all, my transformation from Stay at Home Mom to Trophy Wife took 2.5 hours and 2  glasses of wine.

I really shouldn't have worried because no one noticed my grey hair, eyebrows or the fact that I'd shaved my legs because the only thing people looked at was my giant boobs!

There was one guy....I'm not sure how much he'd had to drink...but he thought I was from California and was obviously smitten with me. Or my (*)(*).

All of this made me realize that I should be spending a little more time on my general high maintenance, because I really do believe that iKeith deserves the Trophy Wife that he married. 

*This onethis one, and this one,  and this one.

Disclaimer: I was not compensated by Victoria Secret for mentioning their store. My husband just likes my chest.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Circle of Friends

I'm soooooo blessed! When people ask me why I blog...this is why. I know awesome people on the internet. I wish I could force you all to move to Denver and live on the same street with me. Can you imagine the block party we could have? I'd bring this pie.

The last few days I've felt like you all have formed a circle around me.  Supporting me and offering me hugs.  I feel so loved!  Thank you again.

We maken een kringetje...

Photo Credit friend Cari sent me a link to a kids clothing website today and she said that there was a picture of Alex on it. It's crazy but this kid looks just like him! he did a year ago.

What do you think?

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I'm Moving On

You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it. ~ Carrie Bradshaw

I have the most amazing friends. I want to thank all of you that commented on my post and sent me emails on Friday. I've read all of the messages at least 50 times and written at least 10 pages in my journal.

You all had such great things to say and the overwhelming message one has the right to dictate what I can write about.  This is my life and as long as I'm not naming names....I should be able to use this blog as my journal, therapy and way of staying in contact with my friends.

On Friday...I sent emails to the people in my life that I'm having a disagreement with and made all my feelings known.  We are at an impasse.   I am not willing to negotiate because ultimately....I'm protecting the wellbeing of my children and myself.

These last few years of fighting, struggle and disagreement have been really hard on me.  I've gained weight, I'm not sleeping and I can't be the best Mother and Wife to my family with this going on.

I barely lived through having a relationship with an alcoholic (my second husband) and I refuse to do it again.  It might be different if it was just me....but there are two little lives to consider.  In fact, I'm the only one that's worried for them.  My job is to give them the best life.  I take that very seriously!

As of today, I'm putting the past behind me.  This issue that I'm not allowed to blog about is too serious for me to back down, and I can't put anymore energy or time into it.  My children deserve to have a happy, relaxed and fully present Mommy.

Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. ~  Carrie Bradshaw

Thank you for helping me realize that all I have to be is me.  And that if other people don't like it...they can suck it like a juice box!

I've changed my hair, my clothes, almost
Everything about myself
I can't believe I tried to be somebody I'm not
For someone else, yeah
It took finding you to finally understand
What it's like to be loved for who I am

That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
With you, all I ever have to be is me

I can laugh or cry, don't have to hide
The way I feel
Rain or shine, by my side proving we've got
A love that's real
An old pair of jeans or an evening gown
You still see the same girl that you found

That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
With you, all I ever have to be is me

That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
With you, all I ever have to be is me
All I ever need to be, oh yeah
All I ever have to be is me

Faith Hill

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Real Me...

I'm a good person...and if you don't like it... you can suck it like a juice box! ~ Amber

In the 3 years that I've been blogging.....I've always prided myself on being honest and not sugar coating anything. I think readers appreciate when you are sharing a part of yourself and I believe that's why I've made so many friends.

When I have shared many parts of my life, I protect the innocent guilty by not using their names or faces. You all don't really know my family, where they live or what they do. It's not like you'd walk down the street and run into them.

This blog has been a form of therapy for me. Much, much needed therapy because my life isn't all rainbows and lolly pops.

I've shared so much of myself here and I've appreciated all of the support so much. Being able to come HERE to talk to my friends and write things out. I've shared the good, the bad and the ugly.

