Goodbye Billy Joe

The last few days I've been writing the story of my life before iKeith.  Before I moved to Denver, I was married to Billy Joe and I lived on a 660 acre ranch.  I recently found pictures from that life and I was going to write about it.  The story is hard for me because it was full of such turmoil.  When I moved to Denver, I was running away from a life that I thought I was stuck in.  A life I didn't think I'd survive.

So...I started writing the story a few days ago, starting at the beginning and the day I met Billy Joe.  This afternoon when I was googling the songs that were popular that day, I realized I hadn't googled his name in a while.  I google his name occasionally because he has a bad habit of getting arrested for not having a drivers license and drinking while driving.  Even though we've been divorced for 12 years I still worried about him hurting someone or himself.

I don't have to worry anymore.  He did.

I googled his name this afternoon and saw that he died on June 10th from injuries sustained in a car accident.  My heart practically stopped!  This is what I'd been afraid of and never wanted to see!  I read further and learned that he ran a stop sign on a country road and the man that hit him died too.

According to the obituary he has a wife and a son.  I'd always hoped he would get his life together and not be a danger to himself and others.  There was a time when I loved him so much and he was my whole life.  In a way, I'm relieved that he can't hurt anyone else.  And I guess this chapter of my life is finally over.  I don't have to worry about him anymore.

RIP Billy Joe.

Operation: Take Connie To Prom

My Senior year of high school was not my best year.  The summer before I had dated a real bad boy.  I broke up with him after I found myself involved in a high speed chase through a trailer park.  It scared the heck out of me and turned me off from dating for a while.

I spent my senior year working at Hillside Auto Supply and studying.   This is likely the only time in my high school career that I devoted so much time and energy to my school work.

My Senior Prom was coming up,  I hadn't been asked to go and I was completely fine with it.  I was paying for all of my own expenses now, because my Dad had been in a bad horseback riding accident and wasn't working.  I didn't want to spend my hard earned money on a silly dress that I wouldn't wear again.

A week before the dance, I got a phone call from Ken, a friend of my Mom that was an armored truck driver.  You know, the trucks that pick up money at businesses for banks.   There was a collaboration called Operation: Take Connie To Prom that I was unaware of.   The masterminds behind this plan were:  My Mom, My boss's wife (she also had her deposits picked up by Ken) and the entire office staff at my high school (also customers of Ken).

They all decided that poor little ole Connie should go to Prom and Ken should be the guy to take me even though....he was 27 years old and wore a toupée.

Yes.  That's right.  He wore a toupée

So I got a phone call from Ken saying that he was taking me to Prom, he already rented a tux and bought the tickets and made dinner reservations and ordered a corsage.  He wasn't going to take NO for an answer.

Shit!

So, I went to Prom with Ken and his toupee in his powder blue El Camino with curtains in the window and my friends all laughed at me and asked me over and over how OLD my date was.

HELP ME!

The only thing that saved my evening was the two Orange Wine Coolers that Ken gave me in the car.  This might be where my drinking problem started....THANKS MOM!

Ken called me the next day and asked if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle.  I declined....all I could think about was his hair coming loose and smacking me in the face.  We didn't go out again.


Note: My apologizes to my parents who are just now learning of the high speed chase and the wine coolers.  Lucky for me, I'm too old to be grounded.   I've also changed my dates name to protect his identity.  The truth is...I can't remember his real name and Ken sounded good.  

My Favorite Christmas Memory

The beautiful and skinny Mama Kat has a great list of writing prompts this week and I'm feeling chatty so I decided to tackle TWO of them. I'll also be posting my weekly Countdown to Christmas and Elf Shenanigans later today.


Share a favorite Christmas memory

My senior year of high school was much different than I expected it to be. Over the summer, my Dad had been in a horseback riding accident.  He was too injured to return to his job and he was going to school to start a new career as a flight instructor. 

A few weeks after school started, my car was on it's last leg, so I got a job at a local auto parts store as a parts delivery driver and right before Christmas I had gotten my first loan from a bank and bought a 1979 Ford Mustang.  Money was tight and I was paying for all of my own expenses with my little paycheck.

I hated that I was being forced to be an adult a year too soon and I'm sure I sulked around a fair amount of the time.

I wasn't expecting much that Christmas.  My parents had started selling things to raise money to pay bills.  My piano was gone and so was my sister's horse. We had the basics and that was enough for me. 

I was amazed beyond belief when I opened a small box and found a a ring with a sapphire stone inside.  I remember crying because I didn't think I'd be able to get a class ring!  We'd looked at them once and when I realized they were over $200 I knew I'd have trouble saving that much.  Somehow, my parents had scraped enough money together to get my ring.

I'll never forget that day.

