The Bachelor: Like A Bad Dream

Once again, i've been peer pressured into watching and blogging The Bachelor.  Unfortunately....it doesn't take much to talk me into it because I enjoy a train wreck as much as anyone.  The only problem is that I really want to like Ben....but I'm not really there yet.

We start off meeting several of the ladies, one of which lives in Nebraska, brags about eating bull testicles and shoots guns.  If that doesn't scream WIFE MATERIAL then I don't know what does.

We watch Ben in his new fabulous life living in San Francisco and working in Sonoma.  He talks about how he has clarity now and he's discovered himself.  He's a new man.....wait, where have I heard this before?  Oh yes, ABC is re-using Brad's old script to save money.

Ben is ready to meet the ladies but first he sees a hummingbird that Chris Harrison has planted in the bushes.  It's a SIGN!

One of the first ladies he meets is a blogger from NYC named Jenna.  She tries to quote his famous last words from his break up with Ashley and she messes it up.  She realizes she should have just said Hi.

Good things don't end unless they end badly.

Several ladies bring props.  One wears a sash from a beauty contest, another wears a giant hat that she later makes Ben try on, another brings her Grandma and then......one rides in on a horse.

Ben tells Rachel (who quit her job to be here) that he's looking for love...not a wife.

Nikki is like a jack russell terrier.  All bubbles and energy.  Ben says he likes it. 

Some of the gals are dissing on the people that brought a gimmick.  And a grandma.  I think they are just jealous that they didn't think of it first.

As usual, the appearance of the first impression rose drives people to drink and start acting stupid.

The girls that have no conversational skills start making Ben doing stupid things like push ups, dancing and playing soccer outside.    One girl decides to blindfold Ben and make him guess what she is feeding him.

Emily, the Ph.d student decides to rap for Ben.  I actually really liked this gal's introduction.  She gave him some hand sanitizer and breath spray and then got the first kiss.  Very clever!

Jenna and Monica are sitting next to each other and talking about their feelings for Ben.  Jenna is smitten and Monica feels nothing and appears to be here for a free California vacation and who can blame her because Salt Lake City is pretty dull this time of year.

Monica shows her true colors and they have bully written all over them.  Jenna is taking her smiling and laughing personally and runs off to cry.  We hear Monica threaten to cut someone's face off if they cross her.

Next thing we know, Monica is making googly eyes at Blakeley on the couch.  She tells her that she's beautiful and they are going to be in each other's lives forever.  My crazy person radar is going off!!

Rachel decided to patch things up between the two since they are obviously going to be on the show for a while.  Drama = Roses people.  Things don't really go well and Jenna tries to offer an olive branch in the form of a tampon.   Monica doesn't accept and walks away.

Jenna spends a good amount of time having a breakdown in the bathroom which guarantees her a rose tonight.  Note to Jenna: You are miked and every single thing you say in the bathroom is recorded.

The first impression rose goes to Horse girl.  I think her name is Lindzi with a Z.

Roses:

Lindzi
Jaime
Rachel
Blakeley
Emily
Kacie B
Casey S
Brittney
Erica
Shawn
Nikki
Jennifer
Elyse
Samantha
Courtney
Jaclyn
Monica
Jenna

Series previews: 

There is an ex-girlfriend that comes back for Ben and someone is described as The Black Widow.  Looks like lots of drama and crazy girls! 

I think it's going to be a great season!

I'm working on a drinking game......stay tuned!

What Are You Going To Do With Your Wife?

Joining Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn for another great week at Talk To Us Tuesday!

By the way....tomorrow is the big reveal of The Book Club!  You won't want to miss it!






Hello Friends!

I just spent three hours of my life watching the new Bachelor and Wife Swap. I posted my thoughts on Ben for your reading pleasure! Drinking game is coming soon!

I do want to talk about The Bachelor for a moment. I want to address the conflict between Monica and Jenna.

I was kind of rooting for Jenna from the beginning because she billed herself as a blogger and as of yet, we've never had a blogger on the show before. I thought to myself. Jenna will be my people.

Jenna is a whiney cry baby.

