I laid in bed last night...unable to sleep. The last 10 days have been really hard on me....I'm not used to feeling bad and not being able to do what I need to do. Releasing control to Keith while I was laid up was really hard. I still don't feel great and I can't open my mouth very wide so eating is still difficult. I bought a donut at the grocery store this morning and had a heck of a time eating it because I couldn't open my mouth wide enough. I felt like that girl with the brace in 16 candles trying to get a drink at the water fountain.
I've lost interest in so many things that I used to love to do. I don't want to plant anything, I'm tired of cooking and I even went so far as to delete my food blog. I just want to sit and watch HGTV all day. It goes back further....I couldn't get in the Christmas Spirit and I created my Focus on the Family lists as a way to force myself to plan things for the kids. I really have no desire to do much of anything.
I looked back in my blog archives to see if I could pinpoint when I started to feel this way and I think I know what the problem is.
I wrote a post last September when we first found out that Obama was thinking of canceling Constellation and I talked about feeling paralyzed and like I couldn't breathe. I think the uncertainty of my family's future and the future of this country is taking it's toll on me. I'm worried for my family and our country. Alli Worthington opened my eyes to some things that have happened the last few weeks. If I didn't follow her on twitter...I'd have never known there had been a flood in Nashville. Did you know?
I feel like I'm on a runaway train that is speeding down the track and I'm fearful of what is around the bend.
And I don't know what to do about it and I hate feeling this way.
The good news is that I'm still able to work up some excitement over TV....and I'm counting the hours to the LOST finale tonight. I've made up a special menu of food that I'll post about tomorrow.
Also...The Bachelorette starts tomorrow and I'll be watching and recapping the show. Look for that on Tuesday.