Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Bachelor Ben: The Ugly Cry

I just finished helping my son with THREE pages of Kindergarten homework so I don't have the time or gumption to write a big recap of last nights train wreck that is The Bachelor.  Instead....I will use bullet points.

Ben and his bevy of ladies are in Panama City.

Will Our Love Survive? Pack 3 Things. (Kacie B)
  • Took a helicopter to a deserted island.
  • She brought...a monkey, a corkscrew and candy.
  • He brought...a machete, a net and matches.
  • They re-enacted a scene from LOST.
  • Kacie B knows how to go with the flow.
  • Kacie B had an eating disorder in high school.
  • Kacie B gets the rose!

Let's Get Lost (Group Date)
  • Ben drives a long wooden dinghy.
  • Takes them to a village.
  • The Chief if kind of hot for a guy that is 4 feet tall.
  • Everyone changes into traditional garb...girls wear beaded tops.
  • Courtney isn't a prude and doesn't wear her bikini under her top.
  • Courtney's nipples are blurred out.  And her sarong falls off.
  • Ben looks ridiculous.
  • Everyone dances.
  • Lindzi knows how to go with the flow.
  • Ben likes Courtney's confidence and asshatery. I mean assertiveness.
  • Courtney struts around in her bikini while Jamie tries to talk to Ben.
  • Emily is now in love with The Chief.
  • Emily apologizes to Courtney and she doesn't accept it. Emily is dead to her.
  • Lindzi gets the rose!
  • Courtney invites Ben to her room.  He doesn't show up.

Save The Last Dance (Blakeley and Rachel) 
  • One person will go home from this date.
  • Ben is looking for chemistry so they take salsa lessons.
  • Blakeley is sensual. Rachel is stiff.
  • Blakeley brought her scrapbook and shows it to Ben.
  • Rachel gets the rose and Ben calls the cops on Blakeley for stalkerish behavior.
  • Blakeley goes home and makes plans to cook Ben's bunny.

Now I Have To Find Someone Else! (The Casey S Story)
  • Chris Harrison arrives early to talk to Casey.
  • Casey doesn't know why.
  • He says three people told him that she has a boyfriend.
  • They talked to the boyfriend and he says that they practically live together.
  • She says he's her EX and that he won't marry her but she is still in love with him.
  • Chris makes her talk to Ben.
  • Ben looks at her like she's a nutjob and kicks her to the limo.
  • Casey ugly cries on National Television and says...NOW I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE!

Rose Ceremony
  • Ben looks like Moe from the three stooges.
  • Ben tells the girls if they are not completely open....they should leave now.
  • Nicki has the most annoying voice but my husband pointed out that she has big boobs so it's okay.
  • Jaime gets drunk and straddles Ben for their first kiss but she won't shut her pie hole long enough for him to kiss her.
  • When Ben said he wants them to be open...he didn't mean Jaime's legs.

And the roses go to: (in the order that I like them)

Kacie B (from Tennessee, old fashioned, got first one on one date, baton twirler, LOST date, goes with the flow)
Emily (Ph.d student from N. Carolina, performed a rap, climbed Bay Bridge, can't stop talking about Courtney, performed another rap)
Lindzi (from Seattle, rode a horse and got first impression rose, drives a F350 diesel, had night SFO date, goes with the flow)
Nicki (divorced, dental hygienist from TX, bubbly, date in Puerto Rico, annoying voice)
Rachel (fashion rep from NYC, quit her job, chill, doesn't open up, date in Park City on a lake, winner of two on one date with Blakeley)
Courtney (Super Model from LA, mean to other girls, too good to be true, winning, verbally abusive, caught a fish, took Ben skinny dipping, didn't wear top at village)

Blakeley (VIP cocktail waitress from N. Carolina, made out with Monica the first night, sucked face with Ben on group date, giant forearm tattoo, likes to color hair)
Casey S. (Courtney's friend, has boyfriend)Jaime (dadless nurse from NY, doesn't like Courtney, straddled Ben)



  1. This is like crack. Bad, bad, bad for me but I can't stop.

    Any woman knows when she has an ugly cry. And that ass HAS to know she has a seriously ugly cry.

    Yet, she never once (that I saw) covered her face.

    I was embarrassed FOR her.

    I am way too into this. I totally need a life.

  2. I think the theme song for The Bachelor should be Rihanna's "We Found Love In A Hopeless Place" LOL

    I may have to watch this show sometime...it sounds like a great trainwreck.

  3. I love Kacie B. I might have a girl crush on her.

  4. I totally have a girl crush on Kacie B. She is so sweet. She better go to the end! Courtney can suck it, I cannot stand that stupid cat face she makes all the time when she is taking. I wanna smack her. She also is a super slut. I laughed my ass off when Ben didn't show to her room & I laughed harder when he didn't choose her for the first couple roses. Haaaaaa!

  5. I can't watch this anymore, it makes my brain hurt.

  6. I was about to die during Monday's episode. Seriously...between Jamie's neurotic behavior and Casey S. crying, I almost had to turn it off!

    My favorite part of the show was when Ben told Jamie he felt like he needed an instruction manual to kiss her. ;o)

  7. Sorry about homework drama- I know how that goes all too well. And as always fun to read your recap of the train wreck.

  8. I was waiting for this update. You know I don't watch and have to depend on you for my gossip.

  9. So I've been missing this one because I have been so busy keeping up with my own high brow shows of RHof BH, Revenge, and Watch What Happens with my man Andy Cohen :D Then I layered on that flippin' Pinterest. I wonder why I never get through my to do list. We haven't had a real home cooked meal unless you count Trader Joe's Asian chicken as home cooked ( which actually I do) for weeks, I feel like it is a productive week if I make it to the grocery store. We are just pulling our clothes out of the hamper, smelling them and if they aren't too bad we are opting to just wear them one more time. I am also three statements behind on balancing my bank account. So you can see why I just had to sit this season out. :D

    As for the book review, I am going to see the movie of Extremely Loud Incredibly Close this weekend. I'm guessing that you think I will be less than hyped over it but I always make it my mission to see most of the movies that are nominated for an Oscar of one kind or another.
    I thought you might also like to know that I also just downloaded the MWF Seeking BFF after I saw your recommendation. I kind of feel like this book is a little bit me. My best friend and I have lived in different cities for ten years now. I have a lot of people that I feel I can call to go see a movie or grab lunch with but a BFF? not so much. I miss that. Didn't know I missed it but when I saw the premise of the book I knew it was something I wanted to read. Who knows, maybe I'll try it myself. If nothing else I will decide that the friends that I do have are more special than I realized or maybe I will make a few new ones along the way. Are there really 52 women that I want to meet? That might be a bit of a stretch. I am rather selective. :D
    Anyway, thanks for the heads up on that one. I never would have found it on my own.

  10. I had to call JK in a panic because my DVR only recorded the first hour! I was pussed! Or pissed. I'm on my phone. Anyway, I'm glad you recapped it for me!!

  11. Was the kissing scene between Jaime and Ben at the Rose Ceremony not the most awkward thing ever!!! I had to hide my eyes. I was second-hand embarrassed for her. It was the weirdest thing I've seen since Virgin Brides on TLC.

    I'm SO glad Blakeley went home. She needs to get over herself.

    Casey S was annoying by association...by that I mean being Courtney's friend. And she is an UGLY crier.

    I wonder if Courtney will find a way to take her clothes off in Belize. My guess is "yes"...I'd actually put all my chips on it if I were in Vegas. I bet there is a way you can bet on this stuff. We should look into that. We could probably fund out Cali trip.


I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!