What You Missed....

Every now and again....a catch up post is needed because stuff happened that didn't make it into a blog post.

Laundry Room Update:

This week....there has been a crew here rebuilding the basement and laundry room.  They found asbestes so there has also been a hazmat crew here. Good Times....

Squirrels...Everywhere:

Have you ever noticed that when you don't like something...you see it everywhere?

Squirrel Concealer

If this concealer is made from dead squirrels....I'll buy it!

When I'm 64:

I've discovered that when I'm old....I'm going to be that lady that yells at kids that are on her lawn.  I'm already one step away from Gladys Kravtiz.  Some kid stuck a gogurt container in the grill of my SUV and they trapsed their muddy feet around in front of my apartment.  I wanted to buy this sign...but iKeith wouldn't let me.

Kindergarten:

Last week....Alex had an evaluation for Kindergarten.  This charter school is serious business!  Wednesday we had an appointment with the Kindergarten Team to find out how he did. I discovered that being home schooled by Nick Jr isn't really working out for us.  If you want to know more about how this meeting went....email me at Connie@youngandrelentless.com for the full story. I should have known that his day was going to go wrong for me.  First I dropped a carton of eggs on the floor, then the cantaloupe was rotten.  Last straw....as we left the school. I broke my sunglasses.

On the way home, I made iKeith stop at the liquor store by our house.  They know me there now.  I seem to always feel obligated to tell him why I'm buying a four bottle of wine.  I'm sure he loves my excuses.  I explained that my son was starting Kindergarten in the fall and I'm stressed out.  He advised me to switch to boxed wine in August....and he asked me if I knew my glasses where broken.

What I Did When I Should Have Been In Austin:

I was supposed to go to Austin last weekend.  I really wanted to go but finances didn't allow it.  I had a genius plan to sell my Canon Rebel to my bother in law Robert.  He's rolling in dough and always borrowing my camera when he travels.  He said he wanted to buy it....and then said he couldn't afford it. There went my plans.  I was really bummed! Lesson Learned: Even a gay man will not buy the cow when the milk is free.

I was in Austin in spirit and the ladies were nice enough to text and tweet me the entire weekend.  We sent funny pictures and videos back and forth and it was almost like I was there.  Here is a sample.



Friday night....one of the ladies (IA) tweeted me her phone number.  Sunday....I discovered that she had accidentally sent me the wrong number.  In the meantime, I sent ALL OF THOSE VIDEOS to some stranger.  When I started inquiring as to WHERE he was...he finally informed me that his name was TOM and that he didn't know me.

To see a video of really happened in Austin visit Becca's blog, and you could also win a prize.  You will even see a picture of ME in the video (i'm wearing a mask). And if you like her video and want her to make one for you...she does that too.

What I'm Watching This Summer

It's no secret that I love watching TV.  I'm always a little bummed in mid-May when all of my favorite shows go away for a couple months.  Grey's Anatomy...I will miss you!  Thank goodness I still have 7 episodes of Friday Night Lights to keep me company.  There are some shows that I'm not going to waste my time on this summer (Bachelorette...I'm looking at you) and will instead go to movies (ALONE), take evening walks with my family and drink wine read in bed.

Here are the shows that I will be watching:


Love Bites on NBC, starting June 2nd stars Constance Zimmer (Entourage), Greg Grunberg (from Heroes) and Becki Newton (Ugly Betty).  It features modern stories of love, sex and marriage and the first episode guest stars Jennifer Love Hewit

The Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo...if you hurry and catch up on the two episodes (2nd one aired last night) that have aired....then you will have the perfect trashy reality TV for your summer.  This season there are two new cast members that are causing trouble.  Melissa Gorga is Teresa's sister in law and they don't get along. Kathy Wakile is Teresa's cousin and they don't get along.  It's like my house only Italian!!

Rocco's Dinner Party on Bravo....begins June 15th.  Each week three competing chefs prepare the perfect dinner party for Rocco DiSpirito and his celebrity guests.  One chef walks away with a cash prize.  If you love throwing dinner parties like I do...you won't want to miss this show!

Expedition Impossible: Morocco on ABC....begins June 21st.  13 teams of 3 will do the extraordinary, solving problems and competing in the biggest adventures of their lives.  It's kind of like Survivor meets The Amazing Race.

Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family...begins June 14th.  This one I watch online because I don't get this channel but I don't mind because I love it!  I know it's for teenagers.  I know 40 years shouldn't be watching it but.....I can't help myself!


Other shows that I probably won't be watching but you might like:

Monday
America's Got Talent (NBC) starts May 31st
Switched At Birth (ABC Family)  starts June 6th
Bachelor Pad (ABC) starts August 8th
Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition (ABC) starts May 30th

Tuesday
Expedition Impossible (SBC) starts June 21st
The Hot Zone (ABC) starts June 21st
Hell's Kitchen (FOX) starts July 19th
 
Thursday
So You Think You Can Dance (FOX) starts May 26th
Wipe Out (ABC) starts June 16th
101 Ways to Leave a Game Show (ABC)

Sunday
The Marriage Ref (NBC) starts June 26

What Are You Doing With Your Time?

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

J.R.R. Tolkien

Love In The Wild

I was watching TV the other night and I saw a commercial for Love in The Wild (be careful googling that) that will be airing on NBC soon. It's an adventure dating series set in Costa Rica and it begins on June 1st.

credit

The cast consists of 10 single men and 10 single women, who will pair up and complete quests that include paddling down crocodile-ridden waters and navigating bat infested caves. The couple that wins the quest....gets to stay in a the fantasuite 5 star accommodations. There will then be an elimination ceremony where the couples decide if they made a connection or if they want to switch partners. Two people go home each week. At the end....one couple is left standing and they win each other....but no money.

The show is hosted by Darren McMullen and he's quoted as saying, 'Life in a relationship isn't all limos and champagne dinners.  The show puts people in stressful situations to see if they can work together as a team.'

