Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Horton Hears A Wino

iKeith's last day at work was yesterday...last minute packing and trying to eat all of our TV Dinners.  Only three more days till moving day!  This is one of my favorite posts about our experiences in Utah.  I'm going to miss Brother Horton.....

P.S. I used to call iKeith Calvin on my blog...because of his important job with the space program.  

I thought it was over.

I was present when Brother Horton came over last week to retrieve his book about how a nice Jewish boy became a Mormon and I witnessed Calvin's 'we don't want to convert and we like our 'lifestyle' as heathens and yes, your religion sounds very nice but we aren't interested speech'. Brother Horton made one last appeal...I think it was to me, telling me that he had 10 kids and each time a new one came, he got a raise at work. God provided for them because they did what they were supposed to do and were good Mormons. That's great and all but Calvin gets raises whether we are Mormons or not. Nice try though.

We bid him farewell and then we had a beer. Because that is what heathens do.

Last night, I had just finished my Margarita, that I had to have because of the spider situation and was in the middle of planning our trip to Park City this weekend. I had just put the addresses for the two liquor stores into my contacts so that we could easily find them when we arrived.

Anyway....9:30pm. There is a knock at the door and it didn't even occur to me that it was Tuesday night and that it could be Brother Horton calling.

It was him.

He wanted to talk to Calvin. I went and tore him away from his World of Warcraft game and he returned with this:

He brought us a bottle of Grape Juice and asked us to replace it for one week with 'the other stuff'.

I love wine. I love it so much that I sent text messages (that Horton must be intercepting) this week, to my Sister and Brother-In-Law professing my love for wine. I don't drink it everyday....but at least once a week I like to unwind with a couple of glasses. Usually around Friday.

Wine makes me a better Mother. Sometimes, a glass of wine, enjoyed in the bathtub, at the end of a hard day of crying and changing poopy diapers is all I need to be right again. I just don't see Grape Juice having the same effect for me.

Wine has gotten me pregnant twice!! Alex and Mallory might not be here today if not for my love of the drink. Grape Juice doesn't make me Horny Baby!

I enjoy wine with food. Steak, cheese and bread, just taste better with wine.

Plus, Jesus turned Water into Wine! Jesus is a fan! Jesus must have loved wine!

Stay Tuned for my new favorite iPhone Application! Horton's going to love this one!


  1. LOVE this blog post title! LOVE! :)

    p.s. wonder if breakfast is too early for wine?

  2. Ha! I love wine, too. I think I got pregnant both times with wine. I tried the grape juice and it doesn't work. Good luck with the move!

  3. HA!! Love this post!! I think Brother Horton must have moved to Texas, as he is at my neighbors house each week!!!


  4. lol, I'm amazed you were able to tear him away from WoW. You would of needed a crowbar for me and I might have gotten violent over the bottle of grape juice. lmao

  5. I'm not sure how I would handle neighbors like that.

  6. Grape juice?? As if!

    Good luck this week!!!

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  8. This post is just as good the second time around.
    Have a safe move.

  9. OMG This reminded me of when we were in college the Mormons used to stop at My Hubby's Apt. all the time. We're Jewish and they loved talking to him. That is until they were told they could no longer visit him because they were not going to convert him! LOL


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