Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Bachelor Brad: Breaking All The Rules!

This week Brad takes the ladies to the beautiful island of Anguilla!

Dear ABC....I'm over the helicopter dates and to be honest with you, I hate group dates too.  Just show more of the girls fighting in the house.  If someone isn't talking in the limo...I don't need to see them curl into a ball and stare catatonically into the camera. Dates with ladies that have kids should involve watching Disney movies 10 times in a row and holding sticky suckers for 30 minutes.

Dear Emily...no offense...but I wouldn't bring you on a deserted island with me. You're cute and stuff but something tells me that you'd be no help building shelters and unlocking the hatch.  Also, Brad doesn't plan these dates or schedule the helicopters.  ABC does it.  I don't blame you for holding off on Brad meeting your daughter but if you want to win Brad to pick you...you're going to have to.  Aren't you the lucky one...Brad's breaking the rules for you!

Dear Shawntel....I love that your perfect date involves bike riding to a farmers market and then drinking wine while sitting in baby goat poop!  I guess this makes sense since you talk about embalming people while watching fireworks.  Your date seemed the least forced and most real.  Could have been the lack of helicopter.

Dear Ashley...WOW...you looked amazing in the photo shoot even though they had to cover your lack of boobs with seashells.  Your whininess is really wearing on me.  If you don't stop...I'm going to have to let you go.  Oh wait....

Dear Chantal...does ABC provide a free buffet or something?  Your swimsuit is looking a little tight! Maybe Britt can cook for you. Please for the love of god!  Stop telling Brad to send you home!  STOP!! And stop crying.  I'm getting drunk with my little drinking game because of all of your crying.

Dear Brad...You are in a really tough place.  To be honest with you?  I don't know why people do this show.  It's pure torture!  I think you handled things well and are showing some real maturity. 

Dear Britt....look out for Michelle...she wants to sink your yacht! Your date wasn't as romantic as it could have been.  Jumping to your death from a rock is not very sexy and when you plug your nose as you fall into the water....you just look like a 5 year old.  Speaking of 5 year olds...eat much?  I'm having trouble believing that you're a chef/food writer because it looks like you haven't eaten in years.  Sorry things didn't work out and you had to ride in the dingy of shame.*

Dear Michelle....you are so rude!  Of course Brad and Britt will friend each other on Facebook!.  That's what FB is for...old friends, people you dated and co-workers.  REAL friends are on twitter.  DUH!  I know exactly why you didn't remove your top.  You have the veiny boobs of a MOM!  You didn't want Brad to see them and be grossed out.  I knew that you where going home when Brad described you as volatile and didn't ask if he could meet your daughter.  Also, you don't act like a Mom...so he likely forgot you had a kid by now.  P.S. You scare the heck out of me!

*dingy of shame via Jen Lancaster on Twitter!


  1. Your letter to Emily cracked me up! Unlocking the hatch!!! HAHAHA!

  2. Once again - I'm cracking up because you are spot on!

    WOW - Chantal... couldnt they gave given her a different bikini? Girlfriend was bloated ... & all the crying? I kept thinking, She's started her period...

    When Brittany & Brad stood up from the beach to swim back to the yacht, I swear I thought it looked like a skeleton. She is WAYYYY too skinny. She had no choice but a one on one date - they didnt want her on the SI swimsuit edition!

    Michelle scares me too... laying there, she was probably thinking of a plan to cut everyone's throat. She's got "crazy" behind those eyes.

    Brad... dang... his body kills me every week. Enough to make me want to cry when I dont get a rose every week too :)

  3. I am sad that Michelle is gone, she truly made the show fun to watch for me :) She was sooooo CRAZY and I wish we could have had a glimse of her family ;) Oh well....not sure who he should pick at this point. They are all annoying me at this point. Until next week :)

  4. Dingy of Shame is awesome! I was thinking...is he going to make her swim back to shore by herself? Is this her punishment?! LOL. Then, the "Dingy of Shame" shows up and saves the day...or not.

    Britt seemed like she was 12. Poor girl is so innocent and naive. I felt bad for her. The Bachelor was not the show for her.

    I've got all my marbles on Emily or Shawntel. I didn't like Shawntel at the beginning, but she's growing on me. She's really natural with Brad.

    From the looks of the previews, Emily's hometown date goes in the crapper. We'll see.

    I'm looking forward to next week! I love hometown date week!!

    I wish you lived closer so I could have someone to play the drinking game with. Michael doesn't follow the rules. He just drinks.

  5. So crazy Michelle got the boot? You've got to make it easier for those of us that don't watch, but like the gossip. From your posts I hope Emily wins.

  6. Chantal - I'm not saying the girl is fat because please ... she looks way better than I do in a bathing suit. But the way she was sticking her stomach out the whole day ... It drove me nuts! Suck it in and stop waddling like a duck.

    And Brad. What is up with his posture when he's in a bathing suit?? I don't notice him slouching over in his regular clothes. Something about him in a bathing suit is very unappealing.

    Britt. Dear LORD feed the girl!!! She looked like a skeleton in a bikini. I didn't like that he got rid of her on the boat. She had no easy escape. That would have been mortifying and no one ... not even insane Michelle ... deserved that.

    So glad Michelle is gone. Apparently Shawntel takes her place as resident crazy next week. She clearly is bonkers if she can't realize that having a guy on an embalming table is gonna freak him out. I'm sure some guys might be turned on by it... serial killers come to mind.

    The clips from next week with Emily's daughter not bonding with Brad. Wow. I hope they don't make a huge deal of it but please ... what am I thinking ... of course they are going to blow it out of proportion. Most kids are shy the first time they are around a new person. Add the fact that her mom just returned from being gone for weeks AND a camera crew is now in her face???!!! I'd be more concerned if the kid handled it well. I'd wonder what they did to prep her response.

    Love your decals Connie!!! I think it's gonna be Chantal in the end. Ashley bugs me too much. She seems really immature. Gotta run. Please excuse any typos ... had to type this out on my phone! ;0)

  7. Christina! I need your email so I can respond to your comment!!

    Chantal's waddle drives me crazy!!!

    You are right about Brad and I didn't even realize it. I think he's embarrassed about the tats and tries to hang his head in shame!

    I'm bummed about the previews for next week. Little Ricky has probably never had to deal with this before.

    And Shawntel and the tour of her work space! OH NO! How does she think this is a good idea?

  8. I agree that poor Chantal was probably PMSy. But she really did seem to be sticking her stomach out and slouching all over. If she would have stood up straight, she would have looked much better.

    I love Jen Lancaster too!

  9. Okay, so I don't watch The Bachelor {GASP!}, but why would I need to with recaps such as this?! :)


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