I've got a news flash for Darren (and the producers of this ridiculous show)....real relationships also don't include Costa Rica, zip lines and 5 star accommodations.


If they really want to put relationships to the ultimate test, I've got a few suggestions.

pick a movie to watch together.

stalk each other on social media. 

grocery shop together and prepare a meal.

attend an ex's wedding. 

go on a fishing trip with a grumpy older couple.

make a budget.

go through the process of finding a pretend house to buy.

take a small child to dinner at a nice restaurant. 

go through the process of buying the pretend house.

attend Kindergarten Registration. 

make their car break down on the freeway.

replace a hot water heater.

go on a camping trip with a grumpy older couple with a drinking problem. 

put together a child's toy.

put a squirrel in their laundry room. 

do homework with a 7 year old. 

stand in line at the mall with a 2 year old to visit Santa. 

survive a medical emergency.

plan a funeral. 
put together furniture (suggested by Meaghan at The Twenties Roar)  
clean up a child's vomit/pee/poo (suggested by Sturgmom, In General)  

If they can complete these tasks....then I think they might make a relationship work, or they would definitely want to switch partners.  The Bachelor has been doing these adventure dates for a while now and I don't like them.  They aren't realistic and I don't like seeming dumb girls running around the jungle in high heels and full make-up.

I'm going to take a pass on this show NBC.

Now....If you would have combined a dating show with Wipe-Out....I would have been all over it.

Friends and Flowers

I have a couple friends that have been with me for a really long time.  They knew me when I was newly married to a different guy, had long blonde spiral permed hair and drove a pickup truck.  Yes...I might have been a redneck!

Oh how I've changed!

Before I moved to Utah....we had a long standing May Date, usually right after Mother's Day.  We'd meet in Longmont (a halfway point) have a long breakfast, catch up on each other's lives and then spend a couple of hours at a local nursery picking out flowers for our yards.

I'm missed these outings so much and I missed my friends more.

Saturday we were reunited!

We had breakfast at an adorable little restaurant that is in an old house just off from the downtown area.  It's called Lucile's Creole Cafe, the food was so good and it made me want to visit New Orleans very soon! Mallory and I scored some beads and we didn't even have to do anything naughty to get them. Click HERE to see what I ate.

We had a great time at the nursery and Mallory was in heaven!  She loved looking at and touching every plant and made me read all of the tags to her.  If there was a bench...she sat on it.  Twice!  We picked some flowers to plant and our color scheme is purple, yellow, orange and pink!  And we bought three kinds of basil.

Mallory tricked Anne into carrying her all around the nursery by telling her that she was about to pass out!  She is suck a trickster!  Anne, of course didn't mind because she has two boys and always wanted a daughter, and people kept asking her if Mallory was her kid.  They do look alike...don't you think? 

We planted our flowers yesterday and I don't think I've seen my kids more excited to watch something grow!  

For The Last Time!

I feel like a broken record.

Every two months (almost like clockwork)....there is major drama in my life and I think seriously about stepping away from my blog.

I'm here to tell you (for the last time) that I'm not going anywhere.  This is the last time that you will hear me threatening to quit because of someone trying to silence me.

If I quit....it will be because it's finally time for me to move on or my kids are too old to blog about.  I don't see this happening for a while.

I'm feeling pretty hopeful that this drama is completely over and won't be causing me any more pain and stress.

I mean really....we've beat this dead horse and my husband has defended me so many times that I can't imagine anyone inventing more lies and half truths about me.  Poor Keith has had to say the same things so many times that I advised him to just make up a form letter to be sent out when he gets emails from a certain email address.  It's gotten that ridiculous.

I've asked my friend, Jesus.....to please take this burden from me.  I live my  life in truth and love.  Or love and light, if you're a Real Housewife of New Jersey fan and there is no room in it for toxic people.  I have a very important job to do....be a mom, a wife and I'm am enough just the way I am (and I look damn good in a hat).

And if people don't like it....they can suck it.

THANK YOU to my dear friends that advised me over the last few days and told me all of the things I needed to hear.  I love you guys! 

Joy

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. 

~ Marianne Williamson

All That Matters

THIS......is all that matters.

Scenes From an Apartment: The Newsletter

I got the May installment of my apartment complex newsletter today and there was so much great information in it that I thought I should share it with you.

Highlights:

• Happy Mother's Day!
• If you smoke (DON) please, please don't leave your still smoldering butts on the ground.  They are unsightly to Connie other residents and are a fire hazard.
• All children must stop throwing rocks at other children.
• All children must stop fighting with other children.  The cops will be called.  
• All children must stay out of the uncovered pool while they work on it. 
• All children must stop vandalizing the candy machine.
• Please (DON) stop smoking in the playground area and starting small fires in the wood chips.
• Please stop feeding the squirrels.  They have been damaging the property and causing inconvenience to Connie some of our residents. THE HELL YOU SAY!
• It is against West Metro Fire rules to operate a BBQ on your patio.  You must remove all propane tanks immediately and store them off the premise.
• The community yard sale will be May 21-22.  

Soooo....I started looking for a new apartment this afternoon. The final straw....no grilling on my patio. I grill at least twice a week. AND I just bought some really awesome kabob skewers at Sur La Table.

The good news is that there wasn't ANY mention of dog poop this time.

Not Doing Anything

Who am I kidding?

I need to go to the bank and get quarters for the squirrel free laundry.
I need to mail some kick ass shoes to Macey and some LOVE to Becca.
I need to return some books to the library.
I need to work on letters and writing names with the kids. (6 days til Kindergarten Pre-Screening)
I need to make a healthy dinner for my husband.

