Saturday, April 12, 2008

I need an iPhone!

You know those iPhone commercials. The ones where the people talk about how their iPhone came in handy and they would have been lost without it. That guy who was about to meet his girlfriend's boss and his fiance. And they couldn't remember her name so they looked it up on the iPhone on the couple's wedding website. And then there is the guy that no longer has to carry his man purse because now every thing he needs is in one handy little gadget.

I needed an iPhone today. You see....I'm late. If you are a chick, you know what this means and you will totally understand the rest of this story. If you are a man, your palms are now sweaty and you are not sure you want to read the rest of this.

I have a group of Mommies that I belong to a message board with that are my best friends. I share everything with them. The good, the bad and the hey guys, I'm two days late what do you think I should do. We are all avid POAS* pushers. We love to examine the lines and some of us have even found ourselves purchasing tests (16) from the internet, then buying 4 more at the store and peeing on them as early as 10 days before said time of the month is due to arrive. I don't know who this person is...but I heard about it once.

You should know that I am NOT trying to get pregnant. There was a time, a very short time ago, that I wanted another baby but I think I'm over it now. I still have bouts of baby fever but I usually just drink myself silly until the feeling goes away. If you watch The Young & The Restless, then you know that condoms are only 98% effective. Just ask Lily Winters. She'll tell ya. girlfriends were pushing me to POAS* and I was going out shopping today anyway so I decided to pick up some tests. First I went to Starbucks. Then I went to Target and while there...I suddenly had to pee. So...I consulted with my head girlfriend and she instructed me to purchase a test as quickly as possible and run to the bathroom and pee on it.

I got some in my cart but then got distracted by the pretty shoes and Amber started texting me...instructing me to hurry the hell up.

I got to the stall and got into position. Then the restroom started to fill with people. I sat there for the longest 4 minutes of my life while Amber texted me over and over with updates of how much time was left. I was trying to take pictures of the test with my phone to send to Amber so that the group could analyze it but my phone has had one too many trips into the toilet (thanks Erick) and the camera doesn't work! I wonder what the person in the next stall thought was going on with all of the texting and picture taking going on. And it wasn't just a text sound...for some reason my text alert tone is CRAZY by Patsy Cline. Maybe my phone is trying to tell me something.

All of this would have been so much easier with the iPhone. I could have had instant access to my message board and been live blogging while POAS*. And then I could have taken a high quality photo of the test, emailed it to Amber who could have uploaded to the message board. It would have been great!!!

Finally, the four minutes were over and the test was negative. I bought my monthly visitor some wine, maxi pads and some really good chocolate hoping she will show up. I just really hope that she isn't waiting to go on Vacation with me. Because she is NOT invited!!!

Do you think Apple would make a commercial out of my story? I'm going to pitch it to them. I think it will sell a TON of iPhones to women.

*POAS...Pee On A Stick


  1. OMG Connie you just crack me up!!! Don't ever ya!!



    Pure hilarity.

    I was hoping to read that someone in the bathroom made a comment about all of the noise coming from your stall and then what stick-it-to-them comment you made right back :o)

    I don't have an iPhone, but I have a Sprint PocketPC and have blogged live before. It's great!!

  3. Funny Connie. Thanks for the distraction from my own personal drama! Love ya!

  4. oh my goodness, how funny! You definitely need to pass that story along to Apple or maybe Saturday Night Live.

  5. This was hilarious. Lemme know if you get that iPhone and if it works in this same situation in the future!

  6. You are SO the new iPhone commercial...I can see it now. I am looking forward to how they handle the delicate bathroom scene. Super fun.
    Thanks for linking!

  7. DEFINITELY. I can see the tagline now: "Our iPhones are pee-proof."

    HA HA HA! How great, though that you have a great group of gals to share these things with!

  8. What a great post! So funny! You totally need an iPhone. I think your story would make the best ad EVER. it would make me want one...

  9. OMG!! You are hilarious and I am completely convinced I need this phone... NOW!!!!


I love you. You are my best friend! Your hair looks fantastic today!