Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Trials and Tribulations of Potty Training

I'm concerned about my parenting abilities. If I can't teach my children to PEE....what hope do I have of teaching them the important things in life? After a stressful week I began looking at preschools because I'm obviously not cut out for this. Those hopes were then dashed when Calvin* iKeith informed me that I would have to pay for preschool with my household budget and I'm not really a pork and beans kind of gal so I guess I will have to learn to school my children myself.

It seems as if I have been potty training for months. Hundreds of dollars have been spent on bribes in the hopes that my kid would POOP FOR THOMAS. That worked like a charm until the toys ran out. There was the hatred of underwear which then results in a trip to Wal-Mart to let the kid pick out his own undergarments.

I've tried everything....stickers, treats and letting him just run neeked through the house. This actually is the only thing that worked but he can't Donald Duck it forever. As much as I want him to love his body....I can't let him run around in his birthday suit in public. At some point that should get you arrested.

Mallory joined in the fun last week...telling me that she wanted to use the potty. What she really meant by that was that she wanted to drive me insane and create a giant pile of laundry. Three days of training her and she never once went in the potty. She did however, pee on the floor and then blame it on the dog.

Before we went on vacation....Alex was doing pretty well. Not great but he was making progress. I didn't want to push the training because we would be on vacation and not bringing the chair. I figured we would pick up where we left off when we returned. I figured wrong.

Bobbi brought some Potty Training Propaganda home from work and I read it and confirmed that my child is RESISTING potty training. And it's all my fault....because my child has been reminded and lectured too much. They recommended that I put him in his underwear and then pretend like I don't give a hoot if he uses the potty. Don't ask him if he needs to go and just go about my business. If he soils his pants, quickly change into CLEAN underwear and not bring up the accident. They claim that reminders are a form of pressure and he will eventually decide to perform to get my attention. They have never met MY kid....

I started this new plan yesterday morning and he held his pee all morning. At nap time, I bribed him with a cookie to sit on the potty and then he slept with underwear on for the first time. After nap, he had some milk so I was sure he would need to pee soon. He told Bobbi that he needed to potty and came inside and went upstairs. And then he came outside sans pants and peed on the grass....just like the dogs.

And then I made myself a stiff drink.....

While I sipped my drink and watched Fox News (which is not at all relaxing) Calvin took the children to the park. He called me to tell me that Mallory was sitting at the top of the slide and refused to come down because her BOOBS hurt. He wanted to know where she got that from? How the hell would I know? She's 2 going on 15!

*I used to call iKeith...Calvin on this blog.  That was when he worked on a NASA project and we were in the witness protection program.


  1. Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with the potty thing. You've made far more progress than us. Our big "success" so far has been a puddle on the kitchen floor, in which my two year old proceeded to slip and fall and sob while I was unable to suppress my laughter. No bruises, luckily, or I'd really be horrible.

  2. oh no!! her boobs hurt?! that's priceless!! yes the joys of potty middle boy is starting right now...booooo!! not looking forward to it at all!

  3. Dude, I hate potty training, I think kids should not be able to urinate or poop until the are like 13, like a plug should pop, and then wham they could use the bathroom and wipe their own ass...and wash their hands. My 4 year old crapped his pants twice last week...I am fuming...since he is starting preschool in like a week! Ok I am done.

  4. I feel you! I cannot imagine trying to potty train 2 kids at once. I barely made it through one at a time.

    Ella has/had a fascination with nipples. She goes around giving all sorts of information about hers and asking people questions about theirs. Sometimes I have to pretend that I don't know her.


  5. They all get it at different times. He'll get there... I promise. :-)

    I hope Mallory's boobs are feeling better. That sucks. :-)

  6. I'm sure this isn't a laughing matter but must admit I am laughing. You kids sound too freakin' cute!

    Good luck with the potty thing!

  7. Mercifully my kid got it right pretty darn quick. God Bless M&M's.

  8. Good luck! I tended to be the more "forceful" parent when it came to potty training and I made them sit on the big potty... such a bad mommy!!

  9. I am RIGHT there with you!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Try letting him go outside standing up! This worked for my boyfriend's cousin -- they let him "pee-pee off the porch" (literally, tinkling between the railings into the yard) and he had so much fun that he didn't mind doing it inside. He especially likes to "pee-pee off the porch" at his Aunt JoJo's (my boyfriend's mom) house.

  11. Oh my word - I feel your pain. Having only successfully gotten 2 of mine out of diapers yet, I have no magic answer. Evie did it in 3 weeks because she wanted to. We worked with William for over a year & I'm convinced he only 'decided' to do it was because he went to school & saw the other boys. Ugh. Hang in there, drink up, and TURN OFF FOX NEWS :) Read E! Online instead!

  12. Potty training sucks. You are doing fabulously, my kids were three and a half, I kid you not!

  13. Oh dear. How I feel your pain. I did the Three Day Potty Training, and left for my in-laws on day 4. She actually did super well for awhile. But well, for instance, she peed 4 or 5 times yesterday on the floor. What the heck?? I think we're pressuring her too much lately. You just made me realize that it's gotten worse since we've been punishing or scolding her for peeing everywhere. {Hanging my head in sadness}. We'll change that.

    Keep us updated on how it goes! I think what you've changed will be the turning point as well. Hang in there!


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