The Gift of Motherhood

 Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

I had a great Mother's Day!  If you get Martha Stewart Magazine, then you know that there was a little booklet in last month's issue that said  TOP SECRET! MOM DON'T READ THIS.  It was a idea book that you were to hand to your children/spouse so that they could get ideas for making Mother's Day Special.  What a great idea Martha!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Foot Soak: 1/4 cup Chamomile Epson Salts, 10 mint leaves, 4 rosemary springs and warm water.

Yogurt: 1 cup plain yogurt and 1/2 cup honey, serve with fresh berries and melon.

I can tell you that I felt like a princess!  iKeith took the kids into the bedroom for an hour an a half so I could watch Eat, Pray, Love (and dream about going to Italy) without interruption!

I'm so lucky and blessed to have a great husband and sweet children. I feel like I've been given this amazing gift....each day I unwrap it and bask in the joy of raising my kids.  Thank you iKeith for making my day so special!

What did you do for Mother's Day?

Happy Saturday

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
 

I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
 

I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
 

I would do less correcting and more connecting.
 

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
 

I would care to know less and know to care more.
 

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
 

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
 

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
 

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
 

I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
 

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
 

I'd model less about the love of power,
 

And more about the power of love.

Are You There God...It's Me, Connie

I wrote the beginning of this post last week after the Jesus incident and it probably would have sat in draft if it wasn't for the post my friend Vivienne wrote yesterday. I've been praying about a church for the kids and I to attend and this just made my search all the more important. If you've been a reader of my blog recently, you know that I believe in miracles. God is good!



We were sitting in the drive thru at McDonald's after an eventful trip to story time at the library* when Alex told me that Daddy said I can't drink wine anymore. (for the record, he denies telling them this.)

I informed him that I can drink as much wine as I can want and that I can do this because Jesus loves me.  He balked at this and I told him that Jesus turned water into wine and therefore, Jesus is a big fan.  (I even tried to convince the Mormon's of this once.)

Jesus has been a big topic lately since I threw that out there during the Easter Egg Hunt and then made them watch a Veggie Tales Movie about Easter.  It occurred to me that they don't know about Jesus....because we don't go to church.

On the way home....questions about Jesus, Heaven and Heck all came up.  I tried to explain it as best I could but now the kids are afraid of dying and definitely don't want to go to Heck because there isn't a McDonald's there.

That was NOT a lie.  I'm sure that Satan hasn't built one. 

I think it's time for us to find a church...if nothing else, for the hour of free babysitting.

******************

Story time.  The kids have a bad habit of shouting stuff out to the librarian while she's reading a book to them.  This week I encouraged them to wait until she was finished to add comments.  I also encouraged them to raise their hands.

Mallory hung back instead of being right in front of the teacher like she normal is.  I don't think she knew what to do with this information.

After the counting book about hammers, Alex informed the librarian that his Daddy has a lot of hammers and that his name is Keith.  She was very impressed.

Next there was a song about pancakes, fruit, waffles and whipped cream!  Alex excitedly told her that his Daddy lets him have as much whipped cream in his coffee as he wants!  She looked alarmed.

While all of this was going on....Mallory was mad because Alex kept getting in front of her in the back row and she couldn't see the book.  She would look at me and YELL that she was mad.  All of the mother's were laughing at with me.

She was also having issues because there was a BABY in the library.  She doesn't like babies because they have big butts and they cry a lot.

Baby...I don't see no stinkin Baby!

**Since I wrote this....Mallory has changed her mind about babies because she saw someone on TV pushing one on a swing and she would now like a baby to push on a swing.  She also announced to everyone at the park yesterday that I'm going to poop out a baby for her to push on a swing.**

P.S. I have some new readers from Brigham Young University!  Welcome!

When Your Lazy Eye is Bored

You may remember that Alex got glasses back in January because he couldn't see well...and he has a lazy eye.  Last week it was time to return to the eye doctor to check his progress.  He's doing better but not good enough so they told me that I have to patch his eye for 3 hours a day until July. His good eye is doing all of the work so we have to re-train his brain to use his other eye.

UGH!

We immediately went to the pharmacy at Super Target and I asked about the patches.  She told me that they sell some that are like a bandaid but that they can irritate the skin.  Then she told me that her daughter has to wear a patch and that she bought a felt re-usable one from Patch Pals!

I ran home, found their website and almost cried with joy!  They have a bunch of cute designs for the front of the patch and they were only $10 a piece.  Alex picked out the one he wanted and we ordered it.

It arrived in two days!!

Now the hard work.  He has to wear it for 3 hours a day and he can't watch TV while he's wearing it....he has to play, or draw....concentrate on something.  So far, he's doing great and has been working on some pre-school apps on my iPad and building with his legos.

Isn't he cute in his patch?

My silly boy informed me that his eye isn't lazy....it's just bored.

And he's ready for some football! 

Go Broncos!

*disclaimer* I was not paid by Patch Pals for my post or given a patch.  I just want other parents to know about this great product that is making our life easier. 

My Happy List

My Happy List.....linking up with Mamarazzi.

I'm happy still from watching The Royal Wedding. Everyime I think about it...I feel happy.

I'm happy that GLEE did a flash mob in the finale which I watched last night while sipping a glass of red wine.

I'm happy that my husband was finally right about something and it involved my underwear. Soooo glad he's paying attention to the important things.

I'm so happy that I'm still right most of the time.

I'm happy that I live in a country where movies like Atlas Shrugged can be made even though there isn't a network TV station in business that will let them buy air time for a commercial. If you want to be enlightened and/or you lean ever so slightly to the right. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!! Go HERE to find a theater near you!

I'm happy that spring is coming even though it snowed last night.

I'm happy that my husband is happy at work.  It makes MY job so much easier.

I'm happy that my kids like each other and play nicely together while I eat bon bons read.

I'm happy that my husband is a great father and spends the entire weekend playing with his children.  We call the weekend Daddy Days!

I'm happy that I have friends all over the world that I feel close to and that care about me, my family and our life.