But I think in some circles that's what it takes to be a good/popular blogger. Please be advised that I have never read her blog and will not link to it here because I think that's what she wants us to do.

Ahem.

Monica. Reminds me of someone that wreaked havoc on my life.

Left me tell you about MY Monica.

I met her for the first time at a Bachelorette party for our dear friend who I'll call Denise, because that's what her name is. *Monica* sat across from me and gave me dirty looks all night. You see....I was the old best friend and she was the new best friend.

Fast forward two weeks to the wedding. I'm already having a bad day because my stupid (now ex) husband is running late. We have to drive 75 minutes to south Denver (from Greeley) to get his tux before the wedding AND we have to pick up my dress on Federal because it didn't fit when I went in for a fitting.

We get to the wedding and my dress still doesn't fit and I had to be sewn into it.

Fast forward 6 hours later and I'm trying to get my (now ex and drunk) husband to leave. I'm having a conversation with him and she is copying me behind my back. Keep in mind I've barely had any kind of conversation with HER. I ask her to stop and she mocks me.

Fast forward 2 months. My friend Denise tells me that they are hiring a receptionist where she works and I should apply and leave my stupid (now ex) husband. Only problem....*Monica* works there too.

I decide that I'd rather deal with immature stupid *Monica* than my stupid immature (now ex) husband and I apply for the job.

I get the job, and months later.....*Monica* and I become friends. Very good friends.

Fast forward three years, *Monica* is now my boss. We both join eHarmony and I meet the love of my life in two weeks. Note: *Monica* is still single to this very day.

Fast forward two more years. I'm married, my lovely husband has bought me a new Murano and a HOUSE and I've just announced that I'm pregnant.

*Monica* has me fired for my inability to get along with employees just two months after she's given me a glowing review and a raise.

What the heck is *Monica's* problem.  Was she jealous?  Immature?  Mentally Ill?

I say that she is/was all of these things.  And so is this Monica.  I also think they two of them are still on the show for ratings alone.

Also....I texted IA tonight during the show to tell her that I'd share tampons with her in California.  I don't think we'll be sharing a room anymore.....

As for Wife Swap?

I feel so badly for Carnie Wilson.  Her husband is a selfish a-hole and she is uninvolved in his and her children's lives.  Also....Aunt De De needs to work on her housekeeping because I would have walked out right after walking in.  Tracy Gold showed great courage staying in that house.

2012 New Years Resolutions

Whew!

I love Christmas and the Elfcapades.....but making an awesome Christmas is exhausting.  Luckily....I didn't get really sick until it was all over.  It's been great having iKeith home for the last two weeks and I'm going to miss all of this family time.

But now....it's time to put the decorations away and take a look inward....and make some kick ass resolutions!

2012 Theme: Be A Blessing
2012 Theme Song: Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
2012 Quote: In reality, serendipity accounts for one percent of the blessings we receive in life, work and love. The other 99 percent is due to our efforts. ~ Peter McWilliams



1. Have more sexy time. 


I read in O Magazine that making whoopie twice a week boosts your immune system.  I'm sick of being sick and if I can be more well by spending 20 minutes a week  flat on my back then I am willing to give it a try! Who's with me on this one?

2. Read more.

I just set a goal of reading 28 books in 2012.  I read 27 books in 2011 and I'd like to help all of you reach a personal goal of your own....by having you join me and Mimi's book club.  More on this later in the week.

3. Get Healthy/Run School's 5K.

This is on my list every year.  This year I want to run in the 5K at school and get a cool t-shirt.  I'll be blogging my journey at my fitness blog.  Fat2Fit Mommy

4. See More Theatre.

I love live theatre.  We haven't had a babysitter for a year now but we finally found someone (that we trust) that is willing to watch them occasionally.  I need more dates with my hubby!

5. Drink less coffee/soda.

I'm spending all of my extra money on K-cups!  It's getting out of control and I have a big trip planned so I need to start saving my spending money.

6. More Girlfriend Time.

I have made some amazing friends at school and I want to see more of them outside of PTA meetings and drop off.  I also need to get together with my OLD friends that were with me through thick and thin.  AND I have the trip of a lifetime planned with my blogging besties!

