Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Day I Channeled My Inner Kate Gosselin

I'm having some trouble getting back into the swing of things. Yesterday was the first day that felt considerably better....and I did what I always do. I overdid it. I cleaned and organized and went all Kate Gosselin on the kids and the mess that they made out of their rooms.  I removed every single toy, stuffed animal, train track and block.  I organized them and put them back in the playroom.  A toyless bedroom is a happy bedroom.

This freak out was triggered by what I found in the basement. PlayDoh...thrown willy nilly all over the room, stuck to walls and placed on the track of my elliptical machine and ran over with the little wheels.

I was so upset that I think Kate Gosselin would have looked at me sideways. I removed all playdoh and playdoh paraphernalia from the house and posted a message on twitter.

and then I tweeted this.

I got lots of responses that ranged from five minutes to 9 hours.  But you can see the kind of day I was having.  And to make it the PERFECT Kate Gosselin kind of day...I sent Keith to the store with a handful of coupons!  By the time LOST came on I was a blob on the couch with a heating pad pressed to my face and a glass of wine not far from my lips.

That reminds me...Bobbi can you take care of the kids Sunday for a couple hours and bring them home at bedtime all tired and sleepy so that we can watch the LOST EXTRAVAGANZA that starts at 6pm?  That would be awesome.....

I took a break from the percocet on Sunday because I thought it was making me feel like crap.  Turns out it was the aftermath of surgery that was making me feel like crap.  Anyway, it turned out to be a good thing that I was coherient on Sunday because I was in the newspaper....again.  Had I been under the influence I might not have noticed or remembered.

Not long after I moved to Utah and had been rejected by the Mormon population of my little community I turned to the internet for solace.   I found comfort, comradery and happiness in the act of planning for Christmas...all year long.  This is where my ritual of posting about Christmas every month on the 25th began until Keith crushed my spirit and ruined Christmas for me.

Anywho...Mark Saal, a local comedic newpaper journalist wrote an article in the Standard Examiner about crazy people that like that Christmas music starts playing before Thanksgiving.  I wrote him a letter and told him that I listen to Christmas music every month on the 25th and that I am a part of a group of women all over the world that do this.

He wrote another apology and mentioned me by name because about 60 of my friends sent him Christmas cards.

Sunday he wrote another article...this time about the city of Farmington Utah and their desire to purchase $103,000 worth of Christmas decorations. (for the record...he's against it.)  And he mentioned me and my friends again:
I immediately made the naughty list of a sinister underground group called the Rudolph Society or some such - a gang of overly cheerful women who celebrate "Rudolph Day" on the 25th of each month by making year round preparations for Christmas.  I received a number of emails and even Christmas cards from these people, accusing me of trying to steal Christmas.
I can't figure out why Mr. Mark Saal wants to stir this up again. I thought we had reached an understanding and that me and my sinister underground group of friends would be left in peace.  I'm suspicious that he is working with Keith to keep my Christmas Spirit broken.  I'm looking for the money trail....

Mark Saal....all I have to say to you is I Wish You A Merry Christmas and watch your back...I have a tendency to act like Kate Gosselin when provoked.  Just ask Dave.


You may have noticed that I did not publish this month's edition of The Connie Diaries.  I've gotten some emails from people asking me if they are over and if I'll be continuing the saga.  I'm torn.  Young Connie is going to start doing some things that her parents (who read this blog) don't know she did and these parents are coming to take care of Old Connie's children in 18 days and so.....they will resume after that.  Maybe.  I'm also thinking of speeding things along and posting a summery of six months worth of entries at a time.  This will elimanate some of the sordid details and maybe not upset Old Connie's parents too much.  Can you get grounded at 39 years old for things you did when you were 16?


What I Wore...will resume next week!  I've been wearing the same pajamas for 5 days and my face looks like CoJo from Entertainment tonight.


  1. LOL...I don't know if you can get grounded as an adult for things you did as a teenager. I'd like to think "no" but then again, I've never been brave enough to test that theory. I've been surprised just how much my parents DID know but I'm not going to offer any other information.

    Glad you're feeling better. I'd have flipped out over the playdoh. I only reluctantly let some in my house recently. Very reluctantly.


  2. Merry Christmas Connie...

    Don't you hate it when you can't say what you really want to say in your blog because your lovely yet often annoyingly opinionated (not in a good way) Mother-in-law reads it, and ...oh wait that's me, but you know what I mean!

  3. @Rhoni! Get that stuff out of your house now!! Along with the Glitter, Moon Sand and Elmer's Glue. It's not worth it. They will grow up to be productive members of society without having know the joys of these evil items.

    @Shany! There is a way to block your family from reading your blog. My in-laws think that I quit blogging 6 months ago.... (wink, wink)

  4. Oh, I have GOT to know how to block people from reading your blog! LOL!

    Glad you are turning a corner and on the mend! Is it supposed to help your lip?

  5. I don't think that your parents can ground you anymore. So please, post those diary entries soon. :)

  6. @ UsingItorLosingIt First you need to track your stats so that you can get their IP address. Then I'll give you the website to redirect them.

