What I Learned at Sitscation 09

I am linking this post up at Tip Junkie's blog today because Laurie is talking about why we blog and I'm so passionate about my little hobby that I couldn't pass up the chance to share in the love!

When bloggers go to conferences, they tend to come away with either two feelings.  They either decide that blogging is no longer what they want to do with their free time....or they are excited and motivated.

I'll bet you can guess which side of the fence I fall on.  I'm a passionate person by nature.  I get excited about things and love to talk to people and tell stories.  I think this makes me a good blogger.  And let me tell you right now that I don't embellish my stories.  All of the gory details belong to me!  I lived them all.

The question comes up sometimes...why do you blog.  Blogging started as a way to update our families on our lives and a place for me to record recipes because I became really interested in cooking.  I didn't know a lot about it back then but over time it became so much more to me because I found the adult interaction that I craved as a Stay At Home Mom with two small babies.  Living in Utah was hard and my friends lived in my computer which worked out lovely because they were there at all times of the day.  Blogging was my support system...and it still is.

Over the last few years, I've met some wonderful ladies and they have become friends.   I don't blog because I want to be Dooce, appear on TV (except Oprah...I want to be on Oprah) , get a book deal, speak at a conference or be wildly popular.  I blog because I like to entertain people, make friends and have a connection with other mothers.  And I love comments. 

I enjoyed the talk from Sugar Jones.  She talked about Blogging for good and lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down all the time.  I try to make my posts positive.  Even when I'm telling a story from my old life that was full of dispair and heartache... I try to find the positive side.  I have enough negativity in my life from some family members but I am a glass half full kind of person and I like to be happy.

One of my favorite speakers at SITScation was Laurie Turk from Tip Junkie.  I've been following her blog ever since I learned she was speaking but I didn't really know everything that she does.  Quite simply...she's amazing.  Her website has sooo much information and great ideas on it....you really just have to go check it out for yourself.

During her speech, she had many tips for blogging.  I excitedly took notes and tried to soak up every word she said.  She told me to blog about what I've learned.  This is how she started, wanting to share what she had learned with other moms. I love sharing crafts I've made and experiences I've had.  Then she told me to Create Passion....my favorite word.  I  am passionate about many things and hope that my enthusiasm is contagious.  Next, she told me to Create Purpose....you get what you give. I need to work on my special purpose.

She talked about forming a blogging alliance and my first thought was; who would I want on my deserted island with me and many of my favorite bloggers came to mind! I feel like I have an alliance with many of you....we care about each other's lives and are here for each other.

Jen from Buried with Children, ME and Mama Kat

Now...the nitty gritty!  Creating! I often like to think of my blog as my house and you all are coming to visit me here.  I want you to enjoy yourself, have a glass of wine or cup of coffee and have a conversation with me.  And I want to keep you coming back for visits...so she suggests Mr. Linky Posts, weekly themes, contests, interviews and guest posts.

I'm really happy with my blog and some of the things I have going on here.  I love sharing my old journal posts and vlogging is my new passion!  I have so much to think about and things that I want to do and I'm just so excited!

this means Alli likes me

Lastly, Alli Worthington from Mrs. Fussypants,  Blissfully Domestic online magazine and Blissdom Conference. She asked me what my brand is.  My first thought was Folgers because I drink a lot of coffee but that's not what she was getting at.  Then I thought...well, I'm a Mommy and Wife and she told me I couldn't use those.  Well Heck. She really made me THINK about this.  And this is what I came up with.

I'm a humorous, crafty wino who entertainers people.

I'm not sure if that's a brand...but I like it and it fits me well.  I had dinner with the group of ladies that I pictured yesterday and we had the best discussion about blogging.  We talked about how careful we have to be with our words.  Alli told us that companies are scared of us because we wield so much power.  A disgruntled blog post against a company that we think wronged us can be devastating to them and we have to remember that everything we put online is there forever.  What kind of a legacy are we leaving for our children and grandchildren to google?

I decided that I like that what you read here is exactly how I am in person.  I don't put on a show and my blog doesn't come with rose colored glasses.  I'm real and that's the only way I want to be.

I also learned that I like having my finger and toe nailed painted.  I feel pretty and very much like Betty Draper!

All in all, Sitscation was a very positive experience for me.  I learned much, laughed often and drank $22 worth of coffee.

 ****

I'm having my skin cancer surgery today...at 11:30am.  Alex and I will have matching stitches soon.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Romy and Michelle go to SITScation 09

 I have good news...and I have bad news.  Which one do you want first?  The bad news.  Okay..I am not going to be vlogging from the 12th floor of the Venetian anymore because...I'm home.  And I'm freakin tired and I really have soooo much to say and some pictures but little to no video because I got so caught up in the moment that I forgot to use my camera.

I'm still trying to organize my thoughts because I want to share with you what I learned and I want to make sense and Alex just woke up.  So the Good News is that I'm going to start by finishing my stories from Friday.

The Goat:
I met and had the privilege of sitting next to NANNY GOATS IN PANTIES.  She is fabulous! She brought  Lacy (her cross-dressing nanny goat trapped in a Billy Goat's body) and I may have accidentally put my special purpose gift from eden's fantasys in Lacy's panties.  And that was before I even had my first drink.  *hopefully...picture to come*

The Old People:
After the keynote speech, Bobbi and I went to grab some dinner.  We went to the Grand Lux Cafe and ended up sitting right next to some really loud older folks from New York....a guy and three ladies.  They started talking to us and like I always do...I wanted to shock them.  So I told them we were polygamists from Utah and Bobbi was my sister-wife.  Then Bobbi told them that we thought they were polygamists since there were three of them with one guy.  They didn't talk to us anymore after that.....

Time After Time:
When me and The Bobinator get together...we are very much like Romy and Michelle.  (I'm the Mary) and so when this certain song came on during the SITScation party,  we did a special dance.  But people didn't seem to know what we were doing and we looked kind of silly but if you know me...I didn't care.  It was fun!!



The Caramel Apple:
Right by the elevators to go to our suite...there was a candy store and they had all of these caramel apples.  As I was walking back to our room from the party, in my bare feet (i'm classy like that), I hatched a plan to sit in the bathtub in our beautiful marble bathroom...watching TV and eating a caramel apple.  I bought one and about crapped my pants because it cost $9 and I later discovered it had the thinnest layer of caramel on it.  Total Rip Off!

I have so much more to tell you but I'm going to end by giving a shout out to all of the gals that made this weekend so amazing for me.

