Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Scenes From an Apartment: The Newsletter

I got the May installment of my apartment complex newsletter today and there was so much great information in it that I thought I should share it with you.


  • Happy Mother's Day!
  • If you smoke (DON) please, please don't leave your still smoldering butts on the ground.  They are unsightly to Connie other residents and are a fire hazard.
  • All children must stop throwing rocks at other children.
  • All children must stop fighting with other children.  The cops will be called.  
  • All children must stay out of the uncovered pool while they work on it. 
  • All children must stop vandalizing the candy machine.
  • Please (DON) stop smoking in the playground area and starting small fires in the wood chips.
  • Please stop feeding the squirrels.  They have been damaging the property and causing inconvenience to Connie some of our residents. THE HELL YOU SAY!
  • It is against West Metro Fire rules to operate a BBQ on your patio.  You must remove all propane tanks immediately and store them off the premise.
  • The community yard sale will be May 21-22.  

Soooo....I started looking for a new apartment this afternoon. The final straw....no grilling on my patio. I grill at least twice a week. AND I just bought some really awesome kabob skewers at Sur La Table.

The good news is that there wasn't ANY mention of dog poop this time.


  1. You must find new living arrangements. I'm adding it to my prayer list.

    You used the phrase perfectly. Like you were born and raised in the south.

  2. Ok things can only go up from here. When is your lease up?? On the plus side, they didn't mention dog poop! :)

  3. Yikes! It is definitely time to get out of there.

  4. I think it is totally cool that the adults can swim in the pool when they are working on it and vandalize the candy machine. I've always wanted to vandalize a candy machine.

  5. What about charcoal grills, is that ok??? I'd find a loop hole for that rule, because that's bogus.

    I'm thinking maybe I should put a newsletter together for the other apartments in my building, or at least for the people behind me, because I really dislike them.

    Good luck finding a new apartment! I've been keeping my eye open for one as well, but I really love my apartment, just not the people who live out back so I'm torn....decisions, decisions!

  6. yeah, you totally need a new place to live.

  7. I have a friend that lives in a huge complex and gas grills are ok to use, but you can't use charcoal. That's crazy talk! Hopefully you can find a place with a patio for the kids or maybe even a house with a yard!

  8. They said Premise. It's premises. Those people are whacked! You need a new place. We have a nice new apt complex down the road...come live here!:)
    Um. Oh. Seriously? Calling cops on kids? Are they teens at least???

  9. THE HELL YOU SAY!! I love that JK reminded us of that great phrase. I love it.

    Yes, please move. Your apartment sounds white trash and you are above that. Aren't you? I'm thinking yes you are.

  10. CONNIE

    You have to look at this video!!!!


    Disgusting on so many levels. (Love how the husband manages to get a boob zoom in while he's taping).

  11. I'm gonna help. What zip code do you want to live in? I'll Google search and help you find a non-squirrel infested, non-smoking, non-shity kids, grill as you desire home if it kills me!

  12. ...and the packing of boxes begin. Definitely sounds like it's time to find a place that is a better match for you, iKeith and the kids.

    Loved your Mother's Day post. Glad is was a good one.


  13. Will they be selling grills, squirrels, children and DON at the community sale? Yes, get out of there!

  14. OH MY HECK!! You sure do need to find a new place soon. Just be careful of private communities if they are anything like where I live. The HOA has rules that sound really similar to those rules - and we OWN our homes. ARGH!!

  15. Oy, apartment shopping. How's it going?


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