The Bachelorette~ The Man Code

Is it just me...or does something not seem right about this season of The Bachelorette? I am not feeling the love from any of them but maybe it's just too soon.

The very first words in my notes say...David is an A-hole. I really just want to reach through the TV and smack his face. His mouth is irritating me so much and I'm realizing that last week's shy, loss for words incident was all an act because this guy is cocky and has too much to say.

Jillian throws a pool party and invites 8 of the guys. Mike...sneaks off with her and ends up in her bedroom. He hangs off the balcony like Michael Jackson's baby; taunting the guys. Jill admits that there is something she finds sexy ABOAT him and then she leaves him half naked in her room expecting to receive a rose. That had to hurt.

The boys found out that Jillian had left the building and they were supposed to go chase her down in a Mini Cooper. I really liked this part of the show because I love watching men completely lose their shit minds on national television. Mike and Tanner were acting like complete nut jobs and if Joel McHale doesn't add this clip to his show this week I will be surprised.

They all finally find the map in the glove box, follow the clues, change into tuxes, pick up a million dollar necklace and find Jillian. The winners are Brad and Wes. Brad was the brains behind this operation and he is pissed when Jill decides to share dinner with Wes instead of him. I found the dinner to be awkward and I didn't feel like these two had any chemistry. I think Wes might be here to sell a record. She gives Wes a rose.

Jake is chosen for the One on One date with Jillian and she picks him up in a purple convertible. He asks her if she is a good driver and she says, 'No, I'm a woman.' Jill....come on! Some of us are AWESOME drivers. Maybe you should have went with , 'No, I'm Canadian!' She is dressed in the most adorable black fringe dress and red knee high boots. She takes Jake to get a cowboy makeover and he ends up in a ridiculous black shirt with white scrolling on it. But holy AB'S batman...Jake is built!

They go to a private club where they talk, laugh and seem to have a really good time together and then Martina McBride comes out to sing a couple songs while they dance. Jill is surprised that Jake dances so well but DUH...he lives in Dallas....I'm sure it is a prerequisite to becoming a citizen of the great state of Texas. Jake scores a rose!

The 2nd group date is with Jesse, Mark, David, Mike, Simon, Kiptyn, and Juan. They go to the beach to play basketball. They are all having a jolly good time until the Harlem Globetrotters show up and make them look like little girls. The Globetrotters pick David as a good match for Jill and I throw up in my mouth a little. They are all relaxing watching the sunset when Mike comes running down the sand in his speedo and jumps into the ocean. He is WHITE as a ghost from the waist to his knees and I'm sorry to say but there was a lot of room in the front of his suit if you catch my drift. Jill feels sorry for him and he receives the first Pity Rose of the show.

It's time for the Pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party and Tanner P starts off the night by examining Jillian's feet in open toed shoes. He is so excited about her choice in footwear that he starts to get all shaky and drooly. She seems a little uncomfortable and escapes goes off to talk to some other fellows.

Jesse tells Jillian that he turned down a 5 month trip to Italy to be on the show. Is he crazy? Robby makes her a drink called the ROZMO (half Rob/half Cosmo) and tries to talk to her but Wes steals her away.

Chris Harrison comes in and tells everyone that they must vote for the man they want to leave the house. Much himming and hawwing ensues and the guys don't know what what to do. Many agree that they don't like Juan.

Suddenly, Brian can't take the pressure anymore and he brings everyone out to the pool area and strips down to his light switch and jumps into the pool. Jillian is shocked and by the look on her face...a little amused at the size of his light switch.

The results of the voting are announced and the winners losers are...

3rd most votes....Julian
2nd most votes...David
The most votes...Juan

Chris Harrison says that Jillian has veto power and can give Juan a rose right now....or he must leave the party immediately! You know exactly what she does right? She gives him the PITY ROSE! It appears the new Jillian twist to this season is that she will give a couple Pity Roses each week. At this rate, she is going to end up married to the guy that she most pities...not the guy she most loves.

The Most Boring Rose Ceremony ever ends with 12 more guys getting roses.

David~27 Trucking Contractor from Ohio
*First Impression Rose, picked by Globetrotters as match for Jill, keeper of the Man Code, wants to tie Juan to a tree and beat him

Jake~ 31 Airline Pilot from Dallas
*gave her wings, first One on One Date, ABS of steel

Jesse~27 Wine Maker from California
*turned down Italy for Jill

Wes~32 Country Music Singer from Austin
*singing guy, winner of race & dinner

Michael~25 Break Dance Instructor from New York

Robby~25 Bartender from Houston
*made her a ROZMO

Ed~29 IT Consultant from Chicago

Reid~ 30 Realtor from Philly

Kiptyn~ 31 General Contractor from California
*heartbreaker

Mike~28 Baseball Camp Owner from NY
*good catch guy

Sasha~ 27 Oil and Gas Guy from Houston

Tanner P. ~ 30 Financial Analyst from Dallas
*foot fetish guy, loves open toed shoes

Mark~ 26 Pizza guy from Denver

Brad~27 Financial Advisor from Chicago
*co-winner of race

Tanner F. ~28 Sales Rep from Denver

Juan~35 General Contractor from California
*brought her wine, most hated man in house, dumps out his shots

And now for the guys she didn't keep.....Julien, Simon, Mathue and Brian.

You remember Brian...he is the dude that striped neeked and jumped in the pool during the cocktail party. His closing comment was that she might not have picked him because he was hung like a light switch and it was chilly out. I'm sure that David would agree that it states in Man Code that one doesn't unleash their manhood in temperature below 85 degrees. And then there is the issue of SHRINKAGE. He obviously doesn't know the first rule of Man Code...if you are hung like a Light switch then for goodness sake....Keep The Lights Off!

David better get a copy of The Man Code out to everyone of those guys ASAP!

On a scale from Zero to Bilbro....I rate this episode a 5.