The Bachelor Ben: The Ugly Cry

I just finished helping my son with THREE pages of Kindergarten homework so I don't have the time or gumption to write a big recap of last nights train wreck that is The Bachelor.  Instead....I will use bullet points.

Ben and his bevy of ladies are in Panama City.

Will Our Love Survive? Pack 3 Things. (Kacie B)

• Took a helicopter to a deserted island.
• She brought...a monkey, a corkscrew and candy.
• He brought...a machete, a net and matches.
• They re-enacted a scene from LOST.
• Kacie B knows how to go with the flow.
• Kacie B had an eating disorder in high school.
• Kacie B gets the rose!

Let's Get Lost (Group Date)

• Ben drives a long wooden dinghy.
• Takes them to a village.
• The Chief if kind of hot for a guy that is 4 feet tall.
• Everyone changes into traditional garb...girls wear beaded tops.
• Courtney isn't a prude and doesn't wear her bikini under her top.
• Courtney's nipples are blurred out.  And her sarong falls off.
• Ben looks ridiculous.
• Everyone dances.
• Lindzi knows how to go with the flow.
• Ben likes Courtney's confidence and asshatery. I mean assertiveness.
• Courtney struts around in her bikini while Jamie tries to talk to Ben.
• Emily is now in love with The Chief.
• Emily apologizes to Courtney and she doesn't accept it. Emily is dead to her.
• Lindzi gets the rose!
• Courtney invites Ben to her room.  He doesn't show up.

Save The Last Dance (Blakeley and Rachel) 

• One person will go home from this date.
• Ben is looking for chemistry so they take salsa lessons.
• Blakeley is sensual. Rachel is stiff.
• Blakeley brought her scrapbook and shows it to Ben.
• Rachel gets the rose and Ben calls the cops on Blakeley for stalkerish behavior.
• Blakeley goes home and makes plans to cook Ben's bunny.

Now I Have To Find Someone Else! (The Casey S Story)

• Chris Harrison arrives early to talk to Casey.
• Casey doesn't know why.
• He says three people told him that she has a boyfriend.
• They talked to the boyfriend and he says that they practically live together.
• She says he's her EX and that he won't marry her but she is still in love with him.
• Chris makes her talk to Ben.
• Ben looks at her like she's a nutjob and kicks her to the limo.
• Casey ugly cries on National Television and says...NOW I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE!

Rose Ceremony

• Ben looks like Moe from the three stooges.
• Ben tells the girls if they are not completely open....they should leave now.
• Nicki has the most annoying voice but my husband pointed out that she has big boobs so it's okay.
• Jaime gets drunk and straddles Ben for their first kiss but she won't shut her pie hole long enough for him to kiss her.
• When Ben said he wants them to be open...he didn't mean Jaime's legs.

And the roses go to: (in the order that I like them)

Kacie B (from Tennessee, old fashioned, got first one on one date, baton twirler, LOST date, goes with the flow)
Emily (Ph.d student from N. Carolina, performed a rap, climbed Bay Bridge, can't stop talking about Courtney, performed another rap)
Lindzi (from Seattle, rode a horse and got first impression rose, drives a F350 diesel, had night SFO date, goes with the flow)
Nicki (divorced, dental hygienist from TX, bubbly, date in Puerto Rico, annoying voice)
Rachel (fashion rep from NYC, quit her job, chill, doesn't open up, date in Park City on a lake, winner of two on one date with Blakeley)
Courtney (Super Model from LA, mean to other girls, too good to be true, winning, verbally abusive, caught a fish, took Ben skinny dipping, didn't wear top at village)

NO ROSE FOR YOU!
Blakeley (VIP cocktail waitress from N. Carolina, made out with Monica the first night, sucked face with Ben on group date, giant forearm tattoo, likes to color hair)
Casey S. (Courtney's friend, has boyfriend)Jaime (dadless nurse from NY, doesn't like Courtney, straddled Ben)

NEXT WEEK:
Belize