I like to think that by this age, I know it all. I've lived a long hard life and all the lessons I need to learn have been applied and well noted. Well.....I was wrong.
I went away to Black Hawk for the weekend with my family and Robert (my brother husband). While they were checking us in...I ran to the Starbucks in the casino and got drinks for everyone. When I got to my room, I was informed that Robert had arranged for me to go to the Spa and have a massage. AWESOME!
I was given a tour of the spa, shown where I could sit and relax with a glass of cucumber infused water and where I could soak my naked body in front of a bunch of other women....then instructed to strip down and slip into the most luxurious robe I've ever experienced.
There were a couple of other ladies in the locker room with me and this is when I realized that I was not wearing the most attractive panties that I owned. I was in fact wearing the most ratty pair.
LESSON LEARNED: Never wear ratty underwear. You never know when someone will buy you a massage and you'll need to strip down in front of other people.
My husband has been taking pictures of me lately. I don't know what's gotten into him but I was going through his pictures last night and found several photos of me....with my phone in my hand.
UGH! What the heck am I doing? Checking twitter and Facebook for the hundredth time?
LESSON LEARNED: I need to put the phone down and enjoy my life!
The last picture of me sitting next to my daughter brings me to my next lesson learned. On the way home from Black Hawk, we left early in the morning without eating breakfast. Alex ate a granola bar and Mallory ate an apple but the adults were waiting to go to Denny's.
We drove down the winding canyon and as we were coming out of the mountains and were about 10 minutes from home.....Mallory said she had to throw up.
I told her she didn't. And then she did. I caught most of it with my hands but Robert's BRAND NEW CAR now has vomit in it.
LESSON LEARNED: If Mallory says that she has to throw up.....PULL OVER!
I watched The Bachelor last night and just as I suspected. Ben picked Courtney. sigh I knew it was coming because I have used the same tactics to get a man. Men can not think with their big head when you control their little head. It is a proven fact!
I do think that Courtney is sorry for how she treated the other women but not because she is a nice person that good things happen to, but because she is the most hated woman in America and Ben stopped talking to her for a month when he saw how horrible she was on the show.
LESSON LEARNED: I've been watching this show for 10 years and it's the worst piece of garbage on television. STOP WATCHING IT!
What lesson have you learned this week?
Those are some really good lessons. I have learned that no matter how many times I tell my 3 year old to keep his penis in his pants, he's going to take it out... at the worst possible times.
ReplyDeleteSo what if you weren't wearing underwear - is that better than ratty underwear?
Oooh! The spa sounds nice. In a hot tub naked with other women would probably be a little awkward. haha
ReplyDeleteLoved your post :)
I'd wondered where your Bachelor-inspired posts had gone. This was my first season and it will be my last - not because Ben is dorky and Courtney is crazy, but I am positive there are better ways to spend two hours every Monday night. :o)
ReplyDeleteYou caught the puke with your HANDS??? Ooooh honey. I'd have let it go all over the new car and paid for it to be detailed before I'd catch puke with my bare hands!
Those are all great lessons - I am so glad I stopped watching the Bachelor long ago!! :)
ReplyDeleteI hope your massage was fantastic- ratty panties aside hahaha that cracks me up! poor baby getting sick. poor hubby with the vom car!
ReplyDeleteA surprise massage?? You lucky girl. :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's funny the pictures your hubby took of you you were holding your phone.
Poor barfy Mallory! And it's a 'mom thing' to catch the vomit in our hands, isn't it?
Boo to Ben. I've been watching as long as you, I think it's time to stop now.
The Lorax Fun, Jack Giambalvo Hyundai FAIL, GCB WINS
After having both Lucas and Alex get sick when they were almost three as we just fed them while eating in the car and getting sick, we finally learned our lesson. So not fun.
ReplyDeleteAnd how nice to get a massage, I need one.
And yea, I don't watch Bachelor I just live it through your blog posts :)
I have never watch the Bachelor but...I watched The Hills...soooo...yea...