What I Loved About The Royal Wedding

I got up at 3am this morning to watch The Royal Wedding.  I skyped with my dear friend Jackie who lives in England so that we could watch it together.

Me...at 3am...in my daughter's hat.

Skyping with Jackie

I loved the experience of watching this wedding.  I love Princess Catherine's dress and how nervous she seemed.  She must have been so frazzled....imagining how many people were watching.  I'd venture to say she is more popular than Oprah at this point.  Sorry Oprah.

I loved how Harry turned to look at her walking down the isle and whispered to his brother, 'wait until you see her!'  I loved how William looked at her when she finally arrived on his arm.  I loved how the Queen Mum fell asleep for a moment during the singing.

I loved that my little boy woke up because I was laughing too loudly and cuddled on my lap for a few moments and then asked me if I was watching a Disney movie.

I loved that my friend Jackie thought a English Muffin was my pet name for hottie Prince Harry!

I loved their first TWO kisses as husband and wife and how they drove away from the palace in a convertible Aston Martin. 

I cried because beautiful Princess Di was not here to see her little boy all grown up and married to the most beautiful girl in the world.

***************

P.S. The nice Mormon boys that came by the other day have been googling their names at the local library and reading my post about them.  I guess I shouldn't have used their real names.  Oops.

P.P.S.  My laundry room has been condemned.  Apparently...it's a health hazard and there is a restoration company coming to tear the walls out and rebuild.  I need to find a nicer laundry mat.

P.P.P.S. I'm about to put my marriage under a huge amount of stress.  Keith and I will be following the 20 Years Younger plan by Bob Greene that you might have seen featured on Oprah this week.  I'm half way through the book and I can tell you that the food plan is going to be really tough. You can watch our marriage implode track our progress here.

We're Business Buddies

What is going on in the bedroom? Describe a memorable sleeper.

This is one of my favorite stories about iKeith.  I tell it to new friends every single chance I get and bring it up around iKeith's family even more.

When Keith was growing up, his parents ran a large foster home for children.  When he was older, they had transitioned into caring for older mentally challenged men.

For some bizarre reason...they would take these men to Blackhawk to play the slots and there was a deal where you rode a shuttle bus and got a room.

Keith went with them one time and he was rooming with Carl Stanford.  Carl was in his 50's and quite a character.  He really admired Keith and liked spending time with him.  Oh and he wore a suit and tie all the time.  Carl liked to suit up!

They got up and headed down to meet the other's in the breakfast room. As they got on the elevator a young couple jumped on; there was an awkward silence as there often is on an elevator.

Carl broke the silence by informing this couple that he and Keith had slept together and that they were business buddies.

Keith quietly interjected that they shared a ROOM not a bed, while the couple tried to stifle a giggle.

I believe this was when Keith stopped gambling.....


Linking up with Mama Kat and her fabulous Writer's Workshop!

Are you getting up early tomorrow to watch the Royal Wedding?

They Found Me

Keith was late coming home so I had to feed the kids early.  I had just set some scrambled eggs down in front of them when there was a knock at the door.

We never get people coming to the door  unless they are delivering a package or a pizza and I was expecting neither.

I opened the door and I couldn't contain my reaction.

Me: Oh hell. 

Me: I'm sorry....I mean no disrespect, but I lived in Utah for almost 4 years and I've already done my time.

Elder Leib & Elder Rambo: (giggle)

Me: But seriously....what took you guys so long.

Elder Rambo: (looks at watch) We got here as soon as we could!

Me: I moved 8 months ago.....you guys are slackers.

Elder Leib: (turns bright red)

Elder Rambo: Where in Utah did you live?

Me: North Ogden.

Elder Rambo: Oh...I have an Aunt that lives there.

Me: I am 100 percent certain that I love wine more than I love going to celestial heaven.

Elder Leib: Can we at least give you our phone number....in case you need help moving?

Me: You want to help me move?  What I really need is a babysitter.

Elder Rambo: We aren't allowed to do that.

Me: How are you with squirrels? Click HERE for a squirrel update.

Elder Leib: (hands me a card with phone number) And what was your name?

Me: c-Carla.  Yeah.  My name is Carla.

Mallory: (standing behind me) That's not your name.

Me: (covering Mallory's mouth with my hand) See you on moving day!

*************************

20 minutes later there's another knock at the door.

It's a kid selling candy bars.  I have no cash and $20 worth of chocolate hidden in the kitchen.  

Me: I'm so sorry!  I gave up chocolate for Lent.

I think I'm going to hell......

**It looks like I'm on the LDS radar today.  I just want to say that I have nothing but love for all people (well...except some members of my family) and that I have nothing against Mormons.  I've just had my fill of missionaries while living in exile Utah.** 

A Hunting We Will Go

I hope you all had a great Easter weekend!

We had a great time even though the weather was freezing and it rained yesterday.

Friday night...I had not yet planned a menu for Easter which is so completely unlike me.  I didn't feel like Ham so I asked iKeith what he thought.  This is normally a dangerous thing to do and I avoid it at all costs.

He decided he wanted to smoke some meat so Saturday morning we went to our favorite new store. Marczyk's Fine Foods.  He selected a super thick bone in Rib Eye and a Pork Tenderloin while I ate samples and picked out a couple bottles of wine.

Keith's Meat

We then realized that Alex hadn't eaten breakfast and he was famished! (Mommy Fail) We had to find a pizza place quickly!

Thank goodness for the iPhone and Yelp.   Within minutes I had located a restaurant and was telling iKeith where to go. (Mommy Win!) The Walnut Room has Chicago Style Thin Crust Pizza....which was confusing to me because I had always thought of Chicago Style as being deep dish.  Anyway....it was really good and children were happy again.

I got tricked into playing Harry Potter LEGO game but I had wine so it was all good!

