Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Bachelorette...Moving to Canada

I was all excited for this week of The Bachelorette because we were going to find out who has a girlfriend back home. And then I was bored out of my cotton pickin mind for 1.5 hours.

We start out every episode in the bunkhouse with all of the guys looking all casual and wearing stupid hats. A few like to wear them backwards because they are afraid someone is going to pour something down their neck, some wear hats that are too small for their freakishly large heads and some wear these ridiculous beanie hats because it is cold in California.

This week Chris Harrison told them to pack their bags because they are moving to Canada! Everyone is happy to leave these close quarters and I'm sure Juan is hoping for more rooms to hide from David.

Jillian greets them in a cute grey and black dress at a fancy hotel where she has rented them a 3 bedroom penthouse suite! They have Champagne and appetizers to celebrate their good fortune and then Jill leaves them to choose their bed buddies room mates.

The first date card arrives and it is for Kiptyn. Jill meets him in a park and she is wearing a misshapen maternity jacket and of course, boots. They get into some Kayaks and race to a bridge. She lets Kip win. Then they went shopping for food and went back to her place to cook. She goes crazy over the fact that he came up behind her to kiss her while she was plating the food. I actually liked this date a lot. I've always said that you will find out more about a person doing everyday things than on a fantasy date. Next...I think she and a date should have to take care of a baby. The date goes well and Kip gets a rose.

Back at the Penthouse....the group date card comes and then the two left over realize that they are going on the 2 on 1 date (not to be confused with a Threesome) and they start to panic.

The group date takes place at some Olympic Ice Place and the guys have to learn to curl. They split two teams and have to successfully get their rock from one end to the other to win a dinner date with Jillian that night. The losers have to go back to the penthouse to console each other talk crap about Juan, David and Wes.

The Red Team wins and they all get cleaned up and head to a yacht where they drink shots and eat crab. Jill tells Jake to try to be himself and not so perfect....he looks concerned and later asks David if he is too perfect. David tells him that chicks like a challenge and he is too easy. Then Jill has some alone time on a bed with Jesse. Lastly, she has some time with David. Right away he tells her that he likes her hot @ss and she looks good in spandex. He is feeling a little too comfortable with her and is throwing cuss words around. He leans in for a kiss just after uttering the F word and she pulls away. He is offended and mentions that she has kissed everyone in the house. She says she is not that girl and he tries to touch her shirt. David tells the camera that she is playing hard to get because he is a challenge and she is INTO HIM. Poor stupid David....she's really not that into you.

Jesse gets the rose for being a really nice guy.

Jillian meets Mike and Mark in a park and Mike runs up to her like a girl. I half expected him him to wrap his legs around her waist! Mike comments that he wishes he had thought of that. They walk over to a yellow helicopter where Jill is about to pop their cherry. Off they go, flying over mountains and snow with Mike sitting between Mark and Jillian. Awkward! They land at Grouse Mountain and have a nice meal. Mike is being very open and complimentary of Jillian and Mark is sitting on his hands.

They each get some alone time and Mark over shares about all of the heartbreak he has had, confessing that he thinks he has been cheated on. And here it comes....The Pity Rose. Mike leaves on the equivalent of a Canadian city bus....a gondola.

Cut to the Penthouse....a bell boy comes for Mikes luggage and because they are in a hotel, they don't have to chase him down the hall to see where he is going.

Finally, it is time for the cocktail party and Jillian wants to snuggle with Reid but she knows she needs to talk to him. Wes tells her that he is ready to settle down and have kids and that he has lots of love to give because he has a girlfriend. Jake talks to her about their conversation on the boat and he wants Jillian to know that he really is as perfect as he looks.

Tanner Pheet decides to be the man and tell her what she needs to know about guys in the house. He tells her that some guys have an agenda and someone has a girlfriend back home. She is visibly upset and asks him to tell her who. He won't give her any more info so Jill cuts the party short and goes off to cry and talk to Chris Harrison who is obviously not giving her any info either.

The group is assembled and Chris Harrison tells them that whoever isn't being honest needs to come clean right now. Jillian is trying to find love dammit and she doesn't like to share her toys men. No one confesses anything. A couple of them look slightly guilty and Jake tells everyone that he is going to be pissed to find out that someone has a girlfriend and is taking time away from Jill that she could be spending with him. David wants to know who the tattletale is and Tanner Pheet looks like he is going to throw up. Juan knows it was Tanner and keeps looking at him.