ReplyDeleteI always try to wear underwear and bras that match...not like matched sets cause I'm not that fancy but similar colors/designs...whatever. I'm crazy. What if I'm in an accident...and the EMT is cute... Kidding, it's just all part of my OCD.
You could open a school with those lessons! Hoping for a better bachelor next time!
ReplyDeleteBUT you have to watch EMILY!! Come on!! :) Every man in America is going to fight over that Blondy!
ReplyDeleteSeriously I'm glad you said it about Courtney she is sorry she is hated not that she said those things.
Sounds like you've learned some pretty great lessons!! :)
Wonderful list of lessons...lol!
ReplyDeleteI quit watching The Bachelor after Travis I think...so at least I learned that one!! ;)
Great lessons!!! I am always afraid to leave the house in really ratty underware in fear that I might get into an accident and have to go the hospital :) Not that I own too many nice pairs but I try to avoid the really bad ones.
ReplyDeleteYou learned a lot of valuable lessons.
ReplyDeleteSo let's talk about Bachelor. I said from the very beginning when I saw the piece of shit that Courtney was, that if Ben picked her, I would never watch again. I also said this when that douche bag from Texas turned down Deanna and whats-her-face BOTH. I secretly started watching again and now look what I've done! I guess I'll have to quit watching Bachelor but Bachelorette is a different story. I really like Emily. And of course I'll be watching Bachelor Pad because that's totally different.
Thanks for linking up!! xoxo
A massage sounds so good right now!
ReplyDeleteYou know I have never watched the Bachelor before...I should check it out the next season.
I hadn't watched the Bachelor yet but I'm so glad he picked her. Lindzi was too nice and down to earth for him. LOSER.
ReplyDeleteAlso. Puke in the new car. Whoops.
Oooohhh no on the ratty panties. YIKES! LOL.
ReplyDeleteI ususally have my phone in my hand too, I hate that about myself. I just can;t stop though. I need help.
I try to will my kids not to throw up too. For the most part it works. haaa.
This is only my second season watching The Bachelor. I'm annoyed that while watching the reunion show I actually felt bad for Courtney. I am definitely not judgemental enough. I couldn't stand her all season yet in that moment I felt so sad for her. Maybe she does love him, maybe they can be happy together. WTH am I saying??? I would be no good if someone captured me & put me in a cult. LOL
I'm so glad I'm not the only one continually learning lessons. I swear, I learn a new one {or hundred} every day! Yeah, we usually take vomit threats pretty seriously around here :)
ReplyDeleteThe pics are great...but the panties situation?!? Friggin priceless!
ReplyDeleteI howled.
I could probably give you a run for your money in the ratty panties parade.
Not cute at all.
DITTO about The Bachelor. STUPID BEN!!! WTH?
ReplyDeleteI have also learned not to plan one thing when my daughter comes home from college for spring break because she has ideas of her own! :/
xo,
RJ
well now, I feel like I have learned all the lessons I need to know!
ReplyDeleteI NEVER wear ratty underwear...I always wear sex panties. Always. In fact, at the Dr on Friday morning, I needed x rays...they carefully removed my top (because I couldn't)and my thought was "Thank God I am wearing this awesome navy lace bra!!!!!!"
I also never have my phone in hand...anymore...I used to. Trust me. It was another limb. But I put a big stop to that. Try it. You will be happier.
And the bachelor? well, just stop that right now.
I do suggest you give HAPPY ENDINGS a try..the TV show that is. It is on tonight, after Modern Family.
Your kind of humor. I love it.
I am jealous of that massage....ratty panties and all...
I agree about Courtney. She had no idea of the storm she was going to bring down on herself, and I wonder if that's the only reason she was still clinging to him after the show. He's the only one who would understand since he was a part of it. I don't give them much time, plus she was seen the next day without the engagement ring. LOL
ReplyDeleteI hear you on putting down the phone. We are all probably a little too guilty of that!