Vacation or Rehab?

va·ca·tion

a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation

re·hab, re·ha·bil·i·tate

to restore to a former capacity

Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.
Cowardly Lion (Wizard of Oz)

I'm still amazed that there are some people in the world that think that staying home with my children is not a job. That I don't work. And since I don't have a job, I certainly didn't deserve a vacation. So I decided to call it REHAB! I was in desperate need of rehab, since I had worked for 732 days without a day off. On call 24 hours a day. And I don't just take care of two small children....I have a husband that needs me too. It is beyond a full time job.

Rehab was great! I did a lot of shopping, finding many great outfits and a cute pair of shoes. I had my make up done by a super cute gay man at Sephora at the Northpark Mall. I told him that I needed something to make my eyes pop because I am a SAHM and I am blending into the couch. He did not disappoint and I am now the proud owner of Lancome Mascara, Fresh Eyeshadow in Corazon Del Mar and a Make Up Forever Black Eyeliner!

We saw a couple movies and throughly embarrassed the concession stand guy (Josh) who had some difficulty completing our order because of me and Bobbi's hotness. He was so flustered! We went to see Baby Mama, it was great! Very funny and it made me want anover baba weally bad. And it provided a new use for Pam kitchen spray!

The next day we went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Mainly because we heard that there was full frontal MALE nudity. There was PEEPEE and we loved it. It was so freakin funny and we got our new life mantra from it. When life gives you lemons...@&$% the lemons and Bail!! Also...The weather outside is weather! LOL!


I met my internet friends Kristen and Aimee and we enjoyed some fabulous Margarita's together and made fun of a man in a white linen suit. I also insulted a bell hop. But in my defense, what I said came out wrong. We were having a fabulous time and then Texas weather hit and we had to leave quickly to escape a Twister! I suppose it is just as well. Two Top Shelf Margs and I was drunk dialing my husband and singing Milli Vanilli songs to him. GIRL...you know it's true! **a note about the picture. In Utah, it is very dry. Imagine a parched sponge. Take that sponge to Texas, add 95% humidity and tequila. I don't think I am that large in real life. I think I was bloated.

Back in the day, when I lived in the big city. I used to enjoy going to the theater and having fabulous sushi. I decided that I wanted to share this with my family so I got tickets to The Wedding Singer Musical. It was great! I just love live singing and dancing! The Music hall at Fair Park is a great venue. A note to people that go to the theater. DRESS UP!!
Business casual for a matinée does not mean jeans. And please, no flip flops!

Then we went to The Blue Fish on Greenville. It was awesome! I have had what I consider very good sushi and I have had sushi in Utah so I think I know great sushi when I see it. If you ever have the pleasure of eating here you have to have the Ahi Tower It is a Tuna tartar, snow crab, avocado salad, rice tower with wasabi sauce that is to die for!! It come out in this pretty stack and then the server smashes it all up for you and you gobble it up! We had a Caterpillar roll (eel & cucumber, topped with avocado, served with eel sauce) and Unagi Nigiri Roll and then I wanted my Dad to experience my favorite sushi roll.

Ikura with Quail Egg!



Isn't it beautiful? My Dad said he felt like he was on Fear Factor! And if you like Sake...try the Sho Chiku Bai. See if you can sit at Somalin's table! She is a great server!

If you know me very well, you know that I love Target. It pains me that I do not live closer to a Target and that the Target's here in Utah are missing a key ingredient that makes them wonderful. They do not have Starbucks. Well, I'm about to tell you something that will make you squeal with glee. I'm getting all sweaty and warm just thinking about it. What I'm about to tell you has replaced my sexual fantasy of doing it with Henry from Ugly Betty. Are you ready?

They sell Wine at Target!

I know, right! Isn't that freaking awesome? Starbucks AND Wine, IN Target!

