The Bachelor Brad and Bethenny too!

Wow.  I think I want to go on a trip to South Africa.  It looks beautiful and laid back and I only saw a couple bugs.

Poor Brad, he's terrified of ending up alone and things with the ladies are out of control! The good news is that he's convinced that one of these women is going to be his wife.

Chantal:

Brad takes Chantal on a safari and he tells her how much he misses her family mom.  They are sitting in the truck looking at the bush and come across a nest of lions who are getting angry because Chantal can't shut the hell up.

They walk down to the water for a picnic and a man with a gun has to accompany them.  Chantal tells Brad that Love is more than a feeling.  I think she might be hooked on a feeling....

They have dinner and the fantasy suite card comes out.  After agreeing to spending the night as a in harmony couple, Brad leads her into the bush to a tree house and says Ta Da!  I see several problems with this set up that mean I would have rejected this *fantasy*.  Where is the bathroom, where is the guy with the gun and what about the bugs.

Emily:

Brad leads Emily into the bush and then says...oh wait, I forgot something and leaves her alone to be eaten by wild animals.  He comes back riding an elephant and she hops on board exclaiming Goodness Gracious! and that this is her dream come true!

Brad says that she's one in a million and that he lights up when he sees her.  They make out while watching baby elephants play in the water.

At dinner, Brad is visibly nervous and drinks a bunch of wine.  The fantasy suite card comes out and Emily starts to play innocent and is all...I'm a Mom and I have to set a good example for Little Ricki but ultimately she follows her loins and accepts.

They do not go to a tree house but to a very nice room.  She tells him that she's falling in love with him and he breaks the rules (again) and tells her that he is too.

Ashley:

Brad leads Ashley out into the bush to a waiting helicopter and Ashley loses her shit because she is afraid of heights.  Brad calms her down and they visit a place that is very beautiful, it's called God's Eyeball or something like that.  I'm sorry...that's not what it's called.  I hate Ashley and I wasn't paying attention.

They have a picnic and Brad asks her where she wants to live.  She talks about southern Maine and being near her sister.  She never mentions Austin Texas and you can see that this is upsetting Brad.  Hello Ashley...do you remember what show you are on?

Ashley explains that she is very driven and her Dentistry career is very important to her.  She has NOT read the Ali Fedotowsky dating handbook.  Dinner is going really badly....Brad admits that he's attracted to her and her energy but that their lives don't mesh.  He also refers to her as one in a million which is weird because EMILY is supposed to be one in a million.

She excepts the fantasuite card that I don't think should have been offered to her in the first place and they go on to have a very uncomfortable evening of uneasy silence.

Rose Ceremony: 

Brad stands before the three ladies and asks Ashley to please come talk with him.  He explains that they have bad miscommunication and that when he asked the tough questions he didn't really get answers. Ashley says that she's bad at expressing herself.  I beg to differ.   I think Ashley is an idiot and knew exactly what he was asking her.  She gave the answer....I'M NOT MOVING TO AUSTIN.  Hell!  She didn't even do her hair for the rose ceremony. Brad walks her to the curb.  Note: rumor is that she is going to be the NEXT Bachelorette.  I dislike this broad more than I disliked Jake.  I will not watch if she is the Bachelorette.  ABC...did you hear me?

Can I just say...all of these daisy duke shorts in the bush...doesn't seem appropriate. There is this thing called SAFARI WEAR and it includes long pants.

Chantal and Emily get roses and in two weeks they go to Capetown and meet HIS family!

Next Week: The Women Tell All

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Did you watch my favorite show last night?  If you missed it...it's on BRAVO for your viewing pleasure.

Bethenny Ever After: 

I love Bethenny.  I was so thrilled when Bethenny found Jason and they got married and had a baby.  I feel like me and Bethenny could be friends.  I love her honest and ability to say what she thinks.  And she's damn funny!

I watched the premiere today and I have to say that I'm now in love with her Mother in Law too.  It's like iKeith and Jason are brothers.  The only son (kind of) with parents that he's close to and an umbilical cord that needs to be cut.  I can also relate to Bethenny and her crazy background.  We're like freakin twins!

I went through all of this...needing to be our own family and not share every single moment with his parents.  Arguing about how much time we spent with them and hurting people's feelings.  I'm used to being the bad guy.

Also...like Jason, iKeith professes his love for me when he's tipsy drunk too.  And like Bethenny...I need therapy.