Very Important People

In November 2009, I was visiting Denver for Thanksgiving and I made a new friend. I first met Tina on twitter and we started reading each other's blogs and then she came to a bar to have a beer with me and it was Friendship at First Sight! Note: it appears that I've gone from wearing turquoise and black to my new favorite color...orange and black.

I've been back in Denver for six months now and Tina and I hadn't made the time to get together...until this past weekend.

We both wanted to see Black Swan and my favorite movie theater is halfway between our homes so she agreed to spend the afternoon with me. You may recall that this awesome theater has a VIP section. For an extra $3 you get to sit in leather reclining love seats and you have a waiter that brings you free soda and popcorn. They also have appetizers and a full bar. The prices are a little high but you get to drink booze while watching the movie!

Wine, Coke and Popcorn

Oh..another added bonus. A VIP restroom so that you don't have to go with the common folk! Tina went first and came back to report that she had gotten a personal escort to the restroom. I had to go too so she told me to look for the guy in the blue shirt. It turned out to be the General Manager of the theater and he would later tell all of our seat mates that he'd do anything to make their time enjoyable...including take them to the potty! Now THAT is customer service!

Tina is like the sister I wish I had!  When we're together we talk and laugh and carry one like we've known each other for years! We were having the best time and our waiter was a darling and took our picture even though he said it was against the rules.  I'm ALWAYS in violation so we went for it.

Aren't We Cute?

Not long after we took our seats....a young couple sat down next to us and brought their own soda and popcorn from concessions, even though the waiter is supposed to bring it to you.  They didn't order drinks or food and as near as I could tell....didn't speak to each other.

We talked until the movie trailers started and we were trying very hard to whisper into each others ears if we had a comment during the movie.  We did make some noise during the scary parts and gasped at some of the startling parts.  BECAUSE WE'RE NORMAL!

As this couple got up to leave when the credits came on....the girl shot us the dirtiest look I've ever seen!  Tina and I looked at each and I said...was that for US?  WOW!  We decided that she was pissed because 1) she didn't have as much fun as we did and 2) they paid $6 extra dollars to sit next to us and 3) the general manager didn't take her to the potty.

We were having so much fun that we walked down the mall to Slattery's Irish Pub where a Sawyer look- a-like was our bartender.  We should have taken his picture....I think he would have let us. Dang it!

We're planning to get our hubby's together because they are both quiet, serious types with boisterous wives that like to have a good time!

Speaking of good friends.....

I checked my mail yesterday to find that I had a package from Heather from Madaline: The Magnificent Mayhem Maker.  She made me a beautiful scarf in my new favorite color!  ORANGE!

Thank you Heather!

 Black Swan: I really liked this movie and I'm thrilled that Natalie Portman won best actress for her role (NINA) in this film.  Barbara Hershey played the crazy, obsessive mother really well and the twists and turns kept me guessing.  The only completely unbelievable part for me was when Nina's Mom buys her a sheet cake for getting the part.  Who in their right mind buys a ballerina a cake?  Don't see this film if you have issues with skinny girls that eat grapefruit, Winona Ryder, masturbation as homework,  lesbians or swans.

Perfection is not just about control. It's also about letting go. ~ Thomas Leroy in Black Swan

Friday Haiku: Goals

photo credit: ME June 2008

We're Number One!

Remember the other day when I had the big frowny face and I told you that we were wait listed at 3 schools.

I was wrong.

The letter that was coming in the mail from our 1st choice charter school was to inform us of what number we were in the school lottery for open spots at the school. This school is crazy hard to get into.  Last year...there were 250 applicants for 40 spots.

The letter came last Tuesday and I stood in the parking lot holding the envelope for a long time.  I was afraid to open it because I've never been one to have good luck.  

I walked all the way back to my apartment holding it to my chest and praying that it was good news.  Please God let us get into this school!

I tore open the envelope and scanned the letter.  Two things stood out.

1

Grade K

I re-read the letter three times and took a picture of it and sent it to iKeith.  

Is that a 1.  As in WE ARE NUMBER ONE in the SCHOOL LOTTERY???

It was and we are!

They called me today to offer my son a spot at their wonderful Blue Ribbon winning charter school.

I said yes!!

One of the great things about Alex getting into this school is that Mallory will get a spot next year. Siblings get priority.  There will be no lottery!

Speaking of luck.....

iKeith is my good luck charm.  Things really turned around for me when I met him and he's been experiencing good luck for years.

