Too Much Sadness for One Week.

I can't even think about writing my Christmas update today. I was already struggling with my Christmas Spirit issues and then there has just been so much sadness this week.


Calvin's Great Aunt Rena passed away.  She was an amazing woman and a healer.  She laid hands on him after his near fatal car accident 10 years ago and all of his pain disappeared.  Rest in Peace Rena....

A baby boy the same age as Mallory drowned in his families swimming pool in Florida this week.  There has been lots of drama around this tragedy on twitter.  I feel horribly for this mother and her family.  What I'm going to tell you is....that based on what happened that day....I'm changing my ways.  I will be shutting down my computer more and spending a lot less time on twitter and facebook while my kids are awake.  They deserve to have my undivided attention for most of their day and nothing is more important than their safety and lives.  Rest in Peace Bryson......

I'm heartbroken over the mother that is missing from Salt Lake City.  Susan Powell has been missing for almost two weeks.  It's suspected that her husband is responsible.  He claims he took his children camping after midnight on the day she disappeared.  SERIOUSLY? I don't leave my house in the middle of winter with my kids much less take them camping!  Please pray for Susan Powell.....

Lastly, Calvin's secretary had a baby a month ago and this darling little girl is going in for surgery tomorrow to remove a tennis ball sized tumor from her chest.  Her name is Lexie, please say a prayer for her.

I'm sorry that I don't have happy thoughts today.  The kids just woke up and we're going to have a PJ day and watch Christmas shows and drink Hot Chocolate.  And probably start eating all the candy off from the Gingerbread house we made.

Held For Ransome

Bobbi found this at the bottom of the stairs....we think the kids were
going to write a ransome note but then realized they can't write. We
also think the dog is in on it....

Withdrawls...

I miss my computer...and my friends. I've been using Calvin's laptop a
little but now he's nad at me and won't let me use it. So I'm pecking
this out on my iPhone.

I'm including a picture that Alex took yesterday.

My Baby's Sick!

Hi.

I was working on a vlog for today.  It was about the little bet I made with my friend Jessica and it involved me going to a store that starts with a W to take a picture.  I decided to vlog about the experience but then I couldn't leave the house because the guy on the news told me not to.  Did I mention we got a foot of snow (EDITED: FOX 13 says we got 12.5 inches) over the weekend?

So...I got nothing.

AND my baby...My MAC.  Is sick.  I can't use it at all and we can't take it to the Apple Doctor in Salt Lake City until Sunday.  Calvin has allowed me to use his lap top in the meantime, but I don't have my lists and my Christmas Music and my pictures.  I'm feeling a little lost.

The good news...is that without my computer available I did some relaxing and reading yesterday and I finally finished Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster.  I'm starting her next book called Pretty in Plaid and I expect I might actually finish it this week.  Maybe less computer time is a good thing...

Happy Monday!

Elfcapade 2009: Poe Lives

It's Friday, which means it's time to link up with Liz, check in with Poe and Vincent and see how the Weiss Children have been behaving this week.  As you recall, last week didn't go so well.  The children got into trouble and the elves were called back to The North Pole by Santa.

While I was in Salt Lake City on Saturday, I received word from Santa that the elves would be returning and he sent evidence that Poe had been revived.  It appears he had to call in the big guns.....Mary, Joseph and Edward.

On Sunday, while Mallory struggled with her religious choices....we did more decorating.  The kids really wanted trees for their rooms so off to Joann's I went to find trees and decorations.

 

I think this was probably their favorite thing they've done so far!

Monday,  we went to a Christmas Celebration at the shopping center where Bobbi works.  We enjoyed hot cider, snacks and a carriage ride in the freezing cold.

Tuesday, the elves returned and brought Christmas dishes for the kids.  They were so excited for them to come back and haven't let them out of their sight...which means they can't do or bring anything else.  Mommy needs to learn some sneak techniques for getting them out of bed after the kids have drifted off to sleep.  Mallory also came down with a bug...and was sick for two days.

Wednesday...Elves were in quarantine.....because they didn't get their flu shots.  So I made some Apple Bread.

Thursday, everyone was feeling better and children had been behaving so....we did a craft!  We started out trying to make a Marshmallow Wreath but I wanted to use glue instead of toothpicks because Alex and sharp pointy objects don't really get along.  The marshmallows slid right off.....so we made some ornaments instead.

