Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The One About The Birthday Cake

Back in Lakewood, our dearly missed hometown. We used to buy our birthday cakes from a fabulous little neighborhood shop called Cakes by Karen. Oh the cakes! On any given day, you can walk into Cakes by Karen and sample cake. Fabulous cakes! They make cakes for all occasions but their wedding cakes are beautiful. I have been missing Cakes by Karen.

I decided that a Wal-Mart cake was not good enough for the Princess. Don't tell Alex but it was good enough for him. Shhhh. Don't tell him. Seriously, he understands more than you think he does. I decided that I would drive to the only bakery that I have ever seen in this stupid town and order a professionally baked birthday cake for my daughter!

By the way. It is worth noting here that there is also ONE donut shop in this stupid town and it is not always open. Just ask Robert about The Hole! the hole is closed....moose out front should have told you...WAAAAAA!

So....I walk into the EMPTY (as in NO customers) Bakery and I ask to order a birthday cake. The gal behind the counter looks at me like I am coo-coo for coco puffs and says....

Bakery Bitch:We don't make cakes....we make BREAD.

Disgusted Mommy: You don't? Oh, then can you recommend a place that does?

Bakery Bitch: hmmmm....No. Have you check the yellow pages?

Disgusted Mommy: No....haven't cracked one of those open in about 5 years. Not since the invention of the In Ter Net.

Bakery Bitch: Sorry.

Disgusted Mommy: Okay, well thanks for nothing....I mean anyway!

I got into my car and I thought to myself. You are not a BAKERY! You are a freakin BREAD STORE!! Freakin Ogden!! I said this while flaying around the car like a bee was in there with me.

And then a bright light shown down on me....in the middle of the dark and gloomy sky.

A message. Directly from God!

Make your own damn cake. Call it Cakes by Connie and stop your bitching!!

And so it came to pass, that I would drive to Target and JoAnn's and purchase the materials to make my daughter a fabulous, professionally baked birthday cake!!!! And it will be better than Wal-Mart...you just wait and see, oh disbelieving husband. You just wait. I'm gonna knock your socks off!


  1. Dude. The problem is that you live in OGDEN. Don't get me wrong, I have people I dearly love in Ogden, but DANG it is the "Detroit of Utah".

    I came over from Jen's site.

    Utah can be a VERY frustrating place to break into socially. Even if you are a Mormon...The problem is that everyone seems to have known everyone since birth and are fine having their social circles undisturbed.

    It's not fun being an inactive Mormon (That would be me.)

    Anyhoo...Some of us are fun. I'd hang out with you. In fact, if you want to grab coffee sometime, I know a lovely ghetto-ish coffee shop on Harrison and 31st that I go to when I'm in the area.

    At least you have a freaking Target. Logan is only "Blessed" with WalMart.

  2. i came over here from jen's site too...

    i'm also from utah.

    lor said it when she said you live in the detroit of utah. that is ogden, to a T.

    come up to the lovely valley of cache. or we could lunch at rooster's, one of my fave ogden haunts.

    email me anytime. i've lived here my whole life and i have a love/hate relationship with this damn state.


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