When he was a plebe at West Point his parents were planning to visit during Parents Weekend and all cadets were warned to make the nessessary hotel arrangements as soon as possilbe.

iKeith waited too long and there were NO rooms available.  Luckily The Hotel Thayer raffled off a few rooms every year.

iKeith won the Presidential Suite. 

Four years later...iKeith is graduating from West Point and his parents AND brothers are coming out for this momentous occasion.  

Guess who didn't make arrangements for his family.

Guess who AGAIN won a suite at The Hotel Thayer.

iKeith did.

I think I'll just call him Mr. Lucky!

Non-Mormons Guide to Utah

I was reading a post from Dooce today about her study.

In this post I discovered that most homes in Utah have a room just off from the front door that is used for Home Study with the Mormon teacher that is assigned to come to your home and check up on you.  ie...Brother Horton.

We thought this room was a dining room but now that I have this bit of information, it makes sense that this is what it was supposed to be used for because it was painted fertile earth brown and it had french doors with no handles on it. All the better to lock Brother Horton in my dear!

Since moving back to Denver, we've had time to reflect on our Utah experience...I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner...but as a public service to all new transplants to Utah I present:

The Non-Mormons Guide to Utah

• The room near the door is not a dining room..it's a home study room. This would be a good place to visit with the missionaries you will be inundated with. Don't be a dork like me and make them stand outside in the cold. 

• The room in the basement with shelves is not a wine cellar. It's for your one year (or 3 month if your broke) supply of canned goods. A list of what you are supposed to have on hand can be found here. You can expect at least one neighbor to bring you a couple cans to get you started.

• The church at the end of your street is called a Ward. The guy that runs it is called a Bishop. The big churches with the gates around it are called Temples...you can't go in unless you are a Mormon.

• General Conference is a meeting that is televised twice a year (generally...April and October). You will think that the second coming of Jesus has occurred but it's just that all of the Mormon's are glued to their TV's for the entire weekend. This is a great time to go to the Zoo or any other popular venue.

• If people at the grocery store don't smile at you....it's because they don't recognize you from The Ward.

• Liquor stores and grocery store beer. Liquor stores are only open until 7pm and 10pm. Plan accordingly. Whatever you do...do not drink grocery store beer. It's a waste of money...they don't call it near beer for nothing. 

• Speaking of booze. You can get a (3.2)beer at 10am...but you have to wait until Noon for wine, real beer and liquor. Don't bother ordering a Martini, Margarita or a Long Island Iced Tea. They are only allowed to give you 2.5 ounces of liquor per drink. Also, you have to order food with it.

• Lots of restaurants and stores are closed on Sunday. Figure out what's open on Sunday and enjoy dining in a near empty restaurant. This is also your best day to go to Target and the Mall.

• Learn to make the following dishes: Jello Mold, Funeral Potatoes, Frog Eye Salad and Fry Sauce.

• It may be difficult to make friends in Utah but don't take it personally. Mormons are very busy with church activities and have likely lived in the same area for their entire lives. Also, you won't have much in common with them. Hang out in coffee shops and approach other people drinking coffee.

• If you aren't interested in becoming Mormon...then don't accept a Book of Mormon or attend any church functions. In some places, this will encourage them to try to convert you. And whatever you do...do not invite them into your living room to discuss things. This gets your name on a special list that you can't be removed from.

• If you do not convert and continually turn the Missionaries away...you may be shunned by your neighbors. Don't take this personally. It's their loss.

• If you see a woman at the grocery store that looks like she just stepped out of an episode of Little House on the Prairie and she has a whole bunch of kids...she's probably a sister wife. Smile and say Hi to her because everyone in the store will be whispering about her behind her back. You are both outsiders...be real nice to her.

• Never admit to having had an abortion, being gay or being Jewish (we aren't...they assumed).
  

• The best restaurants and grocery stores with exotic ingredients are located in Salt Lake City.

The Bachelor Brad: Kiss of Death

This is usually one of my favorite weeks of The Bachelor. I love seeing the hometown dates and where these girls come from.

I hated this episode. I hated it so much that I'm having trouble writing about it.

Chantal lives in Seattle and of all of the dates...I thought this one was the most successful. They got along great, her dog loved him, her parents liked him and her dad gave Brad his blessing to marry Chantal. The whole thing seemed very natural.

Ashley's family lives in Madawaska Maine and it's a remote and isolating place. Her family was a little too....excited and it made me tired and I found them irritating. Brad seemed to like them. Ashley hasn't expressed any love for Brad and he's worried that he might be holding her back by asking her to move to Austin.