Alex...painstakingly applying glitter to his ornament.

Have a great week!  Only 13 days until Christmas!!

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Happy Hanukkah

On Sunday, Mallory and I had a girls day out. We went to Starbucks where she entertained people on their laptops by asking them if they were playing World of Warcraft and inquiring where the heck they thought they were going, when they attempted to leave.

Then we went to the Crap Craft store and she was thrilled to put many spools of ribbon in the cart help me find ribbon for the special order altered clipboards for my friend Jessica. We also picked out some things that you don't get to hear about until Friday.

THEN, we went to Wal*Mart to shop for food and she was appalled at people's outfits and the rambunctious children running through the store. And then she saw him. Santa. If you recall last week's elf update, Santa called Poe and Vincent back to the North Pole because the children had been naughty. I asked her if she wanted to talk to him and she gave him the dirtiest look, yelled 'BRING POE BACK!!' and then crossed her arms in her mad pose. And then she told me that she doesn't like Santa.

She's decided to be Jewish now.

Merry SITSmas!

We wish you a Merry SITSmas and a Happy SITS Year! My wish for 2010 is that my husband stays employed and my butt gets smaller.  I don't ask for much.....


Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year? 

• A Knife 
• Prep Bowls 
• Marble Pastry Board 
• Case Bottle of A to Z Pinot Noir
• The Pioneer Woman Cooks

2. What is your favorite handmade gift you have received? 

I can't recall ever receiving a handmade gift.

3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle? 

A painting

4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?

My class ring my senior year.

5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?

Trains and Pink Bicycles

6. What is your favorite holiday foods? 

Rolls, Yams, Ham and Turkey with cranberries

7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays? 

It's a secret...my friends read my blog.

8. What is your favorite holiday movie? 

Christmas Vacation

9. Favorite holiday song? 

Sleigh Ride

10. Favorite holiday pastime? 

Baking
Cooking the holiday meal
Looking at Christmas Lights
Watching my kids discover Christmas

Vlog: Connie Escapes

So....I'm switching my vlogs to Monday because I'm going to be doing the Countdown to Christmas with Liz on Fridays.

I had very big plans for Saturday since I rarely get a day out without my kids (and husband).  Without them, I can move about freely and get so much done.  At least that was what I thought was going to happen.

Much to Bobbi's chagrin...I had a packed schedule with little wiggle room.  I didn't account for traffic, lingering over coffee, multiple bathroom breaks and 1000 trees.

We started off at Caffe d'bolla in downtown Salt Lake City. This is where I had the most amazing cup of coffee and something called a Bubble Tea.  You can read all about my fun coffee experience here.


Our next stop was Home Goods and we had a little difficulty getting there because my navigation system *bitchin Betty* was picking on me.  In case you don't remember...I won a $200 gift card from The Inspired Room to make over my bedroom.  We found sooo much great stuff and I can't wait to get started putting it all together and showing it to you.

Next...meeting JenJen from Tattertots and Jello at the Festival of Trees. She is even more beautiful and sweet in person as she is on her blog and I got to meet three of her four kids too.  We had a great time looking at all of the hundred's of trees and gingerbread houses and even picked up a couple little treats at the Sweet Shop.

Soon, we had to head for home and the Heartland Paper Company in Bountiful.   I'm working on a special order for my friend Jessica and this place has the best paper selection.

I made it home in time to cuddle with the kids for a little while before I headed out again...this time with Calvin.  I told him that I had a surprise for him and to be ready by 5pm.  And I gave him a clue:

The state of being joined.

I was surprising him by taking him to see 2012 at the JUNCTION (hense the clue).  He thought I was taking him to join a gym and I really had him going because Gold's Gym is right across the street from the theater at The Junction!  He was really surprised!

As for the movie....Calvin loved it.  I, was freaking out and scared through the whole thing and half way through I wanted to go home and hide under a table with my kids.  I came to the conclusion that if the world is ending...I just want to go quickly.  I won't be one of those folks racing around trying to survive.  I'll be the one looting the gun store......

I hope you enjoy a little snippet of our day!

