The Bachelorette: The Love Train

I'm writing this with a water hangover because I did my drinking game while watching the show last night. Let's review.

Take a swig of your drink every time Jillian....

• hugs someone
• squeals
• says about in her canadian accent
• appears in an outfit wearing boots
• licks her lips nervously

Do a shot every time....

• Tanner talks about feet
• Jillian cries
• Jake says the word PERFECT

*****

This week the whole gang is going on a train ride abord the Rocky Mountaineer. This train is really cool! Tanner admits that he has never been on a train before (pop that cherry Jillian).
*BOOTS* Jillian admits that she is still missing ED and she hands a date card to Robby and it has his name on it. He's all nervous and meets her in one of the train cars for their date. They make a drink (because he is a bartender) and chat. *NERVOUS LIP LICKING*

Robby tells the camera that he is young and in between jobs. Jillian says she loves being around him but he isn't ready for everything that comes with marriage because he is too young. She hands him the Friend Card and drops him and his luggage off in the middle of nowhere.

The guys watch him de-train and again they are all upset because one of them is leaving. Michael starts crying and Wes tells the camera that he is just there to sell some records. And then he says something that gave me the ickiest feeling in my stomach. Here is the qoute:

The fame that I'll get from this it's almost like I taste it, I eat it and it comes inside of me and becomes a part of me.

Dear Wes Hayden:

I think you are a jack@ss. I will never in a gazillion years buy your stupid album or listen to your ridiculous songs on the radio. If I hear it's you, I will turn the radio off. You have wasted Jillian's and my time and you make me what to throw up.


The train stops in Emerald Lake and everyone except for Reid gets off to go snowshoeing. Tanner helps her with her shoes. *FEET* *FEET* They run around in the snow and play hide and seek. Jake finds her and he slips in a cuddle. He says this experience is surreal.

Meanwhile...Reid is on the train all alone with the crew and a bottle of red and he's asking them all kinds of questions like should he wear his glasses and a hat? I kind of like the glasses...but he is way cuter without them.

The group date moves to a lodge where they will snuggle near a fire and have cocktails. *BOOTS* Jillian and Jake go outside and he tells her that she is like his mom, very nurturing. I don't know about you...but that creeped me out. I don't want him thinking about his Mom while making it with Jill. He says that their conversation was electric but it looked more like it needed a jump start. The guys all come outside and ruin what he was about to do...show her pictures of his Mommy.

She talks with Kiptyn but all I heard was bla, bla, bla, kissy, kissy. And he felt her butt.

Michael asks her what she wears to bed and she says, 'underwear and a tank top but if she's drunk...just underwear.' Jillian, you naughty girl! Tanner decides to start a round of show and tell and whips his pants down to reveal his giant package that ABC has to blur out because it is too sexy for prime time. He is wearing some whitey tighty bikini type panties underwear and he is very proud of them. Jillian looks mortified and tells the camera that she is not ready to see the huge package.

Somehow the poor girl gets some alone time with Tanner and he rubs lotion on her *FEET* (times 7...that's 7 shots!) And he rates them a 9.5. Jesse tells Jill that this is feeling real now and he is having real emotions. Jillian thinks that they have great communication and a spark. Michael gets some alone time with Jill a fire and some marshmallows. He admits that he is the crazy young guy but that he is also romanic. He can't wait for Jill to meet his parents, brother and dog. Jill says that they don't have a physical connection and he is young.

The guys are all talking about the hometown dates coming up and Tanner confesses that he is the mole. Wes gets all defensive and says he hates a tattletale. Then he says that he's gotten what he wanted...publicity for his CD and he can just leave now, or stay and get the girl. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE!!

Jillian gives the rose to the person whose family she is excited to meet. Kiptyn!

On Reid's one on one date they go snowboarding and he is horrible at it. But Jill is impressed that he tried something new. *SQUEAL* They sit at an ice sculpture table and she asks him what his perfect life is like. He says in love, normal happy family and happy. His ears are red (from the cold) and he tells her that red ears mean that someone is horny.

*BOOTS* They go to a hotel to have dinner and she tells him they are going to have fondue. He informs her that he is a hypochondriac and is against fondue because he doesn't like his raw meat going into a place that meat has just been cooked. Reid...you are a freak! He also admits that physically she is not his type because he likes blondes with big boobs.

They talk *ABOUT* where they would live and he says he isn't worried about it that they would just work it out. Really? You live 2764 miles apart, it will just work it's way out? She tells the camera that they don't have a lot in common but she wants to meet his family. Reid gets the rose.

Chris Harrison is waiting for the train when it returns because the rose ceremony is going to be today! Jillian *HUGS* everyone and goes to chat with Chris about her week with the guys. *KIDS*

At the rose ceremony, Jill is about to get started when she decides that she needs to talk to Michael. She pulls him out into the hall and asks him if he is really ready for a relationship and he tells her that he always saw himself as a young dad. Good Answer!

Jillian sends Jake on the first flight home. He wants to know why. She just tells him that it wasn't right and he says that nice guys finish last.

Tanner also gets the boot and he says that he is heartbroken because his foot fetish didn't seem to bother her (but I think your giant package scared the hell out of her) so he doesn't understand. He is mad that Wes is still there.

And then there were FIVE!

So the previews for the upcoming shows have JAKE coming back. Apparently he has hijacked a plane (he is wearing his cute little pilot uniform) and he is busting in on a date with Wes and telling her that Wes has a girlfriend, which he is still denying. And someone has some trouble in the bedroom. BUT...where is ED. There are rumors that ED comes back while they are in Spain. I NEED MY ED!!

David~27 Trucking Contractor from Ohio
*First Impression Rose, picked by Globetrotters as match for Jill, keeper of the Man Code, wants to tie Juan to a tree and beat him, acts like a Toddler, a challenge

Jake~ 31 Airline Pilot from Dallas
*gave her wings, first One on One Date, ab's of steel, perfect

Jesse~27 Wine Maker from California
*turned down Italy for Jill, MVP of Curling, wants to be a Canadian, makes Jillian giddy

Wes~32 Country Music Singer from Austin
*singing guy, winner of race & dinner, allegedly has a girlfriend, is just there to sell records

Michael~25 Break Dance Instructor from New York
*in gay scene with Mike, has a crush on Jill, big goofy puppy, wants to be a young dad

Robby~25 Bartender from Houston
*made her a ROZMO, great movie scene with Jill, agrees with David, left for dead on the train tracks

Ed~29 IT Consultant from Chicago
*looks like Denny, popped his helicopter cherry, workaholic, had to leave for work

Reid~ 30 Realtor from Philly
*been in love 1.5 times, cuddly

Kiptyn~ 31 General Contractor from California
*heartbreaker, great chemistry with Jill, charitably

Mike~28 Baseball Camp Owner from NY
*good catch guy, in gay scene with Michael

Sasha~ 27 Oil and Gas Guy from Houston
*looking for the mythical unicorn

Tanner P. ~ 30 Financial Analyst from Dallas
*foot fetish guy, loves open toed shoes, tattle tale

Mark~ 26 Pizza guy from Denver
heartbroken and cheated on, winner of threesome, cheated on 4 times

Brad~27 Financial Advisor from Chicago
*co-winner of race

Tanner F. ~28 Sales Rep from Denver

Juan~35 General Contractor from California
*brought her wine, most hated man in house, dumps out his shots, gentleman, cheese-ass