Shawntel lives and works in Chico California. Her Dad didn't hesitate to make it known that Shawntel is supposed to be taking over the funeral home from him...like tomorrow. He also laid a major guilt trip on her by reminding her that her old high school teacher's son died while she was galavanting around the country and she had really needed Shawntel. In fact, the entire community is counting on her to bury all of their family members and this is much more important than Shawntel's happiness. Her dad is an asshole. She also had Brad lay on an embaling table and explained the process AGAIN! Kiss of death.

Emily likes in Charlotte NC with her daughter Little Ricki. I'm pretty sure that it says that on her birth certificate. Mr. Brad worked really hard to get Little Ricki to like him and she did warm up to him....she even drew him a picture. Shame on ABC for making us think that Little Ricki was a spoiled brat that ran to her room in anger. Brad made Mac and Cheese but then refused to kiss Emily because little Ricki was upstairs sleeping. This chivalry was a little monotonous for me. Emily made him kiss her before he left and he described her as PERFECT.

Say goodbye to Shawntel......she and Brad are not a great fit since she really can't leave the state of California. And she smells like embalming fluid.

The Nanny Cam

When we lived in Utah, we had two very nice neighborhood girls that watched the kids from time to time when we needed a date night.

This particular night we were celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary with friends in a town an hour away. I was really nervous about driving so far away but I also knew that our babysitters where nice Mormon girls and one of their mothers could be called in an emergency.

I used Photobooth a lot back then to record the kids dancing and talking. I opened this application one day and was shocked to see a stranger's face looking back at me. It was MY living room...but someone's face.

I pushed play....



The girls had been playing with my computer and recorded this short video.

We didn't even know we had a Nanny Cam!

Haiku Friday: Apps for the Amish

For some reason...iKeith started growing this on his face a couple weeks ago. I asked him if he was going to grow this beard thing until Double Encore releases another app.

I've joked about him looking Amish on twitter and the one day when he wore a plaid shirt to work he looked like an Amish lumberjack!

My friend Christine (who I told you about last week) asked me on Facebook if he was making Apps for the Amish....wait, how would that work?

I've been looking for barns for him to raise....

A WOW Widow No More!

A few months after Keith and I bought our first house, World of Warcraft came out and we started playing it. It was that thing that we did together and I think it really bonded us.

I became addicted to playing it and even made a playlist of songs that I'd listen to when I was playing. In my spare time, I'd gather flowers because I was an herbalist and I sold my potions on the WOW ebay.

I made lots of gold.

I loved doing quests and earning new outfits for my character! It had all of the elements of life that I love! Spending time with my husband, traveling, completing tasks and getting new clothes and trinkets.

Then my son was born and I didn't want to play anymore. All I wanted to do was gaze into his beautiful face 24/7. iKeith continued to play and even recruited his brother and mom to play with him.

I became a WOW Widow!

Last weekend, iKeith convinced me to play again. I have a little more free time these days (the kids play so well together and don't want me cleaning up playing with their toys) so I agreed.

My new character is a Worgen Druid and she's a bad ass!  Her name is JuliaChild and Mallory helped me name her.

So far, I've discovered a few problems with playing this game again.

1. I want to snack while playing. 

2. I want to drink beer while playing.

3. I can't twitter while playing

4. It's a huge time suck.

5. I forget to feed the children while playing. 

I solved the twitter problem by setting my iPad up next to my computer.  Now I can keep up with the World of Connie while I'm playing.

iKeith is so happy! 

Wordless Wednesday: Target

Coming to Belmar...March 6th!

The Bachelor Brad: Breaking All The Rules!

This week Brad takes the ladies to the beautiful island of Anguilla!

Dear ABC....I'm over the helicopter dates and to be honest with you, I hate group dates too.  Just show more of the girls fighting in the house.  If someone isn't talking in the limo...I don't need to see them curl into a ball and stare catatonically into the camera. Dates with ladies that have kids should involve watching Disney movies 10 times in a row and holding sticky suckers for 30 minutes.

Dear Emily...no offense...but I wouldn't bring you on a deserted island with me. You're cute and stuff but something tells me that you'd be no help building shelters and unlocking the hatch.  Also, Brad doesn't plan these dates or schedule the helicopters.  ABC does it.  I don't blame you for holding off on Brad meeting your daughter but if you want to win Brad to pick you...you're going to have to.  Aren't you the lucky one...Brad's breaking the rules for you!