Elfcapades 2009: Arrivals and Departures

I'm joining Liz at Sugarplum Creations with the countdown to Christmas!  Every week we'll be posting about our week of celebrating the Holidays with our families.  Grab a button and join us!

***

The Elves arrived on Tuesday. They flew in from The North Pole in the snazzie sleigh that Santa got for them last year. They brought the advent box with them and the kids were very excited about that....until I opened the one marked 24 and Alex asked me to pass along a message to the elf in charge of filling the box, that he would prefer M&M's ™ to Peanut Butter Cups. Hey Kid! It's free CANDY...just eat it!

i don't like peanut butter and chocolate OR Rice Krispy Treats

Mallory doesn't remember Vincent and Poe at all. And she was quick to let me know that they were bugging her and she wanted them to go home. She even went so far as to put them back in the sleigh and race around the family room with it...hoping the Christmas Magic would take them away.

get those elfs outta my house

And then later in the afternoon...Mallory brought Poe to me and said he was dead.

The funeral is Friday.

So....Wednesday.  Vincent and a 'Weekend at Bernies' version of Poe (cuz he's dead, yo) brought the kids some Christmas Jammies.  The children were very excited about receiving them and Mallory even thanked Dead Poe before she threw him on the ground...again, saying she didn't like him.

dear departed Poe is laying on Mallory's jammies

At approximately 11:15am, there was another crime scene created in one of the children's bedrooms.  This time the victim was a jar of Grape Jelly from Aunt Juana.  One of the children (neither of them will come clean) opened the Jelly and dumped it on the floor.  Based on my extensive CSI knowledge, and who told and who hid...I surmised that Mallory was the perp.

The cleaning crew that came in (me) was not happy because they were on a break; watching Y&R.  Cleaning up the massive jelly stain turned into cleaning the entire family room and the children hid in their rooms.

At Noon, I got an email from Santa that he was summoning the Elves back to The North Pole and the Weiss Children are now being evaluated.  These little rascals are not taking the threat of the naughty list seriously at all!

BREAKING NEWS! Mallory hates her new flannel footed jammies and refuses to wear them.

Thursday was a better day.  I'm still waiting to hear from Santa if the Elves will be returning and if he was able to raise Poe from the dead. 

Keith returned from his business trip and we went to look at Christmas Lights.  They love them so much!  I had to make a quick stop at the store and they requested a treat.  They were relatively good so I bought some pre-made Rice Krispy Treats.  As seems to be the theme....one of my children didn't like them.  Who doesn't like marshmallows and rice cereal?  For crying out loud.....That's fine.  More for me.

 the Griswold's live in North Ogden

I'm hoping that next week will be better and we can actually do a craft and Mallory will warm up to the elves.

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Clearing up the rumors....

I didn't want my little secret to get out. I thought we were being careful and that no one would get hurt. It was so innocent. But I have a confession to make....

Tiger was with ME at Sitscation.

But it didn't work out between us because of his GIANT head and he's a little too handy...if you know what I mean.

In all seriousness....this is the last guy I expected to cheat on his hot wife.  What the heck?  From what I know about him...he came from a great family and was a stand up guy.  Does this mean that all men are susceptible to cheating if the opportunity presents itself? Does this mean that all celebrities can't resist when someone *likes* them?  Does this mean that I have a chance with Chris Gorham?

Quiet Christmas Morning...In the Colorado Snow

Mama Kat's got some great writing prompts this week and this one really called to me:

Describe how you would celebrate the holidays if it was totally up to you and money was not a factor.

I have always had a dream of spending Christmas in a cabin in the mountains. I'm not really sure why because I'm not a skier but I suppose it's possible that growing up in Colorado may have something to do with it.  Here's my dream cabin in the mountains.....

 

And here is where I will sit next to the fire, drinking my coffee in the morning while reading the lastest Jen Lancaster book.

 

Later in the afternoon, when the sun has come up...I will sit here with my glass of Pinot or a warm mug

 of hot chocolate.  I'll bring a quilt that I made myself and the sun will warm my face.

And at night after the kids are duct taped tucked in their beds, Calvin and I will come outside to the fire and drink Irish Coffee and snuggle under a big wool blanket and make smores.

What a wonderful dream....I hope I can make it come true someday.  What's your dream Christmas destination?