I did lots of sleeping, reading and visiting with my family! It was really nice to get away but I missed my husband and kids so much. They were so happy to see me when I returned home and I think they appreciate what I do a little more.


Here is a picture Bobbi took of me with her phone before the theater. If you look in the mirror...you can see her. She flattened my hair for me. Oh and see...I'm not as puffy. LOL!

Happy 2nd Birthday Alex!! *updated*

Alex's Birthday was April 20th....we had a great weekend with him celebrating his birthday. His Uncle Robert flew in from Denver and brought a beautiful yummy cake from our favorite bakery! It was awesome and Akex didn't want any of it so I helped Daddy eat his piece.

We took Alex to the Ogden Treehouse Children's Museum where both kids had a great time! Alex ran from activity to activity and we discovered some new things for him to play with. Blocks, drums, bells and a chess set!

Then we went to Roosters for lunch and Alex was too tired to eat. I have never seen this kid reject pizza....EVER!



Alex had a great time opening his presents and helping Daddy put together his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!





Alex's 2 year Stats!!

Weight: 31.8 lbs 80 th percentile
Height: 35.5 inches 75th percentile
Head: 48 cm 25th percentile

I think he is going to be a big football player with a little head.

***all pictures were taken with the iPhone. Our camera broke and our new one had not arrived yet. I'm so excited about the new camera!!

Things we love....

Cuddling with Daddy on the couch....



Warmer weather so we can start wearing our 26 outfits....




A warm spring day....


Look at Erick doing the funky chicken in the background!


Watching Sesame Street with your Best Friend!



Things we don't love.

Missing Daddy before he leaves for his business trip!




We Miss You DADDY!!

A Clean Bill Of Health!

As you guys know, my husband has been to the ER several times for purported heart problems, each time they have found nothing wrong with him. His Cardiologist has been unable to verify that he has a problem and has decided to just assume that he does and put him on medication to prevent 'future problems'. Keith was convinced that he has a heart problem and was going to have a heart attack and die.

I think he is experiencing pain from a serious car accident that he had over 10 years ago and that he is having anxiety from stress at work. I think his heart is fine.

Keith is leaving for Alabama this afternoon so I scheduled an appointment for him this morning in Salt Lake City for a Full Body Scan so that we could get to the bottom of this once and for all.

The full body scan, the most comprehensive screening procedure, includes the heart and lung scans and examines the abdomen for life-threatening diseases such as cancer of the major organs, lymphoma and aneurysms. It can also detect benign conditions such as arthritis, osteoporosis and kidney and gall stones. Ideal For: Current and former smokers. Those that have a family history of cancer or heart disease or who have been diagnosed with high cholesterol or high blood pressure.

He just got finished and this is what he found out:

His heart is perfect! In fact, the plaque that the Cardiologist claims to have seen...is not there! The Angioplasty he wanted Keith to have...NOT NECESSARY! The ligaments in his chest are INFLAMED from being damaged during his car accident. His lungs are perfect. He has no signs of cancer and all of his organs look great! He is in perfect health.

All he needs is a 10 day course of Ibuprofen! Not a life-time of prescription heart medication and he can stop carrying around those damn nitro pills like a freakin old man! And now, we can get life insurance because he won't be classified as UNINSURABLE!

I'm firing Keith's Cardiologist! I am so disappointed in the Health Care in Utah. We have had one issue after another. I'm convinced that this is an insurance racket and the doctor gets a kick back for taking a healthy 44 year old man and making a heart patient out of him. Lot's of money in co-pays, prescriptions and unnecessary surgeries. Our Doctor back in Colorado would have NEVER done this. We miss you Dr Gilman!

Now...I just wish I would have paid the extra $350 to have Keith's head examined.

***Disclaimer***
Chest pains are very serious and should always be checked out. However, there can be more causes than just heart disease or clogged arteries. Sometimes, Doctors do not have your best interests in mind and are just in it for the money and you should seek out another opinion. I am in now way advocating that chest pains be ignored. Please seek out the advice of a qualified physician in any state except Utah if you or a family member are experiencing chest pain, shortness of breath or any of the other heart attach symptoms.