Finally, the ceremony goes on and she sends home Juan and David. At this point I'm concerned for Juan's life and hope he can escape the hotel before David beats the crap out of him. David asks Jillian WHY? and she says 'it just wasn't right' which he interprets as she doesn't know. Dave is sure that Juan threw him under the bus.


Juan is whisked away to safety in a cab and Jillian apologies to the rest of the guys for her behavior.

If this show doesn't pick up pretty soon...I'm going to have to stop watching. It looks like next week there is lot's of crying so that seems promising.

David~27 Trucking Contractor from Ohio
*First Impression Rose, picked by Globetrotters as match for Jill, keeper of the Man Code, wants to tie Juan to a tree and beat him, acts like a Toddler, a challenge

Jake~ 31 Airline Pilot from Dallas
*gave her wings, first One on One Date, ABS of steel, perfect

Jesse~27 Wine Maker from California
*turned down Italy for Jill, MVP of Curling, wants to be a Canadian

Wes~32 Country Music Singer from Austin
*singing guy, winner of race & dinner, allegedly has a girlfriend

Michael~25 Break Dance Instructor from New York
*in gay scene with Mike, has a crush on Jill

Robby~25 Bartender from Houston
*made her a ROZMO, great movie scene with Jill, agrees with David

Ed~29 IT Consultant from Chicago
*looks like Denny, popped his helicopter cherry, workaholic

Reid~ 30 Realtor from Philly
*been in love 1.5 times, cuddly

Kiptyn~ 31 General Contractor from California
*heartbreaker, great chemistry with Jill, charitably

Mike~28 Baseball Camp Owner from NY
*good catch guy, in gay scene with Michael

Sasha~ 27 Oil and Gas Guy from Houston
*looking for the mythical unicorn

Tanner P. ~ 30 Financial Analyst from Dallas
*foot fetish guy, loves open toed shoes

Mark~ 26 Pizza guy from Denver
heartbroken and cheated on, winner of threesome

Brad~27 Financial Advisor from Chicago
*co-winner of race

Tanner F. ~28 Sales Rep from Denver

Juan~35 General Contractor from California
*brought her wine, most hated man in house, dumps out his shots, gentleman, cheese-ass

10 comments:

  1. I am very, very, worried about you.

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  2. Haaa - Connie you crack me up! Thanks for the update. I am not watching it because I am fed up with the Bachelor shows. But, reading your post almost makes me want to start watching again!

    Have a great day. Good luck with the potty training!

    XOXO
    Jen

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  3. The first 2 paragraphs had me ROLLING!

    To expand on the baby date, I think (instead of just one baby) they should have to care for an ill infant and potty-training toddler. THAT'S REALITY!

    You think Juan had to enter the Witness Protection Program?

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  4. Girl, how do you retain all this from every show?!? Do you take notes?!?

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  5. I loved the pictures you doctored up :) I too was hoping for someone to admit they had a girlfriend....looks like something might happen next week ;)

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  6. @Vivie Don't be worried...it's all good clean fun!

    @Jen Ditto (that's Canadian for Me Too)

    @JenJen I'm fed up too but I'm invested in this crappy show and I can't stop. I've tried. I didn't watch season 2 and I've always regretted it. Potty training sucks....because I can't throw him outside like a puppy but I still have messes on my carpet.

    @Sturgmom! YES! That is exactly what they need. I will offer up my kids for the show. And yes, I believe that Juan needs protection. Can't wait for the reunion show!

    @Kristen Yes, I take notes. Although I didn't take as many this week...I was bored!

    @Raising Z Can't wait for next week...I like when they cry.

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  7. Loved your recap, and the pic's you put up with the hilarious captions. Your take on the Mike/Mark date was so right on and I TOTALLY noticed that Mark was sitting on his hands too. So funny! I finally put up my post, it is a day late because I was out of town. Let me know what you think about my PS at the bottom of my post, it is really starting to annoy me so bad. :) have an fabulous day!

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  8. I'm thinking I am OK to not have ever watched this!

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  9. I am in love with Jesse (27, CA- wine maker). Even though I am from NY and only 22, he won me over through the television.

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I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!