Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Only In Greeley

I grew up in a little town called Greeley.  It's about 50 miles north of Denver and is a bit of a cowtown.

It's also the exact opposite of Hawaii.

And...so much crazy stuff happens there.  It's one of the reasons that I left.  I was tired of reading my name in the newspaper.

This latest story is also a cautionary tale.  When you're done reading this, you will know what you have to do.  Get your camera ready.

A man in Greeley has been arrested on suspicion of burglary and theft after he allegedly took several items from his neighbor's home. 

The man is accused of taking sex toys and personal care items on Aug. 29 from a home in the 3100 block of 19th Ave., said Greely Police Public Information Officer Sgt. Susan West.

West said the victim happened to have several pictures of the missing toys and found a pair of binoculars on her bed that didn’t belong to her. She said entry had been forced through a basement window.

The neighbor and his wife consented to a search of their home. West said an investigator who had studied the pictures of the stolen toys was able to identify one of them in a backpack in a bedroom.

West said the remaining toys were returned by the suspect’s wife one day later. The suspect is charged with burglary and theft. 

Thank you 7news for this breaking story!


So...let's go back shall we?  The victim had pictures of her sex toys.  Was it so that they would be covered by her home owners insurance if there was a fire?  Or does she just like to inventory her sex toys?

And how would you like to be the investigator that got to compare the stolen sex toys to a picture and match those bad boys up? I wonder also how this brilliant investigator found the toys in a backpack?  Was it the buzzing noise?

Worse yet, how would you like to be the wife of perp who had to return the rest the rest of sex toys to her neighbor.  I hope she wore gloves.

I swear, this kind of thing only happens in Greeley.

Excuse now....while I go photograph my sex toy(s) for my insurance company.  Yeah....that's my story.









15 comments:

  1. That was so funny I just read it to Chris. I think "Only in Greely" could be a good replacement for the sorely missed "Connie Diaries..."

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    1. Ah yes, Kate....you might be on to something!

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  2. gross!! that is hysterical and SO bizarre! who steals sex toys?! and who keeps pictures of their sex toys? everything about that is weird!!

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    1. The picture thing is what's freakin me out.

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  3. Seriously! I was thinking the same thing...WHO takes pics of those things?
    Also...my BIL lives in Greeley...for reals. Gotta wonder who the perp was. LOL

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    1. For real? Have we talked about this before?

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  4. this is hilarious and yet very weird who does that kind of stuff

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  5. Who are you trying to fool, you don't have any sex toys! You're no fun anymore, remember? :)

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    1. I have A sex toy. You were with me when I got it. Remember our trip to Vegas in 2009? It's studded with diamonds....because I'm a freakin princess!

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  6. What happens in Greeley,no longer stays in Greeley. Too funny.

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  7. You say "only in Greeley"... You have no idea how many times we say "Only in Quyon..." Seriously. I could totally see something like this making the news in my town. Oy.

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  8. Sex toy inventory!!!! I'm dying!!! What does anyone want with a bunch of used sex toys anyways? Weirdos...

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  9. I mean, I guess you'd have to report it because it was a break-in, but awkward!

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  10. Wow! Crazy stuff...I agree with Kate...you should have an "Only in Greeley" segment :)

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  11. Ewe!! Yes why oh why would you steal someone elses???? Ewe!!

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