I need an iPhone!

You know those iPhone commercials. The ones where the people talk about how their iPhone came in handy and they would have been lost without it. That guy who was about to meet his girlfriend's boss and his fiance. And they couldn't remember her name so they looked it up on the iPhone on the couple's wedding website. And then there is the guy that no longer has to carry his man purse because now every thing he needs is in one handy little gadget.

I needed an iPhone today. You see....I'm late. If you are a chick, you know what this means and you will totally understand the rest of this story. If you are a man, your palms are now sweaty and you are not sure you want to read the rest of this.

I have a group of Mommies that I belong to a message board with that are my best friends. I share everything with them. The good, the bad and the hey guys, I'm two days late what do you think I should do. We are all avid POAS* pushers. We love to examine the lines and some of us have even found ourselves purchasing tests (16) from the internet, then buying 4 more at the store and peeing on them as early as 10 days before said time of the month is due to arrive. I don't know who this person is...but I heard about it once.

You should know that I am NOT trying to get pregnant. There was a time, a very short time ago, that I wanted another baby but I think I'm over it now. I still have bouts of baby fever but I usually just drink myself silly until the feeling goes away. If you watch The Young & The Restless, then you know that condoms are only 98% effective. Just ask Lily Winters. She'll tell ya.

Anyway....my girlfriends were pushing me to POAS* and I was going out shopping today anyway so I decided to pick up some tests. First I went to Starbucks. Then I went to Target and while there...I suddenly had to pee. So...I consulted with my head girlfriend and she instructed me to purchase a test as quickly as possible and run to the bathroom and pee on it.

I got some in my cart but then got distracted by the pretty shoes and Amber started texting me...instructing me to hurry the hell up.

I got to the stall and got into position. Then the restroom started to fill with people. I sat there for the longest 4 minutes of my life while Amber texted me over and over with updates of how much time was left. I was trying to take pictures of the test with my phone to send to Amber so that the group could analyze it but my phone has had one too many trips into the toilet (thanks Erick) and the camera doesn't work! I wonder what the person in the next stall thought was going on with all of the texting and picture taking going on. And it wasn't just a text sound...for some reason my text alert tone is CRAZY by Patsy Cline. Maybe my phone is trying to tell me something.

All of this would have been so much easier with the iPhone. I could have had instant access to my message board and been live blogging while POAS*. And then I could have taken a high quality photo of the test, emailed it to Amber who could have uploaded to the message board. It would have been great!!!

Finally, the four minutes were over and the test was negative. I bought my monthly visitor some wine, maxi pads and some really good chocolate hoping she will show up. I just really hope that she isn't waiting to go on Vacation with me. Because she is NOT invited!!!

Do you think Apple would make a commercial out of my story? I'm going to pitch it to them. I think it will sell a TON of iPhones to women.

*POAS...Pee On A Stick

No Fishing in Utah!

What in the Crap is this!!!!!!

Shhh...sleepy boy!

Scenes From A Mall!

Last Saturday, was a little dreary....so I went to Home Depot and bought some mulch for my flower beds in the hopes that I will get to use it pretty soon and was really surprised to discover that there weren't that many people there. I got what I needed, got right through to a cashier and then to my car in a matter of about 20 minutes. Hubby was surprised to see me home so soon so he decided we should all jump in the car and do something.

Well...I don't do that.

I need to know in advance that we are doing something. I need to pack a diaper bag and mostly...I need make-up. But I decided to throw all caution to the wind and go as I was! We put shoes and jackets on the kids, threw some sippy cups in the diaper bag and we were off like dirty pair of panties! It was getting close to lunch time so we decided that we would go to the Ogden Mall. The drive there was rather pleasant,not much traffic. We found a good parking spot at the mall. Again, usual for a Saturday in Ogden.

