That Time I Flashed Father Marty

I tried on 14 dresses.  It is really very difficult to find a dark colored, conservative dress in the middle of summer.  I found one that I liked but Alex said I looked pregnant in it and it was $40.  I'm not paying that kind of money to look fat. No way man!

I finally gave up and decided to wear something I already owned....even if it wasn't appropriate.  I had spent  the morning writing the obituary and putting together a tribute video....I was emotionally spent!

The next day, I pulled out my dress and realized it was more black than white.  Perfect!  At the last minute I decided to wear my onesie spanx.  I told iKeith this decision could go one of two ways.  I'd either cry more because I was in pain, or I wouldn't be able to cry because I wouldn't be able to breathe.

As you can see from the picture....I was wearing a wrap dress.  What you might also be able to see is that it's tied in a triple knot because as I was being introduced to Father Marty my dress came untied and I flashed him.

Did you hear what I said?  My dress came OPEN as I shook Father Marty's hand.  He saw my spanx. I was mortified!

Father Marty sat in the second pew behind Bobbi while people were speaking about Robert and she handed him a couple tissues when she heard him crying.  She thinks it's because I've ruined his vow of celibacy.

Speaking of Bobbi.  She was never a Girl Scout, but she should have been.  She is so resourceful.

She ran out of hands and found a place to store her silverware!  Smart girl!

5 Stages of Grief

Until you're lost someone, you don't really understand the 5 stages of grief.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

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Depression

Acceptance

I've filled multiple pages of a notebook telling Robert how I feel and I think I'll keep this notebook to write letters to him when I wish I could call him up.  He's going to miss so many things....but mostly, watching his niece and nephew grow up.

The grief of children is also an interesting thing to observe.  Memories or thoughts about Robert have hit them when we least expect it.  I suppose this will happen for a long time and I hope to keep his memory alive for them.  We're already making plans to celebrate Robert's birthday and I'll have to come up with something for Christmas.  Anyone have any ideas for me?

Nine Years

On Saturday, I told someone that it feels like we're been married for 20 years.  She took it wrong....like I meant our marriage had been long and tedious, but that's not what I meant.

I feel like I've known Keith my entire life....like he's always been here holding my hand and snoring while we sleep.  We know each other so well that we often are thinking the same thing and finish each other's sentences.

I think the real test of a marriage is how you handle crisis.  I can tell you that the events of last week strengthened our already strong bond and we're more in love today than we've ever been before.  I know our love will stand the test of time because we are a team and we support each other.  Most importantly, we love like it could be our last day.

A last note about this photo.  The person on the other side of the camera....was Robert.  I wish I knew what he said to get this response from us....as you can see, it was hysterical!

Pieces of Robert

I feel like I need to apologize for all of these sad posts.  You guys know I'm an upbeat and fun loving gal but this pain and grief is weighing on me...hard.  Please don't leave me....I'm sure I'll be back to the funny soon.  In fact, I've got a funny story about the funeral if you can believe that.  Of course you can...it's me we're talking about here.

My kitchen and living room are full of Robert's things.  Keith brought another load home last night and now I'll have little touches of Robert everywhere.  His beautiful cat has adopted me...funny how that works and I'm now his person.  I think he sees the resemblance to Rob in Keith and stares him down hoping to hear his voice.

Meet André

I have another story for you.  This one makes my heart happy.  One of Robert's closest friends is Ron.  Ron is 69 years old and has spent his whole life on the stage!  In face, he choreographed the last play that Robert and I saw together last November.  Two days before he died Rob asked Ron to make him a new bracelet with red in it.  Ron finished the bracelet 15 minutes before he got the call about Robert.

On Sunday, when we were packing up Rob's house....Ron came up to Keith and put the bracelet on him and told him that it was meant for Robert. Keith, who is not a friendship bracelet kind of guy...is wearing it proudly!

Keith is back to work today and we're trying to return to our normal lives.  I still can't believe Robert is gone and feel like he could call me at any moment and make me laugh. What I do know, is that his spirit lives on....and that makes me happy!

The Broken Chair

Robert's service was really lovely.  There was a large turnout and several people spoke, including a woman he'd only worked with for the last three months.  This is how Robert touched people!  I'm proud of the obituary I wrote.  I figure it was the most important thing I've ever written.  You can read it here.  I also made a video, here.

Yesterday was a hard day. Robert had just moved to Aurora a few weeks ago and had bought new furniture, dishes, bedding and towels.  Walking into his home was like walking into a model home!  He really did have such great taste.  We had to go through all of his belongings, decide what we each wanted to keep and what to sell.  The kids each selected something from the house that reminded them of Uncle Robert and even though my largest momento is his cat André (seriously...he weighs 13 pounds)...I found a few things.

