Ten Things to Smile About in May

1. #hb7 My trip to California! So Fun!





2. Kindergarten Field Day

 I was told that it was the best Kindergarten Field Day the school has had in some time and then I heard that the one for the rest of the school was very disorganized and not at all awesome like mine.

3. Mommy Friends

 I have been so fortunate to make several amazing friends this school year!

 4.  Spending time with Keith

We went on a date this month!  We saw Dark Shadows, ate Indian Food and went to a polish bar.

5.  Recreating a favorite California breakfast.

6. Flowers

7. Beer on the patio.

8. Thank you card from our Principal.

Even though she called Keith a honey badger.

9. Notebooks

Available at Staples

10. Hugging the Prom King.

He was in our wedding 8 years ago.  Now he's a man.

Linking up with......

Emmy Mom for Ten Things to Smile About

Impulsive Addict and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday

Random Thoughts....

Today feels like a random kind of day.

I have all of these thoughts floating around and they need released...like butterflies!

I recently discovered that my husband loves Jersey Girls.  I found out when I was watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey and he sat down and watched intently.  I also found out that he and his brothers' call butter on popcorn...shine.  We've been married almost 8 years and I've never heard him call it that before.

There are only 7 school days left and I can't wait for this year to be over! There are some children in Alex's class that don't treat him very well and he just wants to be friends with everyone but they make it hard.  I'm hopeful that there will be much nicer kids in his class next year.  Keith tells me that there will always be jackholes to deal with.  He says it's human nature.  I said, 'even in a convent?' and he said, 'Yes, even they have predatory lesbians.' I almost peed my pants and now I shall blame everything wrong with the world on predatory lesbians instead of Obama.

Mallory had her last tumbling class yesterday and is mad at me because I had planned to take a activity break for the summer because I have so much fun stuff planned for us.  Keith and I talked it over last night and decided to let her keep going because...what if she is good enough for the Olympics? It could happen.

There is a picture of my ass on Impulsive Addicts blog.

After watching The Bachelorette last night I have made two observations.

1.) I've been married for almost 8 years and there is no way in hell I could write a 7 page letter to my husband.

2.) My husband's new nickname is Chopper.  (he used to fly helicopters)

I am proud to announce that this morning I am being sworn in as the PTA Membership Chairperson.  I know what you're thinking and yes, I might be cray cray.  BUT....I think this will be the perfect job for me and I'm already thinking of ways to blackmail get people to  join the PTA and come to meetings.  It involves suckers.

Have a great Tuesday!

Linking up with Impulsive and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday!

Making Twitter Friends Everywhere I Go

Hello Friends!  And Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn!

This week is already on my shitlist and it's only Tuesday.   Yesterday, my son who was sick all last week woke up crying because his ears hurt.  A trip to the doctor confirmed that he has a very bad ear infection. I also paid a $30 co-pay to have them check out my daughter who was also sick last week.  She's fine.

I just checked the What People Googled to Find My Blog list and found that someone has a burning question that only I can answer. 

What happens when you put a tampon in the wrong hole.

The answer is.....it becomes a plug.

Speaking of things that don't belong.  Remember the little story I told you on Thursday about an altercation I was in?  I checked my calendar and I'm volunteering in the classroom with that woman on Friday. Awkward!

Saturday night I went on a date with my husband. One of his co-workers is competing to be Denver's Next Improv Star! We tried to get a drink (or 3) and a bite to eat at 5 different places. We got turned away over and over because everyone and their dog was eating dinner downtown that night. We did get a table at a place called CRAVE but it was a bar that served cake and I didn't think that was the best place to take a diabetic for dinner.

We raced all over downtown and finally ended up at Rock Bottom Brewery. I found the irony. We had reached Rock Bottom in our choices. Did I mention that all of this happened while Keith's boss with us?

We had a burger and drinks and listened to Dan tell us fascinating stories about Steve Jobs. And knowing me and how inappropriate I can be....I told him he should lay on our table so we could turn the beer tap on straight into his mouth. He said that he didn't get where he was by laying under things. I told him that I'm exactly where I am by laying under things. And then I called Keith my Sugar Daddy.

Once we were in our seats at the improv show....we smelled something. Something bad. I did what I always do when I smelling something bad and I told twitter.

The guy behind me....was reading my phone over my shoulder and told me it wasn't him.   And asked me to retract my tweet.

Guy behind me who DID NOT FART took to twitter to make sure the world all 12 of his followers knew and included a picture of the person who he thought was responsible.  That person is my husband's boss.

I laughed so hard that I peed my pants!  And the show hadn't even started yet!  I am now twitter friends with Michelin.  So now he has 13 friends.

The show was very funny and our friend made it to the next round.

Good Luck Break Your Leg Lindsay!

What Are You Going To Do With Your Wife?

Joining Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn for another great week at Talk To Us Tuesday!

By the way....tomorrow is the big reveal of The Book Club!  You won't want to miss it!






Hello Friends!

I just spent three hours of my life watching the new Bachelor and Wife Swap. I posted my thoughts on Ben for your reading pleasure! Drinking game is coming soon!