Dear Shawntel....I love that your perfect date involves bike riding to a farmers market and then drinking wine while sitting in baby goat poop!  I guess this makes sense since you talk about embalming people while watching fireworks.  Your date seemed the least forced and most real.  Could have been the lack of helicopter.

Dear Ashley...WOW...you looked amazing in the photo shoot even though they had to cover your lack of boobs with seashells.  Your whininess is really wearing on me.  If you don't stop...I'm going to have to let you go.  Oh wait....

Dear Chantal...does ABC provide a free buffet or something?  Your swimsuit is looking a little tight! Maybe Britt can cook for you. Please for the love of god!  Stop telling Brad to send you home!  STOP!! And stop crying.  I'm getting drunk with my little drinking game because of all of your crying.

Dear Brad...You are in a really tough place.  To be honest with you?  I don't know why people do this show.  It's pure torture!  I think you handled things well and are showing some real maturity. 

Dear Britt....look out for Michelle...she wants to sink your yacht! Your date wasn't as romantic as it could have been.  Jumping to your death from a rock is not very sexy and when you plug your nose as you fall into the water....you just look like a 5 year old.  Speaking of 5 year olds...eat much?  I'm having trouble believing that you're a chef/food writer because it looks like you haven't eaten in years.  Sorry things didn't work out and you had to ride in the dingy of shame.*

Dear Michelle....you are so rude!  Of course Brad and Britt will friend each other on Facebook!.  That's what FB is for...old friends, people you dated and co-workers.  REAL friends are on twitter.  DUH!  I know exactly why you didn't remove your top.  You have the veiny boobs of a MOM!  You didn't want Brad to see them and be grossed out.  I knew that you where going home when Brad described you as volatile and didn't ask if he could meet your daughter.  Also, you don't act like a Mom...so he likely forgot you had a kid by now.  P.S. You scare the heck out of me!


*dingy of shame via Jen Lancaster on Twitter!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I made a iMovie for iKeith.  You can see it here if you'd like.  It's our love story...

They Are The Lucky One's

My new favorite recording artist Ian Axel, released a new album last week. I've been listening to it non stop and each day he's been explaining how he came to write each song. You may remember that I first heard Ian's music when he played the Double Encore fall release party! He's amazing!

Yesterday he explained We Are. It was exactly what I needed to hear and inspired this iMovie.

My kids are the lucky one's because they have parents that want to be involved in their education and will move heaven and earth to make sure that they have what they need.

Alex and Mallory....I won't let you down.

Haiku Friday: Boy

The Mom I Want To Be

We got the first phone call two weeks ago.

2nd choice school informed me that we're number 37 on the waiting list.  And that they were not accepting any students that didn't have a sibling already attending the school.

I was really disappointed because secretly...this was my favorite school.  I sat in the parking lot of open enrollment day watching Mom's drop off their kids and I could picture dropping my own kids off there.  I got a good feeling about that place when I walked in the door.

Oh well.

3rd choice called this week.  We're number 35 with 10 spots available.  That's okay.  This school is farther away and really small.  It'd be a pain to get to everyday.

And I wait...for our 1st choice school to call.   This is the school with perfect scores and all students are picked by lottery.  This is the school that future presidents will attend.  It's top notch.

I've been waiting for 2.5 weeks for them to call and tell me what our number is.  A parent that I ran into the day that I turned in our application told me if I got a number over 40 our chances weren't good.  But they haven't even called me with a number.

Suddenly, they are the boy I dated in high school that said...i like you and I'll give you a call.  And I waited and dreamed about how great it would be when he'd call and we'd be together.  We'd have a beautiful wedding, live in a mansion and raise 2.5 awesome kids.  If he'd just call.  I've driven past the school and visualized dropping my kids off there and how much they will learn and how bright their futures will be.

Yes, I'm stalking a school.

I wrote the above paragraphs yesterday....and then decided that I couldn't wait and I called the school.  They told me I'd be getting a letter in the mail next week with our number.  I was confused so I chatted with my friend JoAnn on twitter and discovered that this means we didn't get a spot.  We've been wait listed. UPDATE: The Charter School hasn't chosen spots yet!  We got the letter....we're NUMBER ONE!

Crap.

*****

I don't know how Christina and I came to know each other.  She might have followed one of my witty comments from another blog or it could have been just a random accident.  Christina has been an awesome commenter and friend.  We have so much in common and she's just a lovely person.

There have been many, many snow days all over the country.  A collective moan was heard from twitter and facebook as Mom's everywhere had to deal with their kids being home from school AND trapped in the house.