We walked in the food court and it was practically empty. There were only five tables of people. Some body builders drinking smoothies, a family of smokers whose baby was crying from the obvious nicotine withdrawals that comes from breathing the fresh mall air. Some old people that got a pass out from the senior living home, some teenagers wearing some really inappropriate footwear and us.

We ate at the Food Court. I love Food Courts! Everyone gets what they want.  Mallory and I shared  Mongolian Chicken and Fried Rice, Alex had Subway and Daddy had Mexican Food. Alex sat in the chair without a booster seat like a big boy!

After lunch we decided to go down to the little play area and let the kids pick up some illnesses, I mean, play on the fun climby things. But on the way there...Daddy stopped off in Spencers and found a fun gift for the men in our life. It is called Stroke on a Rope. If you can't figure out what it is...call Calvin. He would love to splain it to you! I double dog dare you to call and ask him. LOL!

So...back to the story! On the way, we found a brand new arcade that had stuff for the little kids. It was great!! And there was no one there!! Here are the kids on their very first Merry Go Round!!


So we finally made it down to the play area and found some Mexican American kids playing there. And then I figured out what happened. The Rapture had come and taken all the Mormon's to heaven! Dang it!!! I knew we should have joined the freakin LDS church a few months ago when we had the chance! Damn Starbucks all to heck! We were going to hell!

All the way home...empty streets. We didn't have to sit through the arrow three times at each traffic light and we got home in record time. I just kept thinking...I just knew that when the rapture came, I would be shopping.

The next day...I ran to get the newspaper to see the headline. JESUS CAME BACK! But instead, I found out that the Mormon's were all at home watching TV. Saturday was their General Conference with their new President and it was televised.

Next year we're going to the Zoo during the General Conference!

The One About The Swim Wear!

I have been waiting with much anticipation for the day that I would get to use my Gymbucks!! My plan was to purchase the children's swim suits and possibly a few things for Alex. I would LOVE to buy more stuff for Mallory but at last count....she has 26 outfits. All she needs now are a few odds and ends and some shoes.

I was so excited this morning when I got the email from Gymboree that said today was the day that I could use my gymbuck. I was giddy with excitement!

Here is what the kids will be wearing this summer!

Alex will be sporting the Tropical Swim Trunks with matching hat. Popping with vibrant color, a graphic print fills brushed twill, while mock fly with grommets creates a lace up look in front. Elastic back makes dressing easy.







I also got him a matching shirt and leather sandals.







Mallory will be wearing the latest in swim fashion from the Cherry Baby Collection. She'll be swimming sweet in an appliqué cherry design. Embellished with pretty bows, this stretchy swimsuit is oh-so-fashionable with halter styling.




And she will finish the look with the matching 100% cotton canvas Sunhat. What's under her hat? Cheery cherries! Allover print in bold candy colors features a soft cotton canvas style, floppy brim and a sweet bow in back.

The One About Washing Dishes

We decided that it was time for Alex to start earning his keep. First Daddy taught him how to make Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and he did a great job. Then Daddy grossed Mommy out by making a Utahn Grilled Cheese....he slathered it in Fry Sauce. I hate Fry Sauce. That is how I know, deep down that I will never really fit in here....because I can not stand it! Gross. After lunch, Daddy showed Erick how to wash dishes!


Notice that Keith is so proud to belong to the GEEK dept!



Meanwhile....
Me and Mal were hanging out. She was sick....picked something while when we were playing at the Mall yesterday. Poor Baby. Isn't she precious??


Here she is pretending to interview me for Fabulous Mommy Magazine! I'm on gonna be on the May cover!!



Stay tuned for Scenes from THE MALL!! As soon as we get the photos off from Hubby's iPhone! We had so much fun!

The One About Easter!

I know...I'm late telling you about Easter but in my defense...I had a lot of pictures to choose from and very few of them had the children's faces in them, so I was overwhelmed.