Did you see my Cook from the Book Challenge this week?  It was yummy!

I'll Be There For You.....

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.  A.A. Milne 

During my trip to Colorado last week....I made more of an effort to take time for myself. Of course, I'd hoped I'd have more time because I wanted to go to the Boulder/Broomfield area and visit Denise and Cari but time goes so very fast on vacation that I didn't get to. Sorry guys! Next time....

On our way to Denver, we stopped in my old hometown of Greeley. I took Calvin to my old neighborhood and we shared a vanilla shake at the Drive Inn.  It had been way too long since I'd seen my friends and their families. Anne* and Kathy* have been my BFF's for the last 15 years. Through marriages, births of children, and a couple divorces. These girls were with me and helped me through one of the darkest times of my life and I'll love them forever.

Kathy, Me and Anne

A post about girlfriends wouldn't be complete without talking about my day out with Robert*.  He took me to brunch at this cute little place in Cap Hill (more about this later on my food blog, subscribe...so you don't miss it.) and then we went shopping at The Cherry Creek Mall.  We had a blast!  He tried to make me try on a $137,000 ring at Tiffany's, but I refused because if I touched it, I'd want it.  Here we are modeling the latest hat fashion's from Anthropology.

Me and Rob

One night, I went to a bar.  I was going to meet a couple gals that I had worked with previously and a brand new friend that I met on twitter.  Katherine* and I worked at the collection agency together and became fast friends when we discovered that we didn't like most of the people we worked with.  Every morning we'd go down to the coffee shop in our building and grab a coffee and bagel and talk a mile a minute...and then we would talk more at each other's desk.  We also both had a crush on our boss Ken. Martha* didn't come...canceling at the last minute.  Bummer.

 

Me and Katherine

I love meeting new people that I've gotten to know from my blog and twitter.  I'd recently become acquainted with Tina from My Lipstick Life and I was so excited when I found out that she lived in Denver.  She agreed to come out to the bar, even though her daughter was very concerned about her meeting a stranger from the internet.  LOL!  Have you ever met someone for the first time and feel like you've known them forever?  Tina and I could have chatted all night!  AND Kat and Tina live in the same neighborhood and now they are going to be friends too.  Isnt' that awesome?

 

Tina!

*These people do not have blogs OR Tweet.  Crazy right? 

P.S.  I'm noticing a trend here....I only wear black and aqua. Three different outfits....same colors.  Funny!

I'm Home!

We decided to leave early yesterday...okay, Calvin decided to leave early and I silently cheered.  I missed my bed and my house....and I think Alex did too because he started packing up all of our suitcases every day since Wednesday.  That's my boy....

We got home at 11:30pm.  Alex slept for about 72 minutes of the 8 hour trip and the last couple hours I had to occupy him with my iPhone because Mallory was sleeping.  So if you got a text from me late last night...sorry!

Jennifer at Playgroups are No Place for Children did a post last week about her first commenter. It got me thinking about my blogging career. I started the blog (and it had a different name) mainly for friends and family to read...and it showed. My family NEVER leaves comments....so everyday. Crickets.

My first commenter is a friend that I met on a Mommy message board for gals that had babies in April 2006. We are also IRL friends because we met on my way home from Milwaukee last summer. She commented on a post I did about the enormous amount of snow we had in our yard.  Please visit Angie at Kiddos Life and say hi!

My first Spam commenter's name was Jason and he had this to say:

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash......

Thanks Jason!

On February 20, 2008...I discovered Mrs. Fussypants and she helped me FIGHT the FRUMP. Here is my first post where I attempted to improve my situation and my first time mentioning my desire for a sister-wife. I got 12 comments and thought it was freakin Christmas!

And then....there is the post where I met TWO fabulous Utah people.  I was bitching and moaning about not being able to find a bakery to purchase my daughter's first birthday cake....and then apparently, I was bitching and moaning in the comment section of Jennifer at Playgroups are No Place for Children's blog about Utah.  Loralee and Jess saw my comment and came over and introduced themselves.  By the way, Jess....we STILL haven't met in person.

Hmmm....It's looking like I owe Jennifer a beer or two.

Have a GREAT weekend!  I have lots of cleaning and laundry to do.