Bobbi in LaLa Land...Thank for coming with me!
Alicia from It Ain't Easy Being Cheesy...you are so fun and sweet! Love you!
Kristi from Orange Juice...loved meeting you and our dinner conversation!
Lara from Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom...you are a bundle of engergy! Love meeting you and your hubby!
Kerri from Damn You, Little Rock...I could sit and talk to you all day!
Amy from The Bee Dot you are adorable and I love your accent!
Jen from Buried with Children...our mutual love of coffee bonded us!
Summer from Le Musings of Moi...I love your style and you are beyond beautiful!
Kathy/Cynthia from Mama's Losin It..I felt like a groupie...you are an inspiration to me!
Alli Worthington...the queen of blogging.  I loved meeting you and I almost cried when you remembered my name.
Sera from Laughing Through The Chaos...so happy we got to chat and have dinner.
Tiffany and Heather...The SITS Girls! Thanks so much for everything!  It was amazing!

Sera, Kristi, Bobbi, Alicia, THE ROCK, Margarita, Me

Where is THE ROCK's hand?

**EDITED**
This post has been edited because I totally forgot ONE very important person that was so much fun to meet and I loved getting to know her before the conference on twitter. Lara! I love you!

VLOG: SITScation...Day One

After I published the vlog...I realized I forgot to tell you all kinds of stuff. I still haven't recovered from the stress of yesterday and my brain is not cooperating with me. I will tell you in the next installment. Check for that later tonight.

Things to look forward to:

• The old people we freaked out
• Me and Bobbi's special dance
• The Caramel Apple
• How I violated a goat

Bright Lights City

The last two days have been...frustrating.  I'm fashionably exhausted!  Figuring out what to wear, then changing my mind and then changing my mind back.  Adding outfits, matching accessories and shoes and deciding to throw caution to the wind and wear white shoes after Labor Day. At the last minute I realized I hadn't assigned an outfit for Saturday Night and that threw me into a panic. Then I was invited to a blogger brunch by Healthy Choice because they liked my food blog.  Everything needs an outfit.  Now I know why Rachel Zoe is BA-nanas!  Styling an important person such as myself is a lot of work!

Last night we had a twitter party to get to know everyone and I won a vibrator!  I'm also getting one in my swag bag....so I will have TWO.  Imagine that...going my whole life without ever owning one and now I'll have two.  So I think I will give one away.  Send me an email if you're interested and I'll put your names in a hat.

Tonight I bought the finishing touch...a hot pink nail polish called Rich and Famous!

I had to break the news to Big Pappa tonight that he would be taking care of FOUR children....our's and Bobbi's.  He's thrilled.

I will be vlogging during our adventure.  Probably will be pretty raw and unedited...be advised.  I will also be doing whrrl stories (sign up HERE and add me as a friend, there's also an iPhone app for that)  and of course Tweeting my heart out.  I'm pretty excited to be going to Vegas and meeting all of these wonderful bloggers.  It going to be a hoot!

I'm gonna keep on the run
I'm gonna have me some fun
If it costs me my very last dime
If I wind up broke up well
I'll always remember that I had a swingin time

Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas 

Open For Business

I'm happy and scared to death to announce that my etsy shop is NOW OPEN!  It feels like I just had a new baby and I'm showing her to you for the first time.  I think she's really pretty....and I hope you do too.

Ladies and Craig! Introducing....my new baby!

Channeling Martha!

Every item in the store is specially made for you! You pick the colors or theme. I can even make them BIGGER!

***

So...Bobbi and I leave for Vegas in TWO DAYS. I'm totally not ready but I did manage to lose 3 pounds and my shirt fits...barely. I may have to do some shopping when I get to the Venetian.

I would like to officially thank Big Pappa for sponsoring my trip to SITScation. He has been so supportive, both financially and emotionally and I love that he realizes how much I need a break from time to time. I love you Calvin!

I just need to figure out if I should bring my laptop....

Denver...like a handprint on my heart

I'm a planner.  I NEED to plan ahead for trips and outings and whatnot.  It's just a part of my personality...like list making.  I had this trip planned for months because I had purchased WICKED tickets for Calvin's birthday.  I got an email from Denver Center Attractions about the tickets and the next day the Bronco Schedule was coming out so I was able to coordinate both activities!  I love when a plan comes together!

So Thursday, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting packed and ready because I waited until the last minute...so unlike me.  In the middle of all of this, the yard guy showed up to winterize our yard.  I told him about Bobbi's dog's staying with us and they barked at him from the window.  He left and I let the doggies outside to play.  Several hours go by, the kids are taking a much needed nap and I open the garage door to pack the car and there is TAYLOR.  Crap.  The yard guy left the gate open and BUCK is gone.  I'm freaking out because we are leaving in ONE HOUR.  And I'm scared to call BOBBI. Luckily...Buck has been picked up by the NOPD and Calvin bailed him out of jail on his way home.  YAY!


Our trips to Denver normally include many of our favorite restaurants.  But this time we decided to try some new places.  Friday night we went to Pasquini's Pizza in Highlands.  If you are ever driving through Denver on your way to somewhere else....you have to stop here! It is easy to get to from I-25.  I'm going to try to put this in a nutshell since I will be posting more about it (and the other great food we had) on my food blog this week.  Awesome Sangria, they bring the kids pizza dough to play with, Awesome Pizza! Great prices and fabulous desserts!

Saturday we woke to ice and snow.  We ran a bunch of little errands (office max and Michael's).  I waited in line so long at the crap store that the woman standing in front of me in line started knitting with the yarn she wanted to buy.  We walked around our favorite neighborhood...Belmar.  We stopped into mark and isabella's for lunch.  Such a fabulous meal!  The best chicken strips for the kids and I was in love with my Chicken Parmesan Sandwich with a glass of Merlot.

We rushed home to drop off the kids and we went to see WICKED!  We've seen WICKED before...but we can't agree on when.  I think it was 3 years ago...Calvin thinks it was 4 or more.  The good news for me is that it's been long enough that I don't remember everything from the show and there's an excellent chance I was tipsy when I saw it, so it's like seeing it for the first time.  Except that I own the soundtrack and know all of the songs!


It was cold in Denver.  Real cold and I don't like to walk around much when I'm freezing my tush off but walked we did.  We love downtown Denver so much that I soon forgot that I was cold and just enjoyed being with my favorite guy, in my favorite town.  We found ourselves standing outside of our favorite little russian restaurant which is responsible for both of our children being conceived.  I've told you that story right?  It was not open yet...so we walked a few feet further and found a gem that we'd never seen before.