On Easter Eve, we cleared the family room of all of the toys and filled the plastic eggs with goldfish crackers and M&M's while watching Gone With The Wind. Have you seen this movie? It is really, really, really long. Anyway, we had fun hiding the eggs and Hubby made me promise not to force Alex to find the eggs.

As If!

Poor Hubby has a bad childhood memory of being forced to search for Easter eggs when he was 4 or 5 years old.He did get a prize out of the deal and he had a choice between a Mr Peanut Peanut Butter Maker and a Bazooka. He choose the Bazooka and left it out on the boat dock where it got wet and was ruined because it was part cardboard. He regrets to this day that he did not choose the Mr Peanut Peanut Butter Maker. I have a bad childhood memory of competing with a bunch of other kids for Easter eggs at a big Easter egg hunt and older kids stealing my eggs. It's funny the stuff you remember from your childhood that haunts you when you are older!

In the morning, Alex found eggs right away! And Mallory found one too.



Notice in this picture....the yellow egg. We thought for sure that Mallory saw the egg. But she was after something else. Didn't see the egg at all! LOL!

Alex was so funny. He would go find an egg and then come to a little spot in front of the fireplace to eat the contents. If the egg contained goldfish...he would dump it out. If it contained pastel colored M&M's he would pick them out one at a time and savor each one. Saying Num...Num. And he wouldn't share with Daddy or Mallory. Occasionally, one would slip from his sticky little fingers and Daddy and Mallory would scurry to the floor, fighting for it. Too bad Mal is so little and slow....


We gave them gift bags with Chocolate Easter Bunnies and some toys in them....Alex is more interested in what is in Mallory's bag.






My favorite picture from Easter has to be this one.



Our family room without toys!!!

The One About The UK Package

I have a wonderful Mommy friend that I met on a message board for women who gave birth to children in April 2006. Her name is Jackie, she is the Mother of Leo and she lives in England. Over the last two years we have been come fast friends! She is so thoughtful....a while back, I wanted this book that was only available in the UK and she sent it to me along with some fabulous chocolate!

Last week...out of the blue, there was a package on our door step from the UK and it was addressed to Alex and Mallory. They had a great time tearing the package open! Mallory just can't believe that she got mail!



As you can see, Mallory was anxious to read the back to find out what exactly this toys does, if it needed assembly, and how many batteries it required.



It is a Space Shuttle! And it came with a satellite, an alien and two astronauts. Hubby is working on project for the space program so this was such a wonderful gift for her to send to the kids. Steve likes it too!




Thanks so much Jackie and Leo! We love you!!!

Not Intended To Hold A Child

The One About Pizza For Breakfast!

I know I am behind on posting. I just downloaded 100 pictures. I have a couple of things to write about but something happened this morning that has to take priority. Alex's booster seat has a hole in the top of it where a tray is suppose to fit in it, but we have him sit right at the table. He likes to stick things in the hole. Mainly....food he doesn't want to eat and his silverware.

Alex woke early this morning....

He is a lot like his Daddy and likes his sleep so I wondered what had him up so early. He couldn't wait for me to get him dressed and was really loosing patience with me wanting to hang up his clean clothes before I removed him from his crib. As soon as I had him dressed he was down the stairs like a shot, not even going to get Mallory from her room.

Mallory and I came downstairs to find Alex munching on a piece of pizza from last nights dinner!!! He was sitting on the couch watching The Today Show enjoying his crusty piece of pizza. I'm guessing he hid it in there last night and couldn't wait to get to it.



I asked Alex where he got the pizza and he went to the kitchen and showed me his booster seat.



I just can't believe that he wanted MORE pizza because he ate almost half of a cheese pizza, part of an orange and a banana last night for dinner.

Just look at my silly little booger!