Much to be Thankful for

Today....I'm thankful to be with my family in a town I love.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  We shared a new experience with the kids....and they loved it.  We went bowling.

We've been waiting patiently for the kids to be old enough and now they are.  It was so fun to see them get excited and be proud of themselves.

Alex was also a big help to his sister....he got his first strike and beat his Daddy by one point.

It's these times....with my kids and husband that make me so thankful for my life every single day.

Go Broncos!

Wordless Wednesday: Poopa in the Morning

Santa and The Color Purple

Hey everyone! It's been a crazy couple of days...staying really busy and visiting friends. Yesterday was all about the kids! We decided it was finally time for them to meet Santa.  Someone please tell me if not allowing parents to photograph their kids with Santa is the norm?  I refused to pay for their photo packages so I snuck across the way and took my own pictures.

Mallory was too afraid to sit by Santa but when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas she said a Pink Bicycle!  And then he fist bumped her.  That Santa is a cool dude.

Alex had a great chat with Santa about the trains he owns and the one's he wants. I was most impressed that this Santa knows his stuff....Alex said pink train and he knew it was named Rosie.

We also went to the Denver Aquarium in Downtown Denver.  The kids loved seeing all of the fish and were surprised to see Tigers there too.  We had lunch in their restaurant and were able to sit right next to the giant fish tank that takes up half of the eatery.

We ate with the Fishies.

Mallory and I left the boys in the Apple store and we went searching for a purple dress.  She just loves the color purple and wanted a dress to add to her now growing collection.  We hit the mother load in Macy's and she ended up selecting a beautiful dark purple knit sweater.  She was so much fun to shop with and I'm so thrilled that she is my shopping buddy!

We also needed to visit Invesco Field at Mile High because the kids needed some Bronco Gear.  We suspect that we are responsible for the Bronco's decline over the last four weeks because our children didn't have proper attire.

You just wait until Thursday.  GO BRONCOS!

Today...we're going shopping again.  The Target in Ogden was completely sold out of any size 7 shoes for poor Mally (due to the baby boom of 2007) and now I need some boots since I fell in a snow bank yesterday.

Yes Mallory, there is a Santa Claus

If you're reading this....I had drinks with friends last night in Denver!

See this girl. Doesn't she look like a Who From Whoville? Little Mally Lou Who.

Calvin tried to watch Merry Madagascar with her the other night and it didn't go well.  I won't spoil the show if you haven't seen it but there were lots of questions and Daddy got frustrated and deleted the show off from the DVR.

Here are the questions I heard from the kitchen...and Calvin's answers.

What are those?  Animals.
Who's that guy? Santa.
Why's he doing that? Doing what?  Driving a sleigh?
Who's that guy? Santa.
What are those? Reindeer?
Why's he doing that? He hit his head.
Why?
What are those? Presents
Who's that guy? Santa!
What's he doing?

You see Mallory, on Christmas....SANTA delivers presents to ALL of the boys and girls in the world.

Why?  BECAUSE HE DOES!

We're taking her (and Alex too) to meet Santa this afternoon at the Cherry Creek Mall. I'm sure she'll have lots of questions for him....

Oprah Can You Hear Me?

**If you're reading this....I had way too much fun in Downtown Denver with Calvin and Robert last night** 

I've always been one to have goals.  Some may call me a dreamer because I always have these visions of things I'd like to do one day that would be the ultimate amazing life experiences.

Some of these have included, becoming a mother, owning a new car, learning to ski and going to New York City.  Then...there are the really big ones.  The one's that I'm not sure will ever come true because they are very difficult or very expensive or just unrealistic.

Calvin considers my dream to go to The Oprah Show unrealistic because the show is in Chicago and it's not easy to get ticket for.  I still always thought someday...it would happen.

Until a few days ago....when I read that Oprah is quitting her show.  In 18 months, The Oprah Show will be over.  I'm sure that ticket's will now be impossible to get and there is still the issue of having to go to Chicago.

Calvin asked me why I want to do this and my answer is simple.  She saved my life.  The 1990's were a really, really hard time in my life and I often thought the easiest thing would be for me to just die and be done with it.  Life was too hard and I didn't see a way for it to get better.  During that time, The Oprah show was all about self-help and making life better.  Dr Phil and Iyanla Vanzant were weekly guest and they helped me realize that I could change my life.

