Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Ay Yi Yi

Saint Lucia, you are so pretty!

Juan is wearing my favorite color and he is excited to talk to the girls without cameras.  He's starting with Clare and they are going to have a blast. They board a dingy and tour the island and head towards a yacht.  Their conversation is incredibly boring and the same shit they have been saying over and over again.  Except that Clare thinks the fantasy-suite is not for her.

Dinner in a cave, but I don't see any food.  Juan is talking up the fantasy-suite where he will get to know Clare a lot better without the camera man.  Clare wants to talk about his daughter.  I think she just forgot her name, but she totally wants to meet her. It's important for Camilla (or whatever she just called her) to know that this just means more love.  Clare is him hawing around about the card.  She's worried about how Camilla will react to the fantasy-suite.  She's punishing him for the night time swimming thing. She really really really wants to spend more time with him.  She is the most immature 32 year old I have ever met.  So....she says Yes.  God this is boring!   Juan: you're so cute.  Clare: no you're so cute.  Juan: I've got your nose!  Oh good.  Now they are in a hot tub.  Clare wants to have babies with Juan.

Still in Saint Lucia.

Juan's sleepover with Clare was great and they didn't sleep so he's going to be super tired.  He likes talking to Andi so this should be fun.  Andi thinks the hometown date went great because she got a rose and thinks they are in a great place.  They go to a seafood festival where a steel drum band is playing.   They sit down with some kids and he gets the kids some juice.  He's really sweet with the kids. Next thing you know, they are playing soccer with the kids. They jump in a buggy and take off around the island.  This date is actually interesting.  They stop in the jungle and he says he has a surprise for her....a waterfall.  Andi wants to know what her family said to him and he tells her.

Dinner on a deck but I still don't see any food. Bla bla bla, not good to force things.  Juan is easy and his eyes are starting to go cross-eyed, I think he is sleep deprived.  He's talking in circles and getting defensive about Andi's questions about her fitting in his life.  He doesn't know if she'd make a good mother.  Fantasy-suite card comes out...what will Andi do?  She says yes.  Andi is on cloud nine and can't stop smiling.

Jade Mountain....in Saint Lucia aka, The Morning After

Juan wakes up happy about Andi.  He says that they laughed and talked for hours and hours.  Andi could be the one and he's happy.  Very happy.   Andi on the other hand, is not happy.  She couldn't wait to leave the fantasy-suite and it was a nightmare.  She saw a side of Juan that she doesn't like.  Andi is realizing that every time she tried to talk about herself, he took over the conversation and that he never asked her about herself. Name dropping and talking about his night with Clare was inappropriate.  Juan has doesn't have a filter and is offensive.   She wants to be with a guy that loves her more than he loves himself. Andi knows this isn't going to work.  So...Camera-Ready Juan is a good guy but Off-Camera Juan is a dick?

More of Saint Lucia.

Oh my gosh, what the hell is Nikki wearing?  A fringe bikini top and pants that she stole from the 70's.  Oh wait, I think I saw those at the mall over the weekend!    Nikki is pretty and sexy and makes Juan moan.  They have mounted a camera onto the horse and it's freaking me out.  Oh did I forget to mention, they are riding horses?  Now they are on a beach.  Is this an Old Spice commercial or The Bachelor.  Nikki thinks Juan could be a great person for her.   When Nikki smiles, Juan knows she is excited.  Nikki is nervous and not sure how Juan feels about her.  She's hoping to tell him that she loves him at dinner.

Dinner on the beach, still not food.  Nikki wants to know why he asked her if she was ready for this.  Does he have doubts.  Here comes the fantasy-suite card and Nikki says yes.  Total privacy, him and Nikki.  She has to tell him how she feels about him tonight or she will regret it. There are frogs making so much noise, I could barely hear Nikki tell Juan that she loves him.  Cue lots of kissing!

Chat with Chris Harrison, he's got three girls and he doesn't want to send home someone that he will regret.  He's feeling very good about these women and his prospects. He has no idea what he is going to do.  Juan watches videos from all three girls.  Nikki loves the time she's spent with him and meeting his daughter was amazing.  Clare feels that they are great chemistry and it meant a lot for him to meet her family.  She's fallen in love with him and wants to start their future together.  Andi didn't know what to expect and she went from a crush to having feelings for him.  She has had a lot of different emotions since the overnight and wants to talk to him.

Andi knows what she's doing and now Juan is going to know.  She's not in love with Juan Pablo and isn't going to be.  She thinks Juan doesn't take this seriously and doesn't like to talk about serious things.  Juan tells her that he respects her and that it's okay that she doesn't love him.  It's okay.  She's upset because he doesn't know her.  She can't hear him say it's okay ever again.  Juan tells her that english is his second language.   Andi didn't like him telling her about his overnight with Clare.  He's just being honest.  It's fine.  (see Andi, it's not okay...it's fine).  Oh shit!  He told her that she was here by default.  Those are her words, he told her she barely made it.  He thinks she took it the wrong way.  Juan...this is a losing battle. She argues for a living.  Walk away!  Andi....when you tell a story and then Juan tells a story, it's called sharing!  I'm beginning to see why Andi is single.
 NEW DRINKING GAME:  take a drink every time Juan says OKAY!  Goodbye Andi.

Juan tells the girls at the rose ceremony that Andi left because she didn't like him anymore.  He will give them the rose and they are free to say no.  They both accept the rose.

Next week: The Women Tell All.

Don't miss the shocking conclusion of the The Bachelor in TWO WEEKS!


  1. Another recap so soon?! Awesome!!! :o) I'm starting to get kind of upset that I can't see this for myself. Sigh. Next week will be the best - my favorite episodes are always the first one and the women tell all.

  2. Oh boy wonder what the women are going to tell. I think Andi was smart to run and leave


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