I do want to talk about The Bachelor for a moment. I want to address the conflict between Monica and Jenna.

I was kind of rooting for Jenna from the beginning because she billed herself as a blogger and as of yet, we've never had a blogger on the show before. I thought to myself. Jenna will be my people.

Jenna is a whiney cry baby.

But I think in some circles that's what it takes to be a good/popular blogger. Please be advised that I have never read her blog and will not link to it here because I think that's what she wants us to do.

Ahem.

Monica. Reminds me of someone that wreaked havoc on my life.

Left me tell you about MY Monica.

I met her for the first time at a Bachelorette party for our dear friend who I'll call Denise, because that's what her name is. *Monica* sat across from me and gave me dirty looks all night. You see....I was the old best friend and she was the new best friend.

Fast forward two weeks to the wedding. I'm already having a bad day because my stupid (now ex) husband is running late. We have to drive 75 minutes to south Denver (from Greeley) to get his tux before the wedding AND we have to pick up my dress on Federal because it didn't fit when I went in for a fitting.

We get to the wedding and my dress still doesn't fit and I had to be sewn into it.

Fast forward 6 hours later and I'm trying to get my (now ex and drunk) husband to leave. I'm having a conversation with him and she is copying me behind my back. Keep in mind I've barely had any kind of conversation with HER. I ask her to stop and she mocks me.

Fast forward 2 months. My friend Denise tells me that they are hiring a receptionist where she works and I should apply and leave my stupid (now ex) husband. Only problem....*Monica* works there too.

I decide that I'd rather deal with immature stupid *Monica* than my stupid immature (now ex) husband and I apply for the job.

I get the job, and months later.....*Monica* and I become friends. Very good friends.

Fast forward three years, *Monica* is now my boss. We both join eHarmony and I meet the love of my life in two weeks. Note: *Monica* is still single to this very day.

Fast forward two more years. I'm married, my lovely husband has bought me a new Murano and a HOUSE and I've just announced that I'm pregnant.

*Monica* has me fired for my inability to get along with employees just two months after she's given me a glowing review and a raise.

What the heck is *Monica's* problem.  Was she jealous?  Immature?  Mentally Ill?

I say that she is/was all of these things.  And so is this Monica.  I also think they two of them are still on the show for ratings alone.

Also....I texted IA tonight during the show to tell her that I'd share tampons with her in California.  I don't think we'll be sharing a room anymore.....

As for Wife Swap?

I feel so badly for Carnie Wilson.  Her husband is a selfish a-hole and she is uninvolved in his and her children's lives.  Also....Aunt De De needs to work on her housekeeping because I would have walked out right after walking in.  Tracy Gold showed great courage staying in that house.

Wrapping Presents

It's Tuesday and I have a public service announcement for Talk To Us Tuesday with Impulsive Addict and Seriously Shawn!

If your children are smart like mine....they will notice that you're empty handed and that you've changed into your pajama's.

There will be a line of questioning.

My suggestion to you is to leave the room and let your husband handle the interrogation.

How to Win Christmas

Happy Tuesday! My son is on Fall Break this week so we are being lazy and watching lots of movies. Today, I want to talk with you and Impulsive Addict and Shawn about planning for Christmas.

1.  When shopping for presents for your friends and family....always throw something in for yourself.  A pair of gloves here, a sweater there....especially when they're on sale. You work hard to win Christmas and you deserve nice things.


2.  Make lists and check them thrice.

•  gift ideas
•  gift lists
•  menu ideas
•  actual menu 
•  grocery list
•  christmas card list
•  things to do
•  holiday activities

3.  Keep a detailed calendar with school events, family activities and deadlines for getting things done.  


4.  Buy wrapping paper as soon as something catches your eye.  This will be your color theme for the year.  


5. Buy LOTS of tape.  You can never have too much.


6. When shopping for gifts, if all else fails....buy the person on your list Starbucks or Target gift cards.  


7. Download the GLEE Christmas Album.  


8.  Mail your out of town packages early....you will beat the crowd and save your sanity.


9.  Don't over schedule your holiday.  Pick a couple fun things and spread them out through the month of December.  Allow for plenty of downtime....hot chocolate drinking and movie watching.


10.  Buy Hot Chocolate, Marshmallows and Wine in bulk.



If you plan ahead and shop early.....you can relax and enjoy the holiday with your family!

Connie's Christmas List

• Silpat Mats
• A Waffle Maker
• Knee High Boots that fit
• Elementary School Peace
• A Coach Hangbag
• Cheese
• A case of red wine
• A lifetime supply of K-Cups
• Gluten Free Cookies

Are you addicted to Pinterest and need a Pintervention? Check out what I made here.

TTUT....New Shoes

Post number two!

Let's talk about shoes! 

I looked for boots for my fat calves for 3 weeks. I finally gave up when I found these adorable shoes from Jelly Pop!

They are kind of a rain shoe, kind of a loafer and RED!  I love them so much!  iKeith said they look like bowling shoes.  And then I punched him in the arm.

Have something you want to talk about?  Link up with Impulsive Addict and Shawn for Talk To Us Tuesday!