List the top 9 things that bring you joy

1.  Holding hands with my children
2.  Planning a trip
3.  Seeing my children happy
4.  Watching my husband get excited about something
5.  Winning 
6.  Riding roller coasters with my family
7.  Eating Chocolate Covered Orange Sticks
8.  Laughing at my son's jokes
9.  Watching my daughter do gymnastics

Friday Daydreamin': Where Do You Love?

My dear friend and role model for PTA President, Becca from R We There Yet Mom, wants to know about the places that you LOVE!

I was going through a box of photos the other day and found family pictures from when I was in junior high school. It was spring break 1985 and we were in Lake Powell!  Twice during my teen years, we visited Lake Powell and rented a houseboat.

I'm obviously not going to make it on the boat.  Can someone give me a hand?  As you can see...eons before blogging was invented, parents took pictures of their kids in a predicament BEFORE helping them.

This must be where I got my love of visiting places in the OFF SEASON because a year later we'd visit Lake Powell during Thanksgiving.  It is cold in November and March but the prices can't be beat!  You also have the entire lake to yourself!

Here we are in a dinghy. It's windy and my hair is getting messed up and those are my actual sunglasses and yes, my pink collar is popped.  The 80's were very good to me. 

I have amazing memories from these trips!  I spent hours and hours reading, eating oreos and drinking hot tea.  I also spent hours practicing my cheers because I was going to try out for cheerleading and I wrote GREG AND CONNIE in the sand every chance I got.  Sadly, Greg never loved me back......

Friday Daydreamin'...Halloween Past

Becca from R We There Yet Mom is changing things up this week and having a Halloween theme! Post your favorite or memorable Halloween picture!

iKeith and I had been dating for roughly 4 weeks when he invited me to his friends' annual Halloween Party.

Of course I picked out our costumes without consulting him.

We had a lovely time making out in the corner...causing quite a stir. And we ran into my sister who was dressed as a hooker. We tried to save her....

Sister Mary Connie

Friday Daydreamin' : White Water Rafting

Linking up with Becca from R We There Yet Mom for Friday Daydreamin'!

In 2002, I lost a bunch of weight and decided that I was going to be athletic.  When my friends talked about going White Water Rafting in the mountains of Colorado....I said Heck Yeah!

Who can go wrong with a place called Good Times Rafting? 

My friends on this trip were my very hot friend Sean (seated in front of me) and my two best friends. 

We stayed a couple nights in Winter Park and I might have danced on a bar and sang Rocky Mountain High.


The rafting part of this adventure was really fun and exciting but the best part was when we got to a section of the river where we pulled over, hiked up the hill and jumped 30 feet into the river.


YES!  I did this!  I had just gone through a bad divorce and I imagined that I was leaving my old life at the top of that cliff and jumping into my new life where all of my dreams were going to come true.


And they did.  A year later....I met iKeith.

Smiley face to protect former best friend who became my boss and had me fired when I was 6 weeks pregnant with Alex because she was jealous of me.

That One Time...I Was In a Bar Fight

Thank you Mama Kat for today's topic. 

1.) Write about a time you shoved someone

Once upon a time when I was 24 and newly divorced, I met this guy in a bar.  This song played (in my head) when I saw him across the crowded bar and I knew he would be mine!

We started seeing each other and hung out a lot at our favorite bar called The Gambler. 

He told me about a long distance girlfriend named Melissa and that he'd been trying to break up with her for a year but she wouldn't have it.

And then he told me that he broke up with her and he was free to be with me.

He lied.

Fast forward a few weeks and I'm drinking an ice cold Coors Light at The Gambler when this giant goth looking girl walks up to me and asks if I'm Connie.  I'm thinking she wants to know where I got my beautiful blonde hair permed but no....

It's Melissa.

I say yes and she shoves me.  I shove her back and in a flash OUR boyfriend is between us and he and a couple security guards drag her stupid ass out of the bar.  As she's exiting the building I hear her yell...

I knew you'd find a petite girl!

Me? Petite? I'm freakin 5'8" and not very thin! 

And then I couldn't be mad at her and felt bad for having her banned from the bar because  she thought I was petite.

I miss Melissa.

We're Business Buddies

What is going on in the bedroom? Describe a memorable sleeper.

This is one of my favorite stories about iKeith.  I tell it to new friends every single chance I get and bring it up around iKeith's family even more.

When Keith was growing up, his parents ran a large foster home for children.  When he was older, they had transitioned into caring for older mentally challenged men.

For some bizarre reason...they would take these men to Blackhawk to play the slots and there was a deal where you rode a shuttle bus and got a room.

Keith went with them one time and he was rooming with Carl Stanford.  Carl was in his 50's and quite a character.  He really admired Keith and liked spending time with him.  Oh and he wore a suit and tie all the time.  Carl liked to suit up!