7.  More Adventure Walks.

My kids love to go on adventures and letterboxing.  We need more of this!

8.  Move

I'm going to work hard to see if we can move out of his apartment.  It might not happen for another year but I'm going to keep thinking positive.

9.  Make a Vision Board

I believe in the power of positive thinking!

10.  Floss more.

Like every day!

What are your resolutions?

2011 Review Extravaganza: Week 4

Here we go....the last quarter of the year recap with Emmy Mom and her friends!

October

• I discovered that Mormons had taken over Best Buy.
• We started giving the kids allowance and Mallory had her first lesson in taxes. 
• I had a chance encounter with a rogue clown. 
• I shared my bucket list. 
• I think my daughter could have been on Toddlers and Tiaras. 

November

• I showed you all what I'm hoarding. 
• I was drinking and tweeting on a Friday night. 
• I saw Breaking Moon and I had some quesitons.  
• I had an altercation with an elf. 
• I showed off some of my new cute jackets. 

December

• I was transformed into Mrs. Weiss and went on my first field trip. 
• My husband lost his wedding ring but I got a sign from God that it will be okay. 
• I became the Martha Stewart of Kindergarten. 
• Keith and I got caught wrapping presents. 
• I saw Jesus. 

Hot Coffee and A Roaring Fire

Last night we went to dinner at PF Changs (Thanks Mom and Dad for the gift card!) and had a wonderful meal.  The kids finally like Chinese Chicken Nuggets (Sweet and Sour Chicken) so after a 5 year break....we are eating Chinese food again.

It was a very warm night, so we walked around Belmar and found ourselves at the outdoor ice skating rink.

We also found a roaring fire on the patio of Baker Street Pub and decided this would be the perfect end to our evening.

I enjoyed a coffee with Bailey's after ordering an Irish Coffee that was disgusting! BLAH!  I'll never order one of those again.  NOTE: It is rarely a good idea to drink TWO coffee drinks at 6pm.  It makes it very hard to fall asleep.

There was a Mom sitting a table away that was drinking wine and watching someone ice skate.  Soon that someone came over and it was a 5 year old boy!  I admit, I judged her a little bit because I would never let my 5 year old ice skate without me AND without a helmet. 

He was cold so he came over to the fireplace.  

She asked us to please keep an eye on her WINE while she went to the bathroom and then left her boy with us.  I was in shock!   

We ended the evening at my favorite store....Sur La Table and I bought a cute little salt container.

Today we're going to see The Muppet Movie!  YAY!  Who is your favorite Muppet?

UPDATED:

Mah Na Mah Na

Christmas Recap 2011

 You might have heard about the 18 inches of snow that Denver got right before Christmas.  It was great!  It ended up being 45 degrees on Christmas but we still had snow on the ground.  The day of the big snow storm I made Cinnamon Rolls for some of our friends and we delivered them in the snow. Some people got a song too.  We all agreed it was one of our favorite parts of our holiday.

Dashing through the snow....

On Christmas Eve Eve my new friend Helle from Denmark came over to show me how to make Rise Pudding for my Scandinavian Christmas Eve.  We had a great time and it was delicious!

I was very happy with my Christmas Eve Menu but my favorite thing to eat that whole day was this:

Brie with Cherry Preserves and Walnuts! 

We had a great night opening our presents.  Our family was very generous and we enjoyed skyping with them so they could watch us open everything they sent.  

Keith was very generous to me this year and I finally got the purse I've always wanted.

Now I'm terrified of getting it dirty!

I didn't get very many photos because the lighting in our apartment is so bad that they mostly turned out blurry.  But I did snap this one.  I captured the exact moment when Mallory realized that Uncle Robert loves Alex more than her because he bought him more presents.

I was really anxious about Christmas Morning because I knew that Mallory was going to be disappointed.  She had asked Santa for a Pink Robot with 6 arms that makes cookies and does laundry.  All month she never wavered.  

She was not happy with the Pink Robot that turns into an ice cream truck.

All in all....the most popular gift was the stick on tape measure that Aunt Bobbi sent Alex.

 

He stopped opening presents for 20 minutes so that he could go measure stuff and then Mallory was upset that SHE didn't get one.

