Sunday, May 23, 2010

I'm Not Myself

I laid in bed last night...unable to sleep.  The last 10 days have been really hard on me....I'm not used to feeling bad and not being able to do what I need to do.  Releasing control to Keith while I was laid up was really hard.  I still don't feel great and I can't open my mouth very wide so eating is still difficult.  I bought a donut at the grocery store this morning and had a heck of a time eating it because I couldn't open my mouth wide enough.  I felt like that girl with the brace in 16 candles trying to get a drink at the water fountain.

I've lost interest in so many things that I used to love to do.  I don't want to plant anything, I'm tired of cooking and I even went so far as to delete my food blog.  I just want to sit and watch HGTV all day.  It goes back further....I couldn't get in the Christmas Spirit and I created my Focus on the Family lists as a way to force myself to plan things for the kids.  I really have no desire to do much of anything.

I looked back in my blog archives to see if I could pinpoint when I started to feel this way and I think I know what the problem is.

I wrote a post last September when we first found out that Obama was thinking of canceling Constellation and I talked about feeling paralyzed and like I couldn't breathe.  I think the uncertainty of my family's future and the future of this country is taking it's toll on me.  I'm worried for my family and our country.  Alli Worthington opened my eyes to some things that have happened the last few weeks.  If I didn't follow her on twitter...I'd have never known there had been a flood in Nashville.  Did you know? 

I feel like I'm on a runaway train that is speeding down the track and I'm fearful of what is around the bend. 

And I don't know what to do about it and I hate feeling this way.

The good news is that I'm still able to work up some excitement over TV....and I'm counting the hours to the LOST finale tonight.  I've made up a special menu of food that I'll post about tomorrow.

Also...The Bachelorette starts tomorrow and I'll be watching and recapping the show.  Look for that on Tuesday.


  1. (((HUGS))) I hope you feel better soon!

    I will be watching Lost tonight as well. My son had a baseball game tonight that would not be over until after Lost started. I was praying for rain and it rained!! So no baseball game tonight and Lost for me! Enjoy it.

    I look forward to your Bachlor updates.

  2. Oh Connie...I hope you feel better soon. It sucks when you find yourself in a funk and just can't seem to get out.

    Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers

  3. I have times like these. I don't know about you, but I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager. It sneaks in on me when I least expect it. After awhile I realize what is going on and I KNOW, but I can't pull myself out of it. I try and try and try but I have to wait until it passes. Eventually it does.

    I think you are doing the right things. Focus on one day at a time. Try to live in the moment. Look for joy in the small things. Before you know it this mood will have passed.

  4. You guys have been through a lot over the past year. Job security understandably sick tracks even the most secure and organized of people.

    I think you're OK to feel this way. It's healthy, right??

    Just wish there was something I could do for you. You're too awesome to feel this way for too much longer.


  5. It sucks to be feeling bad topped with worry topped with a general funk. I think we've all been there.

    I bet you'll feel like a new woman when your mouth is completely healed. I know it's difficult, but try to give yourself plenty of time to rest and recover. You'll be glad you did. You don't have to be supermom every day of the week.

  6. Sweetie, I feel you. I am sorry that you are feeling bad. Big hugs, my friend.

    And on a bright note, that video made me laugh. :)

  7. Oh man, I was hoping you were feeling better. I'm with you on being fearful of where the country is headed.

  8. You're kids are so cute! I hope you feel better much going on with the world right now. :(

  9. Connie I hope by now your mouth is feeling a bit better - don't try to overdo it - I have a yummy smoothie recipe if you want to try it :)

    Also - regarding the state of the country - people have been crying doom and gloom and predicting the end of the world for generations. It's cyclical. Hang in there :) Although I will tell you Matt is moving forward full-steam ahead on his survival plan - although we haven't dug a garden yet and don't have a generator - but I'm sure that's on his list!

  10. now I want ice cream. they are precious!!!

  11. Isn't it sad that a month later the country is in even worse shape?


    Let's go eat some ice cream.


    Love you, lady


I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!