They got up and headed down to meet the other's in the breakfast room. As they got on the elevator a young couple jumped on; there was an awkward silence as there often is on an elevator.

Carl broke the silence by informing this couple that he and Keith had slept together and that they were business buddies.

Keith quietly interjected that they shared a ROOM not a bed, while the couple tried to stifle a giggle.

I believe this was when Keith stopped gambling.....


Linking up with Mama Kat and her fabulous Writer's Workshop!

Are you getting up early tomorrow to watch the Royal Wedding?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I made a iMovie for iKeith.  You can see it here if you'd like.  It's our love story...

Rules For Driving Connie's Truck

12 years ago....I was married to an idiot. He had major problems and the least of these was that he could not take care of a vehicle. He had recently drove his pick up into the ground...no pun intended and I bought a new to me 1990 Ford Escort. I then handed my pick up down to him. But I had rules.

It's really no wonder that our marriage didn't work out because I was clearly a bitch with control issues. Was.

I said WAS!

I Promise....

A few months after iKeith and I met and fell in love...we decided to buy a house together. Keith had always put off buying a house because he was waiting to meet someone that he wanted to marry.

The wait was over.

We found our dream house and Keith said he wanted to ask me to marry him but now he didn't have a lot of money left over for a ring. I told him a big ring wasn't important to me and that the house meant more of a commitment to me than anything.

We thought that we were going to live in his house for a very long time and grow old(er) there. Three years later we moved to Utah....I should have gotten a bigger ring.

While we were waiting for closing iKeith decided that we should go to Dallas so he could meet my parents. It was our first road trip together and we did great...no fighting or anything. Although there was an unfortunate Slim Jim incident.

It was early December,  my Dad was away on business and got stuck in a snow storm and couldn't make it home so iKeith asked for my hand in marriage over the phone. We were touring the wax museum in Dallas with my Mom when iKeith dropped to one knee in front of Bill Clinton (i have a little crush on him) and asked me to be his wife.

At the end of the museum tour there was a store where you could have your picture taken and put into the bodies of other people. 

This is us...engaged!

And a few months later....on a sunny July Day, my Dad gave me away for the last time and we were married in the backyard of our dream home. 

As a wedding gift to iKeith I made a list of things that I promised to do as his wife.   I came across it this week while I was packing and I'm going to give it to him again today.

I promise to be supportive.

I promise to make you laugh.

I promise to warm you when you're cold.

I promise to learn new things with you.

I promise to buy peanut butter and pickles.

I promise to be your best friend.

I promise to be naughty.

I promise to stand up for you and our marriage.

I promise to be a good mother to our children.

I promise to be dependable.

I promise to appreciate everything you do for our family.

I promise to be optimistic.

I promise to help make our dreams come true.

I promise to care for you when you are sick.

I promise to record Y&R every day.

I promise to honor you.

I promise to accept you as you are.

I promise to love you.

This was our first dance song....and I had Come What May inscribed inside iKeith's wedding ring.  Funny how this is the perfect song for us.

Blast from the Past

I guess some of you are wondering what happened to me.

I've been working on my little project: Operation Move That House. Or something like that.  Yesterday I decided to tackle my craft supplies.  I discovered that I have more fabric and felt than any one person should have and that I thought at one time that I was going to open a stamping store.

I had lots of hard decisions to make regarding my crafting future and purged lots of stuff. I know I love to quilt and make pillows so I kept most of the sewing stuff. And the stamping supplies because you never know....

I also got my new iPhone 4 yesterday and I had to spend some time getting to know my new friend.  I love it...by the way.  And it will probably be my last new toy since soon...my standard of living will be lowered. 

While decluttering yesterday, I came across a photo album from 1994-1995.  It only had a handful of pictures but the one's I saw made memories flood back.

I thought I had destroyed gotten rid of all of the pictures of my ex-husband but this one was hiding out in the album.  This was taken right after I met him and it appears we were at a red neck UFO convention sponsored by Coors Light.

I don't talk about my marriage to Billy very much because it was a really dark,  hard time in my life.  There were times that I didn't think I could live through it and I wanted to end it all.  I thought I was stuck....until the stars aligned and everything fell in place for me to leave and start a new life.

That was 10 years ago.....

Seeing these pictures prompted me to google his name and I was shocked at everything that came up!  Since I saw him at the Las Vegas Airport in the last year he has:

• Applied for a marriage license (but not married).
• Been arrested for Assault in the 3rd degree, menacing and child abuse.
• Re-arrested for violating his restraining order.
• Fathered a baby boy named Charlie.
• Graduated from a community college with a certificate in welding.

And 10 days ago...his baby mama was arrested for contempt.   I had that in spades for him...thank god no one ever caught me!!

I'm counting my lucky stars that I got away from him when I did.  And I'm so sad for little Charlie...2 1/2  months old and his Mom was in jail.