Sunday morning the kids woke up early and came to tell us that they had only found two eggs. They thought the Easter Bunny was a jerk and didn't love them.  What kind of crap was this anyway?  Well...the deal was...that the Easter Bunny had worked really hard on a scavenger hunt and there were more eggs but they were hidden and the eggs contained clues and the kids had just ruined part of it.

I found the scavenger hunt late on Saturday night and had to hide the eggs twice because I screwed it up the first time. The printable is on the Happy Home Fairy and I'm anxious to check her website out further.

I recorded part of the hunt and completely choked up telling them about Jesus.  Mallory's react was priceless and my darling son...well.  You'll have to see for yourself.  Easter Hunt Video Here.  The kids LOVED the hunt and talked about it all day. They think that the Easter Bunny was STILL in the apartment while they were in the living room because the Easter Bags were not in bed with me and iKeith when the kids came to wake us up.  It's MAGIC!

Later I made these. If you love Cherry...you'll be in love!  If you don't love Cherry you can use whatever fruit filling you like.  YUM!

My Baby Turned Five

I really struggled with Wednesday.

I can't believe the little baby that I gave birth to....turned FIVE. He's so big and smart and funny.  He's been teasing me all week that he's going to get a pet squirrel.  You ALL know about me and squirrels. He thinks it's hilarious!

I had planned to take him to the mall to get him balloons.  That's our ritual and he informed me that balloons are for babies and he didn't want them.  I died a little bit on the inside.  At that moment I really wanted a balloon...for me.

I made him a special breakfast like I always do.  Pop up Pancakes....and he loved them.  He ate them for lunch too!  He told me that I could make them every year until he's 15....because then he'll be too old for them.  Why's he doing this to me today?

We couldn't wait for Keith to get home so we could start the Birthday Extravaganza!  We went to the Colorado Mills Mall and we started at The Yard House with wine Root Beer Floats!  Then we went to play glow in the dark Putt Putt Golf.  It is actually pretty hard to play in the dark.

Next up was the Merry Go Round and then pizza from the food court!

Lastly, Keith and the kids rode the mall train while I sat in a massage chair! 

 I couldn't wait to get home and eat the amazing cake that I had made by the talented Gemma from Bella Stella Bakery!

After Mallory's birthday....in fact the day OF Mallory's birthday. Alex told me that he wanted a Blue Robot Cake and it had to be chocolate. I got ahold of Gemma and she said that she loves Robots and she could totally make him a blue robot cake!

And she did an great job!  This chocolate cake is delicious....I can't stop dreaming about it!

Alex got a bunch of Lego/Harry Potter stuff and he ripped through the packages like he was on fire.  And now we have to put all of this stuff together.  I mean iKeith has to put all of this stuff together. 

To see a video of our day....click here.

If Today Was Your Last Day

I supposed acts of terrorism are going to be a part of my children's lives until the day they die....or Jesus comes.  Rumor is....the world is ending on May 21st.  I don't know if it's going to be by rapture or the earth blowing up.  Either way...I'm ready.

Yesterday someone decided to place some pipe bombs in a mall that I go to frequently with my family.  They put several propane tanks and a pipe bomb in a hallway next to the food court and it started a fire.  Luckily....he's a shitty terrorist and it only started a fire and it didn't blow...as he intended.

I was in this food court having lunch with my children less than a week ago.

I'm pissed because this person decided to commit this act of terrorism on my son's 5th birthday.  It's also the 12th anniversary of the Columbine High School tragedy, which is very close to this mall.  Is it a coincidence that he picked this day and this mall?  Time will tell.

Had this happened while I was in the food court with my children....they would have been traumatized.  The mall was evacuated and everyone was bussed from the property.  They had to leave their cars until the entire place could be searched.

Schools in the immediate area were put on lock down.  I feel for those kids too.  They must have been scared and I bet their parents were sick with worry.

I really hope they find this jackhole!  I'd like an opportunity to tell him to his face what a low life loser I think he is and that he doesn't have my permission to f**k with my dreams and ruin people's lives.  I dreamed these kids and my family!  If they were taken from me....I don't know what I'd do.

Song of the day: If Today Was Your Last Day

UPDATE: 

There is going to be a press conference at 11:30am MST about the bomber.  This will be right in the middle of Y&R which I'm sure will be interrupted.  Yet another reason to be pissed at this guy!

Tomorrow....I'll tell you about Alex's birthday!

What Not To Do...Selling a House

Whenever I see a house for sale near me....I'm always compelled to look for it on Realtor.com.

We aren't in the market to buy a house because we have zero money for a down payment but I can't help looking for houses for sale.

Does anyone else have this affliction?

No, just me. Great. Let's not tell iKeith. I've convinced him that it's a chick thing.

There is a townhouse for sale directly across the street from me.  I'd never in a million years what to live there because they are all squished together with what looks like cardboard for walls.  This beauty is only $100,000.  What a freakin bargin!

I started looking at the pictures and I just shuttered.  What is wrong with people now days?  You put your house up for sale....you HIRE a realtor to sell it.  They tell you that they are going to take pictures.

There is NO excuse for this.  None.

First of all. You all know that I adore having a laundry room IN the house but I'm not sure I'm crazy about it being in the kitchen. Check out all of the water containers. Are they growing pot somewhere? Are they very thirsty? Diabetic? I have to go pee just looking at the picture.

Torture Room

I'm calling this one the torture room because of the bare naked light bulbs.  This room would have been super easy to tidy up before the photographer showed up.

Hey Target

I'm calling this picture HEY TARGET.  Is this their next home?  I'm so confused by why these folks have a Target cart because up until a few weeks ago....the closest Target to this house was 6 miles away. Just so you know....there is a facebook group for people who steal carts.  I wonder if Target would make me an honorary Crazy Christmas Lady if I told them where their cart is?  But seriously, you have STOLEN property in your backyard.  Do you remove it before the pictures are taken?  Something to think about.