I hope you all had a great holiday and are busy making your New Year's Resolutions!

Our Christmas 2011 Playlist

Santa Baby..Glee Cast

Last Christmas...Taylor Swift

Christmas Wrapping.....Glee Cast

Mistletoe..............................Justin Bieber

Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies..Harry Connick Jr

Extraordinary Merry Christmas...................Glee Cast

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...........Ingrid Michaelson

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas..............Michael Buble

 

A Very Harry Potter LEGO Christmas!

Four thousand five hundred and twenty nine pieces.
Four thousand five hundred and twenty nine LEGOS.
How do you measure? Measure a Christmas?
In LEGOS - in Matchbox
In Candy - in Ham
In wrapping paper - in piles of packaging

How about LOVE!

2011 Review Extravaganza: Week 3

Are you ready for July, August and September?

I'm celebrating my blog with a recap every Friday hosted by a bunch of lovely ladies! I'm afraid the posts for this time period are slim because I deleted about 20 posts because some trolls where terrorizing me. Sad.

July

• I dunked Mick The Squirrel Hunter and I made a video about it. Be advised that I'm much thinner in person.
• Seriously Shawn sent me a present.
• I celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary.
• I started planning for Christmas.

August

• I speculated about what happens if you DON'T order the apples with a Happy Meal!
• I completed the school supply scavenger hunt. (POST DELETED) 
• I was having serious anxiety about my son starting Kindergarten. 
• Alex did great at his first day.  I cried all day.
• I introduced myself to the PTA. (POST DELETED)
• I unplugged my iPhone for a day. 

September

• My daughter decided what she wanted to do with her life and I was mistaken for a hot nanny. 
• I talked about the time I was in a bar fight. 
• I celebrated the 10 year anniversary of my birthday being ruined. 
• I showed you how hot I looked when I was 16.  
• I went on a date with my husband and I made a video about it. 
• I shared my irrational fear of my son's Kindergarten Teacher.  
• I shared a picture of my Brother Husband frenchkissing a deer. 

 I hope you enjoyed my recap and if you liked what you saw...become a subscriber!

Countdown to Christmas: The Nut Sack

It's week three of Elfcapades and the Countdown to Christmas with Sugarplum Creations!

Can you believe that there are only 2 days until Christmas?

 

We are all feeling so much better and just in time for Winter Break!  18 days of togetherness!  

My husband even came home from work at 10:45am yesterday and announced that he's off from work until January 3rd.  I have to admit that he kind of scared the crap out of me because the last time he came home from work unannounced....I was 8 months pregnant and he had been laid off.

We celebrated his early holiday release (just from jail...from work) by going to see Chipwrecked!

It was pretty good.

Anyway....back Christmas.

Our week started off with the much anticipated Kindergarten Holiday Party.  I was very, very proud of my cookie decorating station. 

 The kids had a fabulous time and everything went very smoothly.  

Here is a little movie trailer of the party. 

We discovered that the elves are Bronco fans.

And they would probably like Santa to bring them some Apple products for Christmas.

They decorated cookies for us too.

One night we went to dinner and then drove around looking at Christmas Lights. 

This was our favorite house!

Yesterday was the annual 'filling of Daddy's Nut Sack'.

We've loaded up on cheese, crackers and salami and I'm in the process of making Gravlax.

Bring on Christmas!!

I Saw Jesus

I was on my way to have coffee with my friend Ratna from Get Clued In today when I saw Jesus.

He was driving an old Chevy truck and wore mirrored sunglasses.

According to news reports and Saturday Night Live, Jesus has been spending the last few weeks in Denver.  

I guess he's going to be here for his birthday too.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Wrapping Presents

It's Tuesday and I have a public service announcement for Talk To Us Tuesday with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn!

If your children are smart like mine....they will notice that you're empty handed and that you've changed into your pajama's.

There will be a line of questioning.

My suggestion to you is to leave the room and let your husband handle the interrogation.

Olympus PEN E-PM1 Camera

Have you heard about the new Olympus PEN® E-PM1? If you've been lusting after a DSLR camera but don't want to spend the big money....this could be the camera for you!  I have a Canon Rebel and the reviews say that this camera makes pictures that are just as nice and it's light as a cell phone!

