Monday, March 10, 2014


Welcome to the finale of The Bachelor: Juan...LIVE!

Juan's family has arrived in.....crap, I don't know where they are.  Somewhere pretty.  Clare is about to arrive and will be meeting the entire family, including Camilla.  Clare is hoping that Juan's family has amazing chemistry with her.  She meets Camilla and they don't seem to hit it off very well.  Juan's brother cousin asks Clare if she speaks spanish and she says no but she understands a little bit.  I guess they can't talk crap about her behind her back.

I can't understand a word that Juan's family is saying.  WHERE ARE THE SUBTITLES?  Juan's Mom talks to Clare and she tells her that Juan gets her and she loves him.  Clare asks if there is anything she should know about Juan and she says that Juan is super hyperactive. Mom asks how the communication is because Juan is very rude.  Clare says that he is honest and even thought he hurt her feelings and made her cry, iss okay....because he was just trying to explain how he feels.

Juan's brosin (brother/cousin...get it) asks Clare if she'll be able to hang on to Juan when things get tough and he tries to run away.  Clare says that when she loves something, she strangles the shit out of it.  Brosin thinks that Clare is lovely and an angel.  Wow, his family just told Clare what a dick Juan is.  Juan's Dad told Clare that if Juan picks her, he will be her Daddy.  Clare can 1000 percent see herself as a part of Juan Pablo's family.

Brosin is exciting to meet Neekee.  Oh snap!  Clare brought the exact same flowers that Clare brought.  You can see that the Bro and the Brosin really like Neekee!  She is very impressive and talks about how grateful and blessed she is.   Dad asks what she thinks about Juan and she responds that she thinks becoming a father has made him the man he is today. (Does she think she's in the Miss USA pagent?)  Dad tells Neekee that Juan is a very difficult person, he's selfish and wants everything his way.  He also mentions that Juan is brutally honest.  Dad thinks that Neekee is strong enough to manage Juan. Mom is asking Neekee if she's sure that this is what she wants and she's pretty sure that Juan is ready.  Brosin wants to know if she can take a lot of fighting?  He tells her that when the going gets tough, Juan runs away and how will she handle that?  Neekee thinks they will fight well together.  As Neekee leaves, Camilla kisses her cheek.

Note: I'm fast forwarding through all of the live audience commentary because I don't care.  Also, Chris Harrison keeps saying that this is exciting and I beg to differ.


I spy a helicopter and a tormented Juan.  It appears that Clare is wearing two watches because she is a 12 year old girl or a gangsta.  Clare says that she has been falling in love with him and this will be the last time they spend time together before they get engaged.  I think it's possible that Clare's yellow cut offs are cutting off the circulation to her brain.  Ay yi yi.   Clare tells us that there was a rare moment when the helicopter was landing with no cameras or audio and Juan leaned over and whispered in her ear.  She was expecting something romantic but that is not what came out of his mouth. She is shocked and has no words, it was the last thing that she expected to hear.  He told her some offensive, insulting sexual thing and it made her feel awful.

Clare is laying on the bed in her room, thinking about the date and the words that Juan said when the cameras were off.  She feels like he doesn't know her at all and that what they have is just physical.  She didn't just come here for a hook up.  Juan is at the door and she isn't giving him besito.  She wants to talk about what he said in the helicopter.  They don't know each other enough.  Clare wants more than a sexual relationship and Juan says he doesn't need it anymore.  He just told her what he was feeling.  Clare needs answers and she's confused because she thought they were on the same page.  Clare is ready to bail because things are about to get 1000 times harder if all they have is kissing.  Juan says that he can see himself with her and he likes how family oriented she is.  He says if this was just physical, she would be gone.  Clare says it's going to be hard after this.  Oh hell....Juan is distracting her by talking about babies.  Juan has not said iss okay ONE TIME!  Clare decides that they may not know each other 100 percent but they have something special.  She doesn't want a rose, she wants forever.


Juan is hoping that something will happen to on this date that will help him make up his mind.   Neekee thinks that Juan is one of the most amazing people she has ever met in her life.  I think Neekee has led a sheltered life.  Neekee says that she loved meeting his family and she can't pick a favorite.  Juan tells her not to or they will piss on her. Juan asks her if she has any concerns and she says that he might be a little guarded.  Juan tells her no....what you have experienced here, is all there is.  There is a part of Neekee that is a little worried and doesn't see him having something this special with someone else.  That's weird, because I just did 5 minutes ago.  

Juan is at the door of Neekee's hotel room and she wants to know if it's going to be her.  She wants to hear the things that he can't tell her yet.  They are struggling to find stuff to talk about besides the fact that this journey is almost over.  It is what it is.....says Juan.  Neekee is in love but she's worried that Juan doesn't feel the same. OH MY GOD....Juan, you have a limited vocabulary, do not try to finish Neekee's sentences! And for the love of god, stop whispering....wait, I got you.....iss gonna be okay.  Neekee hasn't ever been with someone that feels this right.  Juan leaves and Neekee is crying.

It's the moment of truth.  Everything has led up to this.......

Clare arrives first and is talking jibberish about having something special and believing in Juan Pablo and he is silent. Juan says that they have had their ups and downs and she is an amazing woman.  He wishes that the earth sucked him because he has to follow things best for him and he has to say goodbye to her.  He tries to go in for the lovin and she stops him.  Now she is giving him a piece of her mind. She is pissed on him because he talked about babies!!!!  And she saved this moment for the man of her dreams and he pissed on it. Dear Clare, there are always TWO.  You were number two.  Have you never seen this show before?  HARSH Clare!  Harsh!

This is the day that Nikki has been waiting for.  She's never felt like this before and she's really glad that she does.  This is once in a lifetime for her and she can't imagine living her life without him.  She loves him.   Juan says that he likes so many things about her and he loves how she cares about other people and he loves her honesty.  He has a ring in his pocket but he's not going use it because he promised her Dad that he would be 100 percent sure. He likes her a lot.   Neekee....will you accept my final rose?


After The Final Rose......

Clare is wearing a leather dress and she is re-hashing the day that Juan broke her heart.  Chris Harrison asks her if she wants to confront Juan Pablo and she says she doesn't want to hear anymore bullshit.  Juan is not the man she thought he was.

Juan is in the hot seat and says that it's been hard for him.  Basically:  It is what it is!

Nikki is here and she is happy this is over but not over like you's been hard sneaking around but it's been great.  She doesn't know if he is in love with her but her feelings haven't changed.  He wouldn't be here if he didn't care about her.  They are both happy in the relationship.  Now Juan is here.  Their relationship has been hidden for four months and now they can have a relationship in public. Juan will not say that he loves Nikki.    He says this is real life and they are done with the show and now they will be private.  Juan is getting major flack for not following the Bachelor script.

And the next Bachelorette is......Andi.


  1. Hmmmm...sounds kind of anti-climactic. Was it awkward? Sort of seems like Juan didn't fall in love with anyone and maybe the girls are better off for it...

    1. It was SO awkward. I think Juan is in love with Juan. We'll see if this lasts but I kind of doubt it.

  2. I have heard nothing but bad things about this last episode, no one likes Juan anymore.


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