    @Jen. Are you sure? I'd hate to get grounded now.

  7. You can't be grounded, but they can still be disappointed. That's the part I would worry about. Of course, if they are like my Mom then they probably already know and just haven't said anything to you. Seriously. She's scary.

  8. that thing you did with the something that i have done with markers before. they are pretty much banned from my house...

  9. @jess...adding markers to the list.

  10. So it looks like that reporter is being pretty snarky, but "sinister"? Really? You evil lady with your Christmas peace and joy!

    I'm still trying to get my Central Texas blog off the ground, with your Utah one as inspiration. It's mostly just a pipe dream right now....

  11. I'm not really sure where to start Connie. You always have so much goin' on! :) First, I'm hoping you're feeling better. And yeah, markers are evil. And playdoh. And what the heck is up with Moon Sand??? They promise {on the commercial} that it doesn't make a mess and it sticks together. Um, no. No, it doesn't. The girls got some for Christmas a couple of years ago, and *that* stuff is horrible. I have banned all of the same stuff!

  12. Play-doh and moon sand...banned from our house too...hate it!

    I wish you a Merry Christmas, I wish you a Merry Christmas...

  13. we banned playdough a long time's the devil. and i LOVE Christmas! i want to join in the sinister group...seriously i LOVE Christmas...and i totally understand the diary kids will NEVER read mine...there are some things that my family..and the whole world, don't need to know! lol

  14. I hate playdough too!! Don't stop the Connie Diaries -- you are just getting to the good stuff - lol. I would be the same way too though.

    I am glad you are starting to feel a little better Connie!


  15. For the record, I would ground you! Never too late to be grounded. I want to be grounded. Then somebody else can do my running.
    Kate's got nothing on you!
    Merry Christmas.

  16. Still laughing. You are so refreshing. I stopped over to say thanks for commenting on my freaking -my -neighbors -out yellow door and i always like to read the commenting blogger's latest post and then do the comment in return thing. I'm nice like that. :) Anyway, I love that you are real. Sometimes, and I have to be careful because so many of my readers might be from that Utah population you were referring to, I feel like I am dialing myself back. So nice to find someone else out here that isn't a Stepford wife. Maybe there are lots of us but you have the courage to let your reality flag fly. I will be following.

  17. @Becolorful! Thanks for following! Your umbrella craft has been on my mind all morning! I've almost convinced myself to go to Target and get one.

    I think the flag you are referring to is my FREAK FLAG and it flies proud over here!

    You will find more info about my struggles with Utah under the label MORMON. It's been interesting...

    Deep down...I long to be a stepford wife but my big mouth always gets in my way.

  18. Haha. I haven't started up again with my New Jersey girls yet but you can bet my Tivo has been hooking up with them and it saving me all the juicy details for when May is over and all of these kid things are out of the way. We are almost out of this scene but graduation parties are out of control here and we are in that high school loop.

    There is a blog called Scented Glossy Magazine that is written by an all filters off but very funny woman that is just about the housewives and various Bravo shows. Be fore warned it gets a bit colorful but she is so funny in the raunchy way she says things that for her it works and I'm good with it.
    BTW I do have a life but I go accomplish like three things and then I stop by my computer again.:) I didn't say my life was interesting or full, just that I have one. :)

  19. I love you back and flattery will get you anything. No, he is really mine but I am starting to lie and tell people he is his dad's by his first marriage. Problem is his dad and I were high school sweet hearts and married two years after I graduated while still in college. As for the cougar thing I would be all for it after his last go around with women. :)

  20. I have been really out of the swing of things this week too, have hardly read any blogs or felt like blogging. I like that you got a lot of content into this post - I saw both of those tweets (remarkable since I've been on there even less than I've been blogging). I like the idea of clean bedrooms. I ought to do the same thing here.

    What did you think of Lost? I don't think I'll be able to stay up until 11:30 to watch it, so may wait until Monday.

    Hope you are feeling 100% very soon!

  21. PS: I don't think you can get grounded, but I think you can still feel mortified and embarrassed by telling your parents something 20+ years after the fact. Plus your own kids might read this someday, wouldn't want to give them any ideas! :)

  22. I think I peed my pants reading this entry! Z kept coming over wondering what was so funny. I am glad you are feeling better and totally agree with you about play-doh. It only comes out when my babysitter is here and I am so anal that he can only play with one color at a time.

    The Christmas bit had me in stitches. I love that you had everyone send cards to him!

    Have a good weekend :)

  23. Worried about posting what you did at 16? What exactly were you doing, Connie? I have a feeling my parents are already aware of what was going on, but just pretended not to notice. I sure as hell wouldn't put up with some of it :)

    Hope your face is getting better and better and better!

  24. Yes, you can get grounded for things you did 30 years ago... but it isn't enforceable.

    I'd go PlayDohBatShit too.

    Bah-Humbug to the AntiChrist-mas

  25. Kate - I hope you have a better day today. Don't forget to feel all those kids...while drinking all that delicious wine.

    Play-dough is fun...yet evil.


I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!