The sign outside of Crepes N Crepes said that it was happy hour and wine and crepes were $4.  SOLD! We walked into this darling little restaurant with yellow walls and little wooden tables.  There was french music playing and soon the wonderful smell of crepes cooking and cheese melting would fill the air. We had a couple glasses of wine and tried three different crepes that were all so wonderful.  If you live in Denver you MUST try this place.  They have happy hour Wednesday- Saturday, 3-6pm.

The Red Square Bistro was finally open so we stopped in for a drink, the cheese and fruit plate and to see my boyfriend. All of the years that we've been coming here (and conceiving babies when we get home) Pascha has always been there.  He is the sweetest older man and remembers us every time.  This time I got a hug from him!

Then we went back to my in-laws to tuck in the kids and slip into a food coma!

Sunday, I went to the giant Whole Foods store in Belmar...all by myself.  I try not to visit this store every time because it makes me mad at Utah.  I get upset seeing all of this amazing food and ingredients that I can't get back home.  Walking past the seafood counter sends me over the edge...I avoid the back of the store completely.  This time...I got some forbidden rice (it's black), hazelnuts (I want to make biscotti), a delicata squash, baba ghanoush and pita chips!


The Bronco Game was awesome!  They won in overtime...and Calvin had a great time with Alan.  We are so excited that they are 5-0!  WOOT!  Did you see the old style uniforms from 50 years ago?  Those socks were crazy!  Mallory had her finger's crossed that they would get the field goal.

I took complete advantage of STARBUCKS being 3 blocks away.

 EDITED: Calvin just sent me a text...he said that the first US tour of WICKED was in 2005. He's right....dang it.

I'm Back!

We got back from Denver this afternoon and I've been busy working on
the items for my etsy store.

I have so much to tell you about my trip and I hope to have my store
open by Friday when I leave for Vegas and the SITScation blogging
conference.

I just got this lovely picture from my dear friends Jessica and Craig.
I was so touched that they have missed me!

To Infinity AND Beyond

First off...I want to thank all of you that have been praying and supporting my family during the uncertainty of the last few weeks.  As many of you know, being a stay at home mom is super stressful when you don't know if your husband will have a job.  Depending on that one income is tough and the thought of being without it is downright scary.  I feel so lucky and blessed that he has this job and that it's a good one because that is the only way I'm able to stay home with our kids.

Calvin wasn't always an engineer.  He trained to be one...at West Point graduating in the top 10% of his class.  While in college...he was the first student in his class to have a APPLE computer and he was a wiz with it, teaching himself programming and writing games and other things.  So it was no surprise when he left the Army that he would go into the computer field.  He worked as a Custom Computer Program Designer for 16 years until he was laid off a month before I gave birth to Alex.

I saw the ad for the job fair in the paper right after I learned that I was pregnant with Mallory.  We were getting desperate for a job...any job.  Calvin came home with a pile of info about this new opportunity and the man he spoke with had even given him a website for me to start looking for a home.  We were whisked away to Utah, we checked out the city looked at some homes and Calvin interviewed.  We held our breath hoping for an offer...a new start, in a new town with an exciting new job with the space program.

Calvin and I discovered that we had both had a fascination with space as children.  Calvin even has a carefully folded and protected diagram of the moon that he had gotten at Mc Donalds when he was a little boy.  The prospect of being involved in a project that was going to take people back to the Moon was so exciting!

During the 60's the United States was in a Space Race with Russia.  What an exciting time!  I wasn't yet born when Neil Armsrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the Moon in 1969 but I can imagine how wonderful that must of been for 6 year old Calvin to watch on TV.

Since then the United States has been leading the world in Space Travel and Exploration and I have always been amazed by the journey of NASA and the Space Shuttle Program that was started in 1981.  I grew up watching the Shuttle launches and daydreaming about going to space someday.

Now it's time for a new direction in Space Exploration!  The Constellation program plans to develop spacecraft and booster vehicles that will replace the Space Shuttle and send astronauts to the Moon and eventually to Mars.  Ares 1 is for launching mission crews into orbit and Ares V will transport hardware.  Ares 1 will also be used to launch the Orion spacecraft that will be used for human spaceflight missions.

Right now the future of manned space flight is in danger. Costs are the big issue. The current space exploration program has been short changed by both the Bush and Obama administrations.  President Obama is currently looking at the possibility of canceling Ares 1 and starting over or trying to find a different alternative.  In the meantime, Russia, China and India are developing their own space programs.  It's important that we stay the course and that NASA be given the funding they need to continue with the project as planned.  Common sense tells me that changing directions now and taking a chance on another plan seems more costly and time consuming.

America's leadership in space is so important.  Our children being encouraged to study engineering and science is vital to our country staying ahead.  I was shocked to learn that less than one percent of the federal budget is devoted to exploration, science and new technologies.

Satellite communications, microwaves, cellular phones, miniaturized computers, pacemakers, kidney dialysis, scratch-resistant lenses, medical and sports technology, adjustable smoke detectors, cordless tools, and water filters are just a few examples of the advances that have occurred through NASA space research.

Don't let America fall behind because you didn't speak up.  Let President Barack Obama know that American's care about our security, our economic competitiveness and our space program.  Please join me in writing a letter to the president asking him to make NASA and Space a priority.

Please help me remind President Obama that on August 2, 2008 he talked about the importance of strengthening America's competitive edge by maintaining our leadership in Space.  At that time he pledged to give NASA the support it needed to reach ambitious goals and ensure that our Space program didn't suffer when the Shuttle goes out of service.

I'm asking President Obama to:

• Match NASA's budget to its mission and goals by providing an additional $3 billion by 2014 and increase the budget annually using an inflation factor.  
• Close the gap in the US ability to launch astronauts into space by extending the life of the Shuttle.
• Develop and lead future international spaceflight partnerships by extending the life of the International Space Station.
• Enable progress in Space Exploration by accelerating the development of a well designed and adequately funded heavy-lift space technology program.

Please help me (and the future of America) by writing and sending a letter today!

The Honorable Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Friend Makin Monday ~ Hobby Time

7:00am...Calvin just left for work.  He is supposed to find out if he's being laid off this morning but I also heard from my dear friend Monica (her hubby works there too) that it will be tomorrow.  If they're hoping that someone will go postal...I'm almost there.