This just proves that I've GOT to get out of this neighborhood.  I'm surrounded by idiots....and killer squirrels!


"I'm sharing my awesome with Momma Made It Look Easy and you can too.

Hello Coffee, My Old Friend

My baby girl came down with a fever of 103 yesterday.

Stayed up talking to iKeith until midnight.  I fell asleep while he was showing me notebooking apps for my iPad.

5am....little boy is throwing up.  All I can think about is how I'm going to wash these sheets and comforter when there's a squirrel family living in the laundry room. Squirrel Update Here.

Slept for another hour....dreamt about winning the lottery and buying a house with a yard and a pet fox.

The following is for my friend Impulsive Addict...who was dissing my coffee on the Twitter yesterday.

Hello Coffee, my old friend
I've come to sip with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of Starbucks...

lyrics borrowed from Simon and Garfunkel

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you waff by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were brewed the angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your beans
Of golden starlight before they roasted you.

That is why all the girls in town
(Girls in town)
Follow you
(Follow you)
All around
(All around)
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

lyrics borrowed from The Carpenters

The Circle of Trust: A Squirrel Story.

SQUIRREL UPDATES:

Friday....
10:35am Mick the Squirrel Hunter Maintenance Man was just here to inform me that he's been fighting with this squirrel for a few days. Apparently, it chased my favorite neighbor Don's wife Dawn out of the laundry room yesterday.  He's removing the dryer because he suspects that our squirrel is a girrl and she's got babies in the wall.  I die. Also, laundry room is covered in POOP!

12:15pm No more news from Mick The Squirrel Hunter, so I've decided to seal the doors and windows with plastic  because we have lots of nuts in the house. Macadamia Nuts.  We're now like the boy in the bubble.

1:43pm Looking outside for Mick The Lazy Squirrel Hunter, I noticed a small squirrel trying to break into my SUV.  If I hadn't sealed the windows and doors...I would have tossed him my keys.

5:37pm Too nervous to cook so iKeith has offered to take me out to dinner. I wish he'd offer to do the laundry.....

8:30pm I'm drunk and I'm ready to physically fight the squirrels.

Sunday...

12:14pm  I haven't heard back from Mick...but word on the street is that there is a family of squirrels living in the wall of the laundry room and Mick can't figure out how they are getting in.  I was told that a man is coming to spray something that will smell badly and repel the squirrels.

In other news....I think the squirrels have a summer home in my roof.

I did my laundry at a scary dirty laundry mat today and I swore to never return.  I'd rather just buy new clothes every week. There were people in my personal space, people that didn't own laundry baskets and people who might have been carrying around large quantities of drugs in baggies. Oh, and there was a dog there.  By the way, if you have your first name embroidered on your sweatshirt, Barb.  It makes it a lot easier for me to cuss you by name in my head (and my blog).  Barb.



Monday...
9:11am Just talked to Mick. The fox urine bomb was dropped on Saturday morning which explains why the squirrels were terrorizing me that day. He also shot and killed four of them in the laundry room on Friday night. My laundry room is now a crime scene. Click HERE for the song of the day.

I informed Mick of my suspicions that they might be moving to the roof and he's coming over with a flood light later because the attic access is in my apartment.  Awesome.

I'm off to google what it takes to make a fox a pet.

12:55pm  Mick the Squirrel Killer hasn't shown up yet.  Also, according to google, Foxes don't make good pets.

Wednesday....
3:07pm  Heard noise outside so I went to check it out and found this.

That's Mick and his son attempting to patch a hole in the building in the continuing squirrel saga.  He assures me that this will stop them.  He also informed me that the fox urine did nothing. Soooo glad I didn't buy a pet fox.

Mick believes that this is where they are getting in.  Let's hope he's right.

In other news...I believe that the squirrels are retaliating against me and threw laundry soap at my vehicle.  Keith still thinks I'm crazy.

Friday....
12:54pm  It would appear that Mick's Fix didn't work because he's given up and is just letting the squirrels come and go as they damn well please.

This door is normally locked and only residents of my apartment have access. Why didn't he just make the squirrels their own key? I walked over to the office to talk about them waiving my penalty for moving before my lease has expired and the office is closed until Monday.

Something tells me they knew I was coming.

Sunday....

11:00am  I think I know why the door was propped open all day Friday.

THE SMELL!!

I decided to face my fear and do laundry yesterday.  I even recorded my adventure.  It was scary and I felt my throat closing as I headed down the stairs....but it wasn't because of my fear.  It was because there was a smell down there that was making it hard to breath.

Tuesday....
9:19am  Saw this Honda Commercial last night and decided it would be fun to get a pet fox.  Look how cute and well behaved it is!

*****************************************************

Have I ever told you why I hate the movie UP?  It's not because that poor little boy is gone for days and no one appears to care where he is, or because I don't like old people.

It's because of that dog.  The one that says SQUIRREL all the time.

It scares the crap out of me.....because I have issues with squirrels.  I know what you're thinking....what doesn't Connie have issues with and does iKeith take medication to deal with it all.  The answer is no, he doesn't but his eyes may stay rolled up inside his head if he doesn't stop rolling them at me.

I've been thinking about sharing this story with you for a long time because I feel like it's one of those *little known secrets* about me.

It started back in 1997.  I was living in a cute little blue house near the University of Northern Colorado.  Our backyard had beautiful 100 year old oak trees that provided the most amazing shade.  One day I walked around the corner in my kitchen and there on the counter was a squirrel helping himself to a loaf of bread.

I crapped my pants. 

This went on for the entire summer.  I was terrified to walk into my kitchen and lost 25 pounds.  I moved soon after that....to the country but we don't have problems with squirrels in the country.

Have I told you how much I LOVE coyotes?

In 2002, I lived in Denver and part of my job at a collection agency was to go to the bank every day with our deposits. Rain or shine....I drove to the bank.

