You Say It's Your Birthday!

After last night's episode (#2) of The Bachelor: Brad is a New Man...I feel like I've been put through the ringer. There was high drama almost from the first minute!

Ashley H, who is a dentist from Philly got the first date card and it told her that the road to love is a wild ride.  Brad then picked her up and drove her down a scary dark wooded road, made her walk on a dirt path in high heels until they reached a clearing with a carnival set up because ABC couldn't afford to shut one down for the night.

They had a great time running from ride to ride and drinking wine with cotton candy (YUCK). We discover that she doesn't know who her Daddy is and Brad struggles to tell her about his.  They bond over their Daddy issues and he gives her the rose because he really likes her.

GROUP DATE!!

15 (is this a record ABC?) of the ladies are chomping at the bit to get a piece of Brad's time when they film Public Service Announcements for The American Red Cross.  They are all given costumes and scripts.  Brad is given fake chest hair and a mustache which makes him look ridiculous.  Fang girl is a dominatrix....and I have to say using her for a PSA for giving blood was brilliant!

By the way, it was Michelle's 30th birthday and she was all cranky pants because she had to spend her 30th birthday with 14 other girls who were all kissing her boyfriend and it was really pissing her off because it was her 30th birthday.  Did I mention it was her freakin birthday?  GOSH!

They all head to The Roosevelt Hotel for an after party and Brad announces that it's going to be DRAMA FREE but Raichel and Melissa must have been in the bathroom because they didn't get the message.  These two start arguing and I'm not sure why except that Raichel doesn't believe anything that comes out of Melissa's mouth.

Drunk Birthday Michelle gets the rose and then does a ridiculous little dance with it to show the other girls that if you stomp off and whine like a little baby you can get what you want.

DEAR RAICHEL...you need make up.  Lots of make up.

FANTASY DATE!

Jackie gets the next date card and it said something about Love on Track so I thought she was going to race a car or something. Brad picks her up and takes her to a hotel and says she's going to get the Pretty Woman Experience which I then thought was going to entail her putting out and him giving her money.

I was wrong.  Brad gave her some beauty treatments and then took her to a room with a bunch of dresses and shoes and a make up artist and hair styler!  She had a number of colorful frocks to choose from and she picked a Gun Metal Grey dress that matched the car that came for them.  OH...and she got pretty jewelry too.

They went to The Hollywood Bowl, ate dinner on the stage while Brad asked her how many boyfriends she had as a kid....freaked out because she's only had two boyfriends and then reluctantly gave her the rose.

Then a band called TRAIN came out and sang to them.

Jackie had the best night of her life!

COCKTAIL PARTY!

Before Brad can even finish his toast to an exciting week with the ladies....Michelle grabs his hand and drags him away because she has some very important burning questions to ask him even though she already GOT A ROSE!  Nothing pisses me off more than girls with roses stealing time with the bachelor.

Here's what she wanted to know.  Do you like Starbucks or Coffee Bean.  He looks confused and says he's a Starbucks guy.  She also wants to know what's in his fridge. He says Eggs, Turkey and Water. (Keith's fridge only had Diet Coke and Pickles when I met him)  THIS was the burning questions?

Brad sits down with Emily and I'm stuck by how calm and polite she is.  She explains that she takes a little time to open up and he says he wants to get to know her.  He seems very nervous and smitten with her.  I like it!

Melissa approaches Raichel while she's sitting with a group of girls and verbally attacks her and then tells her to walk away....which she does.  And then Melissa follows her.  Melissa reminds me a lot of a Jack Russell Terrier that keeps jumping on your leg and won't leave you alone.

Melissa cries and tells Brad that there is a girl that keeps attacking her and is sucking the life out of her. In the middle of her tirade...she tells Brad that she has bad breath because she ate 4 slices of Onion Pizza before the cocktail party.  And then she starts crying again.  THIS GIRL IS NUTS!

Brad goes to talk to a crying Raichel and she says that she's having trouble with Melissa.  He looks visibly confused....and irritated.

We have surprise visitors!  Alli and Roberto!  They are going to sit with each girl and ask some questions, assess their metal stability and give Brad a report!  Great idea.

Melissa uses her time to tell Alli and Roberto that she's being targeted and she's tired of it. And she cries some more.

The report comes in and they tell Brad who is crazy and that Emily deserves a rose!  YAY!

ROSE CEREMONY!

It looks like Brad is serious about this dating thing and he lets Raichel, Crazy Melissa and Keltie go.  I think he made good choices this week and getting rid of feuding girls was a good idea but will not help fuel drama for those of us at home that live for this shit.  Well...we still have Narcissistic Michelle!

Next week: Looks like Emily gets a one on one date and there will be singing.  WHY singing!  UGH!

OH MY GOSH!  Just found this deleted scene...THIS is why Raichel went home.  I didn't say all of this stuff to iKeith until he was IN LOVE with me.  You never say any of this until you have hooked them.  Oh girl...you need MORE than just make up.