7:32am...I've decided that if I don't hear something soon...I will have developed an ulcer.

7:39am...Calvin just sent me a text....Layoffs are not happening TODAY.  Tomorrow maybe? Who knows.  This is ridiculous.  They told everyone that it was going to be today.  I think I just had my first Anxiety Attack....

** ** **

In the meantime...Thank Goodness for Amber to keep me distracted this morning.  Do you know what a great friend we have in Amber?  She's so supportive and helpful.  I just love her!  This week she wants to know about my Hobbies.

What are your hobbies? What do you wish that you knew how to do?

What a great topic Amber because I've been working on an idea all weekend that will hopefully ease the burden should we become unemployed. Unfortunately...I'm not ready to unveil my idea but I will soon have an ESTY store open for the big reveal! P.S. my idea was inspired by another fav bloggy friend Manic Mother. We are two crafting peas in a pod who LOVE Martha Stewart.

I know, I know. Many people don't like Martha. I get it. She's not everyone's cup of tea but I love her,  her show and her books and magazines. It's my dream to be in the audience of one of her shows.  I've been a fan for a very long time....since back in the old days when I lived on a 600 acre ranch and my water well broke right after I planted my garden and I said to myself...What Would Martha Do and I decided that she wouldn't let the garden die!! She would get a 5 gallon bucket and shlep the water to the garden from the stock tank 20 yards away.  And that's what I did....for 6 weeks!


I think I have a lot of the same Hobbies that Martha has.  I consider Cooking and Baking a hobby because I'm always trying to make new things, trying new ingredients and improve my skills.  In some ways, planning my tea parties is a hobby too.

As for crafting...I taught myself to Cross Stitch when I was 12 but I haven't done that in years because I moved on to hand quilting.  I love designing a quilt in my head, putting it on paper and then sewing each and every piece of fabric together by hand.  I have made several quilts...for my children and for family members. I also love stamping...and making cards.  I can't wait to tell you about my new project!  I think my husband would say that Planning for Christmas is also my hobby.  I just love Christmas!

Also things I consider hobbies...watching TV and movies.  I'm a huge Movie Buff and love going to the movies.  I have an addiction (that I'm currently seeking treatment for) to Magazines and I love sitting down with a glass of wine and reading.

Things that I wish I could do....Knit.  I've always wanted to and once things settle down around here...I want to learn.

** ** **

Something really exciting happened last week! You all know how stressed I've been and these TWO things brought such joy to my frazzled mind and actually made me smile and jump up and down.  I won TWO giveaways!  The first one was from my friend Raising Z.  I won a gift card to Amazon in her very first giveaway.

The second....I still can't believe it.  I won a $200 gift card to HomeGoods from The Inspired Room to redo my bedroom.  Remember when I posted pictures of my horribly cluttered love shack?  CLICK HERE.  Well...Melissa was feeling so badly so impressed with me that she award ME one of the cards.  I can't wait to visit the store in Salt Lake and make our bedroom a sanctuary...I just need to figure out where we will be living.

Vlog: A Miracle in the Playroom

I have a vlog for you today...that I filmed on Monday when the kids and I went on an adventure.  Before you watch this...I need to tell you a little story about our week.  I'm going to start by telling you that we NEVER go anywhere on Monday.  I like to spend my Monday doing laundry, cleaning house and getting everything ready for the week.  It's my catch up day.

Monday morning, something made me get dressed (i threw on some make up but didn't do my hair) and take the kids out.  When we got home...we ate some lunch watched a show and took a nap.  After nap, we got ready for Calvin to come home and we were going to an Open House at the fire station that I had read about in Sunday's paper.  The open house ended up being NEXT week (the paper just said MONDAY) so we went downtown, got hotdogs and walked up and down 25th Street looking at all of the painted horses. Here is my Whrrl story.

Then we stopped for ice cream at Zeppes before they close for the season.  By the time we got home it was bedtime.  Because of our activities...the kids didn't play in their playroom.

Tuesday, the weather turned cold so I made a tent in the family room and we hung out watching TV most of the day....a lazy day after our busy Monday.  Plus, I had much laundry to do....

All day Tuesday, something kept telling me to go clean the playroom.  Rob had slept down there on an air mattress over the weekend but I had noticed that Calvin took it down so I didn't really think I needed to do much down there but this nagging thought wouldn't leave my mind.

During nap time, I finally went downstairs to *clean* and as soon as I walked into the room...I saw it.  A PILL!  There was a prescription pill in the middle of the playroom and it scared the shit out of me.  I ran up stairs to look up what it was and it was LITHIUM.  It was Robert's Pill.  I started crying thinking of what could have happened if one of the kids had gotten ahold of it.  And then I realized....The Lord was keeping us busy...to keep the kids out of the playroom.

Once again...he held my family in his hands and protected them from harm.

The power of prayer my friends!  I've been praying like crazy for God to help us, keep us safe and keep Calvin employed.  I just hope I haven't asked for too much.....

Today is Calvin's 3 year anniversary at work.  And Monday is the day...layoff day.  I want to thank everyone that has been praying for us and keeping us in your thoughts.  I'm confident that no matter what happens...we'll be fine.  Because God is looking out for us.

Friend Makin Monday~ All I Need

I've been so stressed out the last couple weeks. I can't focus, I'm irritating irritable, I'm desperately trying to find ways to save as much money as I can so that I have a little pad in my bank account should the ax fall. I'm writing collection letters to folks that owe me money and I'm feeling completely guilty for my upcoming trip to Vegas...but it's already paid for...I just need to turn tricks be frugal while I'm there and bring my flask.

I compared it to holding my breath and that is exactly what it feels like.  I can't breathe....

I confided in Calvin (big mistake) that I was stressed out and thinking of visiting the doctor for a little Xanax and he got upset with me and told me not to worry about something I have no control over.  He should know by now that you can't say that to a Mother.  It's part of our job and our genetic make up to worry about what COULD happen.  It's how we prevent bad things (as much as we can) from happening.  I know from first hand experience that Dad's don't think like this...and it drives me to drink insane.

So....I'm going to try not to worry anymore.  UGH...that felt terrible just typing it.  I'm going to try to relax and I'm not going to use a bottle of wine to do it.  Which brings me to the topic for this week's Friend Makin Monday.  Amber wants to know about my favorite things that I can't live without.  This was a great subject because I've been thinking a lot about what we will do if we lose our income and lose EVERYTHING.