Today...I'm hitting the town with Shannon, Sara to have some drinks (milk for Shannon...she's 8 months pregnant) and see a movie.  I'm completely disgusted that Sex and The City 2 is not long playing in many theaters!  Whatever...

I'll Be There For You.....

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.  A.A. Milne 

During my trip to Colorado last week....I made more of an effort to take time for myself. Of course, I'd hoped I'd have more time because I wanted to go to the Boulder/Broomfield area and visit Denise and Cari but time goes so very fast on vacation that I didn't get to. Sorry guys! Next time....

On our way to Denver, we stopped in my old hometown of Greeley. I took Calvin to my old neighborhood and we shared a vanilla shake at the Drive Inn.  It had been way too long since I'd seen my friends and their families. Anne* and Kathy* have been my BFF's for the last 15 years. Through marriages, births of children, and a couple divorces. These girls were with me and helped me through one of the darkest times of my life and I'll love them forever.

Kathy, Me and Anne

A post about girlfriends wouldn't be complete without talking about my day out with Robert*.  He took me to brunch at this cute little place in Cap Hill (more about this later on my food blog, subscribe...so you don't miss it.) and then we went shopping at The Cherry Creek Mall.  We had a blast!  He tried to make me try on a $137,000 ring at Tiffany's, but I refused because if I touched it, I'd want it.  Here we are modeling the latest hat fashion's from Anthropology.

Me and Rob

One night, I went to a bar.  I was going to meet a couple gals that I had worked with previously and a brand new friend that I met on twitter.  Katherine* and I worked at the collection agency together and became fast friends when we discovered that we didn't like most of the people we worked with.  Every morning we'd go down to the coffee shop in our building and grab a coffee and bagel and talk a mile a minute...and then we would talk more at each other's desk.  We also both had a crush on our boss Ken. Martha* didn't come...canceling at the last minute.  Bummer.

 

Me and Katherine

I love meeting new people that I've gotten to know from my blog and twitter.  I'd recently become acquainted with Tina from My Lipstick Life and I was so excited when I found out that she lived in Denver.  She agreed to come out to the bar, even though her daughter was very concerned about her meeting a stranger from the internet.  LOL!  Have you ever met someone for the first time and feel like you've known them forever?  Tina and I could have chatted all night!  AND Kat and Tina live in the same neighborhood and now they are going to be friends too.  Isnt' that awesome?

 

Tina!

*These people do not have blogs OR Tweet.  Crazy right? 

P.S.  I'm noticing a trend here....I only wear black and aqua. Three different outfits....same colors.  Funny!

Regrets...I have a few.

I'm sitting here crying because I just read a lovely post from Any Mommy, titled Mother's Milk...it's about breastfeeding.  It brought up all kinds of memories and reminded me how mad I am.

Since I reserve the right to use this blog as therapy....feel free to leave right now if you don't want to hear me talk about my (*)(*)  and come back tomorrow. (please come back tomorrow)

I breastfed Alex less than an hour after he was born. It was a struggle at first but once we got home it became easier. He was a hungry little guy and he always made the sweetest little drunk face when he was done.

He became a huge fan of (*)(*) and got his Grandpa Bob to take him to Hooter's when he was only a few weeks old.  Grandpa Bob also bought him a special shirt.

his shirt says I *heart* Boobies!

Since Alex was my first and only baby....I was able to devote huge amounts of time to feeding, cuddling and adoring him.  Those were leisure days of hanging out staring into each other's eyes, daily photo shoots where I dressed him in new outfits and naps.  It was a dreamy time that I'll never forget and always long to return to.


When Alex was about 3 months old, my supply dropped.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong and had to start giving him formula because he wasn't getting enough to eat.  I tried everything I could to bring my supply back...including drinking beer.


Which wasn't the best idea, I discovered,  because the reason for my milk drying up was because I was pregnant again.  And I was devastated that I couldn't nurse anymore.  Our special time each day and him reaching up with his little hand to touch my face...was over. 


I had Calvin take a picture of me nursing him (Alex...not Calvin) one last time and it's a picture I'll cherish forever.


Fast forward 7 months....Mallory is born; three weeks early.  She is jaundiced and requires a bili blanket for  the first week of her life.  She was immediately taken from me when I delivered her and wasn't brought back to my room for 6 hours.  During that time, the nurses had asked my permission to give her formula because she obviously needed to eat and they refused to bring her to me.  Finally, I tried to nurse her and she didn't want anything to do with it.  I tried for hours....


The next morning, the nurses told me to stop because it was better for her to drink formula due to the high levels of bilirubin.  They told me formula would remove it from her body faster and that breastfeeding slows it down.  I believed them and reluctantly stopping trying to feed her...and it broke my heart.


And this is why I'm mad.  Read this quote from breastfeeding-basics.com.