To show how easy it is for everyday people to take amazing pictures, Olympus gave over 1,000 people a new Olympus PEN® E-PM1. It's all part of The PEN Ready Project—more than 1,000 cameras, over 1,000 people, 6 cities. To see what they shot, go to http://penready.com.



Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Olumpus

2011 Review Extravaganza: Week 2

Are you ready for April, May and June? 

I'm linking up with all of these fabulous gals for a Review Extravaganza!  

April

• My dear boy fell down a set of wooden stairs and was protected by his guardian angel Paul.
• My apartment was invaded by a squirrel family....for weeks!
• My first born baby boy turned five and had a kick ass cake.
• I told a funny story about this one time that iKeith slept with a man.
• I skyped with my friend Jackie in England during The Royal Wedding and I wore a funny hat.

May

• I showed you what was in my purse.  and why did I cut my freakin hair??????
• I told my kids about Jesus.
• I got my apartment newsletter.
• Amber made me watch The Bachelorette.
• I made a video about my favorite girl. warning: this video will make you want to have more kids.

June

• I shared our 2011 Summer Fun List.
• I shared five ways I'm exactly like Emily Maynard from The Bachelorette.
• I bought a new car from a hot boy that was old enough to be my son. *picture included*
• I went hiking in 90 degree heat at Red Rocks.
• I saw something really funny in Evergreen.

Did you like what you saw?  Why not subscribe and be my twitter friend? 

Countdown to Christmas: A Very Perry Christmas

Hello and welcome to week two of Elfcapades and the Countdown to Christmas!

Our elves have been a tad under the weather this week and I've been downright sick so there aren't many pictures of the shenanigans.

I'm hoping next week will be better.

One day, it could have been Thursday.....they kidnapped some buddies from the kids' beds and got the LEGO Harry Potter Game out.  I don't know who was winning but they all seemed to be having fun.

Over the weekend, the elves brought a movie. Phineas and Ferb: A Very Perry Christmas

This couldn't have come at a better time!  It's the perfect 79 minute distraction so that sick Mommy can take a nap on the couch.  Thank you Vincent and Poe!

One night, the elves were so lazy that they just wrote a note.

Another night...they hid in the entertainment center and it took the kids 30 minutes to find them.

In my nyquil induced haze, I decided that the easiest thing for the elves to do on Tuesday night was to just sleep with the kids.  This ended up being one of their best hiding places ever because kids never thought to look BESIDE THEM for the elves and thought the elves had left town again.

Winter break is only two days away so the elves have all kinds of plans for them.  Which is code for Mommy better figure some things out!

Do you have a post about getting ready for Christmas or your elf on the shelf?  Link up with Liz from Sugarplum Creations!

Are you a movie lover? The Golden Globe nominations where this morning and I put the best picture nominees in the I Love Movies tab.  How many have you seen already?

My LIttle Elf

The Martha Stewart of Kindergarten

Hey friends! I can't believe it's Tuesday. I've been sick since Thursday afternoon and lost all track of time. I'm linking up with my friends Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday because I need to get this massive To-Do list off from my chest and I need some cheerleaders to get me through it.

First of all. Kindergarten is killing my family! Alex and I have both been sick for 6 days. He is finally going back to school today and I feel a little more human. We missed a friend's 6th birthday party and iKeith's Christmas party at the Denver Art Museum. Although...I think Keith isn't too upset about that because he can't take me anywhere without into some trouble. I think the party was probably pretty boring without me there.

The Kindergarten Holiday Party (but not a CHRISTMAS party) is on Friday.  I somehow volunteered to do the following.

• Purchase goodie bags
• Make cookies and frosting for the kids to decorate
• Make homemade Marshmallows and Hot Chocolate Balls for the goodie bag
• Photograph the party

I've been trying out recipes for weeks and sharing the results with the ladies on the party committee which earned me the label..... 

The Martha Stewart of Kindergarten.  

You know I love it! 

 I've got a few things done on my to-do list which I will include on this list and then immediately cross off because DAMN IT THAT FEELS GOOD!