These three things...bring me happiness and can be quite affordable if you make them yourself.  I can see it now...I'll be squashing grapes in the backyard of my trailer  van down by the river  tiny home and bottling it...Mommy's Little Helper sounds like a good name for a wine right?

I can't live without little adventures with my children.  But Disney will be out.  Shoot!  I can't afford Disney right now.  Instead we will find FREE activities, parks and go for lots of walks.  That is totally affordable.

One thing that I can't live without...that is like WATER to me.  Is Bobbi.  I love her so much and I'm so happy to have her close by again...I'm going to be heartbroken if we have to move away.

 

But there is really only one thing I need...if Calvin loses his job and we have to sell everything we own and start over.  If we have to live in an apartment and I have to give up my SUV.  If we never get to eat out again and I have to buy the kids' clothes at Target Wal-Mart instead of Gymboree.  If I have to color my own hair and drink wine out of a box....

As long as I have my husband and my children...I have everything I could ever need.

Well, and some coffee.  My family, some coffee and that's all I need.  And some cheese.  My family, some coffee, good cheese...and that's all I need.  Well...and Sushi.  I also need sushi.

dear baby jesus. On this day of atonement, I want to say that I'm sorry that I don't talk very nice about Utah but at this point...I'd really like to stay.  And PLEASE have a chat with that Obama guy and convince him to keep the ARES project.  Seriously.  It needs a little more money and I talked to Alex and Mallory and they would rather pay their future tax dollars on keeping the space program alive than rescuing the auto industry.  thanks!

amen

**I was supposed to post my after pictures of my bedroom today....but much of that projects funding was cut due to the impending doom.  I am still working on a few things but I'm totally NOT done.   As soon as I am...I will post.**

Wordless Wednesday: Show Me Love

Toddler's in Crime

Saturday night...I didn't get much sleep.

I woke up at just after midnight because I was being blinded by a light coming from the hallway. This usually means that my boy is up and wandering the house, looking for a snack or ransacking my desk....and up to no good. I slowly rolled out of bed and saw that both kids doors were wide open and lights on....at 12:35am.

Alex was in Mallory's crib and when they saw me they curled into the fetal position...hoping I didn't see them. But I'm smarter than I look and I saw them and dragged Alex out and back to his own bed. I found the scissors from my desk and the children's Claritin in Mallory's crib. They were obviously trying to open the bottle and sneak a hit of grapey goodness. My mind flashed ahead 12 years and I shudder to think of the trouble these two will get into when they are older. I made a mental note to have surveillance camera's installed in 2020.

I put everyone back to bed and returned to bed myself...and my snoring husband.  He slept through all of the commotion.

Over the next 2 hours...Alex would leave his room for a number of reasons and I would jump out of bed and return him to his bed...sometimes with a swat on the butt. I cleaned up poop,  retrieved a drink of water from the bathroom and removed all of the toys from his room. Finally...at 2:30am he was asleep.

And then I couldn't. I don't even know what time I finally drifted off but I will tell you that I was wide awake at 6:50am. Dang it.

I'm getting really tired of these nighttime wanderings because I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before he decides to go to the park in the middle of the night. There is a giant irrigation ditch between our house and the park and I pass it every time I walk to the track and I pray to God that my kid never decides to play in it.

I've been threatening to put a lock on Alex's door but Calvin has told me NO...that we can't lock him in his room. I just want him to be safe....so I came up with THIS today.

UPDATE:  Alex Houdini can get out.  Sigh.

P.S. Did you know that Houdini's real name was Erik Weiss?

P.P.S.  Did you know that Calvin's family is related to Houdini?  I guess he comes by this naturally.....

P.P.P.S  We aren't Jewish...in case you were wondering.

P.P.P.P.S  But I'd like to celebrate Hanukkah just once...

P.P.P.P.P.S  I couldn't get my surgery scheduled until October 21st.  5 more weeks.

What I Do All Day!

A few nights ago, Calvin came to me and asked me if I would put the kids to bed for him because he wanted to play World of Warcraft.  I reluctantly said OKAY because I get up with them every single day while he sleeps in on the weekends.  Granted...I can't sleep past 7am...but that is beside the point.

He tried to explain to me that he works all day...and then I told him I'm with them all day every day without a break.  He then told me that I just BLOG all day and then told me that he would withhold sex....this got a big laugh from me because HELLO...I've already been doing that for years!

I'm got news for him...I do much more than BLOG all day.  I also twitter and facebook and do this:

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

This post is part of Mama Kat's Weekly Writing Prompts. 

Don't forget to come back tomorrow for the PARTY!!  Don't be Tardy!  One day only.....

19 years ago today...

It was a beautiful day for a redneck wedding and Bobbi and I went to the hairdresser to have our tresses curled and sprayed into pretty cascades of blonde hair. I remember driving us out of town to the church in Kersey and being nervous.

Much of my extended family had come to Colorado for the big event and I was happy that all of my Grandparents had travelled long distances to spend this special day with me.

My Grandma Evelyn helped me into my borrowed dress and veil in the church's nursery and she pointed out the fact that I did not fill in the top of the dress. I clutched my silk flowers and fully thought I might be sick.

My husband to be...had broken his wrist while working as a cement truck driver and his funny Mom wrote THIS LEFT on his cast...I would laugh at this during the ceremony and it would keep me from crying. I could also hear 15 year old Bobbi chomping on her gum.

We left the church as husband and wife...in a Gold Trans Am with cans tied to the bumper and soaped up windows. My Mustang was also decorated (they didn't know which car we would take to the reception) and my Uncle and Cousin would end up driving it...getting funny looks from people. They surely thought his daughter was his young bride!

We had a small reception with goodies purchased from Sams club and served punch because I was underage. My colors were pink and light green.


My cousin Jenny agreed to be my guest book attendant. This was exciting to me because that meant I had TWO people in my wedding party.

those pearls between my eyes made me cross-eyed

That night several of my friends and family would go to Bruce's Bar in Severance. We ate Rocky Mountain Oysters and danced to a live band....until 8Pm when the bride had to leave because she was only 19 years old. This was our song and should have been my first clue that things might not work out. My boss at the store sang this song during our wedding. I would listen to it over and over and think what a bullshit situation I'd gotten myself into. Til my death? Seriously? Love is blind....

****
I met my ex-husband on the Fourth of July at the Independence Stampede Dance. He was wearing a hat from the Auto Parts Store where I worked and I pestered him to tell me how he got the hat. He had just gotten out of the Army and wasn't interested in talking to a youngster me so I hooked up with his step-brother. I would date him for 3 months, until he realized that dating an older woman when you're a senior in high school isn't cool.