Christina blew me away.  She was excited that her kids would be home and promptly whipped up overnight waffle dough for the next day!  The day after that...she and her entire neighborhood went sledding.  There was mulled wine and hot cocoa.   Not only do I want to BE Christina...I also want to move to her neighborhood!

I've given a lot of thought about the Mom I want to be when my kids start school.  I want to be involved in their classrooms, be able to help with homework (lord help me), be active in the PTA and not dread my kids being home.  I'm guessing this will become even more important since Alex will be attending a less successful school.

I started something new in 2011.  It's a simple change of words that has helped my attitude so much!  Instead of i HAVE TO (insert chore here)....I say i GET TO (insert chore here).  I'm blessed....I know this.  I embrace the ordinary in my life and that makes it extraordinary!

I get to be the best Mom I can be...and Christina is my role model!

Yesterday....I GOT TO teach my daughter how to read.  What started out as a sad day with me crying about lost opportunities...ended with joy and excitement as she learned something amazing.  Something that I taught her.

I realized that everything's going to be just fine....

Wordless Wednesday: Tampons for Vegans

also available outside of Boulder

The Bachelor Brad: Look Out for Attack Monkeys

This week...Brad takes the ladies to Costa Rica!

Dear ABC... Why oh why...did Chantal get a one on one date already when Britt hasn't had one yet?  Also...a note for next time.  Tall girls need tall horses. 

Dear Chantal O.....I'm not sure how you got so lucky getting another date...but good for you!  You handled the zipline really well. You got pretty lucky with the rain.  I just have one question.  Did you request the white button down or did Brad just decide that would fit you? Based on Brad (and iKeith's) reaction...I will only be wearing white button down shirts in the evening.  Look out for a gang of monkeys.  P.S. Pebbles called and she wants her dress back.

Dear Britt....again....where were you this week.  I'm bummed you didn't get a date.

Dear  Michelle....I think it's time to get your eyes checked.  You're having trouble seeing anyone else but yourself with Brad...but that seems kind of short-sighted since you're driving the man crazy and I'm sure he can't see himself with you.  You're time is better spent braiding everyone's hair and training monkeys.  P.S. You are such a liar!!  And to answer your question.  Yes.  You are crazy.

Dear Emily...I'd advice you to find better hiding places in the lodge where you are staying.  Michelle will complain to whomever she can find.  It seems like all of this time on your hands is giving you time to think about your future and I'm happy to see that you're learning from your mistakes.  See if ABC will let you use Brad's therapist.

Dear Shawntel...Your silent game was cute and a nice way to distract Brad from his troubles.  Thanks for being normal.

Dear Ashley...it was nice to see that you learned your lesson from last week and decided to be mute this week.  Nice job.

Dear Alli...your bug aversion is a little dramatic.  You should have sucked it up and acted like a tough girl.  It's pretty obvious that Brad wants a girl that can hang....or he wouldn't have brought you all to the jungle. Your dinner date on the sand bar...was sinking.  Literally and figuratively.  Good Luck!

Dear Jackie...toughen up woman!  Sorry Brad didn't keep you...but he needs an adventurous woman that doesn't make him feel guilty.  Good Luck!
Dear Brad...It kind of seemed like you were trying to get out of ziplinning because of a little rain.  WHA! It was kind of cute how worked up you got when you saw Chantal in your shirt.  What were you smoking when you made a pact to NEVER repel without Michelle.  I don't think I've ever seen a man bring candles on a date.

Next week: Anguilla!

Super Bowl

I was going to write a post about what I learned from the Super Bowl this year.  I wrote it in my head at 3am when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep but then I did and woke up crabby.

I was going to write about the 4 different beers that iKeith and I shared that are a part of the 5280 magazine 6 pack.  My favorite of the 4 was a Milk Stout.  But in the 3rd quarter I got a migraine and we didn't finish the beers.  Maybe tonight during The Bachelor....

I was going to talk about my favorite commercials...because I took notes.  My two favorites are the finger sucking Dorito commercial even though it's kind of gross and the Teleflora commercial even though folks on twitter (that probably live in Boulder*) thought it was sexist.



I was going to talk about how I learned that I don't know much about world suffering because I didn't know to be offended by the Groupon commercial until I found out that I should on twitter.

I know that I love GLEE and I couldn't wait for it to come on and now I think I want to own a Chevy but iKeith said No.

And now I think I'm going to go back to bed....because I think I need a day off.