The colostrum and milk she receives will help her move her bowels, speeding up the elimination of bilirubin from her system A sick baby needs the benefits of breastmilk even more than a healthy baby.

I'm mad that the nurses didn't let me nurse her immediately and then lied to me and told me it was better for her if I didn't nurse at all. I'm mad that because I didn't have a good enough reason to hold my new baby constantly for the first week of her life, my mother in law held her instead while I cared for Alex.  I'm mad that Mallory and I didn't get to have that special time together and it took us weeks to really bond.


And I'm mad that I didn't stand up for myself and what I wanted.

19 years ago today...

It was a beautiful day for a redneck wedding and Bobbi and I went to the hairdresser to have our tresses curled and sprayed into pretty cascades of blonde hair. I remember driving us out of town to the church in Kersey and being nervous.

Much of my extended family had come to Colorado for the big event and I was happy that all of my Grandparents had travelled long distances to spend this special day with me.

My Grandma Evelyn helped me into my borrowed dress and veil in the church's nursery and she pointed out the fact that I did not fill in the top of the dress. I clutched my silk flowers and fully thought I might be sick.

My husband to be...had broken his wrist while working as a cement truck driver and his funny Mom wrote THIS LEFT on his cast...I would laugh at this during the ceremony and it would keep me from crying. I could also hear 15 year old Bobbi chomping on her gum.

We left the church as husband and wife...in a Gold Trans Am with cans tied to the bumper and soaped up windows. My Mustang was also decorated (they didn't know which car we would take to the reception) and my Uncle and Cousin would end up driving it...getting funny looks from people. They surely thought his daughter was his young bride!

We had a small reception with goodies purchased from Sams club and served punch because I was underage. My colors were pink and light green.


My cousin Jenny agreed to be my guest book attendant. This was exciting to me because that meant I had TWO people in my wedding party.

those pearls between my eyes made me cross-eyed

That night several of my friends and family would go to Bruce's Bar in Severance. We ate Rocky Mountain Oysters and danced to a live band....until 8Pm when the bride had to leave because she was only 19 years old. This was our song and should have been my first clue that things might not work out. My boss at the store sang this song during our wedding. I would listen to it over and over and think what a bullshit situation I'd gotten myself into. Til my death? Seriously? Love is blind....

****
I met my ex-husband on the Fourth of July at the Independence Stampede Dance. He was wearing a hat from the Auto Parts Store where I worked and I pestered him to tell me how he got the hat. He had just gotten out of the Army and wasn't interested in talking to a youngster me so I hooked up with his step-brother. I would date him for 3 months, until he realized that dating an older woman when you're a senior in high school isn't cool.

Two weeks after that break up...Dean asked me out and I said yes. His brother was not pleased and I thought we might end up on Jerry Springer. We married 11 months later after a whirl wind courtship.

We lived in the country, had a black lab named Sam, went deer and goose hunting and I drove a 68 Dodge Powerwagon with a Pheasant skin on the dash. I might have been a redneck....

Happily Ever After was not to be...we divorced in 1994 and we have never spoken again. Through the grapevine I would find out that he got back together with an old girlfriend and adopted her daughter. He is now a grandfather and recently had his 19 month old granddaughter autographed by a hockey player. I googled him okay.

The Gift You Are....

I will always look back on my pregnancy with Alex as being perfect. From the moment I found out I was expecting, I felt a peace and joy that I wasn't expecting. We had lost a pregnancy 7 months before and I was nervous but somehow I knew everything was going to work out.

When I was six weeks pregnant I lost my job. At the time...I thought it was the worst thing that could happen but soon realized it was a tremendous blessing. Being home...allowed me to enjoy each and every day of my pregnancy, plan and make a quilt for my beloved.

The day that we found out we were having a little boy was another fabulous day. I remember Calvin and his Mom holding my hands during the ultrasound and we all cried. And then we went to breakfast at The Village Inn and to Babies R Us to register. Another perfect day....

My Dad helped me paint Alex's room and soon after my Mom came from Dallas to attend my baby shower. I made candles and gave them to all of my friends and family for them to light when I went into labor. The thought of all of those flames burning for me as I brought my first born son into the world made me so happy.

I was born on my due date and my midwife told me that is a rare occurrence. So on April 16th when I started having contractions I thought Alex would arrive early. These off and on non-painful contractions went on for two days...then on the 19th I had them more frequently and once evening came they where coming much faster. I didn't want to miss my favorite show so I waited until after The Amazing Race was over to call my midwife and she said I could come in. We called my Mother-in-law and she met us at the hospital.

When we checked in around 10:30pm, I was only 2 CM dilated and I decided that I still wanted to try to have Alex without drugs but I was so tired from not sleeping well for the last two days and I was dehydrated so around midnight I got the epidural. I was thrilled because it looked like Alex would be born on his due date!