Two weeks after that break up...Dean asked me out and I said yes. His brother was not pleased and I thought we might end up on Jerry Springer. We married 11 months later after a whirl wind courtship.

We lived in the country, had a black lab named Sam, went deer and goose hunting and I drove a 68 Dodge Powerwagon with a Pheasant skin on the dash. I might have been a redneck....

Happily Ever After was not to be...we divorced in 1994 and we have never spoken again. Through the grapevine I would find out that he got back together with an old girlfriend and adopted her daughter. He is now a grandfather and recently had his 19 month old granddaughter autographed by a hockey player. I googled him okay.

Visiting Mom and Dad!

I get the Ogden Standard Examiner on the weekends. I love to sit down with my bowl of Fruit Loops Life and my giant cup of coffee and read the paper. It generally only takes me 10 20-30 minutes to get through the paper because there's nothing not a whole heck of a lot going on here.

I love when I come across valuable information that I can actually use. Have you ever wondered how many times you really should be visiting your parents and your in-laws? Saturday's paper had an article about the Mom-o-meter that helps you determine how often you are forced required to visit your family.

Here are the rules.

Start with 2.

If you live less than 2 hours from your parents, add 6.

If you live 2-4 hours away, add 2.

If you live more than 4 hours away, but in the US, add 0.

If you live overseas, subtract 1.5.

If you have two or more children younger than 5, and you have to take them on a plane, subtract 2.

If one or both of your parents make you nuts and you're pretty sure it's their fault, subtract 1.

If everyone tells you your parents are terrific, add 1.

Your final score is the number of visits per year you should make...at a minimum.

Are you left with a negative number? Your score is ZERO!


What is your score?

Thinking About Christmas

There has been much talk about writing letters to Santa and being good so Santa will bring presents. So I was not at all surprised this morning when Mallory made a snowman.

112 sleeps until Christmas....

39 Things To Do Before I'm 40

DONE!   (19/39)

1. Take a Cooking Class

2.  Lose 30 pounds

3.  Do a 5K Race
4.  Learn to Knit

5.  See Wicked The Musical

6.  Go to Vegas with Bobbi

7.   Go Hiking
8.   Be a part of a Flash Mob like this one.
9.   Go to the Logan Farmer's Market
10. Rent a Cabin
11. Have a Party

12. Make a Gingerbread House

13. Run Walk Red Rocks

14. Bake a Loaf of Bread

15. Make  Start a Quilt
16. Make Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls
17. Make Jam
18. Have a Beer Tasting
19. Find and purchase Stilettos
20. Start Geo-Caching
21. Go to a Music Concert
22. Cook a live Lobster
23. Climb a Rock Wall
24. Visit The Golden Spike Historical Site.
25. Paint a Picture...on canvas
26. Visit  almost every coffee shop in Ogden

27. Organize my craft supplies

28. Wear a Bikini
29. Have a Family Portrait Taken
30. Have an overnight sexy date with iKeith
31. Be on Jerry Springer Oprah
32. Make Pasta (from scratch)
33. Go Fishing

34. Go Swimming

35. Visit a Vineyard
36. Go to Aquarium
37. Watch Casablanca
38. Ride in a Cab

39. Read 6 Books

• Such a Pretty Fat...Jen Lancaster
• Pretty in Plaid...Jen Lancaster
• I was told there'd be cake...Sloane Crosley
• Naturally Thin by Bethanny Frankel
• Love, Loss and What I Wore...Ilene Beckman
• My Fair Lazy...Jen Lancaster

Home Redo Challenge~ My Boudoir

Once a upon a time in a land far, far away...okay in Utah. There lived a husband and wife that loved each other very much. They loved each other soooo much that they had two babies in 10.5 months. This made them very, very tired.

Because of this endless tiredness, their bedroom became a place for fitful sleep, laundry piles and toys. It was often dusty and cluttered and not a nice place to be. They spent so little time in this room together that no more babies were made. hint hint

One day the wife said to her husband. I miss you. And he said he missed her too. So it came to pass that the wife would decide to make their bedroom a sanctuary where they could rekindle the spark that had brought them together in the first place. And they lived happily ever after.

The End

**************

I've been working on a plan for this room for a month as a part of Shortmama's House Redo project. I'm sewing a duvet for the bed and I bought some frames but I don't have all of the details figured out yet. This morning, The Inspired Room announced a contest to win a $200 giftcard to HomeGoods for a room make over! What perfect timing!

Our bedroom is a sad place. I love the color of the walls, they are kind of a seafoam green and the big window that looks out to the mountains and some trees but it has become a MESS! I never decorated it....only putting a wedding picture on the dresser. Our summer down comforter has no duvet and the ironing board (i don't iron) is a dumping ground for clothes that need put away.

Click on the pictures to see them bigger.

I really want to make this room clutter free....getting rid of the giraffe, the shelf leaning against the wall and the ironing board. I would like to put some candles on the dresser that could be lit during romantical moments.

This is my side of the bed. I have an old TV stand as a night stand and there is nothing on the wall above our bed. The only thing I like is the big mirror. I would put some artwork or pictures above the bed and I need a little side table for my books....and a lamp. A couple throw pillows would be nice on the bed too.


I love this window in our bedroom. It lets in so much light and there is a beautiful view of the mountains (more so in the winter). I would love to put a simple window treatment on the top of that window. It is the focal point as you walk in the room and unless the blinds are open...it's not a very pretty one.

Please Melissa...pick me and my poor lonely boudoir! Help me decorate my love nest and bring an old (okay...we've only been married 5 years) married couple back to each other.

And I might even be inclined to wear something like this when I vacuum.....


If you would like to enter to win a $200 giftcard to HomeGood, visit The Inspired Room and find out how.

If you would like to redo a room of your house this month and post about it with Shortmama and me. Go here and find out how.

Little Boy Gone

We went to the Ogden Farmer's Market yesterday. We've lived here for almost three years and it was the first time we'd gone. There were tons of people there and the section with the local grown veggies and fruit was very crowded. Calvin and Alex walked quickly ahead of us as if they were in a race and this irritated me. I wanted us to stay close...I didn't want to lose them in the crowd.

Eventually we found each other again and found a playground with a live band playing right next to it. We let the kids play with the other 15 kids that were already playing there and I went off to purchase some peaches and tomatoes.