• Make cookie dough
• Make Hot Chocolate Balls
• Make Marshmallows
• Make Cookies
• Make Frosting and frost 15 cookies
• Wrap book for party
• Get gifts for teachers and deliver them
• Assemble Marshmallow/Balls for goodies bags
• Deliver goodie bags and balls to Susan
• Mail packages
• Drink a bottle(s) of wine that my parents sent
• Attend PTA meeting

As if this all isn't enough for me to do......I am also taking care of Robert's cat every day for the rest of the month, because he had to fire his housekeeper because she borrowed his Keurig while he was out of town. 

I think I should open the wine now.

American Cancer Society: Sponsor of Birthdays

In August 1970, my Grandpa Andrew passed away from Prostate Cancer.

I was born three weeks later.

He didn't make it to my birth day.

Thanks to the American Cancer Society more people are living to see their grandchildren's birthdays.

This post is sponsored by American Cancer Society

Elfcapades: A Very Lego Christmas

It's that time of year again!

ELFCAPADES!

This year's theme is a Very Lego Christmas.  I should have warned all of you to buy stock in LEGO.  It's like we have a disease that makes us crave them.  And I can't believe that I've been afflicted too.  I dream about LEGO Christmas Villages.

Poe and Vincent arrived crash landed on Thursday December 1st.  We were anxiously awaiting their arrival!

Barbie was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

On the second day of Elfcapades, Vincent and Poe tried to make Hot Chocolate.  Good thing they didn't know that the fabulous Hot Chocolate Balls that I found on pinterest where in the freezer!

Mommy's K Cups are off limits!

They also told us that we should go buy a Christmas tree.

the tree is bigger than it appears.....

The next day....the elves brought us a brand new Wii game.  It's something about Mickey Mouse painting.

Everyone except for Mallory was excited to see that the elves brought brand new Christmas Jammies! 

The next day....was a sad, sad day.  The Weiss Children were very, very naughty.  There was an incident involving every single wash cloth in our apartment.  There has only been one other time that the elves had to return to the North Pole and the perp was the same.

The kids wrote Santa letters of apology and the elves took them home with them.

Lucky for them....Santa is forgiving and let them come back after a day.

TA DA

The elves didn't waste any time finding more shenanigans.  They took the kids' underwear out of their drawers and attached them to the tree!

I really love how excited the kids are about Christmas this year!  We love our Elfcapades!

Do you have a post about Christmas in your house?  Link up with Liz at Sugarplum Creations!

Come What May

Over the weekend iKeith lost his wedding ring.

He's really upset and we've looked everywhere for it.  We even looked at Robert's house because we spent some time there on Saturday.

We can't find it anywhere.  

I told Keith not to worry, I'm sure it will turn up.  For some reason, I strongly felt like it wasn't really lost.

Last night, as I was falling asleep.....I prayed.  I prayed for a gal name Lo, that I'd just seen on the news who accidentally walked into the propeller of an airplane in Plano Texas. As I always do....I ended by thanking God for all of the blessings in my life.

This morning when I woke up, reached for my iPhone and hit the home button to check the time like I do every morning.  It was 5:43am.

I laid my head back down and a few moments later, I started to hear music.

I thought iKeith's alarm must be going off for some crazy reason and I recognized the song.  Come What May....which is OUR song and the inscription on the inside of Keith's ring.

Then I realized that it was coming from MY phone.

I picked it up and noticed it said the Taylor Swift playlist was playing.  But Come What May was the song playing and it is NOT in that playlist.

I also haven't listened to music on my phone in weeks.

I got goosebumps up my spine!  Was Jesus sending me a sign? 

There is really NO OTHER explanation for it.

Caption This!

How I Survived My First School Field Trip

I'm so excited to tell you about how I survived my first school field trip!

Part of my story is a cautionary tale.  What I want to tell you and anyone that googles *can I bring coffee on a school field trip*  is that you should bring the coffee.  No one will take it away from you and I think you are actually encouraged to caffeinate yourself.  Lord knows those Kindergarten teachers had to be drinking something to get through this day!