And I did.

Here's a quote from Oprah:

Winfrey thanked her viewers for sticking with her for almost a quarter of a century. "These years with you, our viewers, have enriched my life beyond all measure," she said. "And you all have graciously invited me into your living rooms, into your kitchens, and into your lives.  And for some of you long time Oprah viewers, you have literally grown up with me — we've grown together.

"So I just wanted to say that whether you've been here with me from the beginning or you came on board last week, I want you all to know that my relationship with you is one that I hold very dear. And your trust in me, the sharing of your precious time every day with me has brought me the greatest joy I have ever known."

If she only knew how much she helped me.....

What's That Smell?

If you're reading this....then I'm in Denver!  WOOT!  

I watched one of those fashion red carpet shows the other night. They were televising the red carpet for the opening of New Moon. I like watching these things because I like clothes and since Rachel Zoe and I have become BFF's I feel like she expects me to sit there with a cup of Starbucks ™ and critique the stars.

I thought everyone looked really nice and I thought it was lovely that Kristen Stewart made an effort and wore a dress but she clearly forgot to wash the shampoo out of her hair. All through the show I was distracted by this guy.

But not because he's hot or anything because DOOD...I'm old enough to be his Mommy, but because when he smiles....he always looks like he just smelled a fart.  I'd never be able to date him because I'd constant think I smelled bad.

I hope you all had a GREAT time at the movie!

Regrets...I have a few.

I'm sitting here crying because I just read a lovely post from Any Mommy, titled Mother's Milk...it's about breastfeeding.  It brought up all kinds of memories and reminded me how mad I am.

Since I reserve the right to use this blog as therapy....feel free to leave right now if you don't want to hear me talk about my (*)(*)  and come back tomorrow. (please come back tomorrow)

I breastfed Alex less than an hour after he was born. It was a struggle at first but once we got home it became easier. He was a hungry little guy and he always made the sweetest little drunk face when he was done.

He became a huge fan of (*)(*) and got his Grandpa Bob to take him to Hooter's when he was only a few weeks old.  Grandpa Bob also bought him a special shirt.

his shirt says I *heart* Boobies!

Since Alex was my first and only baby....I was able to devote huge amounts of time to feeding, cuddling and adoring him.  Those were leisure days of hanging out staring into each other's eyes, daily photo shoots where I dressed him in new outfits and naps.  It was a dreamy time that I'll never forget and always long to return to.


When Alex was about 3 months old, my supply dropped.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong and had to start giving him formula because he wasn't getting enough to eat.  I tried everything I could to bring my supply back...including drinking beer.


Which wasn't the best idea, I discovered,  because the reason for my milk drying up was because I was pregnant again.  And I was devastated that I couldn't nurse anymore.  Our special time each day and him reaching up with his little hand to touch my face...was over. 


I had Calvin take a picture of me nursing him (Alex...not Calvin) one last time and it's a picture I'll cherish forever.


Fast forward 7 months....Mallory is born; three weeks early.  She is jaundiced and requires a bili blanket for  the first week of her life.  She was immediately taken from me when I delivered her and wasn't brought back to my room for 6 hours.  During that time, the nurses had asked my permission to give her formula because she obviously needed to eat and they refused to bring her to me.  Finally, I tried to nurse her and she didn't want anything to do with it.  I tried for hours....


The next morning, the nurses told me to stop because it was better for her to drink formula due to the high levels of bilirubin.  They told me formula would remove it from her body faster and that breastfeeding slows it down.  I believed them and reluctantly stopping trying to feed her...and it broke my heart.


And this is why I'm mad.  Read this quote from breastfeeding-basics.com.

The colostrum and milk she receives will help her move her bowels, speeding up the elimination of bilirubin from her system A sick baby needs the benefits of breastmilk even more than a healthy baby.

I'm mad that the nurses didn't let me nurse her immediately and then lied to me and told me it was better for her if I didn't nurse at all. I'm mad that because I didn't have a good enough reason to hold my new baby constantly for the first week of her life, my mother in law held her instead while I cared for Alex.  I'm mad that Mallory and I didn't get to have that special time together and it took us weeks to really bond.


And I'm mad that I didn't stand up for myself and what I wanted.