Trials and Tribulations of Potty Training

I'm concerned about my parenting abilities. If I can't teach my children to PEE....what hope do I have of teaching them the important things in life? After a stressful week I began looking at preschools because I'm obviously not cut out for this. Those hopes were then dashed when Calvin* iKeith informed me that I would have to pay for preschool with my household budget and I'm not really a pork and beans kind of gal so I guess I will have to learn to school my children myself.

It seems as if I have been potty training for months. Hundreds of dollars have been spent on bribes in the hopes that my kid would POOP FOR THOMAS. That worked like a charm until the toys ran out. There was the hatred of underwear which then results in a trip to Wal-Mart to let the kid pick out his own undergarments.

I've tried everything....stickers, treats and letting him just run neeked through the house. This actually is the only thing that worked but he can't Donald Duck it forever. As much as I want him to love his body....I can't let him run around in his birthday suit in public. At some point that should get you arrested.



Mallory joined in the fun last week...telling me that she wanted to use the potty. What she really meant by that was that she wanted to drive me insane and create a giant pile of laundry. Three days of training her and she never once went in the potty. She did however, pee on the floor and then blame it on the dog.

Before we went on vacation....Alex was doing pretty well. Not great but he was making progress. I didn't want to push the training because we would be on vacation and not bringing the chair. I figured we would pick up where we left off when we returned. I figured wrong.

Bobbi brought some Potty Training Propaganda home from work and I read it and confirmed that my child is RESISTING potty training. And it's all my fault....because my child has been reminded and lectured too much. They recommended that I put him in his underwear and then pretend like I don't give a hoot if he uses the potty. Don't ask him if he needs to go and just go about my business. If he soils his pants, quickly change into CLEAN underwear and not bring up the accident. They claim that reminders are a form of pressure and he will eventually decide to perform to get my attention. They have never met MY kid....

I started this new plan yesterday morning and he held his pee all morning. At nap time, I bribed him with a cookie to sit on the potty and then he slept with underwear on for the first time. After nap, he had some milk so I was sure he would need to pee soon. He told Bobbi that he needed to potty and came inside and went upstairs. And then he came outside sans pants and peed on the grass....just like the dogs.

And then I made myself a stiff drink.....

While I sipped my drink and watched Fox News (which is not at all relaxing) Calvin took the children to the park. He called me to tell me that Mallory was sitting at the top of the slide and refused to come down because her BOOBS hurt. He wanted to know where she got that from? How the hell would I know? She's 2 going on 15!

*I used to call iKeith...Calvin on this blog.  That was when he worked on a NASA project and we were in the witness protection program.

Weekend Update: Spring has Sprung

This is going to be a new weekend feature to update our family and Calvin of what we have done all week. So...if the mundane details of our lives don't interest you....you have my permission to skip my weekend posts (i usually don't post on the weekends anyway) and return to our regularly scheduled programming on Mondays. I should tell you...this next week is going to be exciting! I will be announcing the winner of the DVD, Sego Lily will be announcing the 5 blogging finalists for their blogger contest (please let me be one of them) and it is time for another edition of the Connie Diaries!

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You may have seen in the news this week that Utah finally melted. Can I get a WOOT WOOT! We had been cooped up in the house for far too long and we were excited to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather so we went to the park THREE times and saw ALL of our friends.

Tuesday, we went to the park by our house and we met a super nice little boy named Garrett. He was also 3 yrs old and he was in love with Mallory. He played so nicely with the kids and was a joy to be around so I befriended his Mom. We had a lovely conversation and I thought things were going really well. I was really working it and thought she was liking me AND my mormon haircut and I suggested that we should exchange numbers so we could get the kids together to play and then....she abruptly ran to her minivan and left. I guess she really wasn't that into me....

Wednesday, we met Monica and her crew at another park and had a lovely time. We enjoyed some icey Starbucks Coffee drinks and chatted a little bit.

The kids had a great time playing and rolling down a hill and Mallory chased Alex everywhere. and then....I went down this slide and got stuck. This really helped to jump start my exercise routine and motivated me to eat a plate of vegetables.


Wednesday was also Earth Day so we celebrated by not turning on the air conditioner and we made these awesome Kabobs for dinner.

On Thursday, we met Shannon, Haylie, Sara and Sophie at the park by our house and I was hoping that Mom would be there so I could show her that I do have friends and people like me dammit but she wasn't there. We enjoyed Iced Coffee from McDonalds and I didn't get to talk to my friends much because Alex and Mallory were burned out from 3 park visits in a row and were crabby and some stupid boy growled at Mallory and pissed her off.

We also had a lot of fun playing in the backyard this week! The kids love to draw with the Sidewalk Chalk that Aunt Bobbi bought for them and Mallory was so cute....drawing little circles on the cement and then jumping in and out of them. Daddy taught her the word Hopscotch!

Alex just likes to jump!

He was a little miffed at sister about something but I was so thrilled that his outfit matched so well and I wasn't even trying....
Here is the tree in our backyard...the leaves are just starting to bud! I'm trying to document this tree because the leaves always sneak up on me.

We started our Recession Garden this week. We planted Mint, Chives and Large Leafed Italian Basil(seeds) in this metal container. This is going to be a summer project for me and the kids and they are very excited about it.

I am trying to encourage Alex to use the potty. So far he has wanted nothing to do with it so I decided to try bribing him. I told him that if he used the potty for TWO weeks...I would buy him another Thomas Train item. We spit in our hands and shook on it and then he spent the entire day pouring over one of the Thomas propaganda that comes with every single Thomas thing you buy. So far...he is only interested in figuring out what I am going to buy for him and hasn't started using the potty yet.

Today is Saturday and the cool, rainy weather has returned. Calvin and the kids are off at the pet store and I am enjoying some peace and quiet! Trying to decide if I should clean a bathroom or read a book.....

Have a great week!