Heavy Heart

I sat on the floor and read The Gingerbread Baby five times this morning.  Mallory's classmates are such good little listeners and gave me their full attention.  A couple of them have the sniffles and one likes to eat her buggers but hey....I get hungry in the morning too.

I usually go grab coffee after centers because there isn't much time.  But today....something told me to go home.

I sat down at my computer and the first thing I saw was that there had been a shooting in Connecticut  At an elementary school.  In Newtown.

My heart raced and I tried to email my friend Laura.  She has two kids in that school.  I had to find out if her kids are okay.  Her email is from her old blog and it boomeranged back to me.

Then I remembered that we have a mutual friend and she has actually visited Laura before and she must have her number.

Luckily, Jennifer had her number and found out almost immediately that they are safe but that her son....saw something terrible.

I broke down crying when I returned to school for Mallory.  A friend hugged me and I lost it.

I have so many questions and feelings. I think I'm going to need to medicated from now on....my kids are no longer safe anywhere, except in our home and even that's not a guarantee.

Right before I walked into Alex's classroom to volunteer for his centers, I found out that the children that died today, were Kindergarteners.

You have got to be kidding me!! 

I read The Gingerbread Baby five more times and resisted the urge to hug all 25 kiddos.  I couldn't wait to get my family home and lock the door.

Then I stress ate a half a tin of butter cookies.

Tomorrow, life must go on and I don't want to live in fear every minute.  I also don't want to raise fearful children.....but how do I do that and keep them safe?  I'm sure we're all asking each ourselves the same questions.

Until I get some answers, I'll just be praying for the community of Newtown and hoping they heal.