I also earned myself some major brownie points because I went online and printed out a map of the exhibit which I told the teacher about and she made copies of for all of the other chaperones.  My tip for you is to write your name somewhere on your map so that everyone knows where it came from.  HELL...just print out enough maps for your child's class and hand them out.

The good news is that not only did I get the best looking group of kids to be responsible for on Friday, I also got the most well behaved and quiet group!

This allowed me to look down my nose at the other chaperones whose kids were wrestling, screaming and punching each other in the face.  I frequently told my kids how f**king awesome they were and that when we got back to school I was going to tell their parents to buy them a pony.

More good news....I only lost one kid and it was mine so technically... I didn't lose anyone.  Here's what happened.  We were having a good old time pretending to be astronauts with some weightless rocks and then over the loudspeaker someone announces a special show that will be starting in ONE MINUTE.  I asked my kids if they wanted to go and they said yes and MY KID took off into a crowd of 120 other kids that heard the same announcement.

I found him....obviously.

We had lunch and I decided that whoever put the giant soda machine full of bottled water in the lunch room should be shot.  I would have paid $50 for a soda at that point.

The end of our journey was to go to the planetarium and see a Sesame Street movie about the moon and stars. But first we had to sit in a line for 20 minutes that I dubbed #OccupyKindergartenHell.  MY kids were good.  Other people's kids....were horrible!  One of the chaperones kept asking me to watch her kids while she went to the bathroom.  What was I supposed to say?  

I kept having to tell these kids to sit up, be quiet, stop wrestling and WE AREN'T AT YOUR HOUSE STOP ACTING LIKE IDIOTS!  I asked Alex if I was allowed to put them on the naughty chair and he said he didn't think I was.

It all went really well and we had a great time!  AND I totally needed that bandaid!  On the bus ride home....one of my kids said that her arm was bleeding!  MRS WEISS TO THE RESCUE!  I had a shit load of bandaids in my bag.

I rocked this field trip!

I've also decided that anyone that has a problem with my son's teacher should have to teach the class for a day and THEN come talk to me.

My Transformation into Mrs. Weiss

iKeith took two days off from work so that he could be the stay at home parent while I work....at my son's school.

Today,  I stuffed folders and helped with a math lesson.  If you saw my Five Things list earlier, then you know that I don't know nothing about math.  Luckily, the lesson was about estimation.

I can guess at just about anything which is why I also don't know nothing about preventing pregnancy.

Tomorrow....I'm chaperoning my son's Kindergarten class while we go on a field trip.

That means tonight I'm doing the following:

• Packing a totally disposable sack lunch per the directions sent to me from the teacher.
• Committing the itinerary to memory. 
• Emailing the parents of the 3 other kids besides my own that I'm in charge of to color coordinate outfits.
• Printing maps of the exhibit so that I know where the bathrooms are.
• Putting the Denver Police phone number into my phone in case I lose someone.
• Trying to figure out how I'm going to survive for 5 hours without coffee.
• Packing tissues into my bag in case someone cries.
• Packing anti-bacterial wipes in my bag in case someone touches something gross.
• Planning my best outfit that is field trip appropriate and yet warm enough for 30 degree temperatures.
• Getting used to people calling me Mrs. Weiss.

Pray for me.....

Five Things

I'm linking up with Mama Kat today because I love lists of things and one of her prompts this week told me to make a list. I can't resist a list.

2.) Five Things.  List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, 5 things you believe. (inspired by LouLou’s Views)

5 Things that you don't know about me.

• I wasn't very good in school.
• I used to be a very picky eater.
• I wanted to be a hair stylist when I grew up.
• I wanted to name my first born Paige.
• I love 80's music.

5 Things I'm Knowledgable About:

• Auto parts
• Squirrels
• Hand Quilting
• Chris Gorham
• The Young and The Restless

5 Things I know Nothing About:

• How to prevent pregnancy
• Math
• Birthing no babies
• Depression
• What Keith does for a living

5 Thinks I Believe

• Every thing happens for a reason
• I'm right where I'm supposed to be
• The Hokey Pokey is what it's really all about
• Jesus Loves Me
• I'm a great Mom