*Yesterday, people that live in Boulder (but not my friend Denise) unfollowed me on twitter in record numbers.  Probably because I am too awesome for them and they couldn't take it. Yeah...that's what happened.

Go Packers!

I tried this cheesehat on when we were on vacation in Wisconsin...and iKeith wouldn't let me buy it.  Sure would have come in handy today.

Who are you cheering for today?

Friday Haiku

The One About The Markers

Describe the last thing that made you laugh really hard.

iKeith has been working late...testing a new app that he's working on.. Monday nights, I watch The Bachelor and take notes for my Tuesday morning blog post.

Usually...iKeith is home to take over and I'm able to hear half of what's going on in the show because of the rough housing and laughter that occurs when Daddy gets home. Daddy tells the kids that Mommy is working. Love that man!

I desperately need a TV in the bedroom so I can work in peace.

So...I was working (ahem) and the kids were playing nicely in their rooms (i thought).  Daddy comes home and tries to go greet the kids.  The door is locked.  He yells at them to open the door this instant or else....and when he does.  We find this.

Please notice the great attention to detail on the nipples and belly button.  There is more attention to detail but it's under the hearts.  When I was editing this picture...Alex said, 'Oh look Mommy...I have a heart on'!

Yes you do honey.  Yes you do.

I wonder how Kate Gosselin would have handled this?  I laughed my @ss off!

But not in front of the children....

Wordless Wednesday

Can you guess what this is?

The Bachelor Brad: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

This week the ladies and Brad packed up and moved the show to Las Vegas...to the Aria hotel which I've never heard of.  I love how The Bachelor ends up being a 2 hour commercial for a location.  Here is the Sky Villa that the ladies stayed in.  It's pretty amazing!

Dear ABC....please don't have a clue for a date like Let's End Tonight With A Bang...and then give it away during the commercial with a teaser showing fireworks.  I really wanted to believe that Michelle was going to walk in on the date with a gun and shoot Shawntel.  Also, shame on you for putting Emily through that racetrack date and making Brad feel like an asshole.  The viewers...don't like recycled dates.  Please wait at least a couple season before having a broadway musical date.  Ashley against Ashley was just mean.  Their bond is likely broken now. Also..if I'd had tickets to this show and then found out it was Cirque Du Ashley...I'd have been pissed!


Dear Shawtel...Some of the items you picked out on your shopping spree...we're ugly.  I did love how you rubbed your shopping spree in everyone's face when you went back to get ready for dinner. Good on you for making Michelle want to kill herself.  I figure you've at least been on a few dates in your life because you are kind of cute so I can't figure out how explaining the embalming process to your date while you ate your dinner is ever a good idea. 

Dear Michelle...you scare the heck out of me and if we were friends I'd keep my doors locked. You are so aggressive with Brad that I think he's scared to send you home.  Yes, please hang yourself with your scarf.

Dear Alli....There are still a few episodes left.  You still have a chance to go on a date with Brad.  Calm down and stop crying.

Dear Chantal O....RELAX.  Remember the other day when Brad said he likes that you aren't needy?  Stop being needy!  This IS the Emily show...by the way, so get used to it.

Dear Emily...You are smart and beautiful.  WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SHOW???  Did someone bet you to do it?  Do you need the money?  Do you want to be an actress when you grow up? I feel really badly that you had to endur the race track date but I think you handled it so well.  And maybe you got some closure.

Dear Ashley H....Ever since last week when you made a spectacle of yourself on the group date...you don't seem attractive to me anymore.  You irritate me.

Dear Britt...where were you this week.  I missed you!

Dear Jackie...I thought you were going home this week.  You and Britt must have been at the spa together all week.

Dear Brad...My favorite thing that came out of your mouth during this episode was Put It On The Counter!  I would have preferred Let's Get It, or Charge it to ABC but it was still great!  Also, purple is not your color honey.  I'm impressed that you find funeral directors hot but your nervous laughter was too much for me.  I was happy with how you handled the race track date and I'm sorry that ABC didn't disclose important info about Emily. I thought you looked HOT in the soldier outfit at the Viva Elvis show...nice package.


To The departed:

Dear Ashley S...I think part of your problem is that you talk like a baby.  It might be because you are a Nanny but men don't want to be Nannied.  I believe you will make an extraordinary wife someday. Good Luck.

Dear Marissa...thinking you might have been a filler on this show.  Good Luck.

Dear Lisa...I don't remember ever hearing you speak.  Good Luck.