Friday, May 6, 2011

Are You There God...It's Me, Connie

I wrote the beginning of this post last week after the Jesus incident and it probably would have sat in draft if it wasn't for the post my friend Vivienne wrote yesterday. I've been praying about a church for the kids and I to attend and this just made my search all the more important. If you've been a reader of my blog recently, you know that I believe in miracles. God is good!

We were sitting in the drive thru at McDonald's after an eventful trip to story time at the library* when Alex told me that Daddy said I can't drink wine anymore. (for the record, he denies telling them this.)

I informed him that I can drink as much wine as I can want and that I can do this because Jesus loves me.  He balked at this and I told him that Jesus turned water into wine and therefore, Jesus is a big fan.  (I even tried to convince the Mormon's of this once.)

Jesus has been a big topic lately since I threw that out there during the Easter Egg Hunt and then made them watch a Veggie Tales Movie about Easter.  It occurred to me that they don't know about Jesus....because we don't go to church.

On the way home....questions about Jesus, Heaven and Heck all came up.  I tried to explain it as best I could but now the kids are afraid of dying and definitely don't want to go to Heck because there isn't a McDonald's there.

That was NOT a lie.  I'm sure that Satan hasn't built one. 

I think it's time for us to find a church...if nothing else, for the hour of free babysitting.


Story time.  The kids have a bad habit of shouting stuff out to the librarian while she's reading a book to them.  This week I encouraged them to wait until she was finished to add comments.  I also encouraged them to raise their hands.

Mallory hung back instead of being right in front of the teacher like she normal is.  I don't think she knew what to do with this information.

After the counting book about hammers, Alex informed the librarian that his Daddy has a lot of hammers and that his name is Keith.  She was very impressed.

Next there was a song about pancakes, fruit, waffles and whipped cream!  Alex excitedly told her that his Daddy lets him have as much whipped cream in his coffee as he wants!  She looked alarmed.

While all of this was going on....Mallory was mad because Alex kept getting in front of her in the back row and she couldn't see the book.  She would look at me and YELL that she was mad.  All of the mother's were laughing at with me.

She was also having issues because there was a BABY in the library.  She doesn't like babies because they have big butts and they cry a lot.

There's a baby at the library.
Baby...I don't see no stinkin Baby!

**Since I wrote this....Mallory has changed her mind about babies because she saw someone on TV pushing one on a swing and she would now like a baby to push on a swing.  She also announced to everyone at the park yesterday that I'm going to poop out a baby for her to push on a swing.**

P.S. I have some new readers from Brigham Young University!  Welcome!


  1. I'm fairly sure Satan has build a McDonald's, but it's just for him and he makes everyone down there work it, but they can't enjoy it because's only for Satan. He probably pays them in year old french fries.

    I think not liking babies for their big butts and inability to console themselves is a terrific reason for not liking them, it's too bad she went back on her opinion. Pushing kids on swings gets really old, really quick...I hope she realizes it!

  2. Hey! I'm over on the sidebar as one of your besties! I love that! YAY! I'm guilty of not attending church very often. I'm hardly ever home on the weekends. My next weekend at home will be in the middle of JUNE. I guess I need to attend some out-of-town churches while I'm on the go. It's just so hard to find a church that both M and I like. We are from two different types of churches. I hope you find one. I think it was good that I was raised in church. I can't imagine how horrible my teenage years would have been if i didn't go at all! YIKES!

    Have a great weekend~

  3. I'm thrilled you're going to find a church. My friend Debi that recently moved to Denver had a hard time finding one she liked, I can get the name of her for you id you'd like!

    If I can't see that BIG BUTT BABY than it's surely NOT here! I love little M!

  4. Southeast Christian in Parker

  5. Hope you find a place that is a good fit for your family.

    LOLOL the kids are a hoot. Now get busy pooping out that baby. ;)

  6. Oh Mallory... thank you for embarrassing your mother at the playground so that I could have a good laugh this afternoon.

  7. That Mallory . . . I love her! But I'm thinkin' you're going to have your hands full with her ;) So . . . does this mean a new baby for M?

  8. A couple of years ago my bff and I decided to start "shopping" for a church. And we did and we found one. It has helped me so much the last year or so to be part of a church family!
    I never thought about babies having big butts....but I guess they sorta do cuz of those stinkin' diapers!

  9. if you DO poop out a baby and only want it for the occassional swing time with Mallory let me know. i am looking for a baby or two right now and i am willing to share needs be!

    love the shout out the BYU students AND the Mormon reference.

    you kill me...

    have i told you that i have never eaten at McD's in my whole 40 yrs alive...not once.

    the smell triggers my gag reflex.

    i am told i am unAmerican over it all. the. time.


  10. I think it's time for you to call up the missionaries! I'm sure they left their number! :) I'm here to answer any questions if you like. in 2000 I felt the same way about finding a church and haven't looked back. It's the best thing I've ever done.

    I'd be so embarrassed if my daughter said I'd poop out a baby!! :)

  11. This is such a great post...
    Jesus is such a hard concept for kids to understand and sometimes church confuses and scares them even MORE!
    I love how Mallory decided that you are going to "poop" out another baby just for her, you really are such a great mom. =)


I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!