I should have taken this opportunity to get some sleep but we were all too excited! Finally at 2 AM, I fell asleep. The nurse checked me at 4 AM and I was 7 CM, then at 7 AM I was 9 CM...almost 10. I was told my midwife had just arrived and I could start pushing in 30 minutes! And this is where I freaked out! I started feeling sick to my stomach and had horrible heart burn. They gave me Zantac but I threw it up so they gave me a cracker. An hour later that came up too. Maybe I should have had TWO crackers.... I started pushing (which made me even sicker) at 8:30am and after almost 2 hours of pushing....at 10:04am my precious baby boy was born.

Alexander Calvin Weiss III
7 pounds 1 ounce
20 1/4 inches

He was perfect and so adorable and an hour later I was eating the best chicken fried steak ever (the maternity ward had it's own chef) and watching The Young and The Restless! Alex has been the most amazing joy of my life. He is so funny and devious and witty and frustrating. He adapted well to becoming a brother so quickly in his life and is Mallory's best friend. I look at those piercing blue eyes that mirror my own and I melt.

How can he be 3? He is still my baby boy....

Happy Birthday Alex!

Imagine a month of Sundays
Each one a cloudy day
Imagine the moment the sun came shining through
Imagine that ray of sunshine as you

Remember your darkest hour
With dawn still far away
Remember the way that you longed for morning’s light
And think of yourself as a candle in the night

Make believe this is the first day
Everything all brand new
Make believe that the sun is your own lucky star
And then understand the kind of gift you are

The gift you are
like the very first breath of spring
The gift you are
all the joy that love can bring
The gift you are
all of our dreams come true
The gift you are
the gift of you

Because I love to celebrate my children's' birthdays with giveaways...I am giving away the new Yo Gabba Gabba DVD New Friends tomorrow. So be sure to come back and enter to win!

Whatcha Gonna Do?

I was supposed to write a post about Optimism today but I couldn't come up with anything. I was reminded of this story this week when I heard a certain song. You know how that is...you hear a song and it takes you right back to the place you were when you first heard it.

In 1996, I lived in a low rent apartment complex where many college students lived. I made friends with several of my neighbors and we spent many a night sitting out in the grass between the buildings grilling on our little hibachis, drinking beer and talking.

I made fast friends with two young ladies and one warm spring night they decided to have a party and they invited me. I was quite excited because I had never been to a college party since I had gotten married and went to work right after high school.

I tried to wear my hippest outfit which I'm sure was not hip at all because I was a 25 year old divorcee and I worked in an auto parts store. I think I probably did a shot before leaving my apartment to quell my nerves.

I arrived fashionably late and walked in to find the one bedroom apartment completely packed with very old teenagers. The kitchen table was shoved against the wall and contained all kinds of party food. Chips, dip and cookies and in the center of the little kitchen where the table used to be was a keg of beer.

I made my way through the crowd to my friends and they were pretty much already wasted. I couldn't understand a word they were saying and you couldn't hear yourself think anyway because of the noise.

Seeing as I didn't know anyone else and they ALL seemed to know each other I decided to grab a plastic cup of beer, sit down in front of the stereo and play DJ. I had just started to shuffle through the CD's when there was a knock on the door.

Enter Officer Gilman.

There had been a noise complaint and he wanted us to quiet down. If he had to come back there was going to be trouble! I giggled to myself.....I was the oldest person at this party and now the cops had shown up.

We quieted down for a little while and slowly the noise level increased. I continued to play songs and the kids were really liking what I was playing. Cool Beans! I had a song all picked out to play the next time Officer Gilman knocked because I just knew he was going to be back.

There was a knock at the door! The kids all quieted down and I cued the music....



The door was opened just as the song started and Officer Gilman became very angry! He shot daggers from his eyes at me all the way across the room...yelling for me to shut the music off!

Officer Gilman was not happy. He instructed my friends to break up their party immediately or they were going to get a ticket.

I put a No Doubt CD on and then I slinked out of the apartment and back to my own....giggling all the way.

They Say It's Your Birthday!

It didn't take me long to be excited about having another baby but also scared out of my mind. A few weeks after I found out I was expecting, Calving accepted a job in Utah so we packed up and moved. We lived in a hotel for 3 long weeks.

The next 5 and a half months would go by in a flash. Before I knew it, I was 36 weeks pregnant and I was in so much pain I could barely walk. I didn't realize just how hard it is a for a body of advanced maternal age (35) to be pregnant for 17 months....almost in a row. I felt like an elephant!


At my 36 week appointment, I told my doctor that Mallory was coming that week and he laughed at me. He didn't know about my special *gift* and I didn't know if I could make it another 3 weeks. I was also really worried that I would be giving birth in the hallway of the hospital because there was a baby boom going on in Ogden. Every week there were 50-60 births announced in the paper. I was told that there had been lots of camping going on the summer before....