EDITED:

Hubby told a co-worker about Alex's antics and he suggested that child protective services should look into alleged neglect of a two year old that needs to hide food to stay alive. So I thought I would add a surveillance photo of the two year old victim stealing grapes from the kitchen.


Isn't it amazing the lengths that this child goes to in order to sustain his life?
And he is probably sneakin food to his poor starving little sister.....

The One About Why I Can't Make Friends

Before I begin. You all should know that I have a history of altercations. Mostly with people although there is a lefse griddle and some shopping carts in my feisty history. You should also know that I was let go from my last job for telling my co-worker to Cease And Desist. I'm opinionated, emotional, sensitive and a radical republican.

My husband married me anyway.

I was so excited yesterday when a friend of mine got ahold of me and asked if we wanted to go to the park. The kids and I have not been on a play date since that disastrous day last September when I became a Mom's Club Reject. Some of you may remember, we went to our first meeting with the North Ogden Mom's Club only to be completely ignored. We went home with our tail between our legs and have been licking our wounds all winter, telling ourselves we are good enough and making plans for making new friends that would like us and how much fun we would have with them.

We have known Monica and her family since our first week in Ogden. We all stayed in the same hotel when we arrived and our husbands started their new jobs. They live further north of us and we have both had new baby girls taking up a lot of our time so we haven't gotten together much.

We met at the park and everything was going great! I brought Starbucks! YUM! Her 3 year old and Alex were playing on all of the slides and swings while we held our babies and talked a little. I even used my new ring sling and it worked really well. We walked across the park to a bigger play area and there were already two kids playing there and their Mom's (I use this term loosely) were sitting on the benches talking. These boys were around 4ish and they knew each other. Alex went up three little steps to the opening to a slide that these boys where sitting in front of and they were telling him that he couldn't come up there. He was trying to fight his way up and they were pushing him back. I saw this and I went up (while holding M) and I told those kids that they don't own the slide and he can be there. Then they told Alex, 'you're not our friend, you can't come up here'. On the inside....I lost it...here comes Momma Bear! I told Alex...I'm so sorry that you have to learn about bullies on your SECOND ever trip to the park. But that is life honey and some little boys aren't very nice.

The one little boy looks at me and says, 'Alex's not our friend'. I told him to go wipe that bogger off his face and leave us alone. I then picked Alex up and walked down the stairs. Alex is having a fit because he didn't want to get down. I'm trying to get him to leave with me and these boys came down and started taunting him. 'why don't you go home Alex. go with your Mom Alex.' The Mom's are sitting behind me laughing. I finally get Alex calmed down and tell him we are going to Wendy's because he has been such a good boy. Then I walked right in front of those Mom's and I said 'and I will explain to you all about mean boys and how to handle them.' As we were walking away....Booger Faced Boy yells to us....HAVE FUN ALEX! I wanted to run back and kick him in his little bogger streaked face.

WTH? How can children be bullies at this age? They obviously learned it at home...right? Where else would they learn...you aren't our friend? They were such rude little jerks. I just couldn't believe it. Poor Alex. He just wanted to go down the damn slide.

I relayed this story to Hubby on the way home and he says.

So they didn't hurt him?

No. Not physically. Maybe Mommy is more hurt by what happened then Alex is. I guess I had my share of being bullied as a child and I'm sensitive to it.

So...Mommies. How do you handle the bullies? Did I handle it correctly? In hind sight, I'm wishing I would have said something directly to the Mom's. I swear I turn into a Momma Bear! My claws are still out!

I wonder if they were intimidated by Alex's perfectly matching Gymboree Sweater/Pants/Shoes Combo?

The good news is that Monica still wants to get our kids together! The bad news is that I don't see me making many more friends around here because I just had an altercation with a 4 year old.

Apparently....I don't play well with others!

The One About Mallory's Birthday Video!

Mallory's Birthday...2007


3 Months Old


6 Months Old


9 Months Old


Mallory's Birthday...2008