I was only gone about 15 minutes and as I walked across the grass toward the play structure...I scanned the children's faces and I didn't see Alex. I saw Calvin and Mallory on the backside and he was looking too.

Alex was not there!

Calvin saw me and came over...said he was watching the wrong kid in a red shirt. Panic immediately gripped my heart and my brain ran in circles...immagining someone taking my baby away. I grabbed my iPhone, pressed 9-1-1....ready to hit the CALL button.

I held Mallory and watch Calvin walk by the booths searching. He was gone a few minutes and when he came back I told him I was calling the police.

That's when I saw two young ladies walking toward the playground with my little boy. His face was tear streaked. Calvin ran over to him and told him to never leave Mommy and Daddy like that again.

I spent the rest of the day holding that boy whenever he would let me and thanking baby Jesus for keeping an eye on him.

I try not to worry about the things that could happen. I try not to let that prevent me from living life...but it's hard. I feel like I work so hard to make sure nothing happens to my kids and then I'm away for a few minutes and suddenly one of them is missing. I wasn't there to protect them.

I'm always so torn about doing things for myself because if I am...then I'm not with my kids. I guess this is the Mommy Guilt that everyone talks about and maybe it will go away when they are in college. Until then...I'll just keep medicating myself with wine.

Christmas in August 2009

If you are a fairly new friend of mine, I'm about to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready?

I start planning for Christmas in JUNE.

I like being organized and spreading my purchases (gifts, food and ornaments for the kids) out over several months instead of trying to cram everything into a couple weeks. When I plan ahead like this...I have found that I am more relaxed during the holidays and we have time to make special memories.

You will notice that June was two months ago....and I'm behind schedule.

I'm getting a late start this year for several reasons. Many plans have been up in the air....Calvin agreed to travel for Christmas without discussing it with me and then recent events have made that trip unnecessary. I prefer to spend Christmas in MY HOME. Especially while the children are younger and have unpredictable behavior large sleep requirements.

The other reason is that for the last five years...Calvin's side of the family has drawn names for gift giving. It started out of necessity...because money was tight and the dollar limit was relatively low. That limit has grown over the last few years and I've enjoyed the arrangement...being able to focus on one person and spending my budget on them.

This year some family members don't want to draw names. This has caused me to stress out a little bit about the holidays and wonder how I'm going to spread my small gift budget out among 5 people. If Mr Scrooge Calvin had his way...no one would be getting a gift this year.

I had a poll up a few weeks ago. Thank you for voting and giving me your opinion. The consensus was that few nice gifts were preferable to several inexpensive gifts and many agreed with me that Christmas really is about the Children....and not receiving presents.

This all gave me much to think about....and I told Calvin a few weeks ago that I wanted to limit the amount of gifts we bought for the kids this year. Last year...they each had 22ish presents and it took two days for them to open them all. This is excessive!

When I think back to last Christmas....I can't remember what we bought them as gifts (except all of the THOMAS the Train stuff). What I do remember is all of the fun we had with the elves, playing in the snow, the tea party, making cookies, watching the Christmas shows on TV and attempting to go to the parade.

This morning I was googling *filling my child's love cup* and I found this article from The Natural Child Project and it was as if a giant light went on! To read the entire article click HERE.

In a nutshell....after spending all of our time shopping, baking and attending a bunch of holiday parties we don't have as much time to spend with our kids. Children crave attention from the people they love and they need to have their love cup filled or they feel unhappy.

If you try to make a kid happy by buying them more presents to make up for the lack of time you are spending with them they learn that things make them happy. We never want to substitute gifts for love or they require more things to try to fill the emptiness they feel.

What every children really needs is the gift of feeling loved, listened too, understood and useful. Our kids want to be with us and do things with us. Spending time with them is more important than any gift you could give them.

And so...I feel like I'm on the right track and this year we will be taking the focus off from gifts and re-direct it were it should be. On Santa Claus making memories, helping other's and Jesus. He is the reason for the season...afterall!

List of things to do in August/September:

Organize Christmas notebook and create list and budget spreadsheets.

Find a support group for notebook addiction. (carried over from last year)

Start thinking about gift ideas for family and kids.

Select a date for the Holiday Tea Party

Start working on holiday letter

HALLOWEEN: Decide on and purchase costume for the kids. Decide on costumes for me and Bobbi.

Why Girls Night Out is better than Date Night

Your girlfriends won't tell you that the bills are too high and put you on a spending freeze.

Your girlfriends won't bum you out talking about politics.

Your girlfriends won't fail to tell you how cute your outfit and hair are.

Your girlfriends won't go to their seat without you while you're in the restroom.

Your girlfriends won't forget to get you a coke.

Your girlfriends won't drink 5 beers and then try to grope you during the movie.

Your girlfriends won't fall asleep and snore during the movie.

Your girlfriends won't hate the movie and then pick it apart all the way home.


Tonight is the first meeting of the Northern Utah Ladies Drinking Society. If you would like to become a member please contact me.

Hey John Elway

**no vlog today...I've got a cold.**

Bobbi and I were watching TV the other night when this commercial came on....




We both GASPED at the same time because of JOHN ELWAY!!!

We grew up in a little town called Greeley and we lived right behind the University of Northern Colorado (UNC) which is were the world famous Denver Bronco's used to have training camp every summer in the 80's and 90's. Bobbi and I would often spend the afternoons sunning ourselves and watching scrimmages and then she would wait patiently for them to walk back to the dorms so she could get their autograph.

The Bronco's coming to town was always a big deal in Greeley. There were articles in the newspaper about the players and rumors about them carrying on in the local bars. There was always a bit of excitement that you might run into a Bronco.

One Tuesday night in August in 1995, I was sitting in the bar at the Smiling Moose when HE walked in. There was an entourage of football players with him and he walked right past my table. The world stood still for a few minutes and my friends say that my mouth dropped open and I sat in stunned silence...unable to speak. John Elway had just walked past my table. He stood a few feet away, sipping his beer and talking to fans for over an hour. And I just gawked at him.

Fast forward 11 years, Keith and I were shopping for a new SUV. We decided to check out John Elway Nissan and test drove a couple different vehicles. I told our salesman what a huge fan I was and he took me upstairs and showed me John's office! I was giddy! If John would have walked in...I think I would have fainted.