I can't do that anymore. Someone has a problem with it. (P.S. it's not my husband)

All my life I've struggled to be myself. But that has never been good enough. I didn't become a pilot, I didn't go to the Air Force Academy, I didn't become an Air Traffic Controller. I really wanted to be a hair dresser....that wasn't good enough.

Over the years, I haven't been enough for other people either and they've tried to change my speech, my clothes and my attitude.

I just want to be myself but I can't do that here. People are watching.

I will still be posting but it won't be personal. I don't know what it will be really? I'm still trying to figure out how I can be me without upsetting people.

This is the last time that you'll be hearing from The Real Me....

For many years now....I've been trying to put this broken plate back together.  I'm good at crafts and I'm a perfectionist so I try really hard and I use good glue. It seems like it's going back together and I'm hopeful that it's going to hold.  

Parts of the plate have been missing but they show back up again and the pieces fit back together but there are piece that shattered and little slivers that are gone that make it not fit right.  Pieces that I'll never get back.....

Another part of the plate seems to fit back together but the glue becomes weak and the piece keeps falling matter how I try to get it to fit.  Each time it comes's harder to put back in.

Finally.  I realize that the plate is just broken and it can't be fixed.  But I can't figure out if I should just put it in a box or throw it in the trash.

It actually hurts my heart to look at this plate and know that I can't fix it.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Boots and Bras

It was a beautiful, warm and sunny 71 degrees in Denver yesterday!  Crazy weather for November in Colorado but I'll take it.  One thing we missed about living here was the abondance of sunshine.  Even though it will snow and be's sunny!

We're likely going to get our first snow this week so now i'm thinking about Boots!

Aren't these so cute with the fur on the front?  I bet The Pioneer Woman would love them!  Lucky Brand Eve .

I don't know what it is about these fold over boots but I like them!  Naughty Monkey Detective.

This little Nine West Kybele Ankle Boot is so cute!  I'd love to wear it with a pair of jeans and a nice bulky sweater.

Have you seen the commercials for the new Miraculous Push-Up bra?  iKeith has....and he took me to Victoria Secret last night and bought one of them for me.  Holy Boob Job!  He also bought me a gym membership....I love this man! 

I tried this one on and immediately felt like going hunting.  So I bought the beige one.  KitNots would be proud. 

*I was not compensated by Piperlime or Victoria Secret for this post....I just like to talk about fashion.*

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Team Artsy Fartsy For The Win!

We're always on the lookout for fun weekend activities.  This week is Denver Arts Week and this year they had a great idea for a scavenger hunt!  We're hoping to win one of 14 wonderful prizes so we hauled the children downtown to photographer ourselves in front of some of Denver's landmarks.

We split up into two teams!  Mallory and I were Team Artsy Fartsy and I'm sorry to say that we had a subpar photographer.  I don't know what iKeith was doing...but most of our shots are blurry. For more of our photos click here.

Alex and iKeith were team Art Smart Blart and Cart.  I have not idea what this means but this is what happens when you let a 4 year old pick your team name.

There is a long list of activities and we had to pick 6 of these and post them on the Visit Denver Facebook Page.  If you think you will ever be visiting Denver....LIKE their page.  Tons of great info.

We did all kinds of fun things like joining a herd of buffalo on the 16th Street Mall, singing with a local street musician, sipping a Colorado-brewed beer at Wynkoop Brewing Co, checking our watch at Lannie's Clocktower*, visiting the Ballpark Museum and posing like the Big Blue Bear at the Convention Center.

Checking my watch....

What's that Bear Looking at?
The kids had a great time and we got lots of exercise in the bright Colorado sunshine!  We even found a new favorite restaurant...Colorado's First Brew Pub,Wynkoop Brewing Co.  I had the pleasure of drinking a beer called Wixa Weiss and eating the best kids Mac and Cheese I've ever had!  Details on The Rookie Foodie coming this week.


iKeith is on Facebook now.  He kept telling me that he needed a FB login for his app testing and then I wanted him to enter this Denver Arts Week Contest with me and he needed to be able to post pictures on their fan page.  So he told me to go ahead and set it up.