We brought everything home and started putting some of the items in the basement storage closet.  But first we had to move out two of the extra chairs for the dining room table.  Once we had kids we bought two extra chairs so that everyone would have a seat when we had family dinners.  When our family was all together there were always 8 of us.

I started to pull one of the chairs out of the little dark closet and it fell apart in my hands.  The back completely fell off!  I've moved this chair a dozen times in the last 3 years and it was always sturdy.  I carried it to the dumpster and as I laid it inside I realized that this was likely Robert's chair and we didn't need it anymore.  Big tears rolled down my face as I let go of the chair.  Robert will never sit at my table again.

Waiting to Exhale

My sister is on her way.

She was the first person I called after I heard the news about Robert and she immediately cancelled her plans for the week and jumped in her car to drive to Denver.  I feel like I'm holding my breath waiting for her to get here.

Keith and his family are making the funeral arrangements this afternoon and I've been tasked with making a slideshow of pictures and writing the obituary.  I don't know who has the tougher job.

So many memories have come rushing back to me.  Robert has been such a huge part of my life from the day I met him.  We became immediate friends!  He helped pick out the ugly furniture for our house, he helped plan my wedding, he planned and hosted my baby shower and brought Alex a stuffed animal the day he was born.  He took care of Alex and Mallory for the first time so that Keith and I could go to Vegas for a weekend, he was there for Alex's first day of Kindergarten, he photographed Field Day at school and he was there for the kids' singing performance at Barnes and Noble.

How do we go on without him?

He was supposed to be my back up.  He called himself my brother husband and said that if Keith died he'd marry me and help raise my kids.  I feel like I've lost my best friend.

We had so much fun together and so much of it is here on this blog.  Many of you have messaged me with so many kind words and thoughts for my family and you felt like you knew Robert because of what I shared with you.

I'm so glad that I'll always have these memories of my Adventures with Robert here to enjoy.

A Sad Day

A week and a half ago, my brother-in-law Robert stopped by our apartment.  He was moving from a place a mile away, to Aurora, a good 45 minutes away.  He wanted us to have something that he'd been saving.  A bottle of Champagne from our wedding.

I didn't know that would be the last time we would see him.

Yesterday, we got the call that he had died of a suspected heart attack and now we are planning a funeral.  We're heartbroken.  Please keep my family in your prayers as we deal with the aftermath and find a new normal without Robert.

TOTES! Journal Storage

A while back, my dear friend and partner in organizing all things showed me her Thirty One Tote that she uses for storing greeting cards.  Jessica is just brillant when it comes to finding clever way  keep her things tidy so I always try to steal borrow her ideas when I can.

Several months ago, I was walking around Home Depot.  I think I was looking for the bathroom because I constantly have to pee, when I found a bunch of handheld tool totes.  I looked that them for a long time and thought I should get one of these so I can copy Jessica.  I found the bathroom and forgot about the tote.

This week I was walking around WalMart.

Disclaimer: I drove 20 miles to the nice part of town so that I could have a pleasant WalMart experience.

I found myself in the tool section explaining what all the tools are for my kids and I saw it.  My Tote!!

TOTES!  It's perfect and purple and doesn't scream CRAFTSMAN on the front!  It's exactly what I was looking for and it was only $12.98. I snatched it up and took it home and hugged it for a long time before I put all of my stuff in it.

Here is what is in the my Journal Tote:

• Smash My Year Smashbook and Thirty One bag that Jessica gave me to hold all of my stickers and what not. 
• My kids journals that I write in every week
• My journals that I write in every week
• Sharpie Markers
• Papermate Markers
• Scissors
• Stuff that needs to go into journals (pictures, movie stubs, invites)
• HAPPINESS

It looks so great sitting on the corner of my desk and since I don't have a dedicated space for crafting/journaling and I ofter lug all of my stuff to the bedroom or in front of the TV, it's just perfect!

So now.  I made another purchase that was inspired by watching Jennifer from Tatertots and Jello participate in a crafting challenge a few days ago.  Have you seen the house that Jennifer is re-doing?  It's so cool and exactly what I'd like to do someday if I had a husband that was handy. Anyway!   I bought this!

It's for my top secret painting project that I just realized I can't start until next week because of the holiday coming up this week because iKeith can't know what I'm up to.  It's a secret!!!!  Shhhhh.....

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