Which brings me to why I'm telling you all this. The commercial that we saw the other night is just like the one up at the top of the page but a little different. The one we saw was advertising the Golf Tournament in Las Vegas in October. Bobbi and I looked at each other when we saw the date and we squealed....John Elway (and Justin Timberlake) will be in Vegas the same time we will be there for SITScation. We are formulating a plan to stalk John in Vegas!

**Keith would like to make it known that he does not support the stalking of John Elway and now regrets letting me go to Vegas at all. He is threatening to pull my sponsorship. But really...how much trouble can a chubby housewife from Utah get into anyway?**


"YOU'RE JUST TOO GOOD NOT TO STALK" -Frankie Valli Parody - More amazing video clips are a click away

Trials and Tribulations of Potty Training

I'm concerned about my parenting abilities. If I can't teach my children to PEE....what hope do I have of teaching them the important things in life? After a stressful week I began looking at preschools because I'm obviously not cut out for this. Those hopes were then dashed when Calvin* iKeith informed me that I would have to pay for preschool with my household budget and I'm not really a pork and beans kind of gal so I guess I will have to learn to school my children myself.

It seems as if I have been potty training for months. Hundreds of dollars have been spent on bribes in the hopes that my kid would POOP FOR THOMAS. That worked like a charm until the toys ran out. There was the hatred of underwear which then results in a trip to Wal-Mart to let the kid pick out his own undergarments.

I've tried everything....stickers, treats and letting him just run neeked through the house. This actually is the only thing that worked but he can't Donald Duck it forever. As much as I want him to love his body....I can't let him run around in his birthday suit in public. At some point that should get you arrested.



Mallory joined in the fun last week...telling me that she wanted to use the potty. What she really meant by that was that she wanted to drive me insane and create a giant pile of laundry. Three days of training her and she never once went in the potty. She did however, pee on the floor and then blame it on the dog.

Before we went on vacation....Alex was doing pretty well. Not great but he was making progress. I didn't want to push the training because we would be on vacation and not bringing the chair. I figured we would pick up where we left off when we returned. I figured wrong.

Bobbi brought some Potty Training Propaganda home from work and I read it and confirmed that my child is RESISTING potty training. And it's all my fault....because my child has been reminded and lectured too much. They recommended that I put him in his underwear and then pretend like I don't give a hoot if he uses the potty. Don't ask him if he needs to go and just go about my business. If he soils his pants, quickly change into CLEAN underwear and not bring up the accident. They claim that reminders are a form of pressure and he will eventually decide to perform to get my attention. They have never met MY kid....

I started this new plan yesterday morning and he held his pee all morning. At nap time, I bribed him with a cookie to sit on the potty and then he slept with underwear on for the first time. After nap, he had some milk so I was sure he would need to pee soon. He told Bobbi that he needed to potty and came inside and went upstairs. And then he came outside sans pants and peed on the grass....just like the dogs.

And then I made myself a stiff drink.....

While I sipped my drink and watched Fox News (which is not at all relaxing) Calvin took the children to the park. He called me to tell me that Mallory was sitting at the top of the slide and refused to come down because her BOOBS hurt. He wanted to know where she got that from? How the hell would I know? She's 2 going on 15!

*I used to call iKeith...Calvin on this blog.  That was when he worked on a NASA project and we were in the witness protection program.

Mistaken Identity

When we were traveling to Wisconsin a few weeks ago, we stopped overnight in Omaha Nebraska. Our truck was parked right in front of the giant ashtray for guests to use as their smoke break station. I noticed a man in his 30's was leaning against the building enjoying a cigarette and when he saw Mallory in my arms, he asked if she was Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. I laughed and said No....then I looked around nervously and said...and if she is...you didn't see us. I quickly put Mallory in her seat and we left. I've always thought she looked like someone famous...I just didn't know who.

What do you think?

Casual Friday ~ Meet Julio!

I'm liking this Vlogging thing a lot. It's given me a reason to take a shower and put on make up on Fridays. WHOOHOO! This Vlog does include video of my trip to McDonalds to see my boyfriend. I'll tell you right now that I have to do it again...because I suckth at video taping. Or my camera is a piece of poo and I need something better. By the way, I don't know that his name is Julio...I just can't keep calling him the Micky D's guy so I named him Julio. And I think he kind of looks like a Julio. I wonder if I can get a pocket Julio?

Enjoy!



If you liked this and would like to see more Vlogging or would like to do a Vlog yourself and link up. GO see The Bantering Blonde!

Not just afraid...I'm scared!

As part of my attempt to take better care of myself I made an appointment to see a Dermatologist to have all of my moles inspected. (they all checked out fine) While I was there I was going to have her look at this spot on my face that I've had for a couple years that is like a dry patch that will never go away no matter how much lotion I put on it. The worried look on her face as she examined it sent chills down my back. She told me that she would be taking a biopsy of it to *see how bad it is*.

I have skin cancer.

I left the office and called my husband from the parking lot and I broke down. How could I have waited so long to have this checked? I racked my brain to think of how long it has actually been there and it's been at least 2 years...and it's grown. I spent the day trying not to think about it but the word cancer kept creeping into my thoughts. And of course I googled skin cancer which was a bad idea. I won't know anything for three weeks (sooner if it's REALLY bad) so I'm going to try not to worry...but it's hard.

In the back on my mind I knew this day was coming. I grew up being taught to suntan with baby oil and we never used sunscreen when we were out on the boat. As an adult, I had what they call Tanarexia....I frequented the tanning salon several days a week and bought lotions to make me darker! I'm happy to say that I haven't done any of that in six years but the damage has been done.

A few months ago I did a post called What I'm Afraid of....because of a blogging friend's son that was diagnosed with cancer. That is still my biggest fear...losing my children, and living my life without them. But yesterday, a new fear was born.....

The thought of something happening to me and my family having to go on without me is unbearable. I feel like an asshat for not taking better care of myself and allowing this to happen. There is so much I'm excited about and want to teach my kids and I know their lifes would be altered horribly without me here. I can't imagine Alex going off to college without me getting him ready and sending him care packages and how would Mallory ever be able to get married without me there to help her on her wedding day?

And Calvin. The poor guy doesn't even know where we keep the hammer for crying out loud? How would he function without me? In my mind's eye....we are growing old together and we are playing with our grandchildren....at a nursing home but still.....

Dear Baby Jesus,

Please, please don't let this be bad. My family needs me. I promise to always wear sunscreen and finally lose this 40 pounds. AND I'll cut back on the wine. Just please let this not be serious.

Thanks,

Connie

This post is in response to MamaKat's writing prompt.