I've been very happy with his lack of interest in Facebook because even though it doesn't look like it....this man was a player!  I was not interested in all of his old girlfriends friending him and talking about the old times.  I have zero interest in having to step up my game in the bedroom so that he's not interested in meeting up with some old flame.

It took exactly 24 hours for one of them to find him and friend him.  sigh

So....for all the girls iKeith has loved before....this song is for you!

* I haven't worn a watch since 2004.  I have a cell phone...why do I need a watch.  It is also my alarm clock.  Steve Jobs....I love you!

Saturday, November 6, 2010


I had a dream the other night that I was standing on a mountain top.  The view was incredible and there was a cool breeze blowing.  I closed my eyes and just took in big gulps of fresh air.

When I opened my eyes I saw some members of my family just a few feet away.  I started to step forward but the ground began to crack in front of me.  I called to them to step forward, to come closer to me but they just stepped back...further and further away.

Soon the crack became so thick and the wind began to blow and my yells for them to save themselves were drowned out.

The earth dropped away and I screamed!

They were gone.

I looked behind me and my husband and children were there. They held their arms out and embraced me in a hug.  We held each other tight and my husband whispered in my ear...I'm here for you.  I'll stand with you.

This morning I heard this song.


You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place

Friday, November 5, 2010

It's ONLY a Drill

This morning as I was drinking my coffee and watching Playhouse Disney...I checked twitter and saw BREAKING NEWS that a NASA facility in Cleveland was under a lock down situation and that reports of a gunman on the loose where being thrown about.

My first thoughts were....I knew this was going to happen. I just knew at some point some disenchanted, dislocated and depressed former aerospace worker that was jacked around by the changes in the space program....was going to snap.

Go postal.

Eventually, the news came out that it was only a drill. It appears NASA is also afraid that the way they treated dedicated employees will come back to bite them.

I wonder if ATK is having *fire drills* today too?

* appears I'm still upset about Constellation being cancelled. 


Thursday, November 4, 2010

What's Next?

This morning I posted about the new ABC show called Skating with the Stars.  It's from the same people that have brought Dancing with the Stars into our living rooms for the last 5 years.  It has a huge following so why not expand that franchise in the same way that The Bachelor has gone on to bring us The Bachelorette and Bachelor Pad.

It got me thinking about what other shows we can expect to see in the future.  Here are a few ideas:

  • Trashing Hotel Rooms with the Stars!
  • High Speed Chases with the Stars!
  • Going to Vegas on a Bender with the Stars!
  • Jogging with the Stars!
  • Weddings with the Stars!
  • Divorces with the Stars! 
  • Throwing up with the Stars! 

What is television coming to?

Skating with the Stars!

Did you see the big announcement this week?  There's a new celebrity studded reality show that was just announced!  If you're a fan of Dancing with the Semi Stars...then you will love this! Here are the players:

Bethenny Frankel – The “Real Housewives” and current star of Bethenny Getting Married? I love her soooo much and I can't wait to see her on another show!

Sean Young – The colorful actress, best known for playing Rachael in the 1982 movie “Blade Runner,” has recently been seen playing Meggie McClaine on the CBS soap “The Young and the Restless.” I hate Meggie on Y&R but I'm excited to see if Sean Young loses some weight during this show.

Jonny Moseley – He won gold in freestyle skiing at the 1998 Winter Olympics, but skis aren’t allowed on the skating rink.  I have no idea who this guy is...but he's very cute!

Vince Neil – The Motley Crue frontman looks to kickstart his skating skills on this show.  Since I'm a child of the 80's....I love him!