On the morning of March 15th, I awoke with horrible pain in my back and pelvis and I was sick to my stomach. I felt dizzy and like I was going to throw up. I coughed and peed my pants! (this is a common occurrence when I am pregnant) I laid on the couch wondering how I was going to take care of Alex in this condition and started thinking about when I had peed my pants earlier and wondered if my water had broken. I called my doctor's office and they told me to come to the hospital. I called Calvin and told him to come home...but we had a problem. We didn't have anyone to watch Alex...my mother in law was planning to come from Denver closer to my due date but this was too early. Amazingly, a co-worker of his agreed to watch Alex overnight! Never mind that we barely knew these people....

We arrived at the hospital around 11am and I was tested and hooked up to monitors. It turned out that I had indeed peed my pants and not broken water but I had a fever and my heart was racing. They decided to monitor me.

At 3:30pm, someone came in and told me that I had an infection in my uterus and I was going to be induced. Three different people came in to install an IV but I was so dehydrated that no one could find a vein. Finally, an Anesthesiologist came and rescued me from my fate as a human pin cushion.

They started Pitocin at 6:30 pm.....I was 2 CM dilated. Calvin finally showed up after dropping Alex off at Tracey and Brian's house and we watched TV. I tried like crazy to watch Ugly Betty but the contractions were kicking my ass. At 7:50pm...I got my epidural. I was sitting there joking around with the Nurse and the Anesthesiologist and then he stuck me with the needle and everything started to go black. The epidural caused my already low blood pressure to plummet even further and they spent the next 30 minutes trying to bring everything back to normal. I could hear Grey's Anatomy starting on the TV and I was irritated that I was going to miss it! Calvin would tell me later that I was in and out of consciousness....while I thought I was awake. Needless to say, this little turn of events scared the hell out of him.

Mallory's heart rate increased so they upped my Pitocin to speed things along but I stalled at 4CM. At 2:30am they broke my water and then I stalled at 6CM. At 5AM a new nurse (that I hated) came on and I asked her to check me but she wouldn't. I had not been checked since 3:30am and I was sure that I had progressed because my epidural had been wearing off and I could feel some of the contractions. No matter how much I insisted...she refused.

At 6:30am, she finally decided to check me and she yelled 'Oh no! You are 10 CM and your baby is in the birth canal!' There was a flurry of activity while they called my doctor and prepared the room for Mallory's arrival. And then she told me to HOLD MY LEGS TOGETHER because she could see Mallory's head. At this point, if my baby wouldn't have shot out of my vajayjay...I would have kicked her in the freakin head!

Finally....my doctor walked in the door and sat down between my legs.....then he noticed the camera that Calvin was holding and said he had one just like it and they decided that this would be the perfect time to discuss the pros and cons of the Nikon. I tried my best to bring them back to attention by informing them that I was having a baby and that my poor little girl had been sitting in my birth canal for 30 minutes!

I pushed 5 times and she was out! They laid her on my stomach and even though she was crying her head off and covered in white goo....I knew she was the most beautiful baby I had seen in at least a year.

Mallory Tressa Weiss was born at 7:09 am on March 16th , she was 6 lbs 10 oz and
19 inches long.

When they took her to be examined they discovered that her glucose levels and body temp were low so she spent 6 hours in NICU....and then the next 24 hours she had to have her foot pricked constantly to test her blood sugar levels. Her poor little feet where covered in little round band aids when we took her home.

At 1:30pm, they finally brought her back to me and she didn't want to breast feed. They had given her formula and she was rejecting my nipple. I can't tell you how vexed I was that she spent her first 6 hours away from me sucking on an artificial nipple!

Further testing revealed that she was extremely jaundiced and would require a bili blanket for 7 days. So, again...I was discouraged from breast feeding because formula helps the toxins leave the body faster. I was so sad....

I am not a good patient because I hate hospitals but this place was the worst. I ran out of giant mesh panties and pads and it took an hour to bring me more, I was not given pain meds until I asked for them and then when my doctor was checking me out before being discharged...I found out they were supposed to be giving me antibiotics for my infection but they had not! I threatened to escape if they did not release me and let me take my baby home. They made us stay over night and then let us go Saturday after they forced me to eat some of their god awful food and a piece of pie.

And then I went grocery shopping.

I was filling my prescription and the pharmacist asked me when I gave birth...and then gave me a hard time for already doing my grocery shopping when I had just given birth the day before. I explained that I had a house guest arriving and I had meals to prepare....it's what Martha Stewart would do.

Mallory was such an easy baby and once she arrived we couldn't figure out how we lived without her.

Thank Heaven...for Little Girls!

