I got the May installment of my apartment complex newsletter today and there was so much great information in it that I thought I should share it with you.
Highlights:
Happy Mother's Day!
If you smoke (DON) please, please don't leave your still smoldering butts on the ground. They are unsightly to Connie other residents and are a fire hazard.
All children must stop throwing rocks at other children.
All children must stop fighting with other children. The cops will be called.
All children must stay out of the uncovered pool while they work on it.
All children must stop vandalizing the candy machine.
Please (DON) stop smoking in the playground area and starting small fires in the wood chips.
Please stop feeding the squirrels. They have been damaging the property and causing inconvenience to Connie some of our residents. THE HELL YOU SAY!
It is against West Metro Fire rules to operate a BBQ on your patio. You must remove all propane tanks immediately and store them off the premise.
The community yard sale will be May 21-22.
Soooo....I started looking for a new apartment this afternoon. The final straw....no grilling on my patio. I grill at least twice a week. AND I just bought some really awesome kabob skewers at Sur La Table.
The good news is that there wasn't ANY mention of dog poop this time.
Ever so often...I get a notice on my door from the apartment management. They never apply to me...they are often directed at the people who let their young children wander the complex unattended, people who steal took home the life vests from the pool, people who junk up their patios and people who leave their stuff all over the place.
This notice made me laugh! Not only because once again...it's in all caps and missing some puncuation. But because I'm picturing my neighbors hiding behind trees while photographing dogs pooping.
What I don't understand is how this is a warning for everyone. Unless it's a warning that my neighbors might be photographing me without my permission. In that case, please excuse me while I shut my blinds.
My air conditioning is broken. We figured it out on moving day and on Monday I went to sign the lease and report that we had a serious problem. The manager...who I'll call Nicky said that she would send Dick the Maintenance guy over as soon as he was done cleaning the pool.
I was gone most of the day so I assumed that Dick had come to the apartment. Do you know what happens when you ASSume something? Yeah, that. It's been 90 degrees everyday...the kids are getting heat stroke and I'm getting tipsy on ice cold boxed Chardonay and getting NOTHING unpacked.
Today I went to remind Nicky about my AC and she apparently forgot. I'm starting to think she's had some kind of head injury because she didn't forget to tell me about all of the misfortune that has befallen her family. I've now learned not to talk about ANYTHING except apartment business because every time you say something she follows it with 'That's like this one time'. Talking about traffic leads to a conversation about how her husband lost his leg and her son was in a coma. She also doesn't have any upper teeth and I have a hard time understanding her.
This is our 5th day in our new apartment and I think I'm finally ready to talk about it. Downsizing has been surprisingly hard. I say that because I've lived in worse places than this...I've lived in a 100 year old farm house and the well broke for 6 weeks. I've had it worse!
Maybe it's because I now have children and had I looked at this place myself...I would have NOT rented it. It's old and it's cheap. As they say...you get what you pay for. I miss my beautiful house and large kitchen and I'd love to go to sleep without the sound of someone's bass pounding through my wall. I'd give anything to see Brother Horton at my door....
The day that we arrived...we almost hit a 10 year old girl that was riding her bike and texting. Yesterday I saw a 2 year old wandering the sidewalk alone and a mother driving with kids NOT in seat belts. I'd take the kids to the pool but I've seen those people and I really don't want my kids to breath cigarette smoke while they are playing in the pool, plus according to the newsletter I got today...one of those A-holes stole one of the life jackets that was donated by the fire department. And if they will just please return it, no one will say a word. The good news is that if I did go to the pool...I'd be the skinny one. Just sayin.
Speaking of the newsletter....it was a wealth of information. I found out the pool code, that the landscapers come on Tuesday (but they were a day late and mowed the grass today) and that someone has been using the trash can in the laundry room as a restroom. Oh...and they just installed a recycling container on the property. This was good news to me because I was about to try to find somewhere to take my items. Here is a list of items that they will not except:
Plastic Bags
Plastic Tops
Needles and Syringes
6 pack holders
Light Bulbs
Boxes of Wine
Plastic Microwave Trays
Stickers
To Go Containers
The good news is that all of their beer cans, vodka bottles and milk cartons can absolutely be recycled!
I know it sounds like I'm complaining and maybe I am...just a little bit. I'm trying to look at the bright side...which is that iKeith loves his new job and this is not forever. This is our temporary home...
Disclaimer: The opinions and thoughts of Connie are not necessarily the opinions and thoughts of iKeith. Also...this post is brought to you by Franzia but they did not contribute to the livelihood or bank account of Connie. Only to her happiness.