Rebecca Budig – She plays Greenlee Smythe on the ABC soap “All My Children,” and was once married to “Bachelor” alum Bob Guiney.  Love sad that they broke up.

Brandon Mychal Smith – from the show “Sonny with a Chance,”  on Disney but I have no idea who he is. He says he wants to show that a brother (aka African American) can look nice on the ice.  We'll see.....

Coming to a TV near you....November 22!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Guys with Blue Faces

In two days....a cute little movie is coming out.


We've been watching the trailers on TV and Apple TV for a while now and the kids are pretty excited to see it. This is our favorite trailer.

Every Tuesday the kids and I get lunch out somewhere...usually McDonalds. This week they were thrilled to see the Blue Man Group. Gosh they make me laugh! I had to remind them that this was for the new movie and not for the visually stunning sensation of blues guys playing with paint.

I have to say...I think this is one of the best toys we've gotten in a Happy Meal and the kids played with them for hours. Just don't aim them at your Mommy or your Brother. Got it!

I was not compensated by MEGAMIND, Dreamworks, McDonalds or the Blue Man Group. My family just really loves movies, fast food and guys with blue faces.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Full Moon or Astronomical Sunset?

Last week, I saw a tweet from Curious Theatre that said they were selling tickets to a sneak peek of their latest play Astronomical Sunset for $10.  I got so excited because we can't afford to go to The Theatre very often because tickets are usually $40-$100.

I immediately started texting my Brother In Law to see if he could watch the kids for me so that iKeith and I could attend.  I haven't utilized Family Babysitting as much as I could have because they make me feel like I'm asking to borrow $7500.  Finally...after much back and forth....he agreed!

I bought the tickets and then sent an iChat message to iKeith and told him about our iDate.  And I sent him a link to the description of the play and he wrote me back and said:

iKeith: PLEASE NOTE: This production contains a brief moment of male nudity.

Connie the Great*: Oh....

iKeith: Did you know about this.

Connie the Great: No, I didn't realize....

iKeith: Where are our seats?

Connie the Great: Second Row Center.  :P

iKeith: Wonderful

In fact, I DID NOT know because I didn't read the fine print and frankly, I'm surprised that he did.

We had a great night!  We started with Family Dinner at my in laws were a fight broke out about politics and I wrote my mother in law out of my will.  The conversation then went on to Halloween candy and Robert informed us that each little candy bar contains 50 or more calories.  We all talked about how hard it is to resist the candy before the big day and then my mother in law told a bald face lie and said she eats ONE LITTLE CANDY BAR a week.  I call bullshit.

Finally it was time for us to go and we stopped at 240 Union for a glass of wine and I got to see the bar stool where iKeith was sitting the night that the mystery woman picked him up and brought him to Little Bear.

We arrived at Curious Theatre Company and the set looked great!  It was a living a cabin in the woods. Sitting so close to the stage it felt like we were sitting IN the living room!

The play was great to watch near Halloween!  Creepy, suspenseful and kind of confusing. I'm not a seasoned play goer yet so it takes me a while to understand some things that happen during the show.  I usually figure them out as iKeith and I discuss it.  He's also really good at analyzing plots.

The bonus of this sneak peek was that we got to stay after and chat with the assistant director and one of the script writers.  They asked us what we liked about the play and what we didn't like or understand.  They also explained some things to us that I didn't get right away.  It was a wonderful experience!

One thing they asked us was about the male nudity.  Actually....I was quite surprised to realize that I was uncomfortable with it and it probably didn't need to be in the play. I also told them that I see that every day in my OWN living room.  iKeith was thrilled!

If you live in Colorado and you want to see a really great play at an adorable little theatre....Astronomical Sunset by Robert Lewis Vaughan is playing November 6-December 4.  And if you go and Jim doesn't strip down to his birthday suit...I'm sorry, that's probably my fault.

*I have my iChat name set to Connie the Great so that when I log in and out when iKeith is at work he hears...Connie the Great is now available.