There was a time, not so very long ago that I didn't think I was going to be a Mother. From the time I was a little girl, I knew that my heart's true desire was to be a Mom and at the age of 33 it still hadn't happened for me. I could think of nothing in the world I wanted more....

Of course, once I stop looking for love... it found me. And after one heartbreaking miscarriage I finally gave birth to a baby boy. Life was so good! I was in love....I adored taking care of Alex and we fell into an easy routine.

Then, 10 weeks after I gave birth....I found myself staring at two lines on a pregnancy test! I was devastated! How could this be happening? Alex was a baby, my husband was unemployed and my breast milk was drying up from the hormones. I thought this must be the worst thing to ever happen....how would we manage?

I blamed myself. I tend to pray for stuff I don't need and I had asked the lord to please give me TWO children before I got too old. I figured menopause must be right around the corner if God had to bless me with two pregnancies in under one year.

I had company. You know Britney did the same thing....two kids in one year. We all know how that turned out. I was determined not to go Bat Shit Crazy...so I did what I always do...I sucked it up and looked at the bright side. Our Theme Song....



I decided that I was giving Alex a gift. A sibling that would be his bestest little friend....a playmate, a partner in crime....A Sister!

My girl just hours after her birth...

Just look at her! Isn't she the most precious thing you have ever seen? I was instantly in love and thought my heart would just burst from this wonderful gift. The gift of life! Babies that smell so good and are truly miracles......

Looking back on the last two years....I can't believe what an amazing blessing this little girl is. Instead of being overwhelmed by having two babies...I thrived! She was such an easy baby and Alex took to her so well. She was so eager to do what brother was doing that she is way ahead in verbal skills....it has often felt like I have twins and I forget that she is 10.5 months younger. Our family would not be complete without her....

She is sweet and mischievous, beautiful and rambunctious, thoughtful and sneaky. And every night when I rock her to sleep....I say to her, I love you Moo and she looks up at me with those big blue eyes and she says....

Yeah, that's nice.

Come back here on Monday for Mallory's Birthday Party Extravaganza!

The Thanksgiving Lizard!

This is the true story about a lizard and an old lady that beat me with her cane on Thanksgiving.

Calvin and I started dating in August 2003. We got a slow start to our relationship when he was deciding between me and two other women. He ultimately chose me after a chance encounter in an Evergreen bar but I was a little apprehensive because he was such a ladies man.

By mid-October, he had spent many nights at my apartment but I had not been to his. I was starting to think he was secretly married or homeless or was just not that into me. One night, we were talking on the phone and he said, 'SHIT, I just saw something scurry across my floor!' I was concern and asked him what it was. He said he didn't know. A few minutes later, he again shrieked like a little girl and said that a big green lizard had ran across the room.

He said it was about a foot and a half long and rather large! My heart sank. I was pretty sure that I had told him about my fear of snakes, lizards, spiders and clowns so I started thinking that this was his way of letting me down easy. Because I sure as hell wouldn't be hanging out in a lizard infested apartment!

Our relationship continued and he never mentioned the lizard again. He took me on a fishing trip to meet his parents and things were really progressing nicely. So nicely that he invited me to travel to Alamosa with his family for Thanksgiving. And we would be spending the night!

We were going to leave very early on Thanksgiving morning so I spent the night before at his apartment. I got up really early to do my hair and make-up since I would be meeting a bunch of Calvin's family. I was standing in his bathroom, blow drying my luscious blonde hair upside down to give it extra volume, when I stood up and out of the corner of my eye....I saw it.

THE LIZARD!

It was in the hallway just outside the bathroom door! I screamed and jumped up on the toilet, as Calvin came running to rescue me! He trapped it and put it in a box. And then he proceeded to laugh at me....up on the toilet in my bra and panties, hairdryer in my hand, pointed at the floor like a gun!

I didn't think it was very funny.

We went to Alamosa and I met about 30 members of his extended family. Including Aunt Eva. She was a very crabby, old lady. I was standing with a Coors Light in my hand, at a set of three steps that went from the family room to the dining room. Aunt Eva got up from her recliner and headed straight for me. I started trying to think of something nice to say and introduce myself...she stopped right in front of me and yelled something in spanish. I thought she was saying something very important and figured she was hard of hearing and that is why her volume was so HIGH. I told her that I didn't understand Espanol and she reached for my hand. The hand that was holding the cold Coors Light. I figured there must be more beers in the cooler so I said, 'oh Aunt Eva, do you want my cervesa? ' She yelled at me again and this time she smacked my leg with her cane a couple times! I jumped out of the way and saw what she was after.


She was reaching for a grab bar that she used to pull herself up the stairs. And I was leaning against it. The poor woman just wanted to use the bathroom! She was less than pleased that this chatty blonde was offering her a beer!

Have a wonderful and filling Thanksgiving!