Dear ABC....I'm over the helicopter dates and to be honest with you, I hate group dates too. Just show more of the girls fighting in the house. If someone isn't talking in the limo...I don't need to see them curl into a ball and stare catatonically into the camera. Dates with ladies that have kids should involve watching Disney movies 10 times in a row and holding sticky suckers for 30 minutes.
Dear Emily...no offense...but I wouldn't bring you on a deserted island with me. You're cute and stuff but something tells me that you'd be no help building shelters and unlocking the hatch. Also, Brad doesn't plan these dates or schedule the helicopters. ABC does it. I don't blame you for holding off on Brad meeting your daughter but if you want to
Dear Shawntel....I love that your perfect date involves bike riding to a farmers market and then drinking wine while sitting in baby goat poop! I guess this makes sense since you talk about embalming people while watching fireworks. Your date seemed the least forced and most real. Could have been the lack of helicopter.
Dear Ashley...WOW...you looked amazing in the photo shoot even though they had to cover your l
Dear Chantal...does ABC provide a free buffet or something? Your swimsuit is looking a little tight! Maybe Britt can cook for you. Please for the love of god! Stop telling Brad to send you home! STOP!! And stop crying. I'm getting drunk with my little drinking game because of all of your crying.
Dear Brad...You are in a really tough place. To be honest with you? I don't know why people do this show. It's pure torture! I think you handled things well and are showing some real maturity.
Dear Britt....look out for Michelle...she wants to sink your yacht! Your date wasn't as romantic as it could have been. Jumping to your death from a rock is not very sexy and when you plug your nose as you fall into the water....you just look like a 5 year old. Speaking of 5 year olds...eat much? I'm having trouble believing that you're a chef/food writer because it looks like you haven't eaten in years. Sorry things didn't work out and you had to ride in the dingy of shame.*
Dear Michelle....you are so rude! Of course Brad and Britt will friend each other on Facebook!. That's what FB is for...old friends, people you dated and co-workers. REAL friends are on twitter. DUH! I know exactly why you didn't remove your top. You have the veiny boobs of a MOM! You didn't want Brad to see them and be grossed out. I knew that you where going home when Brad described you as volatile and didn't ask if he could meet your daughter. Also, you don't act like a Mom...so he likely forgot you had a kid by now. P.S. You scare the heck out of me!
*dingy of shame via Jen Lancaster on Twitter!