The Bachelorette: Love is Dangerous

I'm feeling good about my decision to avoid Reality Steve and his nonsense. There are a bunch of mean people on twitter that like to leak his information without a Spoiler Alert and so when I see these I tend to cover my eyes as if I've just scene my father in law naked and try to make my mind erase the information. I'm enjoying the show much more not knowing the secrets.

My Drinking Game.

I think the show started 2 minutes early and my DVR didn't get the message because I walked in on the show with Frank getting the 1st One on One card. I didn't get to hear the door bell ring and all of the guys run to the door like little girls.  Frank's card says All Signs Point To Love.

Ali is excited to be dating 17 guys and she's wearing a yellow shirt so I get to take a drink of my martini! She picks Frank up at the Frat House and everyone is excited to see her. They drive away in an classic car which promptly breaks down on the highway. * Why didn't Ali let Frank drive? First rule of Man Code..the man always drives!

They abandoned the car on the side of the road and Ali goes rogue and forces Frank to hike along the highway to the nearest exit where they catch a cab and continue their date. They do some sightseeing, get recognized by fans for the show and pose for pictures like a couple of dorks.

They take their cab up to the HOLLYWOOD SIGN and break in. Ali make Frank hike down some steep terrain to the sign, then Ali pulls a blanket out of thin air and they sit and admire the view. She asks him about Paris and he explains that he is following his dream...to be a screenwriter.

Ali believes that Frank would keep her from being too driven and remind her that love and family are more important. OR she'd resent him for not pulling his weight and dump his ass after they have a couple kids.

  I'm Frank...I like Passion, Paris and letting Ali drive.

Ali and Frank share their first kiss in front of the Hollywood Sigh. How Romantic right? YAY! The car is fixed and they drive it to some other lovely location with a great view and open a bottle of bubbly.

Back at the Frat House...The Picture Us Together Date card arrives and it's a 12 man group date. Craig M is stirring up sh!t and his hat is ridiculous!

Frank gets the rose and she tells him she's glad that he's there, they kiss and he says this is his best first date ever! Ali tells the camera that Frank made her believe that everything she is looking for is possible.

12 Months of Banana Hammocks

The group date takes place at a beach house in Malibu and Ali forgot to wear her shirt and brush her extensions. Justin tells the camera that he's going to take no prisoners but that's just because he can't...due to the fact that he has a broken ankle and can barely get from point A to point B.

They discover that they are shooting a Sexy Man Calendar and most of the guys are forced to wear these very small, very revealing trunks. Hunter is wearing a bright yellow get up that showcases his pasty skin and The Weatherman is forced into the bikini bottoms that Ali was supposed to wear. Craig M is photographed in long trunks, no shirt but with a sweater tied around his neck...while smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of scotch. He looks exactly like the man you don't want your man to smell like.

I smell like hair gel, Polo and Beef Jerky.

There is a game of tug of war, Ty plays his guitar  and sings to Ali and then a group shot of everyone on the beach. (Ali's wearing a yellow dress...DRINK).

Everyone changes clothes and they go to a bar for some one on one time to pick on The Weatherman.  Ali looks great in a black dress that zips up the front and she's wearing a cool cocktail ring. Ty tells Ali that he's divorced, thinks he's a great husband and loves being married.

Craig M is bullying The Weatherman again. When it's his turn, he tells Ali that Craig M shows lack of character, is a dangerous person and is looking for a fight.  When will he actually talk TO her?

DING DONG...back at the house a date card arrives and it says 'use these when the time is right' and it's a pair of cufflinks with the initials JB. Jesse!!

The group date rose goes to Ty but I have no idea why.

Come Fly With Me

Ali meets Jesse at the airport in skinny jeans and heels. They board a private jet and head to Vegas. Once they land they jump in a Red Ferrari (Ali drives again) and they head to a pool called Liquid. They eat oysters and play around in the pool. Later they dress up and Jesse meets her in a AMAZING suite with the most AMAZING view of the city. Ali is wearing the dress she should have worn for the meet and greet!

Back at the house...The Weatherman gets picked on again and Craig M puts his clothes on and does a fashion show.

Ali gives Jesse the rose because he's solid and genuine and says she feel closer to him after talking to him. DUH! She has one more surprise for him and they go to a nightclub called Haze where there is some unknown guy that plays music for them while they dance. SHOT! Jesse says this is the best first day he's ever had.

Cocktail Party

Ali arrives in a gorgeous white dress with a great ring! We find out that 3 guys will be going home and 3 guys didn't get dates this week. Chris L talks to her and tells her he's the oldest but still doesn't spill the beans about his mom.

I missed Roberto this week...he tells Ali that he was drafted by the Rockies and Twins and they go out front to play catch with mitts that he brought from home. Ali throws well!

Kasey only gets a few minutes of her time before he's interrupted by Frank (who already has a rose....HELLO) and he tells Ali he feels like she's his girlfriend. They kiss.

Craig M is picking on The Weatherman again and he runs to Ali to tell her again that Craig is a mean guy and dangerous. She finally confronts Craig and he is struggling to defend himself. She questions if he even likes her because he hasn't tried to ask her anything and he doesn't make eye contact with her. He stutters around the question because he was planted there by the produces to bully The Weatherman.

Craig M performs his last dramatic scene by confronting all of the men and trying to get to the bottom of who called him dangerous to Ali. He accuses The Weatherman and he responds by stuttering and reminding him that he already told him he doesn't like him since he wore his underwear, purple dress shirt and fancy white jacket in front of the guys. My Gaydar is strong with this one....

Finally....the Rose Ceremony and then there were 14 left. Exit stage left...Tyler V, Chris H and Craig M..the bully monster who left us with some parting words ...You can't be serious with someone who's shorter than you.


Jesse  24, General Contractor from MO. Got 1 On 1 date to Vegas. Tattoos.

Ty  31, Medical Sales from TN, loves his dog, great accent. Sings to Ali on the Beach. Divorced.

Craig R  27, Lawyer from PA, tattle tale.

Frank  31, Screenplay writer from IL, bold. Got Hollywood sign date. Looks good without glasses.

Chris L 33, Landscaper from Cape Cod, failed to tell Ali his Mom is dead.

Kirk  27, Salesman from WI, brought her a scrapbook, made a rose out of a hankie.

John C  32, Hotel Business from WA.

Chris N 29, Entrepreneur from FL, looks like Ryan Sutter.

Hunter  28, Account Executive from TX, sang song. Yellow trunks.

Jonathan  30, Weatherman from TX. Rode hard by Craig M. Wore bikini bottoms in calendar shoot.

Kasey  27, Account Executive from CA, Dad is an A-hole, looks like Jake.

Steve  28, Salesman from OH.

Justin  26, Entertainment Wrestler from Canada, voted most likely to be Wes, broken ankle, looks like the gardener from Desperate Housewives. Taking no prisoners. Ali likes to cuddle with him.

Roberto  26, Insurance Agent from SC, Salsa Dancer, happy parents, got 1st impression rose. Baseball player.

Tyler V  25, Advertising from VT, seems shy.
Chris H 28, Real Estate Developer from Canada
Craig M  34, Dental Salesman from Canada, bad boy, looks like Dean McDermott or Patrick Dempsey. Bullied The Weatherman.

Later today...Focus on the Family for June!  Tomorrow...What I Wore to kidnap Jessica Bern.

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