One day I came out of the bank and before I reached the doors to the outside....I saw a squirrel standing on the trash can just beyond the door.  He was blocking me from leaving the bank and he was giving me the evil eye.  I was held hostage in a bank vestibule!  Finally, another customer walked up and scared him away.  I might have kissed that guy.  On the lips.

In 2004, iKeith and I bought our first house and it had a big beautiful yard that backed up to a even bigger park.  We had 20 trees in our yard....apple, cherry and a bunch of really old pine trees.  I spent that entire first summer weeding and planting because we were getting married in our back yard soon.

It wasn't long before the assaults started.  First they were verbal.  Chattering at me and jumping from tree to tree while I did my work.

Next they ate my sunflowers and dug up my bulbs.

The final straw was when they started throwing pine cones at my head.

We tell people that we sold that house and moved to Utah for a job....but the truth is that we were ran out of town by the squirrels and I had to join the Squirrel Protection Program.

I bet you didn't know they don't have squirrels in Ogden Utah....did you?

This morning....I opened the door to the laundry room and found a squirrel standing there. I may not be the smartest person....but I know that squirrels don't have laundry!  I've already been having laundry issues because the stupid girl that lives next to me highjacked the washer and dryer the other day so I've been putting it off for almost two weeks.

Now I can never do laundry again.

And I have to move.

I'm sharing my squirrel with Jennifer at Momma Made It Look Easy and you can too.  Wait.  That didn't come out right.  I'm sharing my post. Yeah!

So Here's What You Missed....

Last weekend....I had lunch with some Colorado bloggers at a restaurant that I'd been wanting to try ever since I moved back to Denver.  It did not disappoint!  I also had so much fun and the time just flew by.

I took this picture right after I told them a story about my boy Alex.  It went like this.....

Alex came out of his room the other day without his clothes and asked me if I wanted to see his password.  I told him I'm password protected.  I then texted iKeith to tell him what his child was up to and I told him this gives a whole new meaning to...please enter your password. 

I love this group of ladies!  Thanks for inviting me to join the group Denise.

I'm too sexy for cupcakes...I like pie.

I went to Whole Foods with my best girl on Sunday and we ate the most amazing Raspberry Danish that I've ever had.  It was so good....that I can't stop thinking about it.  I tweeted/gowallaed about it and forgot that iKeith follows me on Gowalla and I that I informed him that I cheated on my diet.  Opps.

While at Whole Foods....I uncovered a conspiracy. 

They are trying to force people to buy the re-usable bags for their produce by not re-filling the plastic bags.

I also bought something healthy....that made me gag, but my daughter loved it.  She wants me to buy more....but it's $2 bucks a pop. 

My kids met the Easter Bunny at the mall.  Mallory ran to him like he was her long lost friend.  She was so happy.  Hours later at dinner....she informed us that she'd thought about it and that he was NOT the real Easter Bunny.  He was wearing a costume like the fake Chunky Cheese guy.  How long til she doesn't believe in Santa anymore? 

I was at Target a few days ago and I needed to buy some new soap for iKeith.  Because I buy every single product that is advertised on TV,  (I'm looking at you Wholly Guacamole) I looked at the Old Spice products and discovered that they are marketing a line of body wash to the LGBT community.

Just a note here....if you're having sexy time with your main man and you're trying to be funny and say....Please Enter Your Password.  Do Not follow that up with...I'm sorry, your password is not long enough.

Totally kills the mood.

Puppies and Losers

I spent the morning at the pediatrician with Alex. He woke up with a fever, he was dizzy and refused to eat. I set him up on the couch and then when Keith woke up and I told him about the fever....he bolted out of bed and insisted we rush him to the doctor.

He was worried that he had internal injuries from his fall on Saturday. The good news is....he's not injured. He told the doctor that his elbow and knee hurt a little bit but that he feels good other wise.

He just has another virus. I think this is the 5th illness to strike our home since January.

Tuesday, we went to the mall and I shot this little video. The kids want a pet so badly!

Today is my brother in law Robert's 39th Birthday. Mallory and I were looking for a card for him the other day and I found the perfect one. However, it was $6 and I was also afraid his fragile ego would be wounded.

A Guardian Angel named Paul

I talked a couple weeks ago about iKeith being lucky. In addition to that, he also believes that he has a guardian angel. And his name is Paul.

When Keith was 5 years old he was camping with this parents, his 3 year old sister and his baby brother. Paul was just 18 months old and very tall for his age. He loved to run and he loved his big brother.

The family was camping in the mountains above Denver, because my father in law was scouting hunting locations. A mistake was made and gasoline was used in a kerosene heater, which caught fire....burning the tent and his sister and brother while Keith and his mother watched in horror.

A man in a neighboring campsite ran to help them. He saved Keith's sister, the sleeping bag burned to her little body. But Paul didn't make it.

Ever since then...Keith has felt like he's been saved in certain situations because someone was watching out for him. He's convinced that it's Paul.

A day doesn't go by that I don't pray that my family and most importantly, my children are protected. Having this tragedy in our family makes me constantly aware of what could go wrong. I'm always thinking ahead to what could happened and how I can prevent accidents. It's always in the forefront of my mind.

I truly believe that God has protected the kids many times. There is the obvious time that he kept them from finding a LITHIUM pill that Robert accidentally lost in our playroom in Utah, not to mention the Hobo Spider invasion. Miracles I tell you!

Saturday was a great day!  I had a lunch out with a bunch of wonderful bloggers at a great restaurant.  I came home and had two peaceful hours alone before my family came home from the mall.  We decided to go out for sushi and were headed out the door when Alex fell down the stairs outside of our apartment.

He fell from the very top step just as I was shutting the door behind me.  I raced to the stairs and before I could even get to the first step......he was at the bottom.  I can tell you right now that the sight of your child tumbling down a flight of wooden stairs doesn't leave you.  You see it happening again and again every time you close your eyes.

When I reached him, he was crying and clung to me.  We checked him from head to toe.  His ear was red and his glasses were misshapen but he.....he was fine.  We asked him if he wanted to go back inside and he wiped his tears and said no.  He wanted to go out to eat.

We monitored him all night.  Asking him a million times if he hurt anywhere and if he was okay.  When we put him to bed...I sat on the end of his bed for an hour just to make sure he was fine.  I would have stayed there all night but he woke up and he told me to go to my bed.  Mom's can be so pesky.....

He woke up this morning and was the happy smiling boy that he always is.  I asked him if he hurt....if he was sore anywhere.  I checked his body from the top of his head to his giant size 13 feet and he doesn't have a single bruise or scratch.

God did it again.  Someone, maybe Paul was with my baby as he tumbled down those stairs and kept him from being hurt.

Miracles baby!

Edited: Oprah's messing with me.  She sent me this quote in an email this morning. 

"Balance lives in the present. The surest way to lose your footing is to focus on what dreadful things might happen."
—  Oprah

Goodbye Big Love

I love television.

I've been a big fan for many years and there are certain shows that I'll always remember.  I'm not sure if it's just because the show has gone on for many seasons or because the story line's are controversial.

I have to start off by saying that I love Bill Paxton. When I was getting divorced in 1994, I saw the movie Indian Summer and I fell in love.  As soon as it came out on video, I watched it a million times and once the internet was invented....I searched for information about him.  I am not a stalker...I am a fan.

Dear Bill Paxton....please get a twitter account. 

Dear Friends....Indian Summer is available to rent on Netflix.

Fast forward to March 2006.  iKeith had just been laid off from his job and I was 8 months pregnant.  I was in the finishing stages of nesting and my favorite actor was about to be on a new show on HBO.  I didn't know what a Mormon was, had never heard of a sister wife and had never been to Utah.  All I knew was that I might get to see Bill neeked.

I loved this show and quickly picked a favorite sisterwife.  I loved the energy and lust for life (and Bill) that Margene had.  I admired Bill and his ability to have three loving relationships and be a good father at the same time.  I never ever liked Nicki. Edit HTML

Imagine my surprise to find myself LIVING in Utah a little over a year later.  I found myself looking for Bill and Margene when we'd go to Salt Lake City.  I figured they had to film parts of the show in Utah but I never found them.  I also found myself watching BIG LOVE in secrecy. Utah Mormons very much dislike the show and admitting that you watch it....brings wrath (aka Brother Horton) upon your family.

I even encountered a sisterwife or two at my local grocery store.  Except that they were the *compound* variety with their big hair and prairie dresses.  Whenever I saw a hummer....I wondered if Albie was driving it.

We don't have HBO anymore and I was so bummed when the last season premiered and I knew it would be a year before I'd be able to see it.  But NO...that would not be the case at all. Once again...one of my internet friends who have never met me, decides to do something nice for me.

Adrienne shared Big Love with me.

I'm sad that the show is over but I think I'm happy with how they ended it.*mouse over the next part to see spoiler*   Each of the wives were able to pursue lives that they were meant to live....and perhaps were held back by being married to three other people.  But they are still a family and Bill's legacy lives on. I held my breath during the part when the sisterwives were in the convertable! I thought they were going to have an accident. I just have one question. What happened to Ana? OH and another question...was Teeny in the bathroom during the entire season?

I have GOT TO stop crying now....because it is just a TV show and Margene is not real and her hair won't stay that way forever.

Did you watch Big Love?  What did you think of it?

Popular....I was Popular!

1.) Your 15 minutes of fame.


The spring that I was in the 5th grade, we had a school wide art contest.  We were given several different materials, such as cardboard, yarn and construction paper and told to make a picture of our home.  This contest coincided with Fire Awareness Week and there would be winners, a plaque and a trip to a local fire station.

I made my project out of cardboard (for the roof) and yellow water color.  It was an exact replica of my house.  I also put a fireman's lader up to the front window because I wanted the firemen to know the best place to get into my house in the event of a fire.  Even at 10 years old....I was thinking ahead.

I won 1st place for the 5th grade.

There was an assembly and all five winners ( WINNING ) were brought up on stage.  They made a huge deal about it and we all ended up having our picture in the local newspaper taken in front of the  firehouse.

Suddenly....I was popular!  Everyone knew my name and would come up and talk to me.  The principal also knew my name and would chat me up on the playground.  I had more friends than I knew what to do with and I was invited to sleep overs and birthday parties.

In our class year book....everyone voted for me for Most Artistic.  This really pissed off the one girl in my class that really was artistic.  She could draw pictures freehand and could paint amazing pictures.  She hated me.  Sorry Holly.

Sadly, when school started in the 6th grade everyone had forgotten about my little art contest and didn't remember my name.  My 15 minutes of fame was over.

Celebrity Sighting: The E*Trade Baby

I went to the Cherry Creek Mall this morning.

I always expect to see a celebrity while I'm there because Cherry Creek is ritzy and rich/famous/popular people like to go there.

One time....Keith and I almost saw that one guy...you know the guy that's a famous basketball player and he has lot's of tattoos and piercings and is weird. What the hell is his name?

Anyway, I was in the apple store and look who I saw!

The E*Trade Baby!

I've Been Keeping Something From You

Remember when I told you that I spent last weekend in bed....reading.

And that I read an awesome book that I couldn't put down?

Many of you asked what I read and I didn't tell you on purpose.

Because I get to tell you NOW.

I was lucky enough to be chosen to help kick off BlogHer's new Book Club and they gave me a copy of an amazing book.

If you really want to know what book I read, and see what I thought about it....then please go to the brand new BlogHer Book Club.  You'll notice that my review is first because I'm an overachiever and had